by Molly Jebber
“Your niece is a thoughtful and kind young woman. She’s always been smiling and cheerful when I’ve been in the bakery. It’s no surprise she’d do her part to help with Mae’s services.” He moved his paper. “Liza, should we be doing something to help with Mae’s arrangements?”
Liza shook her head. “Our community has everything handled. The bishop stepped right in and notified the Amish to spread the word.” She poured each of them a cup of coffee.
“I’ll attend, with the sheriff. I’m baffled as to why she died. Several concerned friends of hers approached me about her cough. I bumped into her at the blacksmith’s place and asked her about it. She gave me a polite nod and said it was nothing. I suggested she let me examine her and she declined. She did answer my questions about her symptoms. From her responses, I suspected consumption, but, under the circumstances, it was hard to determine what was truly wrong with her.”
Sheriff Williams put his paper on the counter. “You shouldn’t worry yourself about it. Everyone is grateful for all you do.”
“Thank you.” Dr. Harrison gave Sheriff Williams a smile and a curt nod.
Liza enjoyed listening to the two men. Their friendship warmed her heart. They bantered and caught up on the town gossip, the same as women. She learned the latest and most interesting news from their conversations. The newspaper had been keeping up with the Summer Olympics, and she found the different sporting events and athletes fascinating. She didn’t understand how the athletes had time to train and get their chores done. It must take hours of practice for such an important event.
She was glad to have something to take her mind off Mae and Peter for a few minutes. But she couldn’t concentrate and had to force her mouth to smile. She’d been so preoccupied with her sadness, she hadn’t asked the men if they wanted anything to go with their coffee. “What’s your selection today?”
Sheriff Williams rubbed his chin. “How about two thick slices of apple bread and butter?”
“Just coffee for me, thank you.” Dr. Harrison gave the sheriff half his newspaper and read the first page. “The Summer Olympics are going strong since opening in Stockholm, Sweden, on May fifth. This will be the first time the Empire of Japan participates.”
Sheriff Williams said, “Paper says women’s swimming will be an event this year.”
“I’m interested to learn how they do.” Dr. Harrison whistled. “There are a hundred and two events taking place and twenty-eight countries will participate this year. This is the first time all five continents will be represented. I admire the time, discipline, and dedication of the men and women who are taking part in the events. I doubt I could do it even when I was young.”
The sheriff moaned. “I wish I could be there to watch the events in person instead of just reading about how they are doing in the newspaper, but thinking of the athletes compete makes my bones creak, my muscles ache, and my head hurt. I have a hard time bending over to lift a pail of milk.”
Dr. Harrison dipped his chin and raised his eyes. “The size of your middle may be the reason.”
“It’s Liza’s fault.” Sheriff Williams patted his stomach. “She bakes all these desserts and I can’t pass them up.”
She grinned and her cheeks heated. The moment of cheer lifted her sad mood.
Dr. Harrison flipped the page. “Houdini is planning another trick. He’ll be in a nailed and locked box and have it wrapped in chains, then it’ll be thrown overboard from a boat in the East River in New York. The magician plans to escape in less than three minutes. He’ll take out a boat and allow the press on board to take pictures.”
Sheriff Williams reared back. “When?”
“Sometime in July. He does some strange and dangerous things. I don’t understand why.” Dr. Harrison shook his head.
“I don’t get it. Why would you risk your life for some silly magic trick, and why would people care to gather around and watch him?” The sheriff cocked his head to his friend.
Liza trembled. Why indeed? This thinking was foreign to the Amish way of life. A waste of precious time and a foolish way to spend the day. She would never consent to being locked away in a box and thrown in a river. The man must be out of his mind.
The men finished reading the paper and told her if the Amish community needed anything in preparation for Mae’s funeral to let them know.
“Danki to you both. Men and women are working today at the Chupps’ to prepare the haus and grounds for the viewing and funeral. It was kind of you to offer.” She gave them a warm smile and bid them a good day.
A few minutes later, Ellie breezed through the door. “Liza, I’m sorry I left you to manage the bakery alone.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re an angel for taking care of Peter. It can’t be easy under the circumstances.”
Ellie slumped on the stool earlier occupied by the sheriff. “He’s pitiful. He cries and cries. I feel so helpless around him. I left him with Daed while I came here. He was working a puzzle with him when I left. He’s so quiet.”
“It will be hard to watch him mourn his mamm’s death,” Liza said. “I’m going to close the bakery the day of the funeral and burial. The women will bring food for after the burial, then it will all be over. I’m so glad the bishop agreed not to draw this out for days. Is Peter talking to you? I’m worried he’ll withdraw again.”
“I don’t foresee him going back into his shell. He’s asking questions and telling me what’s in his heart.” She gave Liza a sheepish smile. “Would you mind accompanying me and Peter to Mae’s viewing tomorrow? I’m going to take him before everyone arrives and bring him right back home.” She winced. “I know it’s a lot to ask. You’d have to close the bakery for two days instead of one.”
Liza gave Ellie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’d be happy to. Would you like me to return to your haus with the two of you afterward?”
“Would you?”
“Of course.” Liza wanted to shout with joy. Ellie had chosen to turn to her during this difficult time. What a blessing! She loved Ellie, and the young woman had given her the best gift. For a moment, she felt like a mamm.
Ellie rounded the counter and hugged Liza. “Danki. You never let me down.”
“I’m not perfect, Ellie. I’m sure, although unintentionally, I’ll disappoint you. I promise to try my best not to.”
“The number of times I’ve disappointed you and Daed would equal the large pile of firewood he has stacked outside the haus. I doubt you’d catch up in your lifetime.” She chuckled, then grew serious. “Liza, I can’t danki enough for all you’ve done for me, and here I’m asking you to do more.”
Liza hugged her close. “Don’t ever hesitate to ask me for anything. I love you, Ellie.”
Ellie met Liza’s gaze. “I love you too, Liza. I really do.”
They both dabbed their damp eyes with the pads of their thumbs.
Ellie took a deep breath and exhaled. “You made oatmeal cookies this morning. The aroma has filled this place. They smell delicious.”
Liza wrapped up half a dozen cookies. “Take these with you. Peter will like them too.” She wiped her hands on a towel. “What time should I be at your haus in the morning?”
“Around seven?”
“Seven is fine. Give Peter a hug for me.”
“I will, and I’ll tell Daed our plan. He wants to stay all day and help the Beachys with whatever they need as mourners kumme and go.”
“Your daed always puts others before himself.” It was one of his most admirable traits.
He would’ve been the perfect husband for her, but she couldn’t marry him so long as Ellie objected to their union. Her heart plummeted in her chest. The man had a gentle soul, yet he had the strength to shoulder the agony he’d experienced with Lydia’s passing, raising Ellie during her rebellious period, her running away, and his not knowing if she was dead or alive.
Since Ellie had matured and warmed to her, Liza had hoped the girl would want her to marry Jacob. She sensed Ellie like
d her as a friend, but nothing more. She shouldn’t allow herself to fantasize about being a mamm to Ellie and Peter one day. She yearned to step into their everyday lives alongside Jacob and become a part of their routine. To love them with her whole being. To hurt when they hurt, share in their joys, and protect them as best she could.
She pressed a hand to the sad ache in her throat and swallowed. She had to accept her position. Close enough for Ellie’s friendship. Not family.
*
Liza arrived at Jacob’s haus on Tuesday morning to find Ellie and Peter gaunt and quiet. She hugged them both. “We can take my buggy.”
Ellie released her hand from Peter’s. “I need to speak to Liza before we leave. Would you check on Snuggles?”
Peter nodded and dragged his feet outside.
Ellie patted the spot next to her on the settee. “Let’s not take Peter to the funeral or burial tomorrow. Daed had the same idea. We talked about it before he left this morning. I would rather he have private time with Mae, then we should bring him home.
“When I attended Mamm’s services, I longed to be alone. I believed she’d gone to Heaven, but I couldn’t get the burial portion of the service out of my mind. The lowering of the coffin into the deep, dark hole rattled my soul. Even though I knew she wasn’t in there, it was so final. I’m afraid Peter may experience the same.”
“Have you told Peter your plan?”
She nodded. “He was relieved. Are you still kumming back to the haus with us after we take him to have his time with Mae?”
Liza nodded and wiped a tear from Ellie’s cheek. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” It would be difficult to watch Peter suffer through these next few days.
No doubt Mae’s passing had dredged up memories of similar days for Ellie, when her mamm passed. The young woman’s raw pain ripped Liza’s heart in two. Ellie had blossomed into a happy and healthy young woman with purpose to plow ahead with her faith, work hard at her job at the bakery, and make new friends. She’d begun to heal, and then her world had kumme crashing down with Peter’s agony over Mae’s death. For Ellie to watch someone she loved go through the same tragedy must be even worse. “I’m sorry you’re having to observe Peter’s anguish. You know firsthand what he’s going through.”
Ellie pressed her elbows to her sides. “It’s heart-wrenching to watch someone you love suffer and know the depth of the hurt. But the worst part is being aware of the time it will take to heal. It took me until recently to tame the raging, painful ache over Mamm and store it in a special place in my heart. I can now recall memories during my quiet time and smile instead of cry.”
Liza reached for her and held her tight. She stroked her back. “We’ll get through this together. Both of you can rely on me anytime. And you and Peter will have each other and your daed.”
Peter, head bent and taking reluctant steps, came inside. He leaned against Liza. “Will you stand on the other side of me and hold my hand when I go to visit my mamm? I’m scared.”
Liza pulled him onto her lap. “Peter, I’ll do anything you need. You just ask.”
Ellie exchanged an endearing look with Liza.
A spark of joy rose in Liza’s chest despite her sorrow for Mae. She warmed inside. Her patience with Ellie had won out. Their special times together had been precious and she looked forward to creating more memories with her. Jacob’s dochder’s expression spoke volumes about the bridge they’d built since the first day they’d met. They’d kumme a long way.
Peter clasped their hands and the three of them went to the buggy. He sat squeezed between them and remained quiet on the ride to his former home.
Liza stole a glance at Ellie. She had an arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulders and her eyes stared straight ahead. Scattered gray clouds decorated the blue sky and the sun peeked through them for a moment. She prayed, “Dear Heavenly Father, wrap Your arms around Ellie and Peter. We don’t understand why You chose to take Mae home, but we trust and believe You do what is best for us. Give Peter and Ellie the strength to get through this day. We love You. Amen.”
Ellie’s lips trembled. “Amen.”
Peter wiped his runny nose with his sleeve. “Amen from me too.” He rested his head against Ellie’s side for the duration of the ride.
Jacob greeted them when they arrived and reached for the reins. “No one’s inside at the moment. The Beachys and others in the community should be here shortly to pay their respects.” He reached for Peter and held the child in his arms “I know this is hard on you, Peter. Please understand, we’re all here for you.” He put the child’s feet on the ground.
Ellie got out of the buggy and squeezed her daed’s arm, then rubbed Peter’s back. “He’s been a very good boy through all this. Are you ready to go inside the haus?”
Peter stuck out his bottom lip. “I don’t know if I want to go in. I’m afraid.”
Liza jumped down, and Peter ran to her and grasped her hand. She thought her fingers would break if he gripped them any harder. The child could squeeze her hand until it bled for all she cared.
Jacob knelt before the frightened little boy. “Your mamm is dressed in dark blue and her eyes are closed as if she’s sleeping. Remember, she’s already with God in Heaven.”
Peter whispered, “I know. I just want her to kumme back.” He fell against Jacob and wept.
Jacob’s eyes pooled with tears.
He lifted Peter in his arms, and the child’s arms wrapped around the compassionate man’s neck. “I love you, Peter.”
Peter raised his head. “I love you too, Jacob.”
Liza turned her head. She choked back the sob struggling to escape. She loved each one of them with all her heart.
Jacob met the child’s gaze. “God is with you, Peter.”
Peter pointed to his heart. “Jah, He is.” He stuck out his chest. “I think I can go in now.”
“Would you prefer I go with you?” Jacob put a hand on his shoulder.
Peter shook his head. “Liza and Ellie can take me.” He pointed to five men getting out of a wagon. “Those men are waving at you. They might need you.”
Jacob grimaced. “They can wait if you need me.”
“I’ll be all right going with Liza and Ellie.” Peter took a step toward the haus.
The two women nodded to Jacob and accompanied Peter to his mamm.
Liza studied Mae. The thin woman, dressed in dark blue, lay in the plain pine casket on the long oak dining room table.
Peter raised his eyes to Ellie. “Can I stand on a chair to look at her?”
Ellie pulled over a chair and lifted him up to stand on it. She held her arm around his waist.
Peter crawled onto the table and knelt staring into the coffin. Tears dripped onto his cheeks. He reached out to touch her folded hands and jerked his fingers back. “They’re cold. Oh, I wish she could hear me. I love you, Mamm. Why did you leave me?” He covered his face and his small shoulders heaved as he sobbed.
Liza draped her arm across his back. She blinked back blinding tears. “Peter, your mamm didn’t leave you on purpose. She didn’t know she was going to Heaven. She loved you and would never have left you if it had been up to her. God knew she was sick, and He didn’t want her to suffer. He gave her a new body and gave you a new family to take good care of you.”
Ellie wept beside him.
“I want to hear her tell me a story before bed. She cut up my chicken in the smallest pieces and made them easy for me to swallow. She woke me up with a kiss on my cheek every morning. I don’t ever want to forget her special mamm smell and the sound of her voice.” He buried his face in the side of her neck and cried.
Ellie sobbed harder.
Liza reached her other arm out to her. Ellie moved and nestled on Liza’s other side and pressed into her. She held her arms across the kinners’ backs and immersed herself in the warmth of their bodies and absorbed their deep sadness, which spilled out in an abundance of tears and pain. The ache within her swelled and the desi
re to take this sorrow from them squeezed her heart until she thought it would burst. She blinked back tears to no avail. They insisted on running down her cheeks.
Peter leaned in and kissed his mamm’s cheek. Without a sound, he moved from Liza’s arm as he climbed off the chair to the floor and ran outside.
Liza and Ellie hurried after him.
He came to an abrupt halt, shielded his eyes, and stared at the sky. “Mamm, I’m sorry I yelled at you. Liza said you didn’t leave me on purpose. Watch out for me. I’ll be with you one day in Heaven. For now, Ellie and Jacob are going to let me live with them.” He heaved a big sigh and stared at his feet, then lifted his eyes to the sky again. “Oh, and Snuggles is kumming with me.” He ignored the flood of tears running down his face. “I love you, Mamm. Farewell for now.”
Peter took Liza and Ellie’s hands in his again. “If she’s already in Heaven, then I had to talk to her outside, where she could hear me. The bishop talked about Heaven not long ago.”
Liza clutched his little fingers. “You’re right.” She was surprised he’d listened so closely to the bishop’s messages. The child had understood much more of the information the bishop delivered from the Bible than she’d have guessed.
Ellie removed a handkerchief from inside the waist of her skirt and blew her nose. “Are you ready to head home? Do you want anything from the haus other than what Daed brought over earlier?”
Peter dropped their hands and ran inside.
“Should we follow him?” Ellie took a step toward the haus.
“Wait. Let him go. If he takes long, we’ll go in.” Liza stretched her neck to peer through the window. He wasn’t in sight.
He rejoined them in moments. He held up a brush and Mae’s Bible. “I want to keep these to remember her.”
“Why did you choose the brush?”
“She brushed her hair every night, and I could hear her sing. It was the only time she sang. I loved listening to her.”
Liza had never heard Mae sing. She kept quiet during the hymns on Sundays when they had church. It brought joy to her heart.
“Please take me home, Ellie.” He pleaded with Liza, “And please kumme with us.”