“You have company?”
“I…I tried to reach you.”
“What about?”
How could she explain so much history in seconds? She tried to find the words, but Little Lovie called out from the porch.
“Ethan! Come up here and meet my daddy!”
His gaze sharpened.
“That’s what I wanted to explain. You see, Darryl, that is, her father showed up yesterday.”
“Yesterday. And he’s back again today?”
“Uh, yes. He came all the way from California.”
“How long is he staying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he staying with you?”
She felt his gaze boring into her, mining out the truth. “Oh, no. It’s not like that. He’s just here for dinner.”
“I see. And you forgot that I was coming for dinner.”
It was a summation but to her ears, it sounded like an accusation. “It all happened so fast. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” She saw a small muscle twitch in his jaw. “He got here, he wanted to see Lovie, and I…”
“And you said yes.” He exhaled a breath. “Of course he wants to see her. It’s only natural.”
Moments earlier he’d spoken in an entirely different tone. Then, his voice had been warm, sharing, excited. Now, he spoke with cool indifference as though he were trying to get the situation straight in his mind. He looked off for a second, his withdrawal palpable.
“This is for you,” he said, raising the cooler. “I stopped at Cherry Point on the way back. My father wanted you to have this shrimp. They’re right off the boat.”
“Oh, uh, thank you. Won’t you join us for dinner?” She cringed after the words slipped out. It was a stupid, stupid thing to ask. She was relieved when he replied like a knee jerk reaction.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Why don’t you keep the shrimp? For your own dinner.”
“I’ve got plenty. You take them.” He held out the cooler.
She backed away, refusing the cooler. It felt too significant, like the passing of a parting gift. “Ethan, just wait. Please.”
His gaze flicked up to the porch and she saw his lips tighten in annoyance, or was it embarrassment at being watched in this awkward moment?
“Just take the damn shrimp and I’ll shove off,” he said, thrusting the cooler at her.
She grabbed it stunned.
“I’ll call you later,” he said.
She watched him turn and walk with purpose to the door of his pickup truck. He opened the door but before getting in he looked her way once more. She felt the intensity of his gaze, as though he were taking a final snapshot of her with his mind. Her vision blurred. A moment later she heard the roar of an engine and she saw the rear of his truck, plastered with SC Aquarium bumper stickers, disappear around the bend in the road.
Toy was devastated but she rallied for Little Lovie’s sake. She returned to the beach house with the cooler of shrimp, not knowing where she was going to find the energy to prepare a meal and get through the evening. All she wanted to do was go to her room and cry.
Darryl was sitting on the sofa watching a baseball game on the television. Lovie sat beside him, leaning against his shoulder as he tried to teach her the rules of the game. Lovie kept asking which team was their team. Toy knew Lovie didn’t know the first thing about baseball but she wanted to be on her daddy’s team. He turned his head when she came in.
“There you are,” he said as he pulled up from the sofa. He came directly to her side and took the cooler from her arms.
“It’s not heavy,” she said.
“Don’t matter. Where do you want them?”
“In the kitchen, thanks. You can just set them down on the counter.”
He set the cooler down then leaned over it to get a closer look at her face. “You look tired,” he said in a low voice.
“I am,” she said, leaning against the counter. “It was a very hard day. Everything that could have gone wrong did.” Despite her effort, her lower lip began to tremble.
He glanced out the window at the driveway, then back at her. Ethan was on both their minds, but he refrained from mentioning his name.
“Hey, you don’t want to go peeling all that shrimp. In fact, you shouldn’t have to cook tonight at all,” he said in an upbeat tone. “I seem to recall I invited a little girl to Shem Creek for dinner. There are lots of different restaurants down there. Why don’t we try out another one? With a window smack on the water so Lovie can see a dolphin? Heck, we can try a different one every night. What do you say?”
Lovie came running into the room. “Can we? Please say we can?”
Darryl swooped down to pick her up in his arms. When they both smiled back at her, waiting for her answer, her breath was caught by how their eyes were exactly the same color blue. Why had she never noticed that before?
“Just give me a minute to freshen up,” she said, then laughed as they both whooped loudly.
19
Later, when they returned home from Shem Creek, Lovie was half asleep and Toy was limp with fatigue. Darryl carried the child to the door, and while Toy unlocked it, she warred with herself whether or not to invite him in. The lock clicked. She pushed the door and held it for Darryl to walk through.
“Which room is hers?” he asked in a whisper.
Toy led the way down the narrow hall to the pink bedroom. “Just set her down on the bed. Poor thing, she’s had a full day. Meeting her daddy was a pretty big deal.”
“Ditto. I thought it went pretty good.”
Toy had to agree. She had been amazed all evening at his tireless attentiveness to Lovie and could only believe he was being sincere. During dinner, their conversation was smooth and easy, and it had dawned on her that they didn’t have to go through those excruciating early stages of a relationship trying to discover tidbits of each other’s past, finding out what the other liked or disliked, their habits, their choices. For all the pain they’d gone through, tonight brought back memories of the better moments when they were friends.
She pulled down the blankets then he gently laid their child on the bed. Lovie groaned as she curled up on her pillow. Toy leaned over to begin untying Lovie’s sneakers.
“Do you want me to wait in the other room while you get her into bed?” he asked. “I could make us some coffee.”
“Actually, I think it’s best we call it a night,” she said, straightening slowly. “Lovie has school in the morning and I’ve got a full day at work.”
He nodded his head but his disappointment was clear on his face. She’d been impressed all evening that he’d not once lost his temper, despite her egging him on, testing him from time to time.
He bent to kiss the top of Lovie’s head. “G’night, sweet baby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, Daddy,” she murmured sleepily.
Toy’s head snapped up. “Tomorrow?”
“I can come by whenever you say,” he said, his face all innocence.
“Mama, what time do I get home from school?” Lovie asked on a yawn.
Toy didn’t know what to say. She removed one of Lovie’s pink shoes with sparkly laces. She paused and looked at it in her hand. It was so small.
“Why don’t you come by at six again? We can cook up the shrimp with some grits.”
“Darlin’, that’s an invitation I can’t say no to.” He was buoyant and pointed his finger at Lovie, “And you…Lemme hear you say it one more time. Who am I?”
Lovie lifted her face to him and she smiled. “Daddy.”
“Right.”
“Lovie, get in your jammies,” Toy told her. “I’ll be right back to tuck you in.”
Toy walked Darryl to the door, acutely aware of his nearness behind her. She opened it and felt a cool ocean breeze. Breathing in, she turned to find him only inches from her. The intensity of his gaze was disarming.
“She’s a great kid,” he said. “You did a great job.”
> “Thank you. And thanks again for dinner. We both had a nice time.”
She tensed, thinking he’d make a move, but he walked around her and headed out. Before he left, however, he turned. His face was backlit by the porch light.
“I meant to tell you that you look real pretty. And I don’t mean just tonight. You have a new look to you.”
She snorted, “I should. I’m five years older and a mother now.”
“There’s that,” he agreed. “But it’s something else. You’re, I don’t know, grown-up. Wiser. You’ve become a woman any man would be proud to call his own.” He looked at her with his blue eyes shining with sincerity. “Good night now.”
“Good night,” she said softly. Closing the door, she knew she’d be lying if she didn’t admit she’d been moved.
The sky was inky black when Toy made her way home from the beach. A heavy cloud cover obscured any glimmer of light from either moon or stars, creating a ghostly sky filled with ominous shapes. She followed the narrow beam of light from her flashlight as she walked along the narrow beach path to the street. In the surrounding field, a scuttling noise followed by a chattering high in the palm tree hastened her pace.
She’d walked to clear her mind and set her priorities after the emotional roller coaster of the past few days. Unlike the cloudy sky, her mind felt clearer now and she had to follow the course of her decisions. She undressed quickly, climbed into bed then brought the phone close. She dialed the number she knew by heart. Chewing her lip, she listened as the phone rang once…twice…
“Hello?”
“Ethan? It’s me. Toy.”
“Hi.”
His voice didn’t sound like he’d been asleep but there was a coolness to it that put her on edge.
“I was out walking on the beach and I wondered if I’d missed your call.”
“No, I hadn’t called yet.”
“Oh. Okay. I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”
“How did dinner go? Was the shrimp okay?”
“Well, actually we didn’t eat it. We went out to dinner after all. I was pretty nervous so I’m glad I didn’t have to cook. I would have burned water.”
“What were you nervous about?”
“Everything. Ethan, I haven’t seen or heard from Darryl in five years. And now he comes back to meet Lovie for the first time. Isn’t that enough?”
“I didn’t realize you hadn’t heard from him. I guess I thought you did.” He paused. “I really don’t know much about him. You rarely mention him.”
“Why would I? He’s not part of the life I have now, and honestly, I’m not very proud of the part of my life that includes him.”
“So why do you want to see him?”
“It’s not that I want to see him. He wants to get to know his daughter.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“At first I was against it. Of course I would be. I’m still so angry at him. But now…I realize Lovie needs to know him and, for what it’s worth, I’m glad she’s having the chance.”
“Do you think he’ll be a good father to Lovie?”
Toy had to reflect on that question. An image of Darryl kissing the top of Lovie’s head shot through her mind. She thought of Darryl’s tenderness to Lovie, his eagerness to please. “I think so. I hope so. But good or bad, he’s her father.”
“I’d hate to see her hurt. She’s a good kid.”
“I can’t stop her from getting hurt,” Toy said evenly, having given this a great deal of thought. “But I will be there to help her through. I’ve been a single mom since the day she was born and I’ve had a lot of practice. And I have my village, which has helped raise Lovie since she was born—Cara and Brett, Flo, Emmi. We’re all here for her. And for each other.”
“Darryl may change the balance, you realize.”
“I know,” she replied. “He already has.”
“Oh? How so?”
“My village isn’t so keen on my decision to let Darryl back in.”
“For what it’s worth, I agree with them.”
Weary, she sighed and leaned back against the pillows, knowing she was moving into the part of the conversation that would be tough.
“Darryl coming back into my life now is very intense,” she tried to explain. “I think I need some time on my own to work this out.”
He skipped a beat. “You need some time? What does that mean?”
“I mean…” She clutched the phone tightly. “I think we should stop seeing each other, just until I settle this with him.”
“Do you still love him?” he asked sharply.
“No.”
“Then what difference does it make?”
“It’s confusing,” she stumbled out.
“Why is it confusing if you don’t love him?” An undercurrent of anger sounded in his rising voice.
“I don’t know! It’s just too much for me to deal with. I just can’t see you, is all!”
There was a strained silence where no one spoke for several seconds. Then she heard his voice, calmer and deliberate.
“Despite what you say, you seem to still have a lot of unresolved feelings for this man.” His voice was low with tightly restrained emotion. “I can understand that. He’s the father of your child, after all. It would be wrong of me to get in the way now. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you, or for Lovie.”
She wished she could explain the myriad reasons why she was compelled to isolate herself from distractions and focus on settling this one area of her life so she could move on. Except, she couldn’t speak lucidly about her feelings at the moment. She only knew that if she didn’t get closure on this chapter of her life she’d never heal her old wounds and be able to move forward in her life.
“Please believe me. I didn’t expect him to show up like this.”
“It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“As you said, he is Lovie’s father. I want…I feel I should give her a chance to know him.”
“Are you sure that’s all that it is?”
She sighed, feeling extraordinarily weary. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”
“Well, I am sure of my feelings.”
She paused, questioning his meaning.
“I’ll respect your wishes,” he said succinctly. “You know where to find me.”
Toy heard a click. She stared at the phone in her hand until the high-pitched beeping told her the connection was broken.
Medical Log “Big Girl”
August 31
Turtle’s appetite picky again. She spits out fish. In attempt to get her to eat anything, volunteers are skinning her salmon. Now she eats five pounds of skinned salmon per day—no icky parts like heads or tails! But her rear is floating again. Very disappointing. Chloramphenicol (oral) begun. Second endoscopy scheduled.
Why the set-back, Big Girl? What’s wrong with you? Hang in there. We’ll figure this out. TS
20
Summer was coming to an end. The sea oats were turning gold and crisp. They rattled in the cooler evening breeze. Cara took Lovie to the beach one last time to check on Big Girl’s nest.
Cara’s back was aching something fierce so she sat in the beach chair and watched the girl’s willowy form rake the beach in a sweet waltz of preparation for the small nest’s hatching. Such hope and joy the young had!
They’d come to this nest each of the past five nights and she had to admire the little girl for her dedication. All season, Lovie had shown up at the nest inventories with Toy, and if her mother was busy, she begged Cara or Flo to take her. The child had heart.
The trouble was, Cara knew this nest was not going to hatch and it fell to her to dash the child’s hopes. She let her play at catching ghost crabs for a while before cupping her hands and calling out, “Come on back, now. It’s getting dark!”
Lovie kicked the sand but obliged and came to sit by Cara’s side.
“Don’t pout, sugar. You have school tomorrow morning. Yo
ur mama wants you home on time. She’ll have my head on a platter if I keep you out late.”
“I don’t care.”
“What’s the matter? Don’t you like school? First grade is a big step. You’re in big girl school now.”
Lovie rolled her eyes, having heard that many times before. “Mrs. Cryns is teaching us to read. But I can already read.”
Cara tried not to smile. “Well, sure, but there’s still a lot to learn, you know.”
“I guess. At least she’s real nice. “
Cara paused but felt compelled to ask, “Do you think Darryl is nice?”
Lovie lifted a handful of sand and let it sift slowly through her fingers. “Daddy? Sure, he’s nice, too. He plays me songs on his guitar. He’s teaching me how to play one, too. I like it. It’s fun. He told me I have a pretty voice and maybe I’ll grow up to be a singer, like him.”
Cara tried to keep her voice cheery. The thought of Lovie calling that man daddy, much less growing up to be like him, was galling. “Do you want to be a singer? Like him?”
She shrugged. “It’s cool.”
Cool? That was a new word for her and Cara didn’t have to guess where it came from. “Is he nice to your mama?”
Lovie turned to look at her like she was crazy to ask such a stupid question. “He took us to the movies on Saturday.”
“Ah, well, yes,” Cara replied, struggling for seriousness. “That certainly is treating a lady nice.”
It had been weeks since Darryl appeared on the scene and according to Flo, Darryl had been at the house several times each week, though just for dinner, she was careful to point out. Cara had told Flo it was a shame she’d never volunteered her services to the CIA. Admittedly, no one was happy about his coming and going, but Cara had been watching, too, and both Toy and Lovie seemed well enough. And Toy wasn’t asking for her advice. Toy was a woman, a professional and a mother. Cara had to respect her decision, even if she didn’t agree with it.
“I don’t think any ghost crab will dare to come near your nest tonight,” Cara said.
Swimming Lessons Page 26