by Molly Jebber
Pausing, Esther shifted her gaze to Hannah. “You’re like your daed. You remain calm in the midst of a storm. I should be more like you.” She squeezed Liza’s hand. “I’m sorry. Tell us about him.”
“I’ll start from the beginning. Since Paul arranged our marriage with Daed, we didn’t have much time to get acquainted before our wedding day. I had doubts because he was ten years older than me, but I married him anyway. According to him, his mamm adhered to his demanding schedule and he expected no less from me. He was an only child who inherited this large, profitable property, and he expected me to manage the bakery to add to our wealth. He hid his greediness, arrogance, and boorish temperament from everyone but me.”
“I’m flabbergasted he put you through that. We had no idea.” Esther bowed her head and spoke just above a whisper. “You are rich with beauty, talent, and a kind heart. You could’ve waited to fall in love with an Amish man. Why didn’t you?” She froze. “You married him to provide financial freedom for us, didn’t you?”
She didn’t want them ridden with guilt for why she’d married Paul. “It was my decision and you are not to blame yourself. I chose to marry him for you, Hannah, Abe, me, and our parents. I had no reason to believe he wouldn’t be an ideal husband, despite our age difference. I’ve had a wonderful daed, and Abe is a stellar bruder-in-law and close friend. I assumed Paul would be like them. His behavior was devastating. I believe he would’ve taken the bakery away from me had he discovered it had become my refuge.”
“Uncle Paul never once raised his voice around me. I’m astounded he could put on such a cheerful front for as long as he did. I would’ve had to tell you or Mamm and seek comfort if I’d been in your position. You were strong to keep this hush-hush from us.”
“I agreed to an arranged marriage for financial reasons. I promise you won’t be in the same predicament. Our crops, the bakery, and the inheritance I received from Paul’s estate provides us with more money than we need.”
Liza didn’t want Hannah to worry. Hannah was softhearted and compassionate toward others. The right man would appreciate those qualities in her. “You’re pretty, with your fire-red hair, deep green eyes, and kind heart. Amish men will be knocking your door down before long to get your attention. You can take your time and fall in love with a man of your choosing.” Liza wanted Hannah to find the right man, learn all she could about him, and then marry him.
“Your safety and happiness is worth more to me than fretting about people judging us for your divorce or having to survive on a lot less money. I can’t imagine leaving the Amish life, but I would’ve for you.” Esther dabbed a tear with her sleeve. “I’m angry with you, Liza. You shouldn’t hide things from me. Even if you chose to stay with him after telling me, I’d have listened to you.”
Hannah came alongside her mamm. “Don’t be cross with Liza. She kept her secret to protect you, Daed, and me. This information would’ve robbed you of enjoying your life. You’d have fretted about Liza night and day had you known about the real Paul. You couldn’t have done anything. She made the right decision.”
Esther circled her arm around Liza. “Hannah’s right, but I should’ve realized you were in pain.”
“I didn’t want you to.” She cupped her schweschder’s cheek in her hand. “You couldn’t have fixed this problem. You have nothing to regret. I’m responsible for my own actions.” She threw back her shoulders and brushed her palms. “Paul’s gone, and we no longer have to concern ourselves with him.” She didn’t want to discuss him anymore. Enough had been said. Had she been wrong to tell Esther the truth about him? She didn’t want her family to dwell on her revelation.
“Do you have to tell Abe?”
Esther stilled. “Jah. We don’t keep secrets from each other. He’ll be all right once he has a chance to let it settle in. Abe will be upset when I tell him about Paul. He loves you like a schweschder rather than a schweschder-in-law. I won’t tell a soul except him, and he won’t tell anyone.”
Hannah put a finger to her lips. “Your secret is safe with me. Are you able to forgive Paul?”
“I’m learning to let go of my bitterness and anger toward him through reading the scriptures and prayer.” She would change the subject and change the mood. Forcing a smile, she waggled her finger at her schweschder. “Your approval of Jacob didn’t get past me with your impish grin. Stop playing matchmaker for me. I have no intention of marrying again. After what I’ve been through, it’s not worth the risk.”
Esther harrumphed. “I won’t agree not to play matchmaker, but I’ll let up on you until Jacob shows at the bakery again. You’re thirty. I want you to consider good, eligible men for a potential husband. Remember, I’m your wiser and older schweschder. You should listen to me.”
Liza harrumphed in turn. “Only five years older, and I don’t have to listen to you.”
Esther tapped her on the nose. “But you do, because you know I love you. And look at Abe and me. He’s ten years older than me and we’re enjoying a wonderful and full life together. I want you to find a partner and be as happy as we are.”
“I must agree. You have a match made in Heaven.” She dipped her chin and gave Esther a stern look. “But you should respect my wishes and quit sending men in my direction.”
“I must end this conversation. I have pies, cookies, and pastries to bake. I’d better get busy.” Esther hugged Liza and bustled to the back room.
Hannah kissed Liza’s cheek. “Mamm is a hopeless romantic. She won’t stop talking to hassling you about this until you are married. You may as well give up.” She kissed her aunt’s cheek and strolled to join her mamm.
Liza rested her hands on the countertop. She was thankful for many things. Her loving and close family, the bakery, and her spacious white haus, sturdy barn, and vast fields of hay. Their crops and herds of sheep, cows, and horses would bring in revenue for the winter. The many rows of vegetables were planted and sprouted green leaves next to the haus. She could picture the lovely scene as if she were standing in front of it.
The plain haus had six bedrooms, a generous kitchen with oak cabinets and a built-in hutch, and front and sewing rooms. If Paul had been a loving husband, they could’ve had a wonderful life there together. Jacob came to mind. What kind of husband had he been to his fraa? The moment she’d laid eyes on him, her heart had raced and she’d felt giddy. She couldn’t erase his tanned, chiseled face from her mind.
*
Jacob glanced at Ellie. She plopped another lemon drop in her mouth as she sat quietly, scanning the countryside. He’d have to address Ellie’s ill manners at the bakery earlier, but he didn’t want to spoil his cheerful mood. The sunshine, thoughts of lovely Liza, and taking in the sights on the way home brought a smile to his lips. Charm was a smart choice for starting over. The quaint town was simple, but it suited him. He focused on an Amish man plowing his field with a fine, muscular pair of horses. An Amish woman and two kinner planted vegetables in the garden. A man in a wagon passed and waved, and he waved back.
Liza had been a wilkom surprise. She was beautiful, with her honey-blond hair pulled back in a bun under her thin white kapp. Her steel blue eyes captivated him. She had a cheerful voice, and her movements were far from clumsy or abrupt. The bakery case was filled with goodies, and the tables and chairs and the stools at the counter were arranged in perfect order. She had an eye for making the most of her space. The woman had occupied his mind since he’d left town. He couldn’t explain why he was so drawn to her.
Ada Fisher in Nappanee had been a good woman he’d considered marrying a year ago. They’d taken canoe rides, fished, and shared meals together. She was a year older than him and had big green eyes and dimples in her full cheeks, but otherwise there was nothing remarkable about her appearance. Kind, a good cook, smart, and merry, he’d enjoyed her company.
Ellie’s temper, constant refusal to uphold Amish law, and disrespect toward him and Ada had ruined their chance of having a calm and happy relationship. Th
e woman had attempted to befriend Ellie, offering to teach her to sew, quilt, and bake. No matter how much Ada catered to Ellie, his dochder wanted nothing to do with her.
He shook his head. He’d surmised Ellie was in mourning for her mamm. But there was no excuse for her being rude. He’d scolded her, taken away privileges, and tried to reason with her, to no avail. The shoofly pie incident had been the final blow. Ellie had suggested she and Ada use her mamm’s recipe. Ada had taken a stand with her and insisted on using her own. Ellie said it was the worst pie she’d ever put in her mouth. He’d insisted Ellie apologize. Ellie had, but the woman had pulled him aside later in the evening during their final meal together and told him she was no longer interested in pursuing a future with him. She’d had enough of his dochder’s belligerent behavior. He’d ceased seeking a woman he’d like to befriend and consider for a potential fraa until he’d met Liza.
Did Liza have a husband or kinner? He hoped not. He’d like to pursue her for friendship first and maybe something more serious later, depending on how they got along. He glanced at Ellie. “I expect you to treat people with kindness. You were rude to Liza Schrock.”
She harrumphed and slumped her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Daed.”
“Follow your mamm’s example. Be cordial and pleasant. She’d be ashamed of your ill-mannered behavior.”
She remained sullen and quiet.
“Why do you try my patience, Ellie? I’m tired of having this same conversation with you over and over again.”
She stared at her hands in her lap and shrugged.
Silence again. What more could he say to get through to her? Maybe the social gathering would interest her. “Liza invited you to meet Hannah, her niece, and her friends next Wednesday at three for a social at her bakery. I told her I’d bring you. The get-together will provide a good opportunity for you to make friends.”
“I’m not interested.”
“You’re going to the social and I expect you to behave and participate with a charitable heart. Do you understand?”
She rolled her eyes.
Their disagreements had been frequent since her mamm had died. She’d been happy, cheerful, a delight before then.
“I mean it, Ellie. Treat Liza, her family, and the guests with respect.”
She ignored him and pointed. “We have a visitor.”
He halted the wagon, jumped down, and tied the horse to the hitching post. “Good morning. I’m Jacob Graber.”
“I came to introduce myself. I’m your neighbor next door, Ezra Yoder. My fraa, Annabelle, is at home cooking. You’ll meet her another time. Wilkom to Charm.” He shook Jacob’s hand.
Ellie joined them.
Jacob gestured to her. “This is my dochder, Ellie.”
“Call me Ezra, Ellie.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yoder. I mean, Ezra.” She pointed to the wagon. “I’ll take care of unharnessing and putting the horse in the barn.”
“Danki.” Jacob was pleased at her small attempt to soften the tension between them. At least it was something. He’d had to order her to do chores lately. Doing work on her own had been a rare occasion. A glimmer of hope sparked within him. “Ezra, may I offer you a glass of lemonade?”
He shook his head. “I’m not going to stay but a few minutes. Just wanted to get acquainted. Have you met many people in Charm yet?”
“I met Liza Schrock at the bakery.” He held up his box. “I couldn’t pass up a sugar cream pie and cookies. Are you sure you don’t want a piece of pie or a cookie?”
“No, my fraa will snatch me baldheaded if I do.” He removed his hat and put it back on. “I can’t afford to lose much more. She was cooking chicken and dumplings when I left, but she’s not a baker like Liza. Liza’s been a widow for a year and has managed to keep the bakery profitable in the midst of her tragedy. Her husband, Paul, couldn’t have been a better man. Generous, kind, and a good businessman, my friends and I admired and respected him. Any Amish man would be blessed to have Liza for a fraa. Are you married?”
“I’m a widower. My fraa passed three years ago. We moved here from Nappanee, Indiana. I’m hoping the change of scenery will cheer my dochder. She’s having a hard time without her mamm.”
“I’m sorry about your fraa.” Ezra shifted his gaze to his horse and wagon. “I don’t want to take you away from your chores. It’s been a pleasure talking with you. I should head home.” He shook Jacob’s hand.
Pleased to find out Liza was available, Jacob decided he would visit the bakery often. “You’re wilkom here anytime, Ezra. Danki for kumming by.” He watched Ezra guide his horse to their dirt lane to head to the main country road. The man’s warm wilkom had made him feel as if they’d been friends for a long time even though they’d just met. His new friend’s news about Liza gave him hope. Paul Schrock, Liza’s husband, had been generous to provide jobs for her and her entire family, although he was taken aback that Paul would want his fraa to work outside the home if it wasn’t necessary.
Ellie hurried past him. “I’m going inside, Daed.”
He followed her. “Danki for taking care of the horse and wagon. I do expect you to mend the holes in my socks and cook dinner.”
She scowled. “What do you want me to fix?”
“I’ll be satisfied with eggs and bacon again. We can have sandwiches for supper this evening.”
She grabbed the sewing box and the worn socks and then stomped off.
Needing distance from her, he strolled to the barn, passing two cats chasing each other. A family in a buggy passed by and waved. He waved back. He, his fraa, and Ellie had been happy taking rides to town together. They’d had few problems and were close knit. He overturned a bucket, sat, and held his head in his hands. His dochder had worn him down. The struggle weighed on his shoulders. He couldn’t give up on her. He loved her. He’d be patient and continue to ask for God’s guidance.
Standing up, he eyed a loose wall board. He lifted his toolbox from the wooden shelf overhead and repaired it. He sneezed in the musty barn. A breath of fresh air would be good. The place was starting to take shape the way he wanted it. He stepped outside and studied the medium-size tree he’d sawed down the day before and cut it into smaller sections. The tree leaned at an angle and was too close to the haus.
A smile crossed his lips as he stacked it. To cut, repair, or build with wood was satisfying work. The tension rolled out of his body. Wiping the sweat from his forehead with his shirt sleeve, he swallowed to wet his dry throat. Time to take a break. He stowed his tools, closed the barn door, and went inside the haus. He found Ellie in the kitchen. The scent of sizzling bacon filled the air. One place setting decorated the oak table. “Aren’t you joining me?” He poured water into a glass from a white porcelain pitcher and drank it.
“I already ate mine. I cooked yours when I checked outside and you were stacking the last of the wood.” She served his dinner and poured his coffee but didn’t make eye contact.
“Young lady, you will sit with me at this table. Mealtime is the best time to discuss our matters. I’m weary from one argument after another with you. Your mamm’s passing wasn’t easy for me either, but I don’t disrespect or take out my frustration on you. Please stop fighting me on everything.”
“I’m still angry you and Ada got all cozy. I noticed your silly smile and the sparkle in your eyes when you met Liza today. No woman can take Mamm’s place.”
“Ada didn’t try to take your mamm’s place. She wanted to befriend you, but you wouldn’t give her a chance.”
“We’re doing fine on our own.”
“No, we aren’t. You are angry, rebellious, and ill-mannered to me and others. I understand you miss your mamm. So do I, but you shouldn’t take out your frustration on me and everyone else. Have you even considered I may need and want a fraa? If I choose to marry again, it doesn’t mean I don’t still love or would ever forget your mamm. I’m only thirty-six and I’d like to marry again while I’m fairly young if I find the r
ight person.”
She bowed her head. “I can’t imagine having another woman washing our clothes, cooking our meals, and being a part of our lives like Mamm. I’m sorry I haven’t done my part around here. I’ll do her chores.”
“I wilkom your help, but I may meet and want to pursue a friendship with a woman hoping it turns into something more.”
She stood and kicked the chair back with her foot. “I’ll wash the dishes.”
Again, as had happened often, she’d shut him out. It was up to him to take a stand as her daed. She couldn’t dictate what happened in his life. This was something she had to accept. He got up and poured himself a cup of coffee and sat back down. He longed for a decent conversation with her. To share a laugh or small joke. They’d done this often as a family. Her mamm had had such a good sense of humor.
He sipped his coffee, then came alongside her at the sink. “I miss her too, sweetheart.”
She softened. “Mamm was my rock. She and I did everything together. I could talk to her about anything. She didn’t act shocked if I broached a forbidden subject like some of my friends’ mamms did. She listened and answered my questions without skirting around the truth.”
“You can talk to me.”
She sighed. “You’re a man. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“It’s not the same.” She stared at the dishwater.
His heart ached for his confused and unhappy dochder. “At the social you may make a new friend and, in time, maybe you can talk to her. Keep in mind, she has to want to befriend you too.”
“I’m not going to hold back if I have a difference of opinion on something. I want people to accept me for who I am, not who you and the Amish community think I should be.”
He and his fraa had raised Ellie to pray, read her Bible, and adhere to the Amish laws. For years, she’d had no problem with any of those things, until her mamm passed. Maybe these girls would be a good influence on her. “You’re disrespectful to bring up the outside world to the Amish we meet in Charm. You’ll stir up trouble and I won’t have that.”