His attempt at romancing her had sealed it. She’d been blown away he’d remembered what she’d said all those years ago, touched he’d gone all out to impress her. Though, grand as his romantic gesture had been, it had nothing on the expression in his eyes after they’d made love.
It had been the scariest thing she’d ever seen, her best friend staring at her as if he never wanted this to end. For both their sakes, she hoped she was mistaken.
His eyelids flickered open and he smiled that slow, sexy grin that made logical thought impossible.
‘Hey there. Sleep well?’
She nodded, unable to resist reaching out and trailing a finger across his kissable lips. ‘You know damn well there was little sleeping involved.’
His smile widened as he tried to nip her finger, but she was too fast for him. ‘Yeah, you’re right. And it was spectacular.’
She couldn’t agree with him more. However, it was time to start disengaging, time to put up a few barriers between them before they boarded the plane.
Aiming for casual, she dropped a quick peck on his lips. ‘Yes, it was. But our little island idyll is drawing to an end and I’ve got heaps of last-minute stuff to organise today so this might be the last time we get any privacy to ourselves and I’d like to say thanks for—’
‘Hey, slow down.’ He silenced her with a finger to her lips and she resisted the overwhelming urge to lick it. ‘As this is our last day on the island I need to tell you something.’
A sense of foreboding crept over her, the same feeling she’d had when Aunt May had broken the news of her parents’ deaths, the same feeling she’d had when Judd had left Pier Point first time around. Whatever had vanquished his smile couldn’t be good.
‘So, spill it.’
He ran a hand through his hair, sending ruffled spikes in all directions. ‘When we get back to Sydney I’m hanging around for a while.’
Her heart thudded at his words before common sense kicked in. Judd’s version of hanging around probably involved a few days longer than his usual snatched visits to cities around the world and nothing like what she imagined, nothing like what had her so worried she was twisting the sheet into knots before she realised what she was doing.
‘A while?’
He nodded, looking uncertain for the first time all week. In fact, she’d never seen cocky Calloway appear uncertain about anything in his life and, combined with his announcement, it had her very, very nervous.
‘I’m going to base myself in Sydney. I’ll only do the odd freelance assignment, but basically I’ve accepted a full-time job there.’
‘What?’
Her jaw hung open and he laughed, reaching over to place a finger under her chin and close it.
‘But that’s not the best part. I’m working for Finesse on an exclusive basis. Mark Pyman offered me the position of head photographer and I’ve accepted.’
She froze while he prattled on, every word hammering a new nail into her already fragile heart.
‘Isn’t that great? We’re going to be working together a lot of the time. Not to mention hanging out.’
Oh, no.
This couldn’t be happening.
Whatever happened to mending her heart in peace once he shipped out to whatever godforsaken place he was headed next?
Whatever happened to slipping back into their old friendship over time?
Worst of all, how could she stay immune to the guy and pretend she didn’t have feelings for him when he’d be in her face almost 24/7?
‘You’re not pleased, are you?’
Abby frantically searched her brain for something to say, something other than the obvious, ‘Why this? Why now?’
‘Damn it, Abby, what’s going on with you? I thought you’d be happy for me. Happy I’m sticking around?’ ‘Yeah, but for how long?’
Oops, her first thought had popped out and, worse, it sounded way more sarcastic than it had in her head. ‘What’s it matter?’
His bitterness stung as he swung out of bed, padding across the room and into the bathroom before she could apologise.
How could he look so delectable naked and so royally peed off at the same time? Shaking her head, she stepped out of bed, wrapped the sheet around her and followed him.
‘Look, you just took me by surprise, that’s all,’ she said, raising her voice to be heard through the thick bathroom door. ‘I’m sorry.’
A long, drawn-out silence greeted her before the shower turned on, effectively drowning out anything else she might have to say.
Great. Just great. Not only had she botched up big time by falling in love with her best friend, she’d also botched up their friendship with her over-the-top reaction to his announcement.
So the nomad was staying in town for a while? Big deal. As he’d said, what did it matter for how long? He’d soon tire of Sydney, he’d move on, just as he always did; leaving her more bereft, more broken-hearted than she’d ever imagined.
Friendship she could do; it was this lovers business she sucked at.
‘I don’t believe this,’ she muttered, slipping her clothes and shoes on in record time—the shoes making her blush a matching shade—and heading out the door.
∗ ∗ ∗
Judd had the coldest shower on record to wake him up properly—and to douse his libido that had hot-wired the moment he’d first opened his eyes and caught sight of Abby lying next to him all rumpled and sexy—and waited till he heard the loud click of the main door latch before stalking out of the bathroom.
What the hell had just happened?
One minute he’d woken to find Abby, a vision of post-coital glowing woman, staring at him with what he’d thought was tenderness on her face. The next, she was colder than an Arctic blizzard.
If she’d given him half a chance to explain his motivation behind sticking around in Sydney, he would’ve told her the truth. All of it. Instead, she’d acted as if she didn’t want to know him, let alone spend more time with him back in Sydney, and it hurt more than it should.
He’d always known love was a crock. And he’d been stupid enough to go ahead and fall for her anyway.
What was he thinking?
Unfortunately, he knew exactly what path his mind had taken once he’d realised he loved her last night. He’d built a cosy little scenario in his head that involved the two of them having a relationship, his first real honest-to-God relationship in his life.
So much for that little fantasy. She’d meant it when she’d said she only wanted an island fling, yet he’d hoped she’d felt more. There had been times when the look in her eyes …
Dropping onto the bed, he picked up a pillow and buried his face in it rather than punching the living daylights out of it. Bad move. The pillow still bore the indentation of Abby’s head and he inhaled deeply, savouring the faint jasmine fragrance that filled his senses, the same scent that surrounded them when they made love.
Damn it, he’d had his fair share of women, but nothing or nobody came close to the earth-shattering, climactic experience of making love with Abby. Though it was far more than just the physical act between them and he knew it.
Whenever they were together, he felt as if he’d finally come home.
She’d always had that affect on him, giving him a constant in his nomadic life. And now they’d taken their relationship to the next level, he felt as if he could stay in the one place for ever as long as she was by his side, and it scared him. It scared him a lot.
Not that it mattered anymore. She didn’t want him. Her reaction to his news sealed it.
So where did they go from here?
Abby zipped her suitcase shut, wishing she could compartmentalise her emotions as well as she did her clothes.
Thankfully, the day had passed in a blur as she had wound up the shoot, seizing on anything and everything to keep her hands and mind active. The less she thought about what had happened the last week, the easier it would get, right?
Wrong. It would take a seve
re case of amnesia to wipe away her memories of her nights with Judd. And that wouldn’t happen unless she stood under a coconut tree for the next month and prayed one would fall on her head. Maybe she should’ve done that earlier in the week—rather than giving her amnesia, it might’ve knocked some sense into her.
‘Can I come in?’
The balcony curtains parted as Judd stepped into the room, looking mouth-watering in camel-coloured cargo pants and a white T-shirt that accentuated the breadth of his shoulders.
‘Remind me to get a second-floor room next time,’ she said, hating how her heart leaped at the sight of him.
‘And rob me of all this breaking-and-entering fun?’
Fun. Breaking and entering.
His words conjured up instant images of the first time he’d strolled into her room wearing nothing but board shorts and a smile after the quickest dash in history to grab condoms—erotic, unforgettable images of the first time they’d made love that same night.
Folding her arms to hide the evidence of what those memories were doing to her breasts, she said, ‘What’s up?’
He crossed the room and stopped less than two feet away, invading her personal space with his potent presence, and it took every ounce of willpower not to reach out and touch him.
‘I just wanted to say sorry for how things ended this morning.’
She gritted her teeth, knowing they needed to have this conversation but not looking forward to it.
‘Look, I’m the one who should be apologising. You were obviously excited about your new job and I wasn’t exactly doing high-fives with you.’
‘That’s okay.’ He smiled, a soft, gentle upturning of lips as he reached across and traced hers with a finger. ‘What I want to know is why?’
She shook her head, needing to break his tenuous contact if she was to give him some sort of rational explanation for her behaviour. ‘I guess you caught me off guard. I’m so used to you not being around that the thought of having you in one place takes some adjusting to.’
‘It’s because of what’s happened between us this week, isn’t it?’ He dropped his hand, though his gaze lingered on her lips a tad longer. ‘You want to go back to being just friends and you thought my sticking around meant we’d still be lovers, too?’
Her heart turned over at the hurt lingering in his eyes. What could she say? The truth, that she loved him and wanted him as more than a lover and a friend, or some halfhearted lame excuse that would drive an irreversible wedge between them?
This was exactly why she shouldn’t have gone crazy and shifted the parameters of their friendship. As for falling in love with him … her stupidity meter was off the scale with that one!
‘Come on, Abby, I need to hear you say it.’
He thrust his hands in his pockets, the simple action causing his T-shirt to pull tight across his shoulders, delineating every ripple and causing her pulse to race in the process. ‘I thought your responses to me over the last week were genuine, that you enjoyed it as much as I did. What went wrong?’
She couldn’t lie to him. She’d never lied to him before and there was no way she could start now.
‘This week has been fabulous. What we shared was amazing but it can’t continue when we get back to Sydney.’
He reached out towards her and she held up her hand to stop him. ‘Why?’
‘Because you sticking around changes everything.’
He shook his head, the wounded expression in his eyes surprising her. ‘Why? We’re still best friends. And from what has happened the last few days we’re even better lovers. Why not give us a go?’
Her resistance wavered as he stared at her, the pleading look in his eyes boring directly into her soul. However, she couldn’t do this. Seeing him walk away in a month, a year, maybe two, would be hard enough without having a fullblown relationship which is what she could see happening between them given half a chance.
Handling rejection had never been her thing courtesy of her flaky folks and, though she knew Judd would never intentionally hurt her, he’d do it anyway when the wanderlust he had running in his veins eventually bubbled up again.
‘Because none of this has been real,’ she said. ‘We’ve had a ball on the island but having a relationship based on more than friendship? It would ruin us. You’re not a stayer, you never have been and that’s what I’d expect.’
Taking a deep breath, she decided to lay a few more cards on the table. If he refuted her claims, maybe they had a chance. If not … Her heart turned over, already aching at having to go through this.
‘Sure, you may want to stay in Sydney for a while, but can you honestly say that isn’t going to change? That you won’t want to take off when the urge hits or when the going gets tough between us or when the next big job offer comes along? It’s what you do. It’s a part of who you are. Do you really think you can change that much?’
Whatever small hope she had harboured withered and died as he shook his head.
‘I can’t give you any guarantees,’ he said, reaching for her before thinking better of it, his hands dropping uselessly to his sides. ‘You know I’m not that kind of guy. You know me better than I know myself most of the time.’
‘And that’s why we need to stay friends. But friends only.’
Saying the words out loud ripped a hole in her heart and she blinked several times, hating the sting of tears as she focused on the ocean view over his right shoulder.
Judd stared at Abby, willing her to look at him. Instead, she looked away, her gaze darting around the room before focusing on some distant spot.
Her words cut straight to the core. After this morning, he’d stupidly hoped they could still work this out, that if he had an honest talk with her, they could come to some sort of agreement.
Instead, she didn’t trust him enough to believe he could change, that he wanted her enough to change, and she had no interest in giving them a chance.
Struggling to hide his disappointment, he said, ‘If that’s what you want, friends it is.’
‘Okay, then.’
An icy fist wrapped around his heart and squeezed. She was right, of course. How stupid could he be? Being friends was so much easier than loving someone, but could he separate the two now that he’d been dumb enough to fall for her? Could he fall back into the old, teasing routine when every time she smiled at him he’d want to haul her into his arms, or every time she touched him he’d want to tear her clothes off?
And what about the times she said ‘I love you’?
When she’d said it on the odd occasion in the past, he’d taken it to mean something. They’d loved each other as friends for as long as he could remember and she’d often thrown the words at him, especially around birthdays and Christmas, usually down the telephone while he’d been holed up in some jungle or other.
He’d treasured those words, knowing they were meant in an affectionate way rather than any great profession of deeper feelings. Yet this morning after his awakening, he’d suddenly realised how much he wished she really meant them. And how much he’d like to say them to her.
Like that would ever happen now.
‘Right, I’ll leave you to it.’ He injected the right amount of coolness into his voice, unwilling to let her know how much she’d hurt him.
‘Fine.’
Though, strangely enough, she looked anything but.
He shoved his hands into his pockets before he reached out and enveloped her into his arms. He hadn’t noticed the dark smudges under her eyes till now, her fragility drawing him under her spell when he should be putting as much emotional distance between them as possible.
‘I’ll see you later.’ He turned and walked away, wishing she’d call him back.
She didn’t, and he silently cursed himself for being a sucker.
As the plane took off, Abby leaned back and closed her eyes.
Her head pounded, her heart ached and she needed a comforting hug like nothing else. Her best friend would be g
ood for that … and the instant the thought popped into her head she almost cried.
Judd was her best friend yet everything had changed and she couldn’t imagine telling him her deepest secrets anymore, let alone touching him.
The best she could hope for now was to bury herself in work, considering the promotion was ninety-nine-point-nine per cent hers anyway, and try to maintain some semblance of normality in her dealings with him at the office.
‘There’s more to life than chasing some crazy dream job and not getting attached to anything or anyone for fear of losing it.’
Abby sat bolt upright, having one of those blinding flashes of clarity that made her want to smack herself in the head. She’d said those very words to Judd when he’d run out on her the first time around, when he’d been young and dumb and filled with macho ideals.
So what was her excuse now?
She was doing the very same thing she’d accused him of. There was more to life than work and if she shut him out of her life because of her own stupidity at falling in love with him, she’d never forgive herself.
She’d been so cold towards him the last time they’d spoken, not in the least surprised he’d changed his flight and taken an earlier one to avoid her.
Friends didn’t act like that: pretending they didn’t care, deliberately sabotaging their relationship, withholding the entire truth.
She’d done all of the above and wasn’t proud of it. This was Judd she was blowing off, the guy who meant everything to her, and if she wasn’t careful, she’d lose him completely.
Sighing, she pressed her fingers against her eyes, willing the tears to vanish. She’d never felt so alone, had never felt such a strong need to confide in someone. But that someone was Sydney bound and probably didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore.
She’d have to move past this and learn to get along with him again, if not for the sake of her job, then for her sanity.
If being best buddies with Judd had been the best thing ever to happen to her, losing her heart to him could be the worst, with the potential to slowly but surely drive her crazy.
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