by Molly Jebber
“Blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard it all my life. You don’t understand what the outside world is all about because you haven’t explored it. It’s full of wonder, with men and women wearing fancy clothes, hats, and shoes. Piano music is beautiful when it vibrates in your chest. You want to tap your foot and sing along. I took a ride in a motorcar. It was fun! I could go on and on.”
“I don’t desire any of it. I’m happy here. You can be too, if you trust God and have faith He has a plan for your life.”
Ellie flopped on the bed. “I do love God, but I can love Him in the outside world too. I’m torn between Amish life and the outside world. I find security and comfort here, but I enjoyed all the things I mentioned while living as an Englischer.” She heaved a big sigh. “You’re a good friend to me, Hannah. I don’t want to upset you.” She pushed herself up and put the clothing back in the bag. “I won’t bring them here again.”
“Ellie, please talk to me about anything on your mind, but understand, I’m firm in my faith in God and in living in this community. I won’t be swayed to think otherwise.”
“Understood. I respect the choices you’ve made. I’m not quite sure where I’ll end up yet.”
“I’m going to do my best to persuade you to stay. I like having you around. We never did stitch anything. Maybe we can get together again?”
“You can count on it.”
Liza entered the small bedroom. “Ellie, are you ready to go? I should get you home.” She wouldn’t broach the subject of the clothes. Hannah had spoken her mind and been straightforward. Proud of her niece, she smiled.
Ellie grabbed her bag. “I’m ready.”
Hannah followed them to the front door. “I’ll walk with you to the buggy.”
Esther kissed Liza’s and Ellie’s cheeks before they left. “Good night, Ellie. Don’t be a stranger.” She waved to Liza. “We’ll be ready in the morning for you to pick us up.”
Liza nodded and got in the buggy. She waited for Ellie and then flicked the reins. “Peter hasn’t spoken much since Naomi died. His enthusiastic response to you stunned us.”
“Hannah told me about Naomi and her daed both passing so close together. Poor Mrs. Chupp. Peter is a smart little boy and full of energy. He made me wish I had a little bruder.”
Was Esther right? Did Ellie need Peter as much as he needed her? She was curious what Jacob would have to say on the matter. “Mae bubbled over with joy at your interactions with her son. You brought hope and happiness to her life amid all her grief. You jumped in and took Peter under your wing. You could’ve ignored him.”
“I love kinner. I hope to have girls and boys of my own someday. Peter is a darling child, and so full of wonder.”
Liza arrived at the Grabers’ haus.
Jacob greeted her. “Danki for bringing Ellie home. Please join me on the porch for a cup of coffee. I have it warming on the stove.”
As she followed him to the chairs, she admired the freshly painted white haus and the straight two-story white barn and fresh vegetable garden planted in neat rows. The light evening breeze rippled the spring-fed pond’s water over several large field rocks. His haus and farm painted a telling picture of a man who cared for his land. Two muscular black horses grazed in the field nearby.
She met his deep brown gaze. “I’ll take half a cup. Danki.”
Ellie skipped up the steps. “I’ll go get it.”
“I picked up some lemon drops for you in town, Ellie. They’re on the counter.”
“Yum. I appreciate it, Daed.”
She went inside and quickly returned. She handed them each a mug. “Here you go. I’ll be inside.”
Jacob sipped his coffee and then balanced the mug on his knee. “Ellie’s in a chipper mood. Did she behave?”
Liza shrugged and cocked her head. “I checked on them once while they were in Hannah’s room. They didn’t notice I was there, and after I listened for a bit, I quietly slipped back to the kitchen.” She stared at her coffee. “Ellie brought over a bag of Englischer clothes and showed them to Hannah. The garments were spread on the bed.”
He put his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, then focused on her. “I had no idea she had them. I didn’t even think to ask what was in the bag she brought with her. I’ll make sure she gets rid of them. I’m sorry. I don’t understand why she won’t stop talking about her fascination for worldly things. I’m taken aback you didn’t scold her.”
She didn’t know what she’d do if she had a stubborn and obstinate dochder like Ellie. Jacob was doing the best he could for her and Ellie stomped on his heart over and over. She watched her struggle to choose which life to live. She suspected deep pain over the passing of her mamm had sent her into a whirlwind of turmoil and uncertainty. She hoped she and Hannah would succeed in assuring Ellie they were there for her. “I overheard Hannah say she wouldn’t be swayed by Ellie’s attraction to what the outside world has to offer. She made it clear she would like Ellie’s friendship and hoped she would choose Amish life. Your dochder respected Hannah’s position and put the clothes in the bag. I didn’t need to intervene.”
“Hannah is a wise soul for a young woman. You must be so proud of her. I’m grateful for her patience and willingness to befriend Ellie under the circumstances.”
“She’s got a soft heart but a strong determination. She has no problem standing up for what she believes in, and she’s a loyal friend to those she loves. I am very proud of her.” She held the handle of the mug and balanced it on the arm of the chair. “Ellie is a beautiful and smart young woman. God has a plan for her life. She’ll find her way. We must have patience and keep her in our prayers.”
“She wears me out with her up-and-down moods. I get glimpses of the obedient and sweet girl I raised, then her outbursts pierce my heart and scare me about what lies ahead for her if she leaves me and her Amish life again.”
Her breath caught. His anguish lingered in his eyes and voice. It sent a stream of sorrow through her. She cared about him and couldn’t bear to watch him suffer. She had to discuss Mae’s request for Ellie to take care of Peter with him. Would he have the same reservations as her about the job? “I have some news. Mae Chupp joined us for supper at Esther’s. She’s a widow who lost her husband and her dochder, Naomi, quite close together. She has Peter, a young boy. He hasn’t spoken much since Naomi’s death. Ellie and Naomi have close to the same appearance. When Peter met her, he smiled and opened up to her. They talked and he beamed at her. It stunned us and was a wonderful sight to behold. Mae couldn’t believe it. Ellie took him under her wing, talked to him, and played with him.”
“What a tragic story about Mrs. Chupp suffering the loss of her husband and dochder. I’m thankful Ellie was wilkoming to Peter and has given his mamm hope he’ll heal over the passing of his schweschder. Ellie’s always been good with kinner. Is there anything I can do to make Mrs. Chupp’s life easier?”
“She asked if I’d talk to you about Ellie watching Peter Monday through Friday from eight to two, while she works at Maybelle’s Inn. She wasn’t comfortable approaching you herself because she hadn’t officially met you. She did say she’d pay Ellie.”
“Did you or she mention this to Ellie?”
She shook her head. “I told Mae I wanted to discuss the offer with you first.”
“Do you have reservations about it?”
She shifted in her seat and cleared her throat. This was his dochder. It was probably all right for him to have misgivings about her, but would he be open to her concerns? She didn’t want to insult him or Ellie. She wanted what was best for both of them. To protect them from a potential problem if Ellie were to disappoint Mae or her son, considering her loose tongue about what the world had to offer.
“Mae is thrilled with Peter’s openness with Ellie. She’s hopeful he’ll improve the more time he spends with her. Ellie enjoyed him too. I’m torn. They could both benefit. Ellie could mature and learn by caring for Peter.” She paused and bit her bottom lip,
then raised her eyes to meet his gaze.
“But … ?”
“She might be a bad influence if she shares her wonder about the outside world. He’s impressionable.” She may as well tell him her main concern. “I’m worried she’ll leave and break his heart.” She stole a glance at him.
His mouth in a grim line, he dropped his head to his chest.
Oh no. She’d hurt his feelings. Why hadn’t she kept her opinion to herself? It wasn’t worth ruining their friendship. She should’ve presented the offer and not expressed her point of view.
Jacob switched his gaze to the tall white barn. “I understand your concerns, but she’s got someone who needs her. We all want to be needed. Peter is offering her unconditional love by choosing her to help him move on from his schweschder’s passing. Not something you or I could do. I trust her with him. I’ll discuss this with her.”
She stiffened. He’d kept his voice serious. Had she overstepped her bounds? Her chest tightened. Opening up to him about Paul had been a relief and a surprise. She’d trusted him with her secrets about her past. He had a gentle but strong way about him that she found attractive.
Drawn to him, she was afraid of being hurt or pulled into a stressful situation between him and his dochder. A friendship was comfortable, but a future with him as something more seemed bleak. She’d have to tamp down her emotions. Friendship, nothing more. A friendship she didn’t want to tarnish. “I understand and respect your position. It would be a shame to keep them apart. They make each other happy. Their instant connection was beautiful to behold.”
His gaze drifted back to hers. “Liza, I’m relieved you’re not fighting me on this. I could use a bit of encouraging news concerning Ellie. I’m confident Peter will enhance Ellie’s life. He will show her love and wonder through his eyes, and she can nurture and enjoy him at the same time.”
Maybe he was right. She’d put her doubts aside.
Ellie came outside onto the porch and joined them.
Jacob told her Mae’s proposition.
She clapped her hands to her cheeks. “Please let me do this, Daed. Peter’s a charming child. I’d love taking care of him.”
Liza swallowed the worry that Ellie might flee the Amish life one day and scar Peter. She had to admit no one had succeeded in breaking through the barrier he’d put up since Naomi’s funeral. “Peter does respond to you, Ellie. Your cheerful response to him encouraged him to discover his voice and laugh, and his eyes to sparkle. Priceless gifts for his mamm.”
She noticed Jacob’s warm smile toward her. Her stomach leaped with bliss. She didn’t want to cause turmoil for him but rather to encourage him. She had to stop overanalyzing everything.
Jacob touched Ellie’s cheek. “I’m proud of you.” He leaned forward in his chair. “You’re taking on a big responsibility. This child chose not to speak due to his heartbreak over his schweschder’s passing. If you hadn’t kumme along, he may never have broken out of this shell. You must be careful with his tender heart. Another loss of someone he loves would do irreparable damage.”
Ellie sucked in a breath and clasped her hands tight. “I will take good care of him.”
Liza didn’t miss the nervous tension in Ellie’s eyes or her white knuckles. She suspected a battle raged inside her to accept the job but afraid to make promises for the future. She’d pray Peter and Ellie would form a healthy friendship to fill a void in both their souls. “It’s settled, then. I’ll tell Mae you’ve accepted the job. Kumme to supper at my haus Saturday night around six. I’ll invite her, Peter, and my family. You can get acquainted with the widow and her son and work out the details of Ellie’s new job.”
Ellie relaxed. “Danki, Liza.” She shifted toward her daed. “You’ll love Peter. He’s obedient and you never know what he’s going to say. He’s so genuine.”
“I’m sure I will find meeting him a pleasure.” He winced. “Liza, I don’t want to add work to your already busy schedule. Ellie and I can rustle up something here to serve for supper.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “I have venison in the icebox, and Esther will bring some of her vegetables. I’m happy to cook.”
Ellie chuckled. “Your food will taste much better than anything we could put together. I’m relieved you’re willing to have us over.”
“Good. I’ll stop by Mae’s on the way home, invite her to supper, and tell her the good news.” She stood. “I should be on my way.”
Ellie waved. “Danki, Liza.” She went inside.
Jacob accompanied her to the buggy. “You’ve been so kind to include Ellie and me in your family and social gatherings. Now you’re acquainting us with Mrs. Chupp and her son. You’re an amazing woman, Liza Schrock. I’m glad I’ve met you.”
Touching her warm cheeks, she gave him a shy smile. “I’d like you and Ellie to feel wilkom in this community. I want to do all I can to help.” It was much more of a personal mission for her, and her heart sang a different tune. Friendship had blossomed between them, and an attraction she’d never experienced for a man before. An attraction she couldn’t shake.
She bid him farewell and headed to Mae’s haus. She arrived and knocked on the door.
Mae swung open the door. “I’m stunned to find you on my doorstep at this time of day. Is anything wrong? Please kumme in.”
“Danki, but I need to get back home. I just need a minute of your time. I delivered Ellie home and asked Jacob Graber about Ellie watching Peter. She’s excited and her daed has given his permission. I’ve invited the Grabers and my family to supper at my haus on Saturday night to meet you and Peter and work out the details. It’s short notice, I know. Does this fit into your schedule?”
“Oh, we’d be delighted to join you. How generous of you, Liza. Danki. Peter is in bed asleep or he’d be squeezing past me to greet you. He’s talked nonstop about Ellie since meeting her. It’s a drastic change, and a wonderful one. I’m glad she’s agreed to care for him.”
“Kumme over at about six on Saturday.”
“We will. Danki again.”
Liza got in the buggy and went home. The day had been productive, and she’d witnessed Peter speaking more freely again, Ellie connecting with the child, and Jacob being receptive to her concerns but taking a stand for his dochder. A position she respected. He spoke his mind but in a kind and compassionate way. She didn’t take offense at his defending Ellie but rather admired him for it.
Friday, she’d have the evening to get her haus in order to prepare for her company kumming on Saturday. She’d have every chair occupied at her long oak table by people she cared about, and she’d learn more about Jacob Graber. What did it all mean? She wasn’t sure, but she’d be curious to find out.
Chapter Four
Jacob glanced at the early morning dawn from the window Saturday morning and drank the last of his milk. His muscles ached from chopping up the two large oak trees on Friday.
Ellie came in with a fresh pot of water. “I’ll wash the dishes, then mop the floors. I’m eager to go to Liza’s this evening to finalize the plans for caring for Peter. I’ll earn money and have fun doing the job.”
“We should discuss your taking on this responsibility first.” He pulled out the chair for her. “Please sit.”
Her eyes wide with worry, she took slow steps and sat. “Please don’t change your mind, Daed. You can trust me. I’ll take excellent care of Peter.”
“I don’t doubt you will be a loyal nanny, but I’m concerned you may entice Peter to wonder about the outside world. It would be wrong for you to advertise the outside world in a positive light or as an option to Peter or anyone in this community. You need to put an end to this kind of conversation. Understood?”
Her mouth in a tight line, she shook her head. “I won’t impress upon Peter my opinions of the outside world, but I will discuss it with Hannah and my friends.” She went to the sink and poured the now-warm water she’d left on the stove before supper into the washbasin.
“Ellie, this
conversation isn’t over. Please return to the table.”
She rolled her eyes. “What now?” She took a seat.
“Watch your tone, young lady.” He crossed his arms against his chest. “Where is the bag you took to Hannah’s?”
Her eyes narrowed. “In my bedroom.”
“Go get it.”
She went to her room, came back, and dropped the bag on the table. “These are personal. I’d rather not show them to you.”
“Open it.”
She narrowed her eyes and spread the bag wide open. “You didn’t say a word when we were in the buggy on our way to Hannah’s. Why now?”
“Why do you have these clothes and why did you take them to Hannah’s?” He didn’t want to betray Liza’s confidence. He should’ve found out what was in the bag before they ever left home to go to supper at Liza’s.
“I thought she might like them. She didn’t and asked me to put them away. I abided by her wishes and I won’t bring them to her again.”
He stood. “I’m getting rid of them. You are well aware how inappropriate these garments are, and it’s a disgrace for you to have them in this haus. I’m angry you put Hannah in an uncomfortable position. She’s been nothing but gracious to you.” He grabbed the bag, found a small box of matches, and went outside.
She hurried after him. “Please, Daed, don’t burn them. Hannah and I came to an understanding. I haven’t destroyed our friendship. Please, Daed, don’t ruin them.”
He went to the burn barrel, threw them in, lit a match, and dropped it on top of the pile. “Don’t bring another thing in this haus you know doesn’t belong.”
She scowled, strode across the lawn with stiff arms and long strides, and then went inside the haus.
He mucked the stalls, worked in the fields and garden, and went inside a few hours later. The Englischer garments Ellie had in her bag were another reminder she might leave him again. She’d shown an attachment to them. The precious little girl had grown up and tested his patience often. To protect her had been his goal, but if she left, he would be powerless to keep her safe. Fear riveted through him.