by J. S. Cooper
“Good. I know a great place.” Evan nodded with a satisfied smile and he gave me a small wink. “The food is good, but the views are even better. I know you’ll appreciate that, Jess.”
“Yeah, you’re so thoughtful.” I just stared at him with narrowed eyes. I wasn’t going to rise to the bait anymore. I was not going to let him rile me up. At least that’s what I told myself. Aww, the lies we tell ourselves in the hopes that they will turn out to be true.
Chapter 4
Jess
The first touch should have alerted me to the fact that Evan wasn’t just all talk. I mean, there are accidental touches and then there are accidental touches. A quick knee grab is not an accidental touch by any stretch of the imagination. A knee graze, maybe, but a knee squeeze, no way. Especially not one that lasts for over five seconds. Five seconds doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but try counting it out. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That’s a lot of time for a hand—a strange hand—to be on your knee, squeezing it.
Who even squeezes a knee? It seems so weird. It’s not like knees are known to be hugely erogenous zones. At least I didn’t think that they were known to be, but as we already know I’m not exactly the sex expert.
And perhaps Evan is. He most definitely seems to be if the thrill that ran through my body when he touched my knee was anything to go by. When I tell you I thought my knee was going to catch on fire, I’m not exaggerating. At first, I thought it was Pierce’s hand on my knee and I was going to pluck it away. I was already annoyed with him. I mean, how could he think that it was okay to turn our date into a three-way dinner? It wasn’t really a great sign when the person you were interested in wanted to bring someone else on the date. The only consolation was that it wasn’t another girl. That would have been frigging ridiculous. But yeah, back to the knee-grab. I knew after about a second that it was Evan and not Pierce grabbing my knee, just from the way that Evan’s hand squeezed so warmly and intimately. It was like my body knew, hey this is someone else. Someone super-hot. Someone that would be great in bed, and it reacted immediately to that thought. I know that sounds crazy. It sounds crazy in my own head as well, but that’s the only way to explain the way I felt. As soon as he touched me, I felt as if I were going to internally combust. And it was like he knew it, if the smile on his face was any indication. I decided not to chastise him for the knee squeeze because really what could I say? He would probably claim that it had been an accident and I’d look like an idiot if I tried to object to that. Especially after how cool I’d been earlier in the apartment and so I said nothing. Which most likely is the reason why he believed that he could be even more daring when we were ordering dessert.
The meal had gone fairly well up until that point. I hadn’t said much. And Evan and Pierce hadn’t cared to try to include me in the conversation much. That normally would have bothered me, since I wanted to be included, but I was already feeling confused so I didn’t really mind that much. I sat there listening to them and I wondered to myself exactly how they knew each other. I wanted to ask but I didn’t. I’d ask Pierce later. I didn’t want Evan to think that I cared about anything to do with him.
The second touch was much more of a thrill and made me jump. In fact I almost knocked over my glass of wine as I jumped out of my seat. This time Evan wasn’t just going for a knee squeeze. This time Evan was going for a thigh squeeze and, yeah, that shocked me. When I felt his fingers on my thigh, I froze. Then his fingers squeezed and, for one crazy second, I thought that he was going to try to do something even more outrageous. I thought he was going to move his fingers higher. That was why I jumped. I couldn’t believe what he was doing and of course Pierce was oblivious. I didn’t know how someone who had seemed so with it in the beginning could be so dumb, or if this was part of his plan or their plan. I hadn’t completely disowned the fact that perhaps they were in on some craziness together. Part of me thought that was the only thing that made sense. Why else would Evan be so crazy and daring? Didn’t he think I or Pierce would get upset at his actions? It seemed to me that he was taking a big risk for a couple of cheap thrills.
The sad part was that I didn’t hate it. I mean, of course I was aghast. I’m not a complete heathen. I mean, yes, even though I was shocked and taken aback, I kind of liked it, the thrill. The dangerous excitement that he sparked in me with his touch was intoxicating. It both scared and excited me. I was pretty sure if Pierce had attempted the same thing I would have dismissed him right away. I would have slapped his hand away and told him where to get off. As much as I liked him, I didn’t let him get away with that sort of crap. He had tried hard that first night but I hadn’t felt this knee-jerk reaction to him. I mean that’s kind of unfair to say. I had thought he was super attractive, I mean, how could anyone not think that? He had an animal magnetism that most men didn’t possess, but unfortunately for Pierce, Evan was even more magnetic. He had a spark that was even more electrifying. It was something I couldn’t explain and I think he knew it. That’s why he was pushing his hand, in more ways than one. He enjoyed playing with me and getting a rise out of me, though I wasn’t sure why. What did he have to gain from flirting with me and trying to push his will? All it did was show that he wasn’t a good friend to Pierce. He wasn’t a good friend at all, unless they were both trying to test me in some way. Which I was pretty sure wasn’t true. Pierce seemed pretty oblivious to everything that was going on and I didn’t think he was that good of an actor. Not at all. It seemed to me that if he knew what he was doing he would have been giving me knowing looks and probably small smirks and winks. He wasn’t the subtle sort. Not at all. He was blatant in what he wanted and while that was easier to understand, it was something a little nice to not know and to be on the edge of attraction.
I would never admit that out loud. I mean, what woman really wanted to admit that confusion can be an aphrodisiac? What woman wants to admit that we can be like boys as well? The chase, the not exactly knowing where we stand can make the eventual conquest a lot sweeter. Not that I was a hunter and not that I wanted to be prey either. Hell no, I didn’t really want to be either. It was a weird thing to be dating. It was a weird thing to decide who you wanted to make love to. I knew why guys were always so confused by girls. It was because we were confused ourselves. Just a few weeks ago, I would have been happy to have met a hot guy like Pierce; yeah, maybe we weren’t a match made in heaven, but he was a good ego boost for now.
Now, it seems Pierce wasn’t good enough. Not that I wanted Evan. I certainly didn’t want Evan. Not at all. Just because he was hot and sexy and just wouldn’t seem to disappear from my mind, even though I’d just met him. I really didn’t understand why he was over at Pierce’s apartment and seemed so comfortable talking to me however he wanted. I hadn’t asked Pierce because I didn’t want him to think that I was interested in Evan. I didn’t want to let anything slip. He couldn’t know I was attracted to his friend. He couldn’t know that his friend had played with my knee and ran his fingers up my leg under the table and that I’d enjoyed it. There was no way I could tell him that. And there was certainly no way I wanted him to suspect there was possibly any interest on my side, which he might think if I brought up Evan. I’d be scared he’d sense it in my voice and question me as to why I wanted to know anything. I mean, I didn’t think it would be crazy for me to have some questions, but I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. The questions might start with, “How do you know Evan?” and “How old is Evan? He seems older than you.” Then I might start going crazy. What if I asked if he was single? Ugh, that would be terrible. Pierce would surely know then by the eager look on my face as I waited on his answer that I might have a more vested interest in his answers, and I surely didn’t want him to think that. Not at all, so that’s why I didn’t ask anything. It was too much of a risk, too much of a slippery slope and I sure as hell didn’t need to ruin whatever was going on with Pierce and I just for some stupid non-flirtation with Evan. Arrogant prick. He probably did thi
s with every woman he met because he knew he could. Most probably got off on some power trip, seeing how far he could get women to go. I knew there were guys like that, guys who didn’t really want relationships. Didn’t even care about the women they were flirting with. It was all about what they could get the women to do. How far they could get her to go, and if she were in a relationship with someone else, it was even more of a thrill.
I wish now, of course, that I’d asked. I wish now that I’d sucked it up. That I hadn’t been so scared and stupid. If I had asked, maybe I would have avoided a lot of embarrassment. Maybe then I wouldn’t have gone down the same road. Maybe then I would have done things differently. Actually, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I hadn’t really had that much of a say in the matter.
Chapter 5
Jess
You’re most probably wondering why I continued to date Pierce when it was fairly obvious that while we’d had a great initial meeting, our subsequent dates hadn’t been all that. On top of that, it’s quite obvious I was attracted to Evan. The fact is I was lonely. Pierce was attractive and he liked me and he was good fun when he wanted to be. He didn’t push me for sex, which I really liked. I wasn’t sure how long he’d be cool with the no-sex thing, but Alyssa thought that he’d already shown remarkable constraint given the circumstances under which we’d met. And I had to agree with her.
“Jess, that guy must have blue balls that go on to the end of days,” Alyssa had joked one evening when we’d stayed home to watch reruns of Gilmore girls on Netflix.
“Blue balls for days?” I’d burst out laughing at her comment.
“Not just for days,” Alyssa said with a smirk. “Blue balls until the end of days.”
“End of days, huh?” I shook my head at her. “That’s a long time to have them.”
“Yeah, it is. That’s what you’ve done to him.”
“I haven’t done anything to him,” I said and all I could think about was Evan. I know. I’m a hot mess.
“He’s a good guy, Jess,” Alyssa said slightly enviously.
“He’s not bad. He’s not exactly in line to be a pope or anything. I don’t think St. Peter’s about to give him any keys.”
“Who?” Alyssa asked blankly.
“No one,” I said with a small smile and shake of my head.
“So do you think you’ll sleep with him soon? Put him out of his misery?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I really didn’t know what I was going to do with Pierce. I mean, a part of me thought I should just get it out of the way. It wasn’t like I didn’t like sex. It wasn’t like I didn’t crave that intimacy. I just didn’t know if I craved it with Pierce. Even though he was pretty hot and clearly wanted me, which was a huge ego boost, was an ego boost enough for a lasting relationship? I didn’t know. I was so confused about everything. So, so confused.
“I’d love to meet a guy like Pierce,” Alyssa continued wistfully. “You’re so lucky. He must really love you.”
“What?” I almost choked at her words. “Love? We barely know each other. Alyssa, he doesn’t love me. He barely knows me. Why would you even think or say that? Are you crazy?”
“Girl, he has to love you,” she said seriously. “I don’t know many guys who would put up with no sex. And I’m talking ugly guys and we both know that Pierce doesn’t qualify as ugly. He’s hot as hell. He can have models in his bed every night of the week if he wants, yet he’s being calm and patient with you, waiting around for who knows what.”
“It’s because I’m a challenge.” I frowned. “But thanks, Alyssa, you’re sure making me feel better about myself.”
“What do you mean?” She sat up and looked at me.
“I mean, I’m glad he could have a hot model in his bed every night, but he’s settling for me.”
“I didn’t say he’s settling for you.” She sighed. “And you’re hot too, you know that.”
“Uh huh. Let’s not compare me to some Victoria’s Secret model though, which we know he can get.”
“Oh, Jess.” Alyssa got up from her couch and walked over to me. “That’s not what I meant and you know that. That’s not what I meant at all. I was just saying that you have a good guy who really likes you and that should make you happy. That should make you feel good about yourself. I don’t know why you aren’t happier.”
“What’s there to be happy about?”
I looked at her with a small frown. “If anything I’m not living up to my end of the bargain. I’m not giving him what he deserves—what other, more beautiful, women would give him.”
“Jess, what is going on with you? Where are you getting that from?” Alyssa touched my shoulder. “Are you okay?” I feel like you’re not acting like you’re super happy for someone who’s in this situation.”
“What situation, Alyssa? What situation am I in that should make me so happy?” I turned to her and frowned. “I met a hot guy in a club. We left the club, made out. He was hoping for sex, didn’t get it. We’ve been on a couple of dates—well, more than a couple, and I’m sure he’s still hoping for sex and maybe that’s why he’s keeping me around. There have been no declarations of love or anything close to that. No flowers, no jewelry. No nothing of substance. I don’t even know if he really likes me or if he’s just waiting to get laid. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about him, or if I want to possibly hookup with his hot friend, Evan, because I suck.”
“Wait, what?’ Alyssa gasped loudly. “Who the fuck is Evan? And why haven’t I heard of him before?”
“Evan is the big problem.” I sighed and leaned back on the couch, groaning. “Oh, my God, Alyssa, I haven’t been able to talk about it because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed but this guy Evan… Argh.” I groaned loudly and closed my eyes for a few seconds as I pictured his face. “Oh, my God, I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. He’s the reason why I haven’t been able to sleep with Pierce yet. You don’t know how this guy has gotten under my skin already. It’s crazy. I don’t even know him. Barely met him once or twice. Barely had a conversation with him and the conversations we have had have shown me that he’s an arrogant asshole. A real bastard. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. He’s absolutely horrible. Cocky, full of himself. A real jerk. And he even touched me. Albeit it was on my knee and kinda on my thigh, but still—how rude, right? But even though he’s everything we hate in a guy there’s something about him that’s gotten under my skin and I just don’t know why. I just do not understand why I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m a horrible, horrible person, Alyssa. I know I am. I feel absolutely horrible, but I just can’t help myself. And, man, he’s so, so cocky—I said that, right? What’s worse is that he seems to be really close to Pierce, so he seems to always be around. It’s like this weird kind of torture.” I finally stopped talking and looked over at Alyssa to see her expression to what I’d just confessed to her. I was surprised to see a huge smile on her face. “What’s so funny? I asked her with narrowed eyes.
“You.” She giggled. “I never thought I’d see this day.”
“What day?” I frowned.
“The day that you became a player.”
“I’m not a player.” I pouted my lips. “I’m far from a player.”
“You are so a player.” Alyssa almost cackled in glee as she bounced up and down on the couch. “Who would have thunk it?”
“Alyssa, I’m not a player. You have to be dating multiple guys to be a player. I’m not doing that. I’m barely dating one guy.”
“Yeah, but you are kinda into his friend and from what you’re saying, it also seems like he’s into you as well.” She smiled at me in glee. “I mean, if he’s touching you, it sounds like he has an interest in you as well.”
“Alyssa, ugh. Don’t. He’s the player. He’s not into me. He’s just trying to play me.” I made a face.
“Imagine if you start dating both of them at the same time.” Her eyes widened and she clapped her ha
nds excitedly like a little child. “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you, Jess. This is so exciting!”
“What are you talking about?” I glanced at her but I couldn’t stop a small smile from crossing my face. “This is hardly exciting.”
“Yes, it is. I’m in shock.” Alyssa jumped up. “This calls for some music and a small dance party.”
“Dance party?” I gave her a look. “Really? A dance party? Why does this call for a dance party?”
“Because dancing is fun and you’re finally becoming a woman!”
“Huh?” I gave her a confused look. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re finally hitting your stride in your sexuality.” She grinned.
“I am?”
“Sure looks like it to me.” She nodded and reached out her hands to me. “Pause Lorelei and Rory and let’s get some Pitbull up in here.”
“Alyssa, you make me laugh.” I shook my head at her. “Here I am feeling like shit about myself, yet you’re acting like I just told you I won the lottery—and not a dollar scratch-off either. You’re acting like I told you that I just won a million bucks or something. This is not something deserving of a dance party and definitely not Pitbull. Next thing you’ll be saying is that we need some Nicki Minaj as well and you know that that is just not on.”
“Oh, Jess, come on, let’s have some fun. Stop being so repressed. Own it. Shit, fuck Pierce and Evan. Who cares? If you want to do it, do it. Just make sure you use protection. We don’t need any babies up in here and we sure as hell don’t want to be on Maury.”
“Maury?” I asked her in confusion.