by J. S. Cooper
“Jess, you can’t think about it like that.” Alyssa paused and then continued. “Though I would recommend you don’t text or call him. Why put yourself out there to be hurt? Honestly, he’s not a good guy. A stand up guy would never have put you in that position in the first place. He would’ve told you who he was, would’ve tried to make things right before you guys hooked up. He’s not a stand up guy, trust me on that, so there’s absolutely no point on trying to get to know him better or giving him a chance. No point whatsoever.”
“Wow, you really don’t like him.”
“I know these sorts of guys. They aren’t worth it. He’ll never be worth it.”
“Why does it already feel like it’s going to hurt, though?” I could feel my heart aching as I thought about never seeing Evan again. Why did everything feel so melodramatic already? Why did I feel like my heart was going to be broken? Why did I feel like there was nothing I could do to stop the pain that I knew was coming?
“Oh, Jess, you’ve invested in him emotionally and physically.” Alyssa looked worried. “You know you’re not the sort of girl who can sleep with a guy and not feel something for him. That’s just your personality.”
“I don’t want that to be my personality. I don’t want to think about him or care about him. I don’t want to be feeling hurt already. I don’t even know this guy. I don’t want to feel like he’s consuming my life.”
“Jess, the only thing I can tell you is that you need to just not continue on with him. Getting out and meeting new guys could help with that.”
“Alyssa, I don’t want to go clubbing. I don’t want to meet new guys. I can’t move on that quickly. That’s not how I work. I already feel like shit about everything and now I feel like my heart is going to be broken for being some heathen slut.”
“Jess, STOP, STOP, STOP. You are totally overreacting about everything. You can get over this quite easily if you just listen to my advice.”
“I’m listening.”
“You’re listening, but I’m not sure you’re really paying attention. I’m not sure you’re going to listen to me and follow my advice.”
“He’s not calling, so I don’t think we have a problem right now, do you?” I pursed my lips. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask him if he wants to take me on a real date.”
“You shouldn’t even have to ask him that, Jess. If he was really interested in that, he would’ve asked you already. Let’s be real, if he’s interested in a genuine way, he will be asking you a lot more than can I take you on a date. He’d be wooing you, hoping he could take you on many dates. He’d be hoping that he can do whatever he can to make you feel better about this situation. He’d be letting you know how much he likes you and he’d be hoping that you feel the same way. He’d be talking about how he’s sorry for not telling you the truth—which, by the way, what did he say about that?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled, feeling dumb.
“What?” She screwed her face up. “What do you mean by nothing?”
“I mean he said nothing.” I groaned. “I was in bed with him when I found out. And when I say in bed, I mean that Pierce had kinda entered the room and that’s how I found out. And then I rushed to the shower and then everyone was there and then basically we all chatted and I said I couldn’t make brunch because you needed me and then Pierce asked if I wanted to do dinner instead and I said yes and then I left.”
“Oh, my God.” Alyssa shook her head. “Call Pierce and tell him that you don’t want to do dinner. Tell him you can’t see him anymore. Tell him that everything has been moving too quickly for you and that you need some time to think.”
“Really?” I made a face and my heart lurched. “Won’t that look suspicious?”
“Who bloody cares?” Alyssa sounded annoyed. “Just do it. You owe nothing to Pierce or to Evan. Absolutely nothing. You just need to get over them both. And the best way to do that is not to see either of them again.”
“Oh, my God,” I said. “I’m not sure I can do that.” My stomach sank. “I really like him. I just can’t not see him again.”
“Yes, you can.” Alyssa looked annoyed now. “It’s the only way to make sure this doesn’t blow up in your face.”
“It won’t blow up in my face.” I bit down on my lower lip. “I’ll be good.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about, Jess. You’re playing with fire and I swear to God, you’re the only one who’s going to get burned in this situation.”
“Why?” I buried my face in my hands. “Oh, God, why…”
“Just listen to me, Jess. Just call Pierce now and call off the dinner date.”
“Okay.” I nodded and sighed. “I’ll do it.” I peeked at her through my fingers. “I’ll do it.” I jumped up and then collapsed back down on the mattress and groaned. “Why me? Why oh why?”
Chapter 16
Jess
You ever tell yourself that you’re doing something for one reason when you’re really doing it for quite a different reason? That’s something that I do all of the time. That’s something I did when I decided to go over to Pierce’s apartment to pick up a dress and cardigan that I’d left there at some point. Even though I had cancelled dinner with Pierce and told him that I wasn’t feeling well and needed time alone, I still convinced myself it was a good idea to go over to his place and that I really needed my dress and cardigan because, well, you know, it was obviously a matter of life and death. The sad part was that Evan hadn’t reached out to me at all in the three days since I’d slept with him. And that had killed me. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, wondering what he was thinking. Telling myself that he wasn’t contacting me because he wasn’t sure how I felt and if I would be cool with him after what had happened. Maybe he was worried I’d feel like he had taken advantage of me. Maybe he’d think I didn’t want to see him again. I didn’t know. I knew in my heart of hearts that all of those thoughts were likely untrue. I knew he most likely wasn’t even thinking about me. I knew that I was probably nothing to him, but that didn’t stop me from wishing that the reality was something different. I mean, don’t we all wish that the reality is something different? So that’s why I found myself headed over to Pierce’s apartment on a Thursday afternoon when the last thing I should have been doing was heading over to his place.
I rang the doorbell and held my breath, wondering who was going to answer and buzz me up, if anyone.
“Hello?” Evan’s deep voice spoke through the intercom, and my heart stopped. “Hello,” he said a few seconds later, as I’d been unable to speak.
“It’s me. It’s Jess,” I said finally. Silence. I felt my face growing red. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Oh, my God, I’d made a mistake.
“Jess?” he said after what seemed like a decade.
“I left something in the apartment. I came to get it.”
“Okay,” he said, his voice sounding hesitant, and I just wanted to run away.
“Can I come up?”
“Of course.” He buzzed me up and the door cracked open as I pushed it and headed towards the stairs. My heart was racing as I made my way up the stairs, wondering what he was thinking and if I’d made a huge mistake coming here. He hadn’t sounded like he’d missed me or been thinking about me at all.
Chapter 17
Evan
Three days. That was how long it had taken for Jess to come over. I was surprised it had taken this long. In fact, it made me doubt my own skills in bed. The fact that she hadn’t even contacted me or tried to see me before this point was surprising and I’d felt a bit put out. Normally a woman slept with me and it was like she’d been consumed with a virus. Normally they couldn’t get enough of me. Obviously Jess hadn’t felt that way. Though she had eventually showed up today, three days later. Hmm, I’d have to show her that that wasn’t acceptable. Three days was too long. I’d been craving her since the moment she’d left my bed the other morning. All I could think about was the way she’d felt next to me and how she’d tou
ched me and I’d felt whole inside of her. It had felt like heaven on earth. And while I’d felt guilty about what had occurred, I couldn’t stop thinking that this was one of the hottest moments in my life. Oh, Jess had been so eager, so willing, so tempting, and she had loved every part of it just as I had.
But damn, three bloody days. How could she have gone that long without seeing me or wanting to be with me? I didn’t understand it.
I heard the light knocking on the door and I walked over to it in excitement. I couldn’t wait to see her face or her body. I couldn’t wait to touch her. If she let me. I didn’t want to play games with her. I couldn’t wait to see her lips trembling as I touched her. I couldn’t wait to be with her. I just hoped she felt the same way and that she couldn’t wait to be with me. I was hoping I had been on her mind as much as she’d been on mine.
I opened the door and removed the smile from my face. I didn’t want her to think I was too eager. I didn’t want her to think I’d been counting down the hours to this moment; that I’d been anxious to see her again. I didn’t want her to think I cared as much as I did. There was nothing good that would come of that.
“Hello, Jess,” I said, taking in her appearance eagerly. Her hair hung long down past her shoulders and she was wearing a pair of short-shorts and a tight tank top that told me secrets of her body that I wanted to remember—oh, how I wanted to remember.
“Hi.” She didn’t smile as she looked at me and I could tell she was pissed off.
“Want to come in?”
“That’s why I’m here.” She rolled her eyes at me and all I wanted to do was pull her in for a kiss.
“Then, come in.” I walked away from the door. I wasn’t going to make this easier on her.
“What are you here for?”
“I’m here to collect my stuff,” she said stiffly.
“Your stuff?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “What stuff? Your sex toys?”
“My what?” She glared at me.
“Was I not loud enough?” I spoke up louder. “I said your sex toys?”
“I don’t have any sex toys,” she said indignantly.
“At all or just here?” I said with a laugh. “You should really have a dildo at home for the lonely nights.”
“You’re a jerk.” She gasped, and I laughed.
“Original.” I headed towards the kitchen. “Want a drink?”
“No.” She didn’t follow behind me.
“Want something to eat?” I said.
“No.”
“Want a quick fuck?”
“No,” she screeched.
“Want a long fuck, then?”
“No, oh my god, you’re such a pervert.” She sounded exacerbated, and this time I did turn around and look at her.
“Really? You’re that shocked?” I looked at her body. “Isn’t that why you came over this afternoon?”
“Excuse me?” She glared at me.
“You wanted another piece of me.”
“I want no piece of you,” she said, her lips quivering, and I almost laughed. It was so obvious to me that she wanted me as badly as I wanted her but I was going to keep playing this game with her. That would teach her to leave me wanting for three days. Three days indeed. Didn’t she realize I had needs? Didn’t she realize she was lucky enough to have gotten a night with me? That wasn’t something that happened to a lot of women and she should be thankful for that. I’d have to teach her a lesson. I’d have to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget.
“You’re a liar,” I said with a smirk.
“You’re still an ass.”
“An ass you enjoyed the other night.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“Do you think about anything else?” I asked her and leaned over to whisper into her ear.
“Have you thought about anything else since that night?”
“What are you talking about?” She tried to take a step back, but I grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her closer to me.
“Have you thought about anything other than me being inside of you, making you mine?”
“You’re a pervert.”
“Isn’t that what you liked so much about me?” I laughed. “Didn’t you like my perverted self sliding up inside of you, while your fingernails dug into my shoulders and back? Didn’t you enjoy the way I made you scream and come? Isn’t that why you came back?”
“I came back for my dress and my cardigan.” She gasped, her breath coming quickly now. “I don’t want you. You’re so full of yourself.”
“You want me right now. You want to ride me, and I think I’m going to let you do it.”
“No, I don’t.” Her eyes widened and I laughed as she licked her lips nervously. “Or I can take you from behind. I seem to remember you liked that as well. I really seemed to hit the spot, didn’t I?”
“I came for my dress and cardigan,” she protested, eyes wide.
“Liar.” I pushed my erection into her. “You came to come.”
“You’re such a pervert.”
“And that’s what you love about me.”
“I don’t love anything about you,” she protested. “All you care about is sex.”
“That’s not true.”
“You’ve never asked me out on a date.”
“You want to go on a date?” I leaned forward and took her lower lip in my mouth. “That can be arranged.”
“I don’t want to go on a date. I’m just saying that you’re not a standup guy. You haven’t even asked me on a date, yet you love to talk about sex all the time. I think you’re disgusting.”
“You think I’m disgusting?”
“Yes.”
“Uh huh.” I stepped back and had a grin at her bereft expression. “Okay then, let’s find your dress and cardigan and then you can leave.”
“What?” She frowned in confusion.
“I don’t want you to think I’m here to keep you against your will.” I shrugged. “Obviously, I read the signs incorrectly. Let’s get your stuff and then you can go.”
“Oh, okay.” She still looked confused. “Uh, what about Pierce?”
“What about him?” I said softly, waiting to see if she’d crack.
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Absolutely nothing.” She looked lost for a few seconds and a part of me felt sorry for her. She had absolutely no idea she was playing around with a mastermind. And how would she? She was out of her league and that was part of why I found the game so much fun. She had absolutely no idea how to keep up with me.
I felt a little hesitation as she glanced up at me through her long lashes. A part of me felt guilty. Maybe I shouldn’t play this game with her. Maybe I should just let it go. Maybe, just maybe, I should let Jess be the one who didn’t get caught up in the trap.
I should be the man that didn’t let Jess get caught up in the trap but, for selfish reasons, I didn’t want to be that man. For selfish reasons, I wanted to be the man that let Jess get trapped up in all of my tangled and devious webs. I wanted to see how far I could take everything. I wondered how far I could push it, how far she was willing to go. I was surprised she had even brought Pierce up. Though I was sure she was probably still shocked about what had gone on. Who wouldn’t be?
“So do you know where you left it, then?” I asked her, feigning nonchalance. If she thought I wanted her to leave, then she would likely not want to leave. That was the psychology of how these things went every single time.
“Left what?” She looked more confused than ever and she started playing with her hair. I wanted to reach over and run my fingers through it and pull it a little. I wanted to watch her eyes widen in surprise and shock and maybe a little in desire, wondering what I was going to do next, but I didn’t. A part of me was starting to feel guilty. She was so very naïve and gullible and I couldn’t quite believe she’d fallen for everything. I couldn’t believe it, yet I was happy she was here. I just had no idea how much further things would go and if I’d be okay wi
th that.
“The stuff you came to collect,” I said softly. “Isn’t that why you’re here, after all?”
“Of course it is. Why else would I be here?”
“Maybe for me?” I laughed as she blushed. “Maybe to ride me?”
“You’re such a pervert.”
“Isn’t that what makes everything fun?” I winked at her. “Isn’t that why you’ve been attracted to me this whole time?” I stared at her, wondering why and how she didn’t get it. Did nothing seem off to her?
“I can’t believe you.” She shook her head in disgust at me. “You’re a horrible dad to Pierce. I can’t believe you would do that to your own son.”
“If you’re so concerned, why don’t you go on a date with him, then, and make it up to him?” Her words annoyed me. She had no idea what she was talking about. I wondered how she could just take everything at face value. Didn’t she question anything? I wanted to tell her to just slow down and think about everything properly. I wanted to tell her that she should have more faith in me. That maybe Pierce wasn’t the good guy she thought he was. I wanted to tell her that I thought maybe both of us had been played, but I knew it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because I knew the truth, the whole truth, the full truth, the sickening truth. And while, in the beginning, it had seemed like harmless fun, it was starting to make me feel guilty. And that was a feeling I didn’t understand or want to understand. I didn’t want to develop a conscience, not now. Not when everything was so up in the air and so complicated. This was meant to be fun. It had always been fun. I couldn’t let that change now.
“Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll just stick with him. He seems like he’s a better guy than you.”
“You think?” Something in my stomach growled and I could feel myself growing angry. Did she really think that? And what did I care if she did? I should have known from the beginning that this was going to be overly complicated. I just should have known.