by Amy Brent
“I lost the last guy that meant something to me to another woman, Lance. I don’t know what to think about you with anyone else.” Leila took another bite of her food and I watched as her shoulders slumped forward. “I don’t know how I’m even going to meet with Lynn tomorrow. I can’t get the image of you and her out of my head.”
I didn’t know what to say and I focused on eating for a moment as she seemed to consider things. It was a lot to ask for her to be with me in this situation, but I wanted it more than anything. Some of my colleagues had spouses and they worked out just fine with a little trust and strength. I wanted us to do the same. I wanted forever with this woman and the thought scared me as much as it excited me.
There was a part of me that wanted to go back in time and change everything I did upon arrival to LA. I couldn’t though, just like I told Leila. I made a good life for myself and for her as well now and that was the only way that I could look at it. She’d have to accept that to accept me.
Leila finished her plate and set it on the table before she snuggled against me. I felt my heart burst with relief as I pulled her against me and kissed her hair. “I can try. I am going to have a hard time with it, Lance. I will be cranky sometimes.” I closed my eyes. “I just can’t imagine life without you right now.”
“Nor can I. The work and the women don’t mean a thing to me. I swear to you,” I whispered to her as I pushed my plate onto the table along with hers. I pulled her closer and she let out a whimper as she turned in my arms. Warmth filled my chest unlike anything that I’d ever felt before and I found her lips with mine urgently, needing the connection. Leila returned the kiss eagerly and I pushed her down to the couch, wondering where all this want was coming from. I should be exhausted physically and mentally but I never felt better.
We ended back in the bedroom, but it moved slower this time. There was an intimacy to us that I’d never experienced, and I pulled her against me before rolling us over with her above me. Leila kissed me hard and I reached down for the shirt, needing to touch her bare skin. When we’d made love, and were laying together in a drowsy silence when I thought of something and pulled her against me. “Do you have to work with Terra?”
“Who is that?” Leila asked me as I tried to think of her real name. I didn’t know any of the other actors by anything other than their film names and sought the information from the few times that she’d dropped them. “Do you mean Lynn? You don’t even know her real name and you’ve had sex with her?” I could hear the hurt in her voice and breathed in a few times as I stroked her to calm her down, feeling helpless.
“It’s just like Hollywood. I know the names that they use in film and nothing more.” I explained slowly as she sighed.
“I need to get used to this,” Leila grumbled as I assured her that I would give her all the time in the world. “I am going to continue working with her, but I won’t mention any of this. She’s a nice person, even with what I know, and I am going to plow through it and try not to let the relationship become personal. I am going to try and not be jealous. It isn’t like this. I’ll just keep repeating that.”
I hated that this is where we were at and kissed her hair gently. “Good night. I know you can do this.” I was just relieved that she was letting me spend the night and I watched her sleep until I went to clean up the living room and kitchen. I got the food in the fridge and returned to bed, slipping under the covers beside Leila as I watched her some more. There had to be a way to get out of my contracts. I had plenty of money to live the rest of my life now and a woman that I was falling for. I felt sleep taking over as I closed my eyes, vowing to speak to my agent in the morning.
The alarm went off and I invited Leila on a run with me as she blinked at me. “You mean jogging?” Her voice was thick with sleep and I nodded as I glanced at the blinds with the sun bright behind them.
“I do. When does your day start?” I asked as she yawned and stretched, making my body react painfully. I switched my thought to another form of exercise before I moved my mouth to her neck.
“I am meeting my client at ten,” Leila replied as I wondered quickly if it was Terra. “I always try to get up early and hit my yoga class in the morning.”
“That explains your delicious body,” I complimented her as Leila giggled and dropped her head back. “I’ll do yoga with you if we can make it the naked form.”
“I should not want you as much as I do. It’s disgusting,” Leila teased me as I moved her arms to her sides, locking them to the mattress so I could have my way with her. I kissed down her body, loving her moans as I nipped and sucked at her skin. Her nipples were crying out for me to love them and I licked them both thoroughly before taking one into my mouth and drawing it into my mouth. “Lance,” Leila cried out as I drew her between my teeth, sliding in between her legs. My cock was pressed against her stomach as I continued to tease her, feeling the heat coming from her pussy as I slid down. A part of me wanted to slide inside of her and just feel her with my bare dick for a moment and I groaned as she slipped her hands into my hair.
Leila rocked against me as I kept kissing her body, and we ended up pressed together against the mattress as she gasped. She was soaking wet for me and I rubbed up and down with my cock as I lifted my face to stare into her eyes. “You get tested?” Her voice was a whisper and I nodded with a serious expression.
“Always. I’m clean, baby. I never do this without a condom and I have some in my wallet, but this feels so good,” I assured her, seeing the willpower fading from her face.
“I’m on the pill. I have been for a few years,” Leila told me as my eyes widened. “I want you, Lance.”
I eased back slowly before I reached down to guide myself inside of her. “You’re sure about this?” I asked her as she nodded, tense as she waited for me to move. I inched forward, groaning as she raised her hips and dragged her nails down my skin. It wouldn’t leave a mark, but I wanted it to as she wrapped tightly around me. “You feel so good, Leila.” She was tight, wet, and perfect as I continued to move inside of her, needing more. Her arms slipped around my back and pulled me closer as she moved with me. I never wanted to wear a condom with her ever again, pill or not. I’d knock her up a hundred times over just to feel this close to Leila. That thought brought me back to reality and I stilled for a moment as I looked at her. Leila smiled at me before I moved down to kiss her, making love to her eagerly as we edged towards a release together. I came inside of her with a jerk as she moaned my name, tightening and washing over with me with her heat.
I breathed in deeply, feeling a sense of contentment that I’d never reached before. I memorized every feeling of her as I relaxed without dropping completely over her. Once I couldn’t hold my body up anymore, I rolled to my back and let out a moan. “What the fuck have you done to me?” I asked her in a hoarse voice as she let out a slow chuckle.
“I could as you the same thing.” I moved slowly to walk into the bathroom and took care of business before wetting a cloth with warm water to clean her up. “Is this normal? I have never seen a man do this for a woman before.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never wanted to do this for anyone before. Never found a reason to. I want to with you,” I assured her as I dropped the cloth to the floor and looked up at her. “I want to try everything with you.”
CHAPTER 18
Leila
My head was spinning when I left the house. I never thought that I’d let Lance inside the house much less my bed. I thought that I was so mad at him, hurt by him that I was certain I’d slam the door in her face.
Here I was, driving to meet his colleague. I knew from last night that Lance cared for me and that it was different with us. Somehow, I knew that it was just acting when he was at work though my insecurity told me he enjoyed every moment of it. I pulled into the diner, well-aware that it was a popular place and she’d be recognized. Lance seemed like he wanted to downplay his career and she loved the attention. I got a table and ordered some
coffee as I set my folder aside and thought back to last night.
It was wonderful being with Lance and I knew that I was falling for him. I saw a different side to him than others did, and I licked my glossed lips as I glanced up to see the statuesque redhead walk inside. Lynn, or Terra, smiled at me and sat down across from me. “Good morning. You look happy.”
“It was a good night. How are you?” I asked her with a bright smile that was pasted on my face.
“I have made a decision,” Lynn told me as I leaned back to sip my coffee. “I want that cute place on the beach in Malibu!” I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that she’d be in a different town. She’d still be involved with the man that I was sleeping with and falling for, but we all wouldn’t be neighbors. There was that.
“That’s great. It’s perfect for you,” I told her as she smiled at the waitress approaching us.
“I’ll have a coffee and bagel with cream cheese, please.” She thanked the young woman as she walked away, clearly recognizing her and embarrassed by that fact. “I’m so excited. What do we do next?”
“Let’s make an offer and see what happens,” I told her as I pulled out my tablet. We discussed the offer and she went high just like Lance had. They both made a lot of money and I filled in the blanks and sent it off as I raised my eyebrows at her. “That calls for breakfast.”
I ordered a small plate of eggs and fruit and more coffee as I looked across the table at Lynn. She seemed happy to stay in the booth with me and leaned back as she took a drink from her cup. I tried to push the idea of Lance fucking her as she planned the house out and felt the doubt creeping up on me. Was I really the one woman that he wanted to be with? I didn’t know a lot of porn actors, but I assumed they were pretty. I assumed that they were willing and eager to be with Lance. I just nodded and spoke at the right parts of the conversation, losing myself to the thought of Lance being with her. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t be with him like this. A past was one thing, but this was a career sleeping with women and perhaps men. I had no idea and hadn’t searched him on Google yet.
I didn’t want to.
“Are you okay?” Lynn asked me as she looked shrewdly at me.
“I just remembered something I need to do. Let me get this,” I told her as I reached for my purse. The food in my stomach was like a knot and I handled the bill before standing up. “I will call you when I hear something, Lynn. I think you gave them a strong offer to think about, so the news should be good.”
“Thanks, Leila.” I saw the curiosity in Lynn’s eyes as I walked away, opening the door to get some fresh air. I walked to my car and unlocked the door with shaking hands, slipping inside as I glanced at the restaurant. Lynn couldn’t see me from here since I chose the other side with an ocean view and I took a few deep breaths. I played back the morning that I spent with Lance, including the look in his eyes that reminded me of love. I didn’t know about love too much, but my ex never looked at me like that. I knew that it meant something.
I started the car and pulled out to drive to my apartment. I knew that Lance didn’t work today since he assured me of that fact before leaving my house. I suggested my coming over for dinner later and I considered it as I parked in the lot close to my front door. I was tired and just wanted a nap after my overactive emotions at breakfast. I’d decide about dinner later.
My sheets smelled like him, like us. I pulled the covers over my body and sighed as I closed my eyes. As great as I slept last night, it was brief and a nap all alone would really help my thought process. I closed my eyes and dragged my fingers over my skin, naked apart from my underwear. I was hungry for Lance again and I cursed the way that he made my body feel. I always wanted him.
I drifted off to sleep and dreamed of a dinner that I had with Lance at his house with my friends and family from Carlsbad. It was loving and perfect and everything that I’ve ever wanted. They all loved him with no judgment, making me wonder if there was a chance for that. I reached for my phone and dialed a familiar number, smiling when I heard the voice at the other end. “Hey, Viv. I need to talk.” We made a little small talk and then I dropped the bomb on her.
“He’s a fucking porn star?” Viv asked me as I told her that it was true. “Only you, Leila. Only you would meet a porn star in LA.” She sighed. “He sounds great. You can’t overlook it?”
“I just sent in an offer for his colleague, Viv. He’s slept with her God only knows how many times. How am I supposed to be okay with that?” I asked her as there was a long moment of silence on the other end.
“Do you feel good when you’re with him?” Viv finally asked as I smiled.
“I feel like the best person on the planet. He’s good at making me feel special.” The answer was immediate.
“There you go,” Viv encouraged me as I shook my head slowly.
“He said he could get out of that business and do something else once he’s completed some contracts. That’s good, right?” I asked as she squealed at the other end.
“That’s great. I’m sure that he makes a lot, based on what you’ve told me.”
“Yeah. I want that to happen, but I want to get over the fact that he did it at all. That’s one of the worst versions of a past that I could imagine, given that mine is so different.” I spoke slowly, thoughtfully. “I’m scared to Google him.”
“Just go in knowing that there will be a lot of gossip about him. It’s always like that with celebrities. Trust your gut more than anything else, okay?” Viv asked as I promised her that I would. She told me that she’d be here the coming weekend and to free up as much time for her as I could. I assured her that I would and laughed as she asked what Lance’s full name was. His porn name was Lance Jameson, which seemed like a normal name to me, when his real name was Jacobs.
I sent him a message and told him that I’d be there for dinner. Lance told me that he had some good news to celebrate when I arrived and promised me that he was cooking tonight. I laughed as I hung up and sat in bed, wondering what the news might be. Would it help me to feel better about the future?
I showered in time to let my curls dry naturally and did my makeup a little darker than normal. I was reminded of Viv’s winged liner phase when I spoke to her and attempted that with some gel liner that I had tucked away. After a few wipes, it looked pretty good and I left the powder foundation on that I’d done first. I slipped a long, loose black skirt on and added a pale purple burnout t-shirt over a black camisole. Slipping my feet into some comfortable sandals, I grabbed my purse and walked out to the car to head over to his house.
I knocked on the door and it swung open, revealing a smiling Lance. He pulled me inside and hugged me as I slipped my hands up his chest and around his neck. “What are you so happy for?”
CHAPTER 19
Lance
I looked into her face as the words threatened to bubble out of me. I’d gotten a call from my agent and heard that I was wanted for a movie by a successful director. I could leave the porn business and start acting in other genres if all went well. I couldn’t believe that it happened today, of all the days. “Leila…I got a movie offer today. A normal, crazy, Hollywood movie that isn’t like anything else I’ve ever worked on.”
“What?” She asked as her eyes lit up and she moved to hug me tighter. “How?”
“I don’t know the details yet. I got a call from an agent and accepted it and I’m meeting Allen tomorrow to sign some stuff. I can leave my contracts for this, since they wouldn’t hold me back. I can’t believe it.” I cupped her head and leaned down to kiss her softly, looking forward to this new life. Our lips locked, and she pulled me closer as our tongues moved together. Leila was addicting and if all went well, she was going to be my wife.
I pushed her against the wall, looking forward to a life with just one woman in my bed. I knew that there would be love scenes in other movies, but it would be simulated. It would be fake, and I couldn’t wait, because I only wanted Leila now.
Sh
e leaned her head up as I pulled away to catch my breath, angling for another kiss. I gave in and then pulled away to stroke her hair back with one hand. “Are you happy?”
“Yeah. Surprised. I have been thinking about us all day, Lance.” I saw the worry in her eyes and kissed her softly. “I want this with you and I didn’t know how I could deal with the other women.”
“That’s nothing to me. It’s work that paid for this house and everything that I have. It’s money to help my mom out when she needs it and I have saved smart. I could only make one movie and probably be fine. It doesn’t matter. I just want to take care of you.” I stared at her, wanting Leila to see how much I meant these words. She nodded, and I reached down to take her hand and lead her to the kitchen. I was baking the lasagna that I grew up with and she looked around at the mess with a broad smile on her face. “Lasagna. Family recipe with some sourdough garlic bread and a salad that I whipped up.” I smiled down at her. “I got champagne to make a toast.”
“Perfect,” Leila told me as she kissed me again and asked what she could help with. I pulled out the salad and she tossed it with some dressing as I pulled the bread out of the second oven. We both heard her phone chime from her purse on the counter and she glanced over slowly. “I have to check it. It might be work.” I handed her a towel and Leila wiped her hands as she approached the purse with a nervous look on her face. She pressed on the screen a few times and let out a sigh before looking at me. “Terra got her house. They accepted the offer. It’s in Malibu.”