by Lilly Wilder
Or, perhaps, being so shunned had allowed them the freedom to be happy. Rick had made a good point earlier when he’d said that our lives were so filled with distracting stimuli that we were rarely given enough time for introspection and reflection. Instead, our minds were pulled in different directions, never allowed to settle, and because of this we were always filled with a sense that we paled in comparison with others. There was never the opportunity to simply enjoy life for its own sake.
Rick approached us looking happy and satisfied with the meal he had been given.
“It almost tastes as good as if I’d hunted it myself,” he said. “How are you getting on?”
“Just fine,” I said. My parents smiled widely. I looked around, for there was still one thing that puzzled me. “Where’s Bruce?”
My parents gasped and Rick’s face fell.
“How does she know about Bruce?” Dad asked Rick, accusingly. I flashed Rick an apologetic smile, for I hadn’t intended to drop him in it, but Rick seemed unperturbed.
“It’s okay,” he said calmly. “Bruce just managed to figure out who we were looking for, but I got Ellie out of there before any harm could come to her. Dalton and I swore to you that we’d look after her, and we kept our vow.” My mind was filled with the image of the vicious battle once again, of Rick and Dalton turning into lions and the breath rushed out of me at just the mere thought of it. Rick turned to me. “Bruce doesn’t spend a lot of time here. He prowls the land around us, always watching, but he knows he isn’t welcome, unless he proves himself.”
“But I thought you said he was the strongest lion?” I asked, still a little confused about how these lion politics worked.
“He is, but as I mentioned before, he also prefers his own company. He’s never truly fit into our community and he’s always wanted to change things. If he can show that he can provide for this pride and give us what we need, then he would be able to win the favor of the other lions, but until then he will always be an outcast. He would try to use any opportunity to make us fail.”
“He’s a selfish monster and he should never be allowed back here,” Dad spat. I was surprised at the strength of my father’s feelings, because he had always had the soul of a pacifist, and rarely showed such enmity towards other people. I couldn’t blame him though, at least not on my limited experience of Bruce. The thought of him charging toward me made me shudder and I dreaded to think what fate awaited me had Dalton not come along.
It struck me in that moment, that perhaps I had been too hard on Dalton. He had lied to me, yes, and he had misled me, but when it mattered he had been there for me. I also couldn’t ignore the feelings I had for him, or the intimacy we’d shared as we’d made love. He was the first man I had felt safe enough with to open up to, and that counted for something. Before I left I wanted to make amends with him and at least show him that there was enough room in my heart for forgiveness.
I pulled Rick aside and in a low voice asked him where Dalton was hiding. He pointed to a small hut in the nook of the forest and I nodded. I took a huge bite of meat and then handed the rest of the joint to my father. The rich taste filled my mouth and it gave me strength to know that I was eating as a lion.
Chapter Twelve
Dalton’s hut was away from the main body of the village and, as such, the noise from the local population faded into a calm chatter. The shade of the trees was welcome. The air was sweet and warm, and in the forest I heard the leaves flutter, as birds flew away. Eating the meat the lions had provided me with had a profound effect on me. I felt stronger and more confident, and I got a sense of the deep honor that went into every part of their existence. Perhaps in another life I could have even stayed here.
I hesitated, as I stood at his doorway, not entirely sure what to say. Plenty had happened between us and my heart was so fragile that I didn’t know if I could truly trust him again. But if I was going to leave, if I was going to return to my life and never give another thought to the lions, then I knew I wanted to leave without any unfinished business. I knocked gently on the door and he called out for me to enter. I walked into a shadowed home. Dalton was sitting with his back towards the door. He had his legs crossed and seemed to be engaged in some kind of mindful meditation. I stayed standing.
“Dalton I wanted to talk to you,” I said. I had been cold with him in the car, rebuffing his efforts to mend the split between us. After that we hadn’t exchanged a single word. He shifted his position and turned around. There was something beautiful about the way he moved.
“Are you sure? I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean to push you away like that. I was just trying to keep everything compartmentalized. I knew that you’d have freaked out if I had told you the truth, but I guess it all just ended up being a mess anyway.”
“Yeah, it did,” I offered him a smile. “Look, I know that I was harsh with you and I apologize for that, but you also know what I’ve been through. I realize, though, that I never thanked you properly for saving me from Bruce. If you hadn’t charged at him, he would have killed me, or worse…”
“I wouldn’t have ever let anything happen to you,” Dalton said, and I believed him.
“You’re going to make a good leader Dalton. You know that, don’t you? At some point, you’re going to find someone who will be a good match for you and can give you everything you need to prove your dominance to the rest of the pride, and stop other prides from coming to drive you away from this place.”
A sad smile came upon Dalton’s face and he looked past me, as though he was trying to look into another world. His head dipped and he stretched his arms out behind him, sighing loudly. I clasped my hands behind my back.
“I think you’ve misunderstood something, Ellie. I’m not going to be the leader of this pride and I never will be. Rick is going to be the leader. He’s the one who deserves it,” he said.
“But, then, why were you the one to make contact with me? Why wouldn’t you be leader, Dalton?”
“Because I’ve made mistakes in the past, because I’m not as worthy as Rick. Believe me, Rick is the best man for the job. I don’t have a history of making correct decisions when it comes to romance and the pride wouldn’t trust me in leading them. I wouldn’t want that anyway. I would always get distracted by some kind of romantic whim, like when I started dating you. I wasn’t supposed to, and I definitely wasn’t supposed to fall in love.”
“In love?” I asked, startled. His admission shocked me and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. I had felt on the cusp of love as well, but I hadn’t let myself fall into the abyss because I was afraid of what it would mean, but to know that he loved me…I couldn’t help but feel honored. “I don’t understand, Dalton. Why did you fall in love with me if you weren’t supposed to?”
Dalton sighed and pressed his lips together. “You might want to sit down for this,” he said, gesturing to a small stool. I perched myself on the circular base and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, looking at him with watchful intent. There was a solemn glower upon his face and he looked to be older than his years, worn down by emotional strain. Rick had warned me that Dalton was sensitive and I could see now why it might be a problem for a man who could turn into a lion.
“Is this about Sarah?” I asked. His eyes flashed up at me and in them I saw deep sorrow.
“I wasn’t aware you knew about her. I suppose Rick told you.”
“He only mentioned the name. He said I should speak to you about her.”
Dalton nodded and ran his hand over his jaw. “First of all, I never intended to fall in love with you. I was just supposed to make sure you were really who we thought you were, but there was an instant connection between us and I couldn’t help myself. Rick warned me about getting so involved, so quickly. I should have listened to him but, then again, he is the pragmatic one and that’s one of the reasons why he will be a better leader than me. Anyway, that night in your apartment after we…we were together,” his
voice faltered at the memory of how quickly things had fallen apart, after it had seemed so perfect, “he called me and asked me what was going on. I was supposed to tell you the truth, but after you spoke about your parents I knew that I needed more time. Rick thought the best thing to do was to tell you the truth, but I wanted to take my time. Part of it was selfish, because I knew once you learned the truth, things were never going to be the same. I should have been stronger. I should have resisted the feelings inside me, but they were too powerful.”
I couldn’t help but smile, for I had never encountered a situation before where anyone had spoken about me in this way, almost as though loving me was an irresistible sin. I knew I shouldn’t smile though because Dalton had been deeply affected by it. His emotions ran deep, and I found this appealing. My attraction for him was still there and it was difficult to manage, when I knew that I should stay away, when I knew that I could never give myself to this life.
“You should have told me the truth Dalton, but after being here and speaking to Rick and my parents, I’m beginning to understand why you did what you did. You wanted to protect yourself and your culture. That’s entirely understandable and I can’t fault you for it at all. And the feeling wasn’t just coming from your end. There was definitely a connection between us.”
“It’s just a shame I had to go and ruin it…anyway, you want to know about Sarah. I suppose turnabout is fair play and all that. You told me about Andy and I know that was difficult for you because of what he did.”
“Did Sarah have as much of an effect on you, as Andy had on me?”
“Pretty much, but in a different way. Did Rick tell you that we’re allowed to leave the pride and live in the city?” he asked. I nodded. “It’s actually something that is encouraged, because we learned long ago that it’s better to have people here who actually want to be here, rather than those who think they’re forced to stay here. The vast majority of us decide to come back here anyway. It’s not easy for us to give up the ability to shift whenever we want for the sake of living in the city. We sacrifice too much of ourselves.”
“I can imagine,” I said. “Sometimes you’re defined by your home and there’s nothing you can do to change that, or escape it. Sometimes you just have to accept it.”
“Well, at that age, I wasn’t ready to accept it just yet. I wanted to explore the world and see everything it had to offer. I was certain there was a way for our kind to live in the city without sacrificing who we were. I ignored all the warnings and went ahead full throttle into my new life, ready to change the world. I was such a fool,” he let out a dry laugh, “although, I suppose I wasn’t the first youth to think they knew more than their elders.”
“Did you know about the problems your pride was facing back then?” I asked.
Dalton nodded. “It wasn’t as pressing a matter as it is now, but yes, it was something we were all bearing in mind. I wanted to try and show people that it was safe to look outside our pride for new blood. I truly thought I was going to be the one to change everything, but it didn’t work out like that.”
“Who was she?” I asked, ready to get to the bottom of this mystery woman, the one who haunted Dalton as much as Andy haunted me.
“I met her just after I went to the city. I went out at night to a bar and we struck up a conversation. She was new in town, as well, and said she’d just started at the college, so I lied and told her that I had just started as well. I suppose I don’t have a very good track record when it comes to being honest with women I’m attracted to…anyway, we talked all night and threw back a load of drinks, and we found that we couldn’t stop talking. When the bar closed, we walked the empty streets and stood by the shore. She told me how she always wanted to see the world and discover all the mysteries that had eluded people for centuries. She was studying archaeology and had a real love for other cultures and their belief systems, so I hoped that when I told her the truth she’d be able to accept it more readily than most people.
I knew on that night that I wanted to tell her. I had never felt such magic before. The stars gazed down on us as we kissed for the first time, and it felt as though she knew my soul in a way nobody else had. We continued going on dates and I kept up the pretense, as I got to know her better. She shared everything with me and I trusted her implicitly. I was in contact with Rick and he warned me to not get too far ahead of myself, but I felt this connection deep in my bones. I knew, I just knew, in my head that she would understand and it seemed like it would be the end to all our problems. I imagined us returning to open arms, and I would be the savior of our pride.”
He spoke with such emotion, and for a few moments triumph was etched upon his face as he relived his fantasy, but then reality came back with full force and his expression faded, tinged with sorrow once again.
“It didn’t end up like that though, did it?” I asked. Dalton shook his head somberly, slowly. I could see how heavily the weight carried on his shoulders, how his body sagged underneath the memory of it all.
“I came clean with her one night. We took another of our long walks through the city late at night. We liked it because we could pretend that we had the whole world to ourselves. She knew that something was wrong, that I had been hiding something. I told her that I wasn’t a student, but that I was new in town. I made her promise that she would keep an open mind and that she wouldn’t tell anyone about this, and then I told her everything.”
“Did she believe you?”
“Not at first. She thought I was joking, that it was some kind of prank. I had to partially shift, to show her that I was being honest. I’d never shifted in front of a non-lion before. It was an odd sensation.”
“I imagine that she believed you well enough then,” I remarked. Dalton nodded and wore a wry smile.
“She did, indeed, although at first she asked me if I had spiked her drink to make her hallucinate, but then she became more receptive to the truth I had to offer. I told her all about the history of my people and the plight we were in.”
“How did she act?”
“She said she wanted to help. She was actually very enthusiastic about it, although there was a reason to that, which I’ll come to shortly. She said she wanted to concentrate on her studies, but when she had a break, she wanted me to take her home so she could see the place for herself. I thought that was acceptable and told Rick that things had gone better than he’d anticipated, although he still didn’t believe it. I was smug though, arrogant, and wondered why nobody had done it before if it was this easy.”
“So what went wrong?” I asked. I already knew this story didn’t have a happy ending, but so far Dalton had told me nothing but happiness.
“At first nothing went wrong. She didn’t make me shift, even though she was curious about it all, but I did find that she peppered me with questions. At first I put this down to idle curiosity, but it soon became clear it was not just that. One day I was looking for something and I moved some books. I found a paper with notes on it, and a title; ‘A Study of Lion Shifters: The Truth Behind a Modern Mythology’. She’d taken everything I had told her and made notes on it. All of our secrets, all of our history and our lives had been noted down for examination and analysis for her dissertation. I couldn’t believe that she would have done such a thing to me but I suppose I should not have been surprised at such ruthless ambition.
I waited for her to come back, and when she did I threw the paper at her, asking her what the meaning of it all was. She didn’t even try to deny that she was using me to write a paper that would etch her name in history. She wanted to be famous, and I was her ticket to that fame. She tried to get me on board, tried to tell me that we could be partners if I participated willingly in the study, but I couldn’t bring myself to do such a thing. I shook my head and tore up her notes. She went crazy and told me that she would find us and expose the truth to the whole world. I asked her who would believe her and she went wild, flinging everything around her in wi
ld abandon. There were a few things Rick had urged me not to tell her, one of which was the location of our pride. I was glad I listened to him, but it was clear that I couldn’t be trusted with the secrets of the pride or with the task of leading us into the future.
I returned to the pride with my tail between my legs and told them all what had happened. I had learned my lesson and was prepared to accept my punishment. It was decided that, unless I was the last viable candidate left, I would never be allowed the responsibility of leading the pride, and when I met you I was afraid history was repeating itself. If I was overly secretive, it was only because I didn’t want to be exposed again.”
“Did she ever write her paper?”
“Thankfully, no. She must have realized that without solid evidence and testimony to support her claims, she would have been ridiculed. She met someone else, fell in love, and that seemed to be enough for her. But I can never forget how close I came to bringing so much danger to my people.”