by Amy Brent
I put my hand over his.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ethan
After spilling all the details to my sister, I realized there was a second person I needed to come clean with. I called up Liam, and the two of us met up at a bar on Thursday evening. The place was crowded, but the atmosphere was pleasant. We had our own booth in the corner where we could talk without having to yell at each other. The drinks were good, and as I sipped on mine, Liam scratched the back of his head as he digested everything I had just told him.
“So, a kid, huh?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yep. A kid. A boy.”
“That’s crazy, man,” Liam said. “Awesome but crazy. I’m happy for you. You’ve seemed like a much happier version of yourself the last few months. This must be what you really want.”
“I think it is,” I said truthfully. “Things feel right, you know? We’ve started working on the nursery now that Dev and Heather are talking. I think she was holding off on doing any of the milestone sort of stuff until she had her friend back, which makes sense. But now it’s pedal to the metal. There’s a lot to do in a month and a half.”
“It’s good that the girls are finally talking. Things weren’t looking too good for a while there. I couldn’t figure out what the hell had gone on between you guys. No one would say a damn thing about anything.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Things were just—”
“It’s fine, man, really. We’re good.” Liam grinned and lifted his beer. “A toast to the little guy who has no idea how rich he’s gonna be and how many girls he’s gonna get.”
I laughed, feeling a little unsettled about the toast but clinked my glass to the neck of his bottle anyway.
“So,” Liam said, “any name ideas yet?”
“Nothing yet,” I said. “We’ll probably wait until he’s born to pick one. See what suits him. Until then, we have plenty to do. Like I said, the nursery is the current project. Took a while to convince Devon that yellow wasn’t a good idea.”
“What’s wrong with yellow?” Liam asked.
“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just so … yellow,” I said.
Liam lifted his eyebrows. “Right. Deep.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “We settled on blue and gray. Probably going to look at paint chips over the weekend and maybe get some guys in there to get the job done. Hey, did I show you the ultrasound photos?”
“No, not yet,” Liam said.
I pulled out my wallet and fished out a small picture I had cut out and slid in one of the pockets. I pointed out the shape of the baby, where his hands and feet were, his nose, his ears.
“That’s pretty nutty,” Liam muttered, peering at the small photo. “How’s Devon holding up?”
“She’s great,” I said, taking the picture back and putting it away. “She’s in high spirits now after making up with Heather, so that’s making everything easier. She’s getting lots of food cravings, which is entertaining as hell.”
“Does she make you go get her stuff?”
“Sometimes,” I shrugged, “but she doesn’t really make me. She’ll say she’s craving something, and I’ll just go get it. Or I’ll order it for her. Really random stuff like bubblegum ice cream or sour keys. She’s obsessed.”
Liam nodded slowly. “Right.”
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said quickly, taking another swig of his beer.
“Spit it out,” I said. “I can tell there’s something you want to say.”
“Nah.”
“Liam,” I grated.
“All right, all right,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. “It sounds to me like someone might be in love.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Come on, man, don’t lie to yourself. You love the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. She’s the mother of your baby. Not to mention, Devon is smart as a whip. She’s motivated and headstrong and gives you a run for your money. The two of you are a good match.”
“I’m not in love with her,” I said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“No? You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said, irritation flaring up in my gut.
“All right then. Why not take someone else home? Look at that girl over there by the bar. See the legs on her? And that ass. She’s your cup of tea man. Take her back to your place and give her that—”
“Not in the mood,” I said coldly.
“Not in the mood?” Liam chuckled. “More like in love and pussy whipped. It’s not that bad, dude. If you’re going to let a woman own you, I can’t think of a better one than Devon.”
“She doesn’t own me. And I’m not pussy whipped.”
“Running out to get her treats at her beck and call sure sounds like you are. Why are you making that a bad thing? Being in love isn’t a bad thing,” Liam said.
I rubbed my temples and sighed. It was becoming pretty clear I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this conversation. Liam had made up his mind about the matter, and there was nothing I could say or do that would make him think otherwise.
Then a thought struck me. If Liam thought I was in love with Devon, was there a possibility she might think the same thing? Was she under the impression I had developed feelings for her?
If I was being honest with myself, I knew I did feel for her. I cared. I was drawn to her in a way I had never been drawn to anyone. I wanted to do things for her all the time, and I thought about her all the time. Seeing her before I went to work always set the tone for a great day for me. Seeing her when I came home was like coming home to family. My house was warmer, friendlier, and all-around more enjoyable to be in.
Had I been transparent enough to let her think I was in love with her?
Fuck.
“Dude, you all right?” Liam asked.
I nodded absently. No, I’m not all right, I thought bitterly. I had misled the woman who was carrying my child. We had signed a contract. It was a business deal and nothing more. It benefitted us both. It gave us both exactly what I needed. In a month and a half, I would have an heir, and Devon would have a million dollars, and she and I would return to the way our lives used to be.
If I kept going the way I was, it was going to be hard to let Devon go. Not only that, but she might not want to go, and I wasn’t quite willing to give up on the way my life had been before she moved in. I liked my bachelor pad. I liked the rotation of women I brought to my bed whenever I desired.
I realized things might be different with a child, but I was sure I could adjust.
“I’m gonna head home,” I said, sliding out of the booth and grabbing my jacket from the hook behind my seat. “I’m not feeling this whole thing tonight.”
Liam’s mouth hung open while he tried to process what was happening. “All right, man, that’s cool. Don’t be a stranger, okay? We’ll get together soon.”
“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good,” I said, shrugging into my coat.
“Ethan?”
“What?” I asked, fixing the collar of my jacket.
“Don’t let what I said fuck things up for you, okay? I was just messing around.”
I forced myself to smile. “It’s all good. I get it. Have a good night. Try to take that girl home,” I added. “She does have great legs.”
Liam raised his beer to me as I left. I slipped through the bodies in the bar and reveled in the crisp fresh air once I emerged outside on the sidewalk. My breath left little clouds in the air in front of me as I walked.
I needed to clear my head. Everything Liam had said had brought reality to the foreground of my brain. I hadn’t considered the ramifications of getting too involved with Devon. This was serious. I didn’t want to hurt her.
Maybe I needed to rein it in a little bit. I could pull back so that when the break happened, it wouldn’t be so abrupt. That would make it easier for both of us. Devon definitely deserved easier. She deserved the world. She was going to leave my place in a cou
ple months to get started on her new life.
I was going to stay behind with my newborn son.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and kept walking. I wandered around downtown for a while, trying to digest my thoughts, until I finally called Eddison to pick me up. The limo ride home was long and quiet. I found myself thinking that I wished Devon was there to talk to.
The thought made me internally roll my eyes.
I had let myself get too deep with this girl. I needed to create space, and I needed to do it sooner rather than later.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Devon
The fire was crackling happily behind the frosted glass, and the crystals beneath the flames were sparkling radiantly, casting flickering amber light on the carpet on the living room floor. Music was thumping out of Ethan’s wall-mounted speakers, and I was dancing like a fool in my bare feet and pajamas. I could feel the bass from the music in the soles of my feet with each and every beat, and as I shimmied my shoulders and shook my butt like a Go-Go dancer who needed to be fired, I realized something that froze me in place.
I had never felt so damn happy before.
This epiphany only made me dance like more of a fool, and as I spun around the living room, I was grinning like a madwoman. I put both hands on my belly as I started to sing along to the song and continued rocking out until I heard the front door close.
I hurried to the coffee table to grab the remote to turn down the music. Just as the volume adjusted to a more appropriate noise level, Ethan emerged from the hallway. He was dressed nicely in dark denim and a black jacket that framed his broad shoulders well. A dark gray shirt was tucked into his jeans, and a silver watch flashed on his wrist beneath the cuff of his sleeve.
He gave me a smile that wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was used to seeing and then went straight to the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge. He popped it open, returned the bottle opener to its home in one of the top drawers, and then leaned one hip against the counter as he took a sip.
“Hey,” I said, waddling over to the island to join him in the kitchen.
He was still leaning against the counter and didn’t turn to face me like he normally would. He took another mouthful of beer, sloshed it around his mouth a bit, and then after he had swallowed, lifted his gaze to finally meet mine. “Hey,” he said, “were you dancing in here?”
“Maybe,” I admitted, wiggling my shoulders playfully.
“I could hear the music from the elevator. Be a little more careful about the noise. The neighbors downstairs won’t appreciate it.”
“Oh,” I said, my cheeks getting hot. “Sorry. I got a little carried away, I guess. I didn’t realize how loud it was.”
He shrugged, remained quiet, and sipped his beer again.
I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he was acting weird. Quite weird. Normally, the first thing he did when he got home was ask me how I was feeling. He wanted to know about my day, about how the baby was doing. What had I eaten? Had the baby kicked at all? Had I slept well the night before?
But now he was distant, closed off, and would barely meet my eye.
I slid off my barstool and padded around the island to join him on his side. He remained where he was, stiff and still, one hip still pressed to the counter.
I reached out and rested a hand lightly on his elbow. “Is everything okay, Ethan?” I asked.
He pulled his elbow away from me, stepped back, and put his beer down. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, why?”
I followed his retreat. Something was definitely up. Had I done something? I ran things over in my mind.
No, I couldn’t have. Everything had been so good lately. Actually, things had been pretty magnificent. Now that I had Heather back, I felt like I was living on cloud nine. Ethan had been as thrilled with my reunion with my best friend as I was. I couldn’t understand why he was having such a shift in behavior.
“Did something happen at work today?” I asked.
He shook his head, his eyebrows drawing together as he took another sip of beer. “No, nothing happened.”
“Was your night with Liam not a good time?” I asked.
Ethan shook his head. “No. It was fine. What’s with the interrogation?”
“It’s not an interrogation,” I said defensively. “You seem upset about something, and I want to make sure you’re okay. Since when is that such a big deal?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Ethan sighed. It wasn’t a small, end of the day kind of tired sigh. It was an annoyed sigh. It was the kind of sigh that basically yelled “shut up.”
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked. “Besides listening to music too loud? What did I do that’s making you treat me this way?”
“I don’t want to have this conversation right now,” Ethan said, waving me away like my question didn’t matter.
He made to walk around me, but I caught his sleeve and turned with him. “Ethan. Enough. You are a grown ass man, and I’m carrying your child. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk right now. We’re talking. End of story. Spit it out already.”
He stood there staring at me for an agonizing thirty seconds before concluding that the gig was up, and he had to put words to his thoughts. I wasn’t going to put up with this cold shoulder treatment. There was no way in hell.
“I just think I need a little bit of space right now,” he said.
“Space?” I asked, feeling a cold hand clamping around my stomach.
Ethan nodded. “Things feel like they’ve been moving really quickly, and I don’t know where my head is at. It’s all a little overwhelming.”
“Is this because of Liam? Did he say something to you?”
“No,” Ethan said crossly. “It has nothing to do with him.”
“I don’t understand where this is coming from,” I said, the hand around my stomach tightening even further until I felt like I could be sick right then and there. “I thought everything was going well. I thought we were happy. I thought—”
“I get it,” Ethan said, holding up his hand to get me to stop talking. “But this … all of a sudden, this became ‘us.’ I need to take a step back. We both do. Things are going to change in a couple months.”
I stood there like a fool blinking at him while I tried to get the words in my brain to my mouth. “You haven’t said any of this before. I had no idea you were feeling this way. How long have you been needing space?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Ethan said.
“Yes, it does!” I said, feeling like a complete idiot. How had I let myself get so caught up in him? How long had he only had one toe in?
“No, Dev, it doesn’t. We both need to be practical, here, and—”
“You’re sure Liam didn’t say something to you? Because it sure feels like this came out of nowhere, and Liam is always spewing moronic bullshit out of his mouth.”
“This isn’t about Liam,” Ethan sad flatly.
“Then where is this coming from?” I pleaded. “What is all this really about?”
“It’s about you sleeping in my bed almost every night,” Ethan snapped.
I stared at him. He stared evenly back. Those perfect brown eyes of his were startling to stare into now. The warmth I was so used to seeing there was gone.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I whispered.
“It isn’t.”
“Liar.”
Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. We stood there separated by only two feet of space that felt like miles until he let his hand fall from his face, and he regarded me with a neutral expression that I couldn’t read.
“I’m going to go stay in a hotel room for a few nights,” he said.
“Are you serious?”
He nodded, polished off the last few gulps of his beer, and left the empty bottle on the counter. Then, he went to his room where he started packing a bag. I lingered in the doorframe, watching as he tucked a pair of jeans into a duffel bag. He
grabbed a small bag of toiletries and put those in the duffel bag as well.
I tried to think of something to say to change his mind. Nothing came to me. I felt empty and hollow and weak and terribly hurt. What could have happened in one day that made him feel so put off by me?
He squeezed past me in the open doorway to his bedroom and made his way to the front door. He stepped into his shoes, looked up once at me, and then opened the door.
“Bye,” I said quietly, my voice hitching in my throat.
He paused, his back to me and his hand still resting on the door handle. He turned his face to the side so that I could hear him, but he didn’t look at me. “Bye,” he said, before closing the door behind him.
As soon as the door closed, I crumpled to the ground. There was nothing I could do to hold on to the emotion that poured out of me. I buried my face in my hands as I sat on his floor and sobbed. My shoulders shook, my back ached, and within minutes, I had that all too familiar headache one suffered from after a really hard crying session. My nose was running, my eyes were swollen, and all I wanted was for Ethan to come back through that door telling me he was sorry and that he had made a mistake; I wanted him to tell me he had only been scared, but he knew what he wanted now.