by Lilly Wilder
I folded the paper in two and stuffed it in an envelope, feeling better for having written the letter. I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure that I would send it yet, but it was another step on my journey of recovery. However, after the incident with Dalton I wasn’t sure how soon I would be able to feel romantic with anyone again, or if it would indeed be possible. Both Andy and Dalton had seemed charming in the beginning; if I couldn’t trust my instincts, then I could never be safe, and the best prevention was to not get into romantic situations at all. It was sad, because my heart was big and she wanted to share my love with others. A big part of me wanted to have a family, but to do so meant finding the right man, and that was a challenge in and of itself. I had no idea what the right man would even look like.
Being single wouldn’t be so bad, I suppose. Having a family was just a biological drive, after all, and there were plenty of people in this modern world who had other ambitions and had fulfilling lives without having children. There was always the possibility of adoption, as well, at some point in the future, or even getting artificially inseminated. The more I thought about it, the more I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stop me from getting what I really wanted. That’s what I had to be like, that was the new me.
It was an effort to not slip into old habits again, but instead of throwing myself on the bed and weeping, I rose and pushed the sadness deep down inside me until it was nothing more than a tight ball, coiled and throbbing in the pit of my stomach. I had work to focus on, I had a career to make and an identity to forge, and nothing was going to stand in my way. I could make peace with my past and then move forward towards my future, and it was up to me whether I chose to involve a man or not.
But then my resolve threatened to buckle as my cell phone rang and Dalton’s name appeared on the screen. I almost choked on my breath as I stared at it. The vibrations rumbled as loud as thunder in my mind and I was tempted to just ignore it, but that wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I no longer wanted to be scared and tentative. Dalton should be the scared one. In a moment of courage I snatched up my phone and answered it as dispassionately as I could.
“Hello?” I asked, pretending like I didn’t know who was calling.
“Ellie? It’s me, Dalton.”
“Oh, hello,” I let my voice drop. “What do you want? I don’t have anything else to say to you.”
“That may be so, but I still have things I want to say to you. I don’t like how things ended between us and I’m not the type of man to give up on what he wants. I know that you’ve been through a lot, but I promise I won’t hurt you Ellie. I’m not like your ex. What we had was so good, so different. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. It’s not the kind of thing I’m used to feeling and I think it’s worth fighting for. You know yourself, how hard it is to find someone you can trust and share this kind of intimacy with, I just think it’s a shame to let it all slip away so easily, based on nothing more than fear.”
How ironic, I thought. I couldn’t believe he had the gall to say these things when he had some kind of scheme going on. How could he expect me to trust him when he lied to me?
“It wasn’t just fear Dalton. It was my instinct.”
“Are you sure your instinct is right in this instance?”
“Yes, I am,” I said. “And I’d really rather not go into it. I don’t have to justify myself to you. I understand you’re unhappy and I’m sorry for that, but I’ve made my choice and I ask that you respect it.”
“Can’t we meet up for coffee and talk about this face to face?”
“No Dalton, we can’t. It’s time for you to let this go.”
“Please Ellie, please, just tell me what I did wrong.”
I was surprised by the desperation in his voice. If there was one thing that I never thought I’d hear, it was desperation from such a strong, powerful man as Dalton. It was quite a contrast to the shuddering moans that crashed against my ears as we made love. I had to make a serious effort to quell the arousal that threatened to flare inside me. There were moments when I was weak, when I was at the mercy of my attraction to him and it took a concerted effort to stop myself from slipping into that state of mind. There was a lot of truth to what he said; this thing we had, this connection we had made, was intense, and part of me wanted to see it flourish, but he had betrayed my trust and there was no coming back from that. I was tempted to just end the call then, but if he wanted the truth then I would give him the truth.
“You really want to know Dalton? Well, you lied to me for starters. There’s something going on and you haven’t been entirely forthcoming with me. I heard you on the phone in the middle of the night. I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t like being involved in these games and I’m not going to be some sort of puppet.”
“You’re not a puppet Ellie,” he said quickly.
“Then what am I? What am I, Dalton? Who were you speaking to and what did you mean?”
“It’s not what you think Ellie, really it isn’t. Please, just trust me, just meet me for a drink and I can explain.”
“You can explain now, Dalton.” The silence on the other end of the phone was devastating. “I thought not. That’s the problem Dalton, I need someone to tell me the truth when it matters. Goodbye.”
I ended the call and threw the phone down, putting my head in my hands. I rubbed my temples and groaned. Why did things always have to be this complicated? I saw other people who fell in love and they always made it seem so easy. Was I just making that up, or was there just something wrong with me? My heart cracked and I crawled to bed, wishing that I had never met Dalton in the first place. The most painful thing was that I couldn’t focus on his bad side; I kept thinking about our bodies pressed together in fervent heat, about the way we had been so attuned with each other, moving in perfect harmony. It was enough to make me scream with anguish, for I knew I had lost something precious, and it was all Dalton’s fault.
Chapter Nine
It was late at night and I struggled to sleep. A soft breeze tugged at the curtains through the crack of the window and, as they wafted open, I saw the silver moonlight. It looked so calm and peaceful and, indeed, the city itself seemed to be deep in slumber. I spread my arms across the empty space in my bed, remembering the warmth that surrounded me when Dalton had shared this space. My body quaked every time I thought of him and I hated how he had such a profound effect upon me, but it was only a matter of time before I forgot him. All feelings passed eventually.
At least that’s what I told myself. It didn’t seem entirely comforting.
Work wasn’t proving as much of a distraction as I’d hoped. It was just leaving me more fatigued and, on nights like this when I was finding it difficult to get to sleep, it was entirely frustrating, because I knew my performance would suffer. I wanted to be the best version of myself, but it always seemed as though there was something in my way.
I heard a noise. At first I thought I was just imagining something in my tired state, but then I heard it again, a soft, padded footstep, almost like a cat. If it had been at any other point in the day I wouldn’t have heard it, but at night everything was still and the sounds carried. My throat ran dry and my brow furrowed, for I wasn’t sure what it could be. I had never been broken into before and I hadn’t heard the door open or any windows being smashed. Perhaps my instincts had been right and it was a cat that had sneaked in. I’d have to get up and shoo it away…but what if it wasn’t a cat?
I gripped onto the bed sheets tightly. My gaze was fixed on my bedroom door. My heart pounded in my chest. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just some animal who must have been attracted to the warmth, but the throbbing fear in the back of my mind told me it was something worse. Still holding the sheets, I crawled out of bed towards the window, searching for anything that might make a weapon, but the only thing that was in reach was a hairbrush, and I didn’t think that would do any good.
I strained my ears, a
lthough it was difficult to hear anything over my panting breaths. My hands were shaking and I pulled the sheet higher so it was like a shield, although I knew it wasn’t going to offer any defense against an attacker. The door creaked open and a feeling of dread crept over me, as though eels were slithering around me like vines. My throat ran dry and I backed against the wall, trying to make myself as small and as far away as possible. The only light that came into the room was from the silver moon and the soft glow of the streetlight. It was difficult to remember that I was a part of a vibrant, busy city. There were a million souls all around me, yet none of them would have heard my cry for help. I was completely alone.
A silhouetted figure stood in the doorway.
“Dalton?” I gasped, for the man had a similar build. He stepped forward and I feared that this had gone terribly wrong. My instincts had led my astray again and I had found myself in a similar situation as before. Dalton was just another Andy and now he was in my apartment, ready to do anything to me. I cowered and shuddered in fear, and tears stung my eyes. But it wasn’t Dalton at all. It was Rick.
*
Rick stepped forward and I wondered what kind of sick game this was. The two of them had seemed so close and I had even found stray thoughts of Rick wandering through my mind, but Dalton was the man I had been involved with. The two of them were so close, like brothers, but why was he here? He had a menacing look on his face and his entire body bristled with strength. I gulped and gazed at him, knowing I was completely at his mercy.
“You need to come with me,” he said, his voice was deep and commanding. I shook my head slowly.
“Ellie,” he continued, “you need to believe me. I’m not here to hurt you, but we have to go. Now.”
“Why?”
Rick huffed and his gaze moved from side to side. He strode towards me and I cowered, afraid that he would strike me, but instead, he pushed the curtain aside with one finger and looked out of the window.
“We don’t have much time,” he said, “but you have to believe me. Damn it, I knew Dalton was going to fuck this up.”
“What do you mean? Was Dalton on the phone with you the night we…” I trailed off as he glared at me. I tentatively let the sheets drop and started to rise. There was something I was missing here, something that these men weren’t telling me, and I wanted to know.
“I’ll tell you everything you want to know, but I can’t do it here. We have to go. You’re in danger.”
“Danger? From whom? Dalton? Rick, if you’re not here to attack me, then why are you here?”
“Attack you?” he looked disgusted at the idea and I knew I had no idea what was happening. He shook his head vehemently and let out a dark chuckle. “I’m here to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
Rick glared at me again and I knew what he was going to say; all he was going to do was repeat what he’d already said about how we didn’t have time for this. I wasn’t about to let myself have terms dictated to me in such a cruel and abrupt way, especially not when Dalton had already hurt me and hadn’t been forthcoming with me.
“You can’t just tell me to trust you and expect me to go along with it. That’s not how this works and I’m not going to put myself into a situation I know nothing about. You need to tell me why you’re here, and where you’re going to take me, and who you’re protecting me from. I need to know what’s going on! Dalton has already lied to me. I didn’t let him get away with it and I’m certainly not going to let you get away with it, either.”
Rick scowled and muttered something; I didn’t catch any of it other than Dalton’s name. He stayed by the window, looking for something, although I wasn’t sure what.
“I promise, I’ll tell you everything if you come with me. I don’t have time now, but what I can tell you is that your parents are waiting for you,” he said. I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly.
“My parents? How? You can’t…” I’d only told Dalton about my parents. It was possible that he’d told Rick and now they were using it as some kind of psychological torture. I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t believe him, but then he reached into his back pocket and thrust a picture into my hands. I looked down. My hands trembled. My eyes went wide and nausea rose within me. In the picture were a number of people, in fact an entire crowd, but front and center were my parents, and flanking them were Rick and Dalton. It seemed entirely incongruous for them to be together, but they were.
“What is this?” I asked, looking up at Rick with disbelief.
“This is why we’re here. I’m sorry I can’t tell you everything right now, but you’ll know more when we go to see them. I can take you to them. They’re safe, just like you’ll be. But you have to come with me now.”
I was torn. I still wasn’t sure whether I could trust him or not, but he had a picture of my parents and they certainly seemed happy. They were smiling and waving at the camera, but why hadn’t Dalton told me he knew my parents? I’d spoken about them so much with him and he hadn’t uttered a word about it, but why? Why all this subterfuge? Why all this secrecy? I knew that the only way I’d get answers was by going with him. I hated it, because I still didn’t fully trust him or Dalton, but there didn’t seem to be any other choice.
“Fine, but if I don’t like the answers I get, I’m going to leave,” I said. Rick seemed to be relieved and we left my apartment in a hurry. I skipped along in his wake and we ran out into the cold, lonely night. The streetlights glowed, but all the windows were dark. Murky clouds drifted across the sky, threatening to obscure the moon, but none of them ever did. Our footsteps clattered against the sidewalk and Rick headed for a car, but just as he had his hand on the door handle, he looked up and gazed into the distance. I followed his gaze, and at the other end of the street was a man walking forward.
“Stay back,” Rick said, stepping in front of me and placing a protective arm across my chest. He nudged me back against the car and I disappeared behind his huge form. “You might want to look away.”
I nodded, and I imagined that my face must have been as white as a sheet, but there was no way I was going to look away from this. So many questions ran through my mind and I wasn’t going to be able to answer them by myself. I had no idea how my parents had gotten involved with Dalton and Rick, or why Dalton would hide the fact that he knew them. Was it all just a coincidence that we had met, or had they come to the city looking for me? And who was this man?
He clapped his hands slowly.
“You almost made it. You should take pride in that fact Rick, but you and Dalton are always struggling to keep up with me. I’m always going to be one step ahead.”
“Not this time,” Rick snarled. I had no idea what the history between them was, but from the tone of his voice I could tell there was no love lost between them. I stayed by the car; it would certainly make a better shield than my bed sheets, but I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to stay here for. What was I supposed to do if something happened to Rick? I recalled that he said he was protecting me, but why would he need to protect me from this man? I’d never seen him before and didn’t know what he’d want with me.
But, soon enough, the questions were driven from my mind and everything went blank. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Rick and this other man moved closer together and before my eyes they changed…shifted. It was as though the world shimmered in front of me and the laws of reality were broken. In a series of swift movements, my perception of the world and what was possible in it, changed entirely. I looked at Rick as something came over him. His body pulsed with energy and suddenly his clothes and flesh were replaced with golden fur. A thick mane sprouted from the back of his head and came around his neck. A tail curled and he fell forward, his limbs becoming sturdier and more powerful. All of a sudden he was in the form of a lion, and I was left speechless.
If I hadn’t been so afraid, I might well have fainted entirely at the sight of Rick turning into a lion
. It shouldn’t have been possible. Was I dreaming? I pinched myself and pain stabbed at my arm. The other man had turned into a lion, as well. They prowled around each other. The other lion was bigger than Rick, with darker fur and a more menacing look in his eyes. I was truly afraid for Rick in that moment. But it also dawned on me, now, how Rick and Dalton knew my parents. Somehow, some way, my parents had been proven right. They had found the lion shifters my father had been so obsessed with. All this time I believed my father had been a crazed man chasing a dream, but he’d found it. He’d found them.
The pieces started to fall into place, but it was still havoc in my mind, as I watched the two lions fight. They sized each other up, but then Rick charged forward with his jaws snapping. He barged into the other lion and the two of them were sent reeling. I could see how Rick tried to catch flesh in his jaws, but the other lion was agile enough to wriggle away. He brought his paw up and dragged his claws down Rick’s back, making Rick’s neck arch back. He roared in agony. I looked up at the houses, but nobody seemed to be disturbed by this. I wondered how much more I had missed while I had been sleeping. What other secrets did the world hold?
Rick pushed himself away and stepped back to collect himself, but the other lion wasn’t going to give Rick a chance. He charged and at the last moment twisted his body to the side, putting the full weight of his momentum into his attack. I winced at the impact, as Rick was shoved back, his limbs and tail flailed helplessly through the air as he was sent crashing to the ground. The enemy lion seemed to be smirking as he walked up to Rick, his terrifying features illuminated by the bright glow of the streetlights, and I genuinely feared for Rick’s life. Rick tried to push himself up, but he was just a moment too slow, as the other lion brought his front paw slashing down, swiping at Rick’s face. I saw the spurt of blood spray out and Rick was pushed back. The other lion was toying with him now, bringing his paw crashing down to try and pin Rick’s tail to the ground. Rick only just, managed to slide out of the way, but it seemed to be only a matter of time until the other lion made the final killing blow. It was a brutal attack and I wished that I could have done more to help, but about the only thing I could have done was distract him.