“Not so fast, lover boy. I want to make sure I’m not sideswiped by one of your pendulum mood swings tomorrow.”
Narrowing his eyes, he took a step back.
“Don’t get all pissy just yet, Holden. We’re in this together. If something happens and you shut me out I will not tolerate it. What affects you, affects me. I see your discomfort and your annoyance whenever you have to visit your family. I may not understand it yet but I’m not letting you hide behind that awful wall alone.”
He stared impassively for several seconds as the mood in the suite shifted from playful to strained. I’d never been so vocal about his closed-off ways before so I figured he’d need some time to process what I said. If not for the love that burned in his eyes I’d have thought he transformed into an unyielding statue.
“Do you promise not to leave me this time?” he asked in hushed tone.
“What?” I asked, stunned by his question.
Clutching his stomach as though he might be sick, Alastair shook his head. “That time you left…I can’t.” His jaw tightened as he regained some composure. “That house doesn’t hold many pleasant memories for me.”
Swatting away the guilt that surfaced, I folded my arms and aimed my best determined stare at him. “You don’t get to throw that back in my face, Alastair. You acted like a little brat that day. It killed me to leave you. We’re beyond that now. It’s part of the fabric of our relationship but it does not define us. It doesn’t define how we should react to one another when things get tough. I know that and you know that.”
He visibly uncoiled from the tension. Uncertainty clouded his eyes, wrenching my heart. After all this time, he still feared loss. As much as I sympathized for him, I was also frustrated.
“Do you see this?” I asked, lifting my left hand so the diamond ring glittered in the light. “It’s an outward symbol of my promise to never leave you.” I grabbed his hand, placing it over my racing heart. “Can you feel that?”
The dominant spark returned to his eyes full force. Fisting his free hand in my hair, he pulled. “You are all that I feel, all that I am and all that I’ll ever need.”
I leaned close, trapping his bottom lip between my teeth and tugged. “I’m yours,” I whispered. “Forever.”
The sound of slow, ragged breathing permeated through the suite. His hunger for me was palpable. Gritting his teeth, he pressed his forehead to mine. “You make me—” he paused, scowling. His chest rose and fell in a heavy sigh. I waited, my body tingling with anticipation. He was on the verge of another breakthrough, I could sense it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Holden Estate loomed large in the distance, its imposing stone structure dominating the gray skyline. The only dots of color on this dreary day came from the strands of ivy that snaked around some of the windows. Driving up the long and twisting driveway, I took several cleansing breaths and fought off the unpleasant memories of the last time I was here. Alastair was quiet, lost in his own thoughts as we walked to the front door.
He grabbed me and planted a firm kiss to my lips. Searching me with veiled eyes, he sighed.
“Love you,” I said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before ringing the bell.
“Amelia.” His aunt Katherine greeted me with a warm hug. She beamed at her nephew. “It’s so lovely to see you again.” She ushered us through the foyer and into a large, formal dining room. I remembered walking through it briefly when I was here for the garden party. The table was loaded with a variety of foods fit for an extravagant brunch. My stomach snarled, always ready to indulge.
Already seated at the table were Alastair’s uncle, Jason, and grandfather, Samuel. Both were casually dressed and chatting comfortably amongst themselves. I’m pretty sure I heard Jason mutter something about the premier league. If not for the cavernous house and opulent surroundings, this felt like just an average family gathering for an average Sunday brunch. Except that it wasn’t.
They both regarded me with interest.
“Have a seat, please,” Katherine said, motioning toward two chairs. I sat first, watching Alastair as he moved with fluid control to the chair next to me. His expression was unreadable and stony. He didn’t even flinch when I squeezed his leg under the table.
“Amelia, my grandson tells me you’re working for Julian Archer. How do you like it?” Samuel asked, his strong voice booming across the table.
“So far so good.”
“He’s an interesting fellow. I approached him years ago when I was thinking about adding his program to one of my affiliates.” His gray eyes danced with mirth. “He scoffed at the idea and called me an old fool. I hear he may be in trouble now. His people have been ringing our affiliate department for the past month. Have Sam and Robbie said anything to you about merging with the weekly news magazine program here in London?”
Maybe Julian wasn’t so paranoid after all.
Mindful to keep an impassive expression, I paused to gather my thoughts before answering. Retired or not, it should come as no surprise that Samuel’s finger was still on the pulse of the media industry.
“I haven’t heard anything concrete. Just office rumors.”
“It’s my understanding you only signed a three month contract with them. That was wise.” He swirled what appeared to be a mimosa in his glass before taking a sip. “Our offices in New York City will be looking to hire a public relations director at the start of the new year. My grandson also tells me you’re quite the talented young woman. I’ll have Jason make a recommendation on your behalf to the board at our next meeting.”
I hadn’t even glanced around the table yet to see what we were eating and already I was being propositioned for a job at Holden World Media. This was going to be one hell of an afternoon.
“We agreed not to talk business.” Katherine scolded him with a smile. “Honestly, you have a one track mind, Sam.”
“Just trying to make the newest member of the family feel welcome.”
He said it with a smile but wow, the stern look in his eyes made me think twice about relaxing in his presence. He was a force to be reckoned with wrapped in the guise of a cuddly eighty-five year old grandpa. I wasn’t too concerned though. I could stand toe to toe with the best of them. Samuel Holden was no exception. Still, I’d made a promise to myself not to inflame the already tense atmosphere between Alastair and his family. Besides, I had a feeling this assertion was mostly for show. The silver-haired patriarch kept his shrewd gaze focused on me.
“Speaking of that,” Jason said, turning his attention toward us, “congratulations are in order.” He looked pointedly at the diamond ring on my finger. “We’ll plan for a summer wedding next year, then? You’re free to use the grounds as you’d like. Katherine can coordinate with a wedding planner—”
“That’s not necessary,” Alastair interrupted. “Thank you for the offer but Lia and I can handle it.”
“I’m sure you can. You and I will discuss the more intricate details privately after we eat.” Jason leveled a hard stare at his nephew, causing my chest to constrict. I felt the warmth of Alastair’s hand slide under the hem of the dress I was wearing. I looked at him, unable to catch his eye. He was too busy glaring across the table. I noticed Katherine bow her head and sigh. My heart went out to her. The tension between the younger Holden men was so thick it could break the blade off a knife.
Anxiety surged through my body. Real life certainly had a way of bursting through the doors with its middle fingers high in the air and a bounce in its step. Alastair has spent too much of his life blocking out all the unpleasantness with his family and as much as I loved how much progress he’d made, there was still a ways to go.
“What would you prefer, Lia?”
I snapped out of my head and stared right at Katherine’s beaming face. Alastair’s hand was still on my leg so he took the opportunity to give me a squeeze. I looked at him, confused.
His smile was forced but it loosened the granite exterior coating his expressi
on. “Pancakes?”
“Oh. Yes, please.”
“There’s also some very naughty cheesy French toast with grilled ham and tomatoes.”
“Naughty? Is that because you didn’t make them?”
“Possibly.” He leaned in for a soft, passionate kiss. I caught his aunt grinning at us like a proud parent and blushed.
“Don’t mind me,” she laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with a little peck between two people so obviously in love.”
Food seemed to have a way of easing a stressful situation. Or maybe it was because our mouths were full and nobody could get a word in edgewise. No matter the reason, I was finally able to relax a little and enjoy the scrumptious cuisine.
Observing the Holden clan fascinated me. Katherine was most certainly the soothing force that kept a level of civility between her husband and her nephew present. Samuel, though intimidating in his own right, was easy to talk to. He asked me endless questions about my time in Orlando, even admitting that my station was the one he’d wanted to buy and not our competitor.
“I thought we had them,” he said, smiling at me. “Next time.”
I laughed, admiring his tenacity. The more he spoke, the more I liked him. He was smart, driven and had a world of experience to share. His story of how he built the company from a single newspaper to the worldwide conglomerate it became was captivating and inspiring. Even Jason seemed to loosen up a bit, adding in his two cents about growing their company more in the American market. Before long, the two men were yammering on and on about Los Angeles, productions companies, and an online store for people to buy music and movies.
It dawned on me that the only one not participating in any of the conversations was Alastair. He remained closed off and silent as stone next to me, surveying the table with veiled eyes. I started to wonder if he brought all the unpleasantness he complained about on himself. His aunt, grandfather and uncle were nothing short of gracious. Either that or they were the best actors on the planet and this was their Academy Award winning scene.
I nudged him with my elbow. “You okay over there, chief?”
Nodding slightly, he slid his hand farther up my thigh until his fingers were dangerously close to my lace underwear. Not missing a beat, I put my hand on his, stopping the progression. This was neither the time nor place for these shenanigans.
Flicking his eyes at me, Alastair wet his lips. “You’re helping.”
“They’re lovely, Alastair. I’m not just saying that.” I squeezed his hand. “Relax. Enjoy yourself.”
“Will you be in the London office on Wednesday?” Jason asked, gently interrupting us.
“Yes,” Alastair answered, stiffening. “I’ll fly down for the meeting but I won’t be staying over. Lia’s birthday is on Thursday and I want to be home to spoil her.”
“And you should do just that.” Jason looked at me. “If we had known your birthday was so close we would have surprised you with a cake. It’s probably for the best though.” His sapphire eyes shimmered with mischief. “My father can’t ever say no to sweets.”
Samuel’s arched eyebrow reminded me so much of Alastair’s expression, I laughed. “I’ll take a rain check on that cake, then.”
“You’re welcome to visit anytime, Amelia. The door is always open for you and my nephew.”
I didn’t have to see Alastair to know he’d reattached the mask and had that listless look in his eyes. The warmth of his hand slipped from my leg, deflating my mood. I was almost at my breaking point with his frostiness.
“Now, if can steal your fiancé away for a few minutes?” Jason stood up and motioned for Alastair to follow him. Samuel excused himself as well. I assumed they were heading toward the study.
Alastair rose from his chair and paused to look at me. He brushed his thumb along my lips and softened his expression. “I won’t be long.”
Once they left, I offered to help Katherine clear the table so I could focus my nervous energy and stop fidgeting. I liked being around her. She reminded me of my mother minus all the theatrics.
“You have no idea how happy we are for you and Alastair,” she said, placing a cup of tea on the breakfast bar for me. “All of us. We never thought we’d—” She stopped abruptly and shook her head. “I don’t mean to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that Alastair has been so distant for so much of his life. Jason and I tried everything. We thought we’d had a breakthrough when he was thirteen but something kept preventing him from letting go of what happened to Daniel, Rose and Grace.”
The cup remained frozen in my hand in midair. The hot liquid vibrated with every beat of my heart. This was not the conversation I expected to have with her. I figured she’d fuss over dresses and flowers and shoes.
Pushing pieces of her satiny blonde hair behind her ear, she looked apologetic. “I’ve let my mouth run off again.”
“It’s okay. I have the same habit.” I smiled.
“When he asked me for his mother’s ring and said he wanted to propose to you, I…well, I was stunned to be honest. He’s clearly quite taken with you but I never thought I’d see the day.” Her voice trailed as she leaned against the counter. “He looks at you with such wonder and love and fear. It’s enough to stop my heart.”
I had to put the tea cup down. I was starting to shake. As much as I loved all the progress Alastair has made, I didn’t want to shoulder all the responsibility. The pressure of being looked at as the one who may have changed him was too potent.
“I really haven’t done anything. I’ve just let him find his own way.”
“You’ve done more than you realize, Amelia.”
Curious to know more, I paused for a second to gather my thoughts. “Do you know why his relationship with Jason is so tense?”
Okay, that was so not the question I should have asked.
Katherine frowned and appeared hesitant. “Alastair loved his father very much, like any young boy would. He idolized him. When Daniel died and Jason stepped in, Alastair shut him out. At six years old, he knew what death meant and he knew that letting people get close to him would one day lead to heartache. He was different with me though. For whatever reason, he allowed me to care for him to a certain extent. But he never let Jason be a father-figure. He rebelled and lashed out.”
I was so engrossed in Katherine’s story I sat as still as a statue. These were the pieces of Alastair’s past that I longed to know. These were the pieces he never revealed, even at his most vulnerable. I felt a little guilty for going behind his back and asking his aunt but she did volunteer most of it without too much prodding. I mean really, it was almost like she’d been dying to tell me.
Butterflies rustled in my stomach. The familiar electric sensation I had when he was near hummed through my body.
“There you are.”
I turned toward the sound of his rich, silky voice and had to concentrate on not launching myself into his arms. Instead, he hugged me and kissed my forehead.
“You two were talking about me again, weren’t you?” An impish grin curled his mouth. “I’m assuming you’ve said nothing but flattering things.”
I sensed something was wrong. His body language was off-putting even though he painted a picture of complete ease. The second I touched his arm his muscles tightened. Shit. Memories of the last time he’d been in a dark mood while at this house flooded me. My heart beat a little faster as anxiety snaked its way through my body. I needed to focus. Letting my emotions and fears get the best of me was the last thing I should allow.
“Is everything all sorted for Wednesday, then?” Katherine asked, placing another cup of tea on the counter for Alastair.
He bristled. “For the most part.”
“Why don’t the two of you go to the sitting room? We’ll join you in a bit.”
“We really can’t st—”
“That sounds like a great idea,” I interrupted. “Thank you.”
Grabbing Alastair’s hand before he could protest, I led h
im into the sitting room. We lingered by the massive floor to ceiling windows and stared out into the backyard. The reflection pool cut through the yard, its water as still as glass. Without the giant party tent from June it appeared much more peaceful and pastoral. The enormity of this house had the potential to be suffocating but instead exuded a calm, comforting aura.
Alastair didn’t move when I placed my hand on his back. His fixed gaze remained listless and remote.
“Talk to me,” I requested softly, running my fingers through his hair.
Seconds passed by like hours as I waited for any type of response. The silence was deafening. Unable to stand it any longer, I sat at the baby grand piano and played a few notes. Since I only knew how to play by ear I just sort of messed around on the keys until a recognizable tune floated through the room.
“Do you still remember how to play that John Field song?” Alastair asked, straddling the bench next to me.
“Probably not that well.”
“Try it.”
“Why?”
He shrugged, skimming his fingers over the keys. “It’s too quiet in here.”
Looking up at him through my lashes, I was met with the same distant stare he’d had since we arrived. As frustrated as I was with him, I couldn’t be angry and force him to talk about the thoughts he kept so well protected. That wouldn’t be fair.
“Tell me what you want,” I said. “Tell me what I need to do.”
Positioning himself so his chest was flush against my right side, he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Amelia. All I want is to be alone with you. Away from this house. Away from these ghosts that haunt my memories every time I come here.”
I felt his body quiver against mine.
“You can’t keep running, Alastair. At some point you have to stop. Shutting your family out isn’t the answer. They love you. I saw that today so clearly. I know you’re afraid. I know you have a hard time trusting your emotions. It’s time you let go and let them in.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes you can, you’re just being stubborn.”
Effortless: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Page 11