“Why would it?” Puzzled eyes searched hers. “I don’t know anything about your father. I don’t remember even seeing a photograph.”
“He’s private.”
“Like father, like daughter.”
“Oh, please don’t say that. Never even think that.”
He held up a hand. “Sorry.”
“I don’t need the money,” she said. “I don’t want it.”
“Okay. But why not just give away your inheritance? There’s plenty of worthy causes to choose from.”
“It’s tainted money.”
“A whole hell of a lot of tainted money. The Spencer Trust controls one of the largest fortunes in America.”
She shook her head, knowing Reese would never understand. No one ever did. Not even Victoria.
“What did your father do to you, Taki?” He touched her face gently.
“He killed my mother,” she blurted.
His expression clouded. “I thought your mother killed herself.”
“Because of the way he treated her.”
Reese took her hand and led her to the couch. He pulled her against him and said, “Tell me about your mother. You told me she overdosed on drugs.”
Taki took a deep breath. She’d never told anyone about her mother, but she wanted to tell Reese, needed to tell her soul mate, even if he wouldn’t understand.
“My father divorced her because he thought she was having an affair. She wasn’t. I know she wasn’t. She loved him—although I can’t imagine why.” Taki paused, realizing her love for Reese also made no sense. Her father was right. In some ways, she was like her mother.
“Anyway, my father got complete custody of me because his lawyers painted a horrible picture of Mom as a druggie to the court. I only got to see her once a month and it had to be at Dad’s house.”
“How do you know all this if you were nine years old?”
“When I turned twenty-one my grandmother’s will stipulated that all the records be opened to me. I read everything and confronted my father. He laughed at me, told me I was just like my mom. I took off not long after that.”
“Go on.”
“He didn’t want me. He had no use for a child. He just didn’t want my mother to have me. She begged him for more visitation. She wrote him letter after letter, which he kept, probably to gloat over. I read those, too.” Taki took a deep breath to gain control of her voice. “The day she took the pills, she came to the house sobbing, hysterical, begging my father to let her see me. I was on the stairs listening. My father sent her away, as usual.” Taki swallowed hard. “I never saw my mother again. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the funeral.”
Reese hugged her close. “Oh, God, Taki. I’m so sorry.”
With her cheek resting on his strong, warm chest, Taki closed her eyes. “And after her death, my father made my life hell. He couldn’t stand to even look at me. I think it’s because I look just like her.”
“I agree he sounds like a monster.”
She inhaled deeply. Time to get the last truth out in the open. “And you’re just like him, Reese.”
He stiffened. “No.”
“All he does is work—just like you. He’s even a lawyer, too.”
“I am nothing like your father, Taki.”
She sat up so she could see his face. She owed it to Reese to be completely honest. “Yes, you are. And that’s why it will never work between us. You make fun of my beliefs, and you’re always in a hurry to get to the next thing you’ve got scheduled.”
“That’s my job. I behave that way so I can put criminals in jail.”
She shook her head. “We’re too different.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can—”
“We’ll tear each other apart, just like my parents. Don’t you see? That’s why I have to leave today,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you. We’ve both been hurt enough already.”
As the pain her words created tightened his face, she looked away. Maybe she’d been wrong about who’d been making whom miserable throughout their lifetimes together. Maybe she’d been hurting him. This had to stop. It hurt too much, and she didn’t want either of them to go through more pain.
“So I’m a cruel, heartless, money-grubbing attorney, just like your father?” he demanded.
She met his gaze again and swallowed at the growing fury she saw in his beautiful eyes. “I don’t think you’re heartless.”
“Just cruel? Oh, that makes me feel better.”
“No, not cruel, either,” she said. Now he was confusing her. “But we can’t help who we are.”
“Let me get this straight,” he said, his words now hard. “You’re running away so you won’t get hurt.”
“And so I won’t hurt you.”
“There’s a chance of heartbreak in every romantic relationship. But you’re afraid to take a leap of faith, take a chance on love?”
She looked down at her hands, which were fisted tightly. “I had a quiet, serene existence before I met you,” she said.
“I have to tell you, Taki, it doesn’t really sound to me as if your life was so Zen.”
“But now it’s nothing but turmoil.” She’d never be able to explain to Reese how deeply he touched her, how much he made her feel. Her love for him created emotions as strong as what she’d felt after the loss of her mother. She couldn’t go through that again. Wouldn’t.
He shook his head. “I don’t know who you are.”
“I’m the same person I was last night.”
“I have to go.” He rose and stepped toward the front door.
She let him go. It was meant to be this way, better this way.
With his hand on the knob, he paused and turned. Glittering dark eyes narrowed as they met hers.
“What are you really afraid of, Taki?”
* * *
WITH AN ANGRY slam echoing in her ears, Taki strangled out a moan and collapsed on the sofa. How had things turned so horribly wrong? She pressed her palms against the tears that threatened to flow. Just when she’d grown close to Reese, discovered he was truly a good soul even though similar to her father, she’d pushed him away forever.
The knowledge that she’d hurt him throbbed like a deep, slashing wound. Hadn’t she tried to keep away from him, though, so as not to cause him this hurt? She’d refused dinner with him, hadn’t told him about Mayhugh.
But she hadn’t tried hard enough. Not nearly hard enough. Her desire for him had trampled over the need to consider his feelings on this journey together. She’d selfishly wanted to spend the weekend with him, to get to know him better. Make love to him. And they’d made such sweet, sweet love, which made the pain even worse.
She’d known how her actions would affect him, and she’d gone right ahead and done it anyway.
Because she’d allowed herself to become attached. To Reese, to the bowl, to Victoria, Miami. Yoga taught that attachment, especially to material objects, always brought misery. Just look at how miserable she was right now.
Taki turned her cheek into the couch and closed her eyes. Once again she’d ruined everything with no chance to make amends in this lifetime. She’d obviously lost her soul mate. How long this time? Another stab of regret caused her to catch her breath. She would miss him. Oh, how she would miss him. Her other half.
She must have loved Reese through countless lifetimes. They never managed to work things out probably because she always screwed things up.
Wiping away her tears, Taki moved to the cottage’s back door and stepped outside. Dawn was her favorite time of day. All the world’s beautiful creatures were just waking up and that new energy always lifted her spirits.
Raising her arms overhead, she took a deep breath of the fresh, cool air, then performed five
half sun salutes to center herself. When finished, she felt no better, but gazed fondly at her herb garden. All the plants looked healthy. The temperatures weren’t cool enough to bother them, nowhere near freezing. She knelt and dug her fingers into the rich soil, feeling for the moisture level. Miami was the perfect place to grow herbs in the winter.
But she had to go. To be safe, she should just throw what she could in the Jeep and abandon Miami right now.
If she didn’t— Taki came to her feet, took a huge breath and exhaled slowly. Yes, they’d come for her. She’d have to deal with the lawyers, face judges and reporters, negative souls with hidden agendas.
She’d have to see her father. Talk to her father. Sign those papers he needed her to sign so he could make more dirty money.
And then what? Then what?
No longer sure why she continued to run and run and run, Taki clasped her hands in prayer position and looked heavenward.
No, she needed to look inward. She needed to find the correct path to lessen the hurt she’d caused Reese.
What would be worse? Running away or staying?
* * *
TUESDAY MORNING, SCOWLING at the time signature at the bottom right of his computer monitor, Reese sat back, considering how he’d tell his boss the bad news. He liked and respected Cynthia Lettino, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of Florida, but she was tough. Tough and smart. Cynthia expected results from her assistants.
And in fifteen minutes he had to inform her that one of the supports in the foundation of his case against Romero was in the wind. He believed—no, knew his evidence was strong without Claudia Romero, but her testimony made the construction earthquake-proof.
Cynthia expected him for a status update at ten. How would she react? At the last status conference, his star witness had been exactly where she was supposed to be. Maybe he should have given Cynthia the news sooner, but he kept expecting Claudia to contact him, that there’d be no need to worry anyone.
Or maybe he’d been distracted by another woman, one who’d lost a bowl that sang.
Shit. He shoved back from his desk and walked to the window, staring at the view but not seeing anything. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
Damn Taki. Since he’d left her yesterday morning he’d concentrated on nothing but work, allowing no time for personal concerns. Total immersion in trial strategy kept disturbing thoughts of her at bay. He didn’t want to think about her, refused to think about her. Didn’t know what to think about her.
Last night he’d gotten two, maybe three hours of sleep at the most. He’d finally given up. No point lying in the dark, obsessing about where Taki had wandered off to, if he could find her. If he wanted to find her. So at 3:00 a.m. he got up, made a pot of coffee and went back to work preparing questions for the witnesses who would testify. People whose locations he could count on.
That’s the way he felt now. As if it was the middle of the night and everything in his life sucked. He sighed. Talk about negative thoughts.
With a silent curse, he grabbed his coat and strode down the hall to Cynthia’s office.
The door was open, and she sat at her huge walnut desk, speaking on the phone. She waved him in with a distracted smile. Reese sat in one of the chairs before her desk and watched a talented politician schmooze whoever was on the other end of the line.
Cynthia was in her late fifties, what his father would call a handsome woman. She was trim, had shoulder-length almost black hair, usually worn clipped neatly off her face, which made people notice her large, green eyes. Cynthia worked tirelessly for justice in this community and didn’t play favorites. When her son was arrested on a minor drug charge, she hadn’t intervened, had made certain he was treated just like any other offender. It had nearly killed her, but Reese respected her all the more for her actions, which meshed with his vision of equal justice for all—not more equal for the privileged few.
“So where are we on the Romero case?” she asked when she’d finished her call.
Her face remained impassive as he launched into the details of the prosecution, and remained that way until he got to Claudia’s disappearance.
Cynthia stopped making notes and sat back.
“So no idea where Claudia Romero is holed up?” Cynthia asked evenly.
“The bureau is still looking for her, but so far nothing,” Reese said. He had no clue what his boss was thinking.
“What about tracing her cell phone signal?”
“She left the phone in her apartment.”
“Smart,” Cynthia said, tapping her pen on the desk. “She probably bought a disposable.”
“I still think she’ll come in for the trial.”
“Why?”
Reese shrugged. “Just my sense of her from our interviews. She’s afraid of her ex, but definitely wants him behind bars.”
“Do you think you can get a conviction without her testimony?”
“I hope so, but her journal contains specifics. Names, places, details I can corroborate that make the case a lock.”
Cynthia nodded. “I read your synopsis of the journal. It’s the sort of thing a jury loves.”
“But without Claudia to authenticate—”
“So find her,” Cynthia stated, her voice gone hard. “I’ll call Bill over at the bureau and get him to authorize more agents for the search.”
She reached for the phone again, and Reese stood, taking that as his dismissal.
Cynthia met his gaze while waiting for her call to connect. She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t disappoint me, Reese.”
* * *
EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING Taki dressed in several layers, including a snug ski cap, and pulled on her hiking boots. She placed a notebook, her field knife and a thermos inside her favorite wicker basket, one with a comfortable handle, and exited the cottage into cool morning air. The sun hadn’t quite made it over the horizon, but its light was beginning to streak the eastern sky.
She was going wild-crafting—or her version of wild-crafting, anyway—something she hadn’t done since leaving California.
She hadn’t heard from Reese, but she’d noticed a suspicious blue SUV hanging around the neighborhood. Yesterday the driver had raised a video camera to record her departure.
So the Trust had found her. She knew it would happen eventually and wondered if Reese had given her away.
Yoga and meditation hadn’t eased her troubled thoughts so far, and that told her what terrible shape her mind was in. The trip to her psychic had given her nothing but more conflict with Reese. Working in her own garden only made her sad when she thought about abandoning her beautiful plants. Navi was involved in a two-day fast and retreat, so she couldn’t consult him until tomorrow.
She needed help right now. What was left to calm a troubled spirit?
A hike through the forest to search for wild herbs or edible plants.
Relieved the Trust’s investigator hadn’t arrived this early, Taki drove south toward Homestead again. She’d noticed several large wooded tracts on her visit to Mayhugh. The best areas were those that were scheduled for development, and she’d seen at least one sign announcing that construction would soon begin. If she could find that location again, she’d start there. She wasn’t going to steal anything from the earth, although she’d really be preserving anything she took. Today she wanted to just make note of what grew here, what bloomed in the chilly weather. Maybe she’d snip off a bit of a plant for study later, especially if she could find seeds to germinate.
Or at least try to get them to sprout. You never knew if the seeds would grow out of their natural home. Some important element might be lacking, the balance not quite right. To her, that was the joy of wild-crafting. Learning how Mother Nature worked in the wild and trying to replicate that in a garden.
Sh
e’d do no harm to the environment. What she was looking for most people considered weeds, undesirable and intrusive.
Like nettles, with their wicked-sharp prickles. She knew they grew in this area. She’d had more than one uncomfortable experience dealing with nettles, but they were worth it, made a fabulous tea. You just had to be careful. She sighed, her thoughts drifting, as always, to Reese.
How sad that she thought of him in conjunction with the pain of nettles. But he was definitely an irritant in her life. She sighed again. As she was in his.
Could they ever be together in harmony? Was that even possible?
Taki pulled off the road, her tires crunching gravel, and parked near the giant sign alerting residents that this ten-acre plot of gorgeous wilderness would soon be a shopping center. She grabbed her basket and jumped from the Jeep. There were no other vehicles in the area, but of course it was way too cold for most Miamians this early in the morning.
The temperature was already moderating, though. That’s the way it was in Florida. Cold snaps never lasted more than a couple of days. She’d probably have to start peeling off layers in an hour as the sun rose higher in the sky.
She set off on a trail into the thick canopy of trees, and tire tracks made her realize it was a recreational route for motorcycles or three-wheelers. But what she wanted wouldn’t grow close to a busy path, so she left the obvious trail. She moved carefully, stepping over rocks and roots, her gaze glued to the forest floor in hopes of spotting a tiny flower.
Birds chirped to life overhead, waking up to the new day. Gusts of wind rustled through the leaves, rubbing branches against each other, making a creaking sound. She breathed in the rich odor of the earth beneath her feet and allowed her body to absorb the peace of the natural world, to heal her soul.
She needed a calm mind, a mind as calm as the mirrorlike waters of a pristine mountain lake reflecting clouds and sky. With that serenity, she’d figure out how to repair the damage she’d caused Reese. That was why she’d come to the woods. With her mind and spirit calm, maybe she could decide what to do next.
Whenever she saw something interesting, she knelt, made a note and quick sketch, then moved on. She spotted wild plantain—great for insect bites—but only took a few snips, not the whole plant.
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