Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1)

by Trish Williford

  Oh my. He wants to try with me? Me? Is he sure?

  “So now that I’m officially on the market, can I take you on a date Kelsey Franklin?” His smile was bright, hopeful.

  Wow…he was ready, and he wanted me? This could make things completely awkward if it didn’t work. “As much as I would like to take you up on your offer, I can’t.”

  He looked down at my hands, which were knotted together. I didn’t even realize it. He pulled them apart, lacing his fingers through mine. “Look at me.” He said. I looked up, feeling even more nervous. “Are you scared if things don’t work out it will get weird between us? I won’t let it get that way. Don’t over think it. Just let it happen. Do you like me like that Kelsey?”

  I nodded. “Of course I do, you know that. You make me happy when you’re around, you make me laugh.”

  “Then let me make you happy all the time. Let me make you laugh every minute of every day. You deserve to be happy. I want to make you happy.” He leaned his forehead onto mine, looking me in the eyes. “Please tell me you want to make me happy, too.”

  “I want to make you happy…but I can’t. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to.” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “Impossible. You already have made me happy. I think it can only get better.”

  “Or it could get worse. I’m afraid I’ll mess things up.”

  “You won’t mess anything up. I won’t let you. How about we just take baby steps? Go on a date with me, we’ll see how it goes. Nice and slow.”

  I took a deep breath. “Spencer, I’m not ready. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

  He nodded and dropped my hands. “Well, if you ever are ready, let me know. The other thing I needed to tell you is we have a couple of scenes to film in Mexico at the end of the week. I’ll need you to come with me. Ryleigh will be going with Collin so you two can share a room if you want. We leave the day after tomorrow, so be packed and ready. We’ll leave from here.” There wasn’t an ounce of emotion in his voice. He was upset.

  “How long will we be there?” I asked quietly.

  “A few days. You’ll get the rest of the information later this morning. Anything else?” He wouldn’t look at me.

  He was back to being professional Spencer.

  “Actually, yes.” I stood up and stood in front of him, causing him to lift his eyes to me. “Are you going to be like this until I agree to go out with you?”

  He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “No, I’m not. I’m just…frustrated. You can’t tell me you don’t feel something for me, especially after that kiss. I’m letting my wall down, you should let yours too.”

  I wish I could tell him everything I’d been through, and that the wounds are still deep. I took a deep breath and decided to stick with my decision, although my heart is in disagreement. “I can’t let that wall down yet. Anyways, let’s get moving with the day, I’m excited to go to Mexico.” I nudged his arm.

  He gave me a half smile and nudged me back. “Yeah, I am too. I’m sick of this cold weather.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I brought lunch back to the trailer, Spencer was busy looking something up online. I sat our lunch on the table and walked over to the couch. “What are you looking up?”

  He closed his laptop quickly before I could see the screen. “Listen…I know you said you’re not ready to date, and that’s fine. There is something that I really want you to see tonight and it only comes around this area once in a great while. Would you make an exception and go out with me tonight? We don’t even have to call it a date, just hanging out.”

  He still seemed sad. I don’t want things to be awkward between us, so maybe I should explain myself a little more than this morning. “Ok, we can go hang out tonight. But listen Spencer, I think I need to explain something from earlier.”

  He shook his head and stood up. “It’s ok. You don’t need to try to soften the blow. I’m ok, really.”

  I stood up and put my hand on his arm. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. I know I told you I’m not ready, but that’s only half of the reason. I care about you Spencer and I do really like you. You mean a lot to me, and I’m afraid if we try something that it will turn awkward and I’ll lose you as a friend too. I’m not ready to risk that, you’re too important to me. I need this job, and it would be too weird for us to work together.”

  “You mean a lot to me too. If you decide this is worth trying, that I’m enough to try for, I’ll be here. I’m not interested in anyone else.”

  I felt my heart break a little. I grabbed his face and made him look at me. “You are enough, please don’t think that you’re not. I’m just screwed up. I’m broken.”

  He looked down at me with sadness still in his eyes. He kissed me softly on the lips and rested his forehead against mine. “I can help rebuild you. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

  My heart started beating faster. If he keeps kissing me I won’t be able to think straight. “You can’t keep kissing me…I don’t know how much more will power I can sustain.”

  He gave me a wicked smile. “I’ll try my best to be good.”

  I stood in front of my closet, feeling completely lost. I haven't been asked out on a date in almost eight years. Ok…it’s not technically a date, but it is. A guy and a girl hanging out on their own? It’s a date. I can’t believe I agreed to this. My stomach was competing to be a gold medalist gymnast in the next summer Olympics. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to calm my nausea. I was staring into my closet, not finding much that is first date worthy. I outwardly groaned, falling back onto my bed.

  "What's wrong with you? Are you stressing about clothes for Mexico?" Ryleigh asked, peeking into my room.

  “Not really, I already have my bag packed. I just need to get a swimsuit while we’re there.”

  She frowned. “Ok, so why the grumbles?”

  "I can't tell you. You'll hate me." I mumbled into my bed.

  She flopped down beside me. "I won't hate you. Let me guess...you are dating Spencer?"

  I looked over at her, hoping not to catch the third degree. "No...not dating...but I agreed to go to somewhere with him tonight. It’s a surprise."

  She propped herself up with her elbow. "Listen Kelsey, it wasn't fair of me to tell you that you should stay away from him. You're a big girl and you can make your own decisions. I was just worried about you getting hurt. But to be fair, I've noticed how much you've come out of your shell in the last few weeks, and I think it’s because of him. Collin said he's seen a change in Spencer too. Just make sure that if you date him, it’s for the right reasons."

  "What do you mean for the right reasons? Do you think I'm going out tonight because he's a celebrity?" I automatically felt offended.

  Ryleigh's eyes were wide. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I know you would never date him because of his status. I meant make sure you're dating him because you like him, not because it masks the pain of the past."

  I felt relieved, then guilty. "I'm sorry I jumped to that conclusion."

  She smirked. "It's all good. So, why are you in here huffing anyways?"

  I sat up and looked into my bare closet again. "I have nothing pseudo date worthy to wear tonight."

  “I thought it wasn’t a date?” She winked.

  I huffed. “It’s not! I just…”

  Ryleigh looked at my body in assessment. "Hmmm, size four I'm assuming?"

  "Yeah, depending on the brand."

  Ryleigh grabbed my hand, pulling me into her room. I sat on her bed as she opened her insanely large closet full of clothing. "Where are you guys going tonight?"

  "I don't know. He just told me to be ready at eight and to wear something comfortable and very warm."

  She started digging through her closet. She threw several pairs of jeans at me. "Try them on." She ordered as she continued her search. I started to walk out of her room when she laughed. "Just change in here, I’ll turn around."

  I've never had close g
irlfriends I've change in front of, so this was a bit awkward. I tried on the first pair of jeans, which were a little big. I pulled them down and put them back on the hanger. I tried the next pair of jeans, which were fleece lined, and they fit much better around the waist, but I had to roll the bottoms up since I was much shorter than her. Next she threw me a white sweater that complimented the jeans well.

  "You look ridiculously adorable, Kelsey." Ryleigh squealed. I tried not to get excited like her, but I failed at containing my smile. I started trying to fluff my hair, but I wasn't sure what I could do with it besides wearing it down since its cut so short.

  "Here, let's try this." Ryleigh said. She braided my long bangs that usually hang to the left side of my face towards the side of the back of my head and secured it with a bobby pin. "There. If he told you to dress warm, you'll probably be outside. The wind's blowing, so this will keep it out of your face. Do you have a hat and gloves to wear?"

  I shook my head. "I didn't come to Vancouver very well prepared." I said.

  "Well, I'm sure you didn't have much time to prepare to get here." She mumbled. She returned with a really cute cream colored knit hat with matching gloves and a scarf. "This should match your coat."

  I smiled with appreciation. "I can't thank you enough." I hugged her tight.

  She patted my back. "I'm proud of you, girl. You’re doing so much better than when you first arrived. I'm glad you're here. It’s really boosted my spirits too."

  The intercom interrupted our moment. "He's here!" Ryleigh said excitedly. I grabbed my coat as she answered the intercom. I looked in the mirror after I had my coat, scarf and gloves on. Twisting the hat in my hands, I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing...

  It felt like it was taking an eternity for the elevator to reach the lobby. My stomach was in my throat; I haven't felt this excited/scared/nervous since the day I was proposed to.

  The opening of the elevator doors revealed Spencer standing in the lobby, leaning against the desk where Richard, another security guard, kept watch. He stopped talking to Richard when he saw me walking towards him. "You look beautiful." He smiled, kissing my cheek. I gripped the hat in my hands tighter at his touch. "Thank you." I said quietly.

  Spencer grabbed my hand and started walking towards the front doors. "Nice meeting you Richard." He called over his shoulder.

  Richard, an oversized teddy bear, put his hand in the air. "Thanks for the autograph, my daughter is going to name me father of the year!" Spencer laughed to himself as he led me out into the cold night.

  "What are we doing tonight?" I asked, trying to spark conversation to keep from getting even more nervous.

  Spencer opened the passenger side door of his black Ford F150. "It's a surprise." He helped me into the cab, shutting the door once I was inside. I took deep breathes to calm myself. I haven't been on a date...er…whatever this is in years. What do I talk about? What is he going to expect? Did I wear enough deodorant? Oh my god...I haven't brushed my teeth since this morning.

  "Hey, you okay?" I looked over at Spencer, who was already buckled up and had the key in the ignition.

  "Yeah." I laughed nervously. He leaned over towards me, his nose almost touching mine. Oh crap. He can't kiss me now, I need a mint first! No! You can’t kiss him Kelsey!

  He looked serious. "Can you do me a favor?" he asked, his voice husky.

  "Yeah?" I whispered, looking down at his lips. His lips are pretty perfect; not thin, but not too big. He licked his lips, sliding his arm over my thighs and letting his hand rest on the seat. "Can you...put your seat belt on please?"

  WHAT?

  When my eyes showed obvious disappointment, he started laughing hysterically, moving back to his side of the vehicle.

  "Really Spencer?!" I yelled, smacking him in the arm. I'm sure he didn't feel it under his thick coat. I crossed my arms, feeling my cheeks heat. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Put your seat belt on."

  I clicked my seat belt on and he began to drive towards the mountains. "Do you like fried chicken?" he asked.

  I looked over and raised my eyebrow. "Really? I lived in the south, that's like asking me if I need air to breathe."

  Spencer chuckled. "Point taken. I know a place that has awesome fried chicken, if that's fine with you."

  "Sure, sounds great. Although, I have to say...I probably could make better fried chicken than we are about to eat. My Mama's fried chicken won the blue ribbon at the county fair four years in a row...and I just happen to know her recipe by heart."

  Spencer looked over and smiled brightly. "What else did your Mama know how to make well? You know a way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

  I grinned. "Oh, I know. Maybe if we decide to go on another 'outing', I'll cook for you. I used to cook two or three meals a day."

  "I would love for you to cook for me. I have a pretty large kitchen you could take advantage of. God knows I don't use it."

  I got excited for a moment...and I'm not sure if it was because the thought of using a large kitchen, or the thought of being in Spencer's house. I pushed those thoughts aside when we pulled into a gas station. "Ready?" Spencer asked, jumping out of the truck.

  I felt confused. He opened my door and held out his hand for me. "Spence, we're at a gas station."

  "That we are. This gas station has the best fried chicken I've ever had, and I'm from Texas so that's saying a lot. We're going to get some to go. We'll eat it when we get to the surprise."

  After another fifteen minute drive, we ended up in a completely dark field. There weren’t any lights for miles. "Ok Spencer...did you bring me out here to kill me?" I asked.

  He laughed loudly, shaking his head. "Of course not. But now I will tell you why we are here. I had to find the darkest place around in order to show you the Aurora Borealis."

  I felt my mouth drop open. "Are you kidding me? The northern lights? I thought they were only visible farther north?"

  "Sometimes you can catch them here in Canada. I was watching the news last night and they predicted that they may make an appearance here tonight, so I thought it might be something you would like to see."

  My heart softened. "Thank you Spencer."

  He put his hands up. "Hey, don't thank me yet, they haven't showed themselves. If they don't, you'll just be sitting here talking to me in a truck for a few hours. Could be boring for you."

  I reached over and grabbed one of his hands. "Either way, it sounds perfect." He squeezed my hand and nodded. "Yeah, it sounds perfect to me too."

  We were quiet as we ate. I was anxiously looking for the lights. When I was finished with the chicken-which I must say, was good (but Mama's is totally better!)-I wrapped my trash up in a bag and he sat everything in the backseat. With the heat on in the truck, I was feeling warm so I took my jacket off and put it in the backseat too. Luckily I found mints in my purse and I popped a couple in my mouth, secretly hoping he would kiss me tonight even though I told myself we couldn’t do that again.

  "It is a little warm isn't it?" He said, putting his jacket in the backseat too. He was wearing a dark green sweater, which made his green eyes pop even more than before. The way he was sitting there, so comfortable, so confident, he was absolutely gorgeous. I haven't been this attracted to anyone in so long. His dark hair was messy from the beanie he was wearing earlier, but it still looked good. His jawline was very masculine, and I wanted to reach out and touch the growing stubble. He looked over at me, giving me a half smile that kills me each time he flashes it.

  "You okay?" he asked.

  I nodded. "Yeah, just admiring the view."

  His half smile fell, but his eyes were still on me. “Can we try something?” he asked.

  I felt my stomach turn. “Okay.”

  "Come here." he said quietly. He turned the lights in the cab off and put his arm out for me. I looked at his extended arm, knowing it wasn’t a great idea. “That’s probably not the best idea.” I told him.
His hand brushed my arm. “Just try. If it doesn’t feel right, we don’t have to do it.”

  It’s not going to hurt to try, right? I probably won’t like it and can move back to my seat. I scooted across the bench seat and cuddled against his side. He put his arm around my waist, letting his hand rest on my stomach. My head automatically went to his chest, as if it that was where it belonged. As much as I hated to admit it, this felt right. Actually, more than right. It felt amazing.

  "You comfortable?" he asked into my hair.

  “For now." I lied. I could snuggled into him every day and it wouldn’t be enough. I felt him smile against my face before kissing my cheek.

  "Are you comfy?" I asked.

  "More than you know."

  It felt like his body was molded for me to fit against perfectly. He smelled so good, like masculine cologne and body wash. I know I keep telling myself that I can’t get involved with Spencer on an intimate level, but right now it is extremely difficult. I ran my fingers across his chest mindlessly, although I knew I shouldn’t. I could feel the ripples and indents of his muscles under my fingertips. Though this is more than what I should be doing with him, things with him came naturally. Occasionally he would let out a deep sigh. I haven't felt this content in so long. This was new, fresh, exciting...but still scary. I don't like when I feel content, it gets me to let my guard down and be open to heartache.

  "So what brought you here to Vancouver?" he asked.

  "I needed a change." I said. Simple, to the point...and not a lie.

  "I can understand that. But why here? What made you choose Vancouver over anywhere in the world?"

  I really didn't have a choice..."Someone suggested it. They got me in contact with Ryleigh."