by Amelia Esla
“I’m asking you, Sorrel.” Elijah looked at him, right in the eyes. It was daring.
Elijah knew it wasn’t a good idea to fight Sorrel, it was just this gut feeling he had. But he couldn’t just be walked on. He needed to get answers. Sorrel, however, was not generous.
“The only way I’m answering incriminating questions is if I get something I want in return.” he made himself very clear. That’s how it’s always been. So what does he want? “Good luck figuring it out. I have to get back to work.” he left without another word.
It was difficult to get to Sorrel and he wanted to know why. What did Elijah do? What happened to Sorrel that he would explicitly hate Elijah?
Elijah had to give up.
Maybe another day he would have a better chance, but right now he knew not to waste his time.
He had other things to worry about. And then later he has plans.
Though, James was more worried about those plans than Elijah was.
For some reason, James has this inability to keep his mouth shut when talking about the explicit murder case. He pays attention. That’s all he can say. He knows a lot more than he’s letting on. Of course James isn’t stupid. Elijah wouldn’t be asking him questions if he was. James just gave more than he should’ve.
He felt more guilt and more fear and more anxiety. This was not good for him, especially when he’s just getting over his sickness.
It was like he could feel his fever picking up again.
James had his hands over his face as he tried to think. He was sitting on his bed and he thought deeply about how he was going to fix the mess he made. There were many things he could do but what was the right choice?
Then he thought maybe he should get rid of the source of his problems. He’s thought about killing Sorrel for weeks now. He knows how he wants to do it, too. If only he could gain enough courage.
But he needed Sorrel, too.
Sorrel was the only person that could control him. James would hate himself more if he ran wild without a leash. It’s hard to pull himself back from his dark thoughts.
James sighed again and tried to think of something. Sorrel was standing in front of him, waiting for something to happen. He had walked in while James was having his existential crisis. Usually James can keep his problems to himself, he hides his panic attacks, he doesn’t get frustrated or mad explicitly. He can keep it repressed. He doesn’t show as much as he truly feels. Sorrel was hoping to break that. He looked down at James, seeing him with his hands on his face, and Sorrel wondered how he was going to get James to snap today.
“You’ve been moody lately.” Sorrel said as he walked around a bit.
James didn’t try to look up. “Hm.” He was still having his crisis.
Sorrel mashed his lips together. It was frustrating when James wouldn’t talk to him. “It’s hard to get fucked when you’re being moody-”
“I’m a mess, okay.” James said so Sorrel would shut up. He was clearly aggravated and was trying to make his dark thoughts go away.
Sorrel looked to the side for a second. Then he smiled dearly. “Be my mess.” he said.
James didn’t think it was funny. He was up on his feet, yanking on Sorrel’s tie and bringing him closer, his other hand whipping out a gun that was at his waist and pointing it right at Sorrel’s forehead. “You think this is funny, don’t you?” James was not in the mood.
There was a wild look in his eyes, like he really was about to snap. He was aching to pull the trigger. He has wanted this for so long.
“Shoot me.” Sorrel wasn’t scared.
“Don’t test me!”
“Kill me, go ahead.” Sorrel didn’t stop. “I know you think about it. Shoot me.” he edged James to pull the trigger, and James was close to doing so. It will be an unfortunate day when Sorrel’s blood and brains ends up everywhere.
James couldn’t do it.
He wanted it to be when he was aching for it, when he was pushed over the edge and couldn’t bare it anymore. Now he could bare it. It wouldn’t mean anything if he did it now. Though he would be released from the devil’s grasp.
But the bliss he would get from finally killing the monster that’s forcing him to be wild would be so euphoric. James was sure he wouldn’t be able to control himself if he finally one day did pull the trigger.
He always kept his gun on him. He always had it near him for the very moment.
Sorrel almost didn’t want to smile. He knew how weak James was for things like this. But he knew how easy James fell into temptation. He couldn’t help but smile, exposing his tongue to show a blue piercing.
“Sure you don’t want to direct your anger on something?” Sorrel asked.
James just cocked his gun so Sorrel knew he was serious. Sorrel just wanted James to become vicious. He knew it was in him, he just had to bring it out.
“I’m not angry.” James said through his teeth, still desperately trying to hold down his emotions.
If he let it out, he would lose his mind and set fire to the world.
“That’s cute.” Sorrel teased, kissing James’ cheek.
He didn’t stop there. He continued to kiss James’ face and down his neck, hoping to get James in the mood. It’s not like Sorrel had a lot of patience. His hand reached down to grope James roughly.
“I have to be somewhere.” James wasn’t as interested as Sorrel was.
“To meet your boy toy?” Sorrel asked, not even the slightest bit upset. In fact, he pulled away and smiled as he looked at James’ face. “You think I don’t know you’re fucking around with him?”
“N-no, I-I-”
“What? Genuinely like him?” Sorrel didn’t believe for a second that James had good intentions.
Sorrel thought James used the whole innocent, puppy dog eyes, broken and hurt demeanor to be manipulative and get what he wants. And he learned well considering that Sorrel taught him. Sorrel knew James wasn’t stupid, yet he continued to play innocent like he wasn’t going to do anything to that detective.
James wasn’t going to engage in the conversation more than he had to. If he tried to fight Sorrel on this, he would lose.
He tucked his gun away behind his belt at the back of his lower waist and then grabbed his jacket.
“I’m not manipulating anyone.” James said as he turned away to leave.
He told himself that he wasn’t like that, that he knew better than to deceive people for his own personal gain. He wasn’t like Sorrel. He couldn’t use people.
“Make sure you leave Rex alone.” James warned him on his way out.
“I’m not responsible for anything that happens to that dog.” Sorrel said loudly, making sure James heard before he left.
If James was going to be happy, his dog needed to be left alone. Sorrel liked it better when James was happy. So it wasn’t hard to figure out that the dog was going to be left alone.
James met up with Elijah at one of the local bars near one of the beaches. It was a popular bar since it was crowded even so early in the evening. Elijah was still trying to find his way around, he was still rather new to the area.
It seemed like James knew his way around. He’s been here for a few months, so he definitely knew where to go.
“Do you drink?” Elijah asked.
“Just a little.” James lied.
The bartender obviously knew him and knew exactly what drink to make him. James wasn’t an alcoholic. He would tell everyone he knew that. Though, he had the strongest drink in the bar, so that said a lot about him.
Elijah noticed that James was a little more comfortable. It didn’t look like James was having the life sucked out of him. The weight was lifted off his shoulders.
“I was thinking about what you said earlier.” Elijah said. “The two killers are more involved than I thought.”
James knew exactly what he meant. He kept the edge of his glass to his lips as he turned to look at Elijah.
What could give the impression that the killer
s were more involved? James’ thoughts were reeling at the idea. There was something that happened right? He remembered.
“What are you going to do about that?” James asked.
“Well, if we find the weaker link, then we find the other killer.” Elijah said. That didn’t sit well with James. “Clearly, one is more dominant over the other.”
James didn’t know what he wanted to say but he knew he had to say something. His heart was racing. Was it from the drink he just gulped down in one swallow? The heat made it down his throat and into his stomach but it wasn’t enough to calm him.
Elijah wasn’t wrong.
Maybe that’s what made James uncomfortable.
“Did you find anything else?” He asked, curious about what may be left.
“Well, there’s makeup traces.” Elijah sipped his drink. “It wasn’t a lot but we got enough of it to run tests.” He said
“Makeup?” James seemed confused.
“We thought for a second that a woman was doing this, but that was quickly refuted with evidence.” Elijah dismissed the idea.
“The makeup is just to cover something up.” James mumbled.
“What do you think it’s covering up?”
James didn’t say anything for a second as he thought to himself. This wasn’t a puzzle. He already knew everything. But he was curious about how close Elijah was. Maybe it wasn’t as close as he thought.
Would it be wrong to lead him in the right direction?
What would happen if he got too close?
“Marks, scars, anything that could identify them.” James answered.
But it was most certainly bruises.
“It just shows that they can’t walk around with whatever they’re trying to cover up.” James explained.
Elijah didn’t think of it like that.
“It’s an expensive brand.” He said. “One that has little allergens and is waterproof.” He said.
James could easily just say what brand it was but he kept it to himself. He drank quietly when his glass was refilled. He looked around to avoid the conversation now. He thought he knew too much at the moment.
And being told that he was manipulative didn’t sit well with him.
“Why didn’t you go into criminal justice?” Elijah asked.
James had a long story for that and he didn’t want to tell it. All it made him want to do was drink.
“A lot...happened.” James said quietly. “I just...there were things I had to deal with and I knew it wasn’t for me.” He tried to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal but it was. At least for him it was.
“It’s not too late to pick it up.”
James would never.
“I’m fine with where I am now.” He lied.
He wasn’t fine. He was traumatized. He was scared. He had this burning rage he kept dormant inside him and everyday was a constant struggle to get up. He still has violent nightmares and daydreams. He had dark tendencies that are getting harder to suppress. He was not fine with where he was now.
“Well if you’re ever interested...” Elijah shrugged.
“What makes you think I’m good at this?”
“You make connections pretty quickly.” Elijah said. Someone who doesn’t need a lot of time to come up with drastic information is crucial to the team.
James was smart. But this time was cheating. He knew all the answers.
James had to drink to that, though he would drink to anything. He was manipulative and he just now realized what that meant for him. He told himself he wouldn’t use anyone but that’s exactly what he was doing.
And by the end of the night, he hoped that he wouldn’t remember anything that’s happened.
James was mildly drunk. The alcohol could be smelt on him from a mile away. He just acted like he wasn’t, and he was good at that. He was good at pretending. He walked in his apartment like he wasn’t about to black out though he may have. Sorrel had been waiting but he knew James wouldn’t be back at a reasonable time.
James drinks a lot. That’s what alcoholics do but James was sure he wasn’t an alcoholic.
“Have fun with your boy toy?” Sorrel asked as he got up, standing in front of James so he couldn’t walk any further.
It wasn’t till Sorrel said what he said that James realized how much of a problem he was himself. He was manipulative. He was messing around. It’s not like he enjoyed it, he didn’t know he was doing it. The anger was visible in James’ eyes but he didn’t do anything about it. Even while drunk, he could hold on as best as he could to his emotions.
Sorrel absolutely hated that.
One day James will snap. He has his moments but they don’t last long. Sorrel was waiting for that day where James would completely throw away whatever reserve he had.
Sorrel took a step forward towards James, keeping a plain expression on his face. He could smell the alcohol on his clothes, even on his breath. When Sorrel got too close, James put his hand at his throat, his fingers digging into Sorrel’s skin. It wasn’t quick, like earlier, Sorrel saw it coming. This could mean many things. Maybe James finally had the courage and enough rage to get rid of what causes his nightmares at night. Or maybe he felt a different type of way, enough to throw Sorrel down and abuse him.
But it wasn’t that.
Before Sorrel could get interested, James moved his hand away and showed Sorrel his fingers. There was something that coated his fingertips. He didn’t have to explain himself but he was going to anyway.
“You’re leaving makeup traces.” James said.
It was just a heads-up, nothing more.
James walked by Sorrel without a second glance. All he wanted was to go to bed and be done with the night.
Chapter Six
“I hate vanilla sex.” Sorrel said.
His hands gripped the counter of the public restroom sink. His clothes were undone, enough for him to be exposed. He could barely get a breath in with every thrust.
“You won’t even let me keep the rope.” he complained, feeling James’ hands moved up under his white collared shirt.
“Not my fault you forgot everything.” James really wasn’t concerned with what Sorrel wanted at the moment. He had to take care of his own needs.
His hand moved to Sorrel’s throat, his fingers pressing into his skin to feel him breathe and moan. He was rather rough when dealing with Sorrel.
It was harder for him to breathe with James choking him. As the seconds passed, he felt more lightheaded. James was good at taking his breath away.
Sorrel opened his eyes, seeing himself in the mirror. Though, he was looking right at James. He watched James nuzzle closer, pressing his face in his hair; he could feel James breathing on his ear, hearing his low moans that brought goosebumps to his skin. And when James gripped harder on him, Sorrel thought he was flying. It always felt amazing this way.
“This is why I have to wear makeup.” Sorrel’s hand grabbed over James’ but it didn’t stop him.
Bruises would begin to form on his skin, dark purple splotches that would fit James’ fingers. Without the makeup, everyone would see the marks. James wasn’t the one to control himself when he had the chance to take out his frustrations on Sorrel.
“Want me to stop?” James asked, though they both knew that he wasn’t going to. It was cruel of him to ask, but Sorrel just smiled as his hand made James’ grab harder at his throat.
James could picture it, taking Sorrel’s last aching breath and having the weight lifted off his shoulders. The moment would absolutely be divine. When James closed his eyes, that was all he could think about; hearing Sorrel’s struggled breaths until finally he would just stop, feeling his body go limp in his arms as he held him, knowing that every waking moment James spent in complete agony and pain would finally be over with just a simple grip of his fingers.
Sorrel knew what James was thinking about. He always got so riled up when murder was on his mind. It’s not like James was good at hiding it, especially at t
his moment considering he was so deep inside Sorrel, aching for his release.
It was moments like this that felt amazing.
Would it be safe to say that this was the reason why they weren’t out to kill each other? Clearly one of them had thoughts about it.
Sorrel’s voice had gone quiet. It was hard for him to breathe with the grip at his neck. Where James’ fingers pressed made it hard for blood to get to his brain, that’s why he was so lightheaded. Sorrel’s eyes fluttered and he tried to speak but nothing came from his mouth except for broken gasps. It felt so good that he hoped that James wouldn’t stop.
Even when he came, he didn’t want James to stop.
James used his other arm to hold on to Sorrel tightly, keeping his body back against his so he could thrust into him deeply. His hand just barely loosened around his neck to hear his moans and gasps for air that seemed rather desperate. He felt this need to nuzzle closer to Sorrel, and he did, making him long for something he would never, ever get.
It just seemed like James was bargaining, like he was compromising because he knew what he wanted was something he couldn’t have. Taking out his frustration on Sorrel was nothing. That’s not what concerned James at all. He wanted more, he wanted...affection, but he wouldn’t get it. So he settled.
It was enough to keep Sorrel down for a while to have his way.
It was enough to get a small piece of bliss that could hold him over for the next hour or two.
James wanted to care only about himself. That’s why he would grip on to Sorrel so hard, its so he could use him. It’s just that James wasn’t like that. He needed something in return.
He won’t get it.
James put his hands down on the counter once he felt Sorrel moving with him. He moaned quietly under his heavy breath, doing his best to suppress his hunger. He closed his eyes and kept his face pressed into Sorrel’s hair, smelling him, feeling the warmth that came from his living body.
The images that popped into his head, they weren’t nice ones. And that’s what made James cum inside him. He didn’t always held out as long as Sorrel could but today was different. He was so frustrated that it took more effort. The release was worth it though.