by Leta Blake
Joshua glanced toward Neil at the mention of Lee, and Alice almost regretted bringing him up. Neil had often seemed jealous of the man over the years, but he’d been a large part of Joshua’s life. It was important to her that her son be realistic about the man he was involved with. This wasn’t a do-over. This wasn’t living the life he could have had. This was uncharted territory.
Joshua said, “Thank you. It was very hard. I loved him a lot.”
Neil moved his hand from the back of Joshua’s chair to his shoulder. He squeezed gently. “Go on. Out with it. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve to be talked about.”
Joshua looked a little uncomfortable. “It’s just this…” He motioned between them. “It’s fresh, and I don’t want to drag all that into it.”
Neil made a face. “I won’t lie and say that I didn’t spend years in seething jealousy, but I’m not an absolute jerk, either. He was good to you. You loved him. I’d be an ass to resent that.”
“He always respected you,” Joshua said softly. “Your place in my life.”
Neil seemed to struggle with something for a moment, and Alice had to resist the urge to reach out and take his hand. She knew he was pushing down his possessiveness, his urge to win, to be the only one Joshua ever wanted or needed, and she knew it was vital that he do so. She also saw the exact moment he conquered himself.
“And now it’s my turn to respect him. Tell my mom how you met Lee. She’d like to hear about him.” Neil gazed at Joshua warmly and added, “I would too.”
Joshua eyes filled, and he leaned over to press a kiss to Neil’s lips. Then he blinked his tears away. Neil gave a small smile, and Joshua’s eyes glowed right back at him.
Alice leaned back in her seat, her throat tight, and she felt so damn proud.
She didn’t know how, but Neil had done it. He’d found Joshua again, won his heart, and he was going to be so good at this. She just knew he would. He was good at everything he really wanted to be good at, and he loved harder than anyone else she’d ever known.
It was going to be okay. It was wild, unbelievable, and no one would ever believe her if she told them the story, but watching Joshua and Neil together, she knew without a doubt that love never dies.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sweaty and sticky, with Joshua’s come all over his chest, Neil ran his hands over Joshua’s thighs and up to his nipples, pinching gently. Joshua shuddered and clenched on Neil’s cock, and Neil smiled, loving the view of Joshua riding him, flushed and shaking after his orgasm.
“Alice loved you,” Neil said.
Joshua collapsed on him, pressing his face against Neil’s neck. “Don’t talk about your mother right now.”
Neil chuckled. He didn’t really expect Joshua to understand how he felt about Alice. Despite being the best person Neil had ever met, aside from maybe Joshua himself, he’d never been able to really feel the appropriate mother-son connection. He loved her, but mentioning her at a time like this felt more like bringing up a close friend. Now, his first mother? Sharon Russell? He’d never want to think about her during sex. That would just be disgusting.
They’d returned to Neil’s apartment after their lunch with Alice, ostensibly to collect some clothes and things for Neil, but they’d ended up having a delicious, hour-long love-making session amidst the towers of books on reincarnation.
“God, Neil,” Joshua whimpered. “Making love with you is so good.”
Neil hid his smirk in Joshua’s hair and then pressed a kiss to the crown of Joshua’s head. “I’ll tell you a little secret.”
Joshua lifted up to see Neil’s face. “What?”
“Last time around? I wasn’t this big. I mean, I had a good cock, but this one is a humdinger.”
Joshua sputtered. “Are you telling me you’re exactly the same except your cock is bigger?”
“What? You don’t believe me?”
Joshua laughed. “Neil, I used to feel that thing through your pants when we made out on the sofa in your apartment. It was terrifying. Why do you think I was so scared to have sex with you?”
Neil scrunched his face. “Uh, because you were all tied up over your parents’ conservative religious beliefs?”
Joshua laughed again. “Well, there was that, too. But the size of your cock wasn’t exactly reassuring.”
“Really?”
Joshua pinched him and then kissed his mouth. “Really.”
Neil thrust up into Joshua slowly, feeling his come squelch out of Joshua’s ass and slide down over Neil’s balls. “Feel that?” he asked.
“You know I do,” Joshua murmured, his breath coming in soft gasps as he started to ride again.
Neil moaned and settled back, enjoying the view. He loved the feel of his cock, raw and slick with his own come, in Joshua’s tight ass.
They’d stopped using condoms after only a few days. Joshua had basically begged for it, wanting to feel Neil’s come in his ass, and Neil had been so madly turned on just by hearing Joshua say those words that he’d agreed as soon as they could be certain it was safe.
The tests for STDs no longer took the time they had years ago in his first life. Neil was profoundly grateful for that as they’d hustled over to the health clinic, both of them twisted up with lust and urgency, and both of them walking out with clean bills of health. They hadn’t even made it to Joshua’s bed at the hotel, before they’d stripped each other and fucked raw and wild on the floor just inside the door of the room. Both of them had been deliriously turned on by the intimate sensation of skin on skin.
Neil loved everything about fucking Joshua raw. He loved the sweet push inside and the sensation of Joshua’s velvet-soft insides against the tight, engorged flesh of his cock. He loved how he could come in Joshua and not stop to change his condom, just fuck on through the over-stimulation, and watch Joshua go wild at the squelching noises as the come worked its way out.
His favorite thing about fucking Joshua without a condom, though, was after. He loved to watch Joshua lose his mind as Neil licked and sucked the come back out of him. The first time Neil had done it, Joshua had protested that it was too dirty, but when he’d finally agreed and Neil had dove in, the complaints had died away into delirious cries of need. Joshua had basically suffocated Neil by shoving his face into his ass harder and harder, and in the end, Joshua had frantically jerked himself to a shocked and flailing completion while Neil’s tongue had wriggled in his ass.
Now Neil did it as a matter of course, and Joshua still went out of his mind every single time.
“Get off me,” Neil said, and helped Joshua flip onto his stomach.
“Oh God,” Joshua moaned, his face in the pillow, and his hips lifted in invitation.
Neil smirked. He crouched down between Joshua’s spread legs, pulled his cheeks apart, and smiled at Joshua’s clenching hole, still wet from having been fucked. He leaned in and just breathed on it, watching it spasm in reaction. Some of his come dribbled out.
Neil licked it away, and Joshua whimpered, cursing into the pillow. Neil waited.
“Please,” Joshua whined.
“I thought this was too dirty,” Neil teased.
Joshua spread his legs more and lifted his ass toward Neil’s face, saying nothing, just begging with his body.
Neil pressed a finger in, and Joshua grunted. Neil grinned, leaned forward, and went to town—eating, licking, slurping, biting, tonguing.
Joshua writhed on the bed, gripping the sheets and scrambling away and back again, cursing and whimpering. Neil urged Joshua up to his knees so that he could get a hand down to his cock and begin a desperate, fast-paced jerk.
Neil wrapped his own hand around Joshua’s balls, pulling down a little, keeping him on the edge of coming, until he was ready. And then he released his hold and licked frantically at Joshua’s clenching hole. Timing it from the rhythm of Joshua’s hand and Joshua’s stuttered breathing, Neil raised up, aimed his dick, and thrust inside with a thick, insistent push just as Joshua thr
ew his head back and came hard. His ass squeezed convulsively around Neil’s invading cock as he yelled his release.
Neil grinned into the sweaty hair at Joshua’s nape and kissed his neck as Joshua shuddered through aftershocks, still pinned on Neil’s cock.
As Neil wrapped his arms around Joshua, he heard him mutter, “Promise you’ll never leave me again.”
“Never,” Neil agreed.
He couldn’t help but chuckle, though, amused at how Joshua turned even the filthiest thing they did together into so much love. And what was even more amazing—Joshua was right. Neil’s tongue in his ass, felching out come, was about love, and need, and how they would never be apart again. Never.
Leave it to Joshua to know that.
When their breathing regulated, Joshua sat up. “We should get out of here before Derek gets back.”
Neil rolled his eyes. Despite everything, Joshua was still a little insecure about Derek. Neil considered delaying just so that Joshua could see for himself that there was nothing there to fear. Derek was a great guy, a good kid, and Neil’s only friend. He didn’t really want to give that up.
“I know,” Joshua said, reading Neil’s expression. “He’s just a friend.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s wrong to be jealous, I know,” Joshua said. “But I don’t like that what we just did—everything we just did—you’ve done with him. I don’t like having that in common.”
Neil sighed, pulled Joshua back down, and reached down low to rub his finger against Joshua’s hole. Another shiver went through Joshua at his touch.
“I haven’t done everything with him. I didn’t eat come from his ass.”
Joshua’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Why?”
Neil shrugged. “I only want to eat come out of you.”
Joshua’s face lit up, and the reaction was ridiculous, but Neil felt too warm and soft and schmoopy inside to tell Joshua so. He was just glad that Joshua was smiling again. He wanted to make sure Joshua smiled all the time. The way he saw it, Joshua’s smile was his calling. The desire for it was what had propelled him into this world again, and seeing it was like a drug—addictive and necessary.
“I love you,” Neil said.
Joshua grinned. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
November 2034—Paris, France
Neil woke up and snuggled into Joshua’s side, breathing in the hollow between Joshua’s shoulder and neck. He curled his fingers into Joshua’s chest hair and let the images from the dream wash over him. He had the dreams less and less these days, but they always left him feeling profoundly grateful.
Joshua rolled toward him, gathering Neil into his arms and smiling in his sleep. Neil gazed at his face and felt an answering lift in his own lips. The hotel room around them was lush, with thick bedding, and a view of the Seine out the window. Still the dream vibe lingered.
Neil never told Joshua about the dreams. He sometimes wondered if he should, but Joshua seemed untroubled by their life together. He didn’t seem to want or need any reassurance about their relationship—except for the occasional promise that the age difference between them wasn’t important. As Neil pointed out, he was actually older than Joshua in most ways, and between the nanite creams and treatments keeping Joshua’s body young and Neil’s adamant refusal to do anything to prevent his own aging, they’d be peers before they knew it.
The dream always started the same way. Neil would be working in the lab, and he’d be right on the edge of a massive breakthrough, something huge, when the sensation of someone next to him would break his concentration. He’d turn, annoyed, ready to tell off whoever it was for interrupting, and then stop short.
“Hey,” Lee would say.
Neil remembered that when the dreams first started, he’d felt a weird wave of guilt, like he’d been caught fucking Joshua, and his husband had just walked in the room. But he didn’t feel that way in the dreams anymore. Now, he just experienced a kind of realization that, oh, he was dreaming, and, hey, Lee was here to check on Joshua again. He didn’t mind it.
“You could just ask him yourself,” Neil had said in the particular dream he’d just woken from. “I’m not his keeper.”
“Sure you are,” Lee answered. “Besides, I like asking you. Keeps you humble.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m a reminder that he wasn’t always yours—even though he was, you know. Always yours.”
Neil shrugged. “He had a life with you. He loved you.”
“Yup.” Lee leaned against the counter, and Neil refrained from telling him not to jostle anything. It was just a dream, after all. “So, how’s he doing?” Lee asked.
“Great. He’s happy. I mean, he seems happy. He smiles a lot.”
Lee’s own smile was always brilliant. It made Neil feel like he was a kid in the presence of someone much older and much braver. Someone who had a hell of a lot more knowledge than he did about the most important thing in the world to Neil.
“Good. Keep it that way. It’s not hard to do. Just love him and let him know that you do. That’s all it takes.”
“I know that.”
Lee had rolled his eyes. “Of course. Anyway, it’s good to see you again. You’re looking pretty happy yourself.”
“I am,” Neil had said. He was the happiest he’d ever been. Happier than he’d known possible.
“Okay, well, I have to go. Heaven calls and all that.”
Neil had snorted at the joke. “Don’t know how he put up with your bad sense of humor.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Neil put out his hand, and they shook. Lee’s fingers were strong, and even after waking he could still feel the ghost of that touch as he stroked Joshua’s chest hair.
Joshua shifted, and his eyes fluttered open. A grin broke over his face, and Neil touched his lower lip with his thumb.
“Neil,” Joshua said, his voice tremulously happy. “We’re in Paris.”
“Yup.”
“And you’ve never been here before.”
“Nope.”
Joshua’s eyes were full of light, and he rolled Neil over, framing Neil’s head with his elbows. An even bigger smile spread over his face. “I’m going to show you everything.”
Neil smirked. “Yeah, maybe you can fit that in around the day of conferences Brian’s set up for us.”
Joshua threaded his fingers into Neil’s hair and pulled a little, a physical reprimand. “I have it on good authority that we’ll be in a meeting for less than two hours today and three tomorrow. And the rest of the time is ours.”
“Paris must not be very impressive if you can show me everything in only two days.”
“Neil,” Joshua said, with one scolding eyebrow raised. “We’re going to have a good time. Don’t try to spoil it for me.”
Neil kissed Joshua’s beautiful mouth. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
The knock at the door made Joshua groan almost as loudly as Neil, who threw himself back on the pillows. He let Joshua be the one to grab a complimentary robe and answer the door.
“Just remember, you invited her,” Neil said, grinding the heels of his palms into his eye sockets and willing away the hard-on he’d been on the verge of doing something about.
“Shh,” Joshua said, glaring at Neil. He opened the hotel room door to greet Alice. “Good morning!”
She stood there wearing a lovely dress and fresh makeup applied on her face. Joshua made a move to invite her in, but Alice shook her head.
“I’m heading out for some sightseeing. I didn’t want you to worry about me if you couldn’t find me later.”
“Because I’m all about keeping tabs on you, Mom,” Neil said, trying to figure out just why his mother was wearing lipstick.
Alice rolled her eyes. “Dr. Peters has offered to take me to breakfast and then he says I simply have to see the Bouguereaus at the D’Orsay…”
Neil narrowed his eyes. He could have sworn his mother had just blushed.
“And then he said he’d take me out to lunch.” She bit her lower lip and looked positively giddy. Neil gritted his teeth and sat up.
“Dr. Peters said you and Neil had the meetings covered, Joshua?” She gazed up at Joshua with hopeful eyes, obviously dreading the possibility that Joshua might say he didn’t feel comfortable running the show, or capable of keeping Neil in check during the presentation.
“Sure,” Joshua said, putting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing. “Have fun.”
Alice smiled like a dazzling magazine cover model, and Neil sat all the way up in the bed. “Why is Brian taking you out? Can’t you go by yourself?” Joshua shot him a sideways look, but Neil went on. “You realize he’s divorced. With three kids. And he’s got a beard. On his face.”
Joshua looked like he might laugh, but he shook his head at Neil, obviously trying to shut him up.
Alice’s smile flattened into a tight line of annoyance. “His children are all grown up, Neil. They’re older than you—”
“Well, not really, but—”
Alice ignored him. “And he’s a kind man. A nice man. He’s smart, and he makes me laugh. Not to mention, he likes my kid. You’re always telling me what a rarity that is, Neil. And it’s Paris. Let your mother have a little romance in her life. Aren’t you the one always telling me to meet someone?” She clucked her tongue at him. “Someone might think you were jealous and didn’t want to share your mommy.”
Joshua laughed under his breath.
Neil started to stand up but realized he was naked. He sputtered. “That’s ridiculous, I—”
“You’re going to tell me to have a wonderful day, and that you’ll see me later,” Alice said, her arms crossed over her chest and her dark brown eyes boring into Neil like he was eight again and arguing with her about the mess of his experiments on the kitchen table.
“Have a wonderful day,” Neil said with a scowl. “But don’t tell me later about how scratchy his beard is. I don’t want to hear about it.”
Alice laughed. “And what makes you think I’d want to tell you about something like that? Seriously, Neil, you’re being a big baby.”