by Ceri Beynon
“You make me out to be better than I actually am Seren. An angel? A fallen one perhaps. All our relationship has involved is struggles against Dad, our marriage being called off and even when he’s dead he’s still destroying us because I’ve become a wreck. You should have a boyfriend who takes you to parties, to the beach, who makes you laugh. Not one who puts the woes of the world on you like I do. Seren, do you want to leave me?” he asks, out of the blue.
“No! Calix, I am here to support you every step of the way. I never want to leave you, you are the only thing that makes me happy. I don’t care for parties, and all this woe is just a phase. You’ll come to terms with your Dads death sooner or later, although I know that’s hard to believe right now. Then there will be just us, free to be with each other forever without interruption. Your grief is making you needy and insecure. I will never leave you “ I say forcefully, holding both his hands.
“Okay. I believe you. I just feel so very alone now that my Dads gone, like I don’t have anyone to turn to anymore. And if I didn’t have you, I think I would just die” he says, his eyes sparkling with terror.
Chapter Eighteen.
The Funeral
Wednesday arrives. Calix has picked me up early as he wants me to sit next to him in the car as it follows the Kings coffin. Wearing a black dress, I look the same as I always do when I go to the City. Calix is wearing a black suit and looks understated yet dapper.
As we drive through the gates, I can instantly see that this is going to be a huge affair. Roads are closed, black traffic cones with ‘funeral’ written on them line the streets. Shops are closed and the streets seem relatively empty. I wonder where everyone is.
We drive slowly up to the palace, where the whole city seems to be clustered. They stand behind barriers, wearing black, each one holding a single white lily or black rose in honour of the King.
In a large black horse-drawn hearse, with a glass panel that displays the coffin, lies the King. The coffin is draped in a rich purple pall, with a black ‘B’ and a black crown embroidered onto it. Foot attends, pall bearers carrying batons, pages and mutes surround the hearse. Feather- men carry mourning fans made of black ostrich feather.
Six black horses, with black ostrich feather plumes on their heads pull the carriage. Five black cars follow, lead by Alfred in the Rolls-Royce. Despite the large crowd, there is complete silence.
The funeral takes place in the black cathedral, the only beacon of hope in a city of despair.
Calix aids in carrying his fathers coffin into the cathedral, which I hope will be the last time he has to carry the weight of his Father on his shoulders.
I sit next to Jane at the front, leaving an empty seat next to me for Calix.
“You shouldn’t be here you know. The King abhorred you” she hisses at me.
“I’m here for Calix” I say quietly, not wanting to argue at the Kings funeral.
The bishop says prayers for the King and reflects on his life, glossing over the negative aspects and highlighting the Kings strength of will and work ethic.
Every notable in the city is here, but remarkably Anita and Frederick are not. I guess that they must still be in hiding. All of the congregation wear black, the ladies are dressed dramatically in black veils and wear jet jewellery. Tears are shed into white handkerchiefs adorned with black edges.
Calix stands up halfway through the presentation to say some words in honour of his Father.
“Its always interesting how death unites everyone. I’m sure Dad would be pleased to know that the whole city is in mourning. My father, the King was a man who always gave one hundred percent of himself to any cause he truly believed in. He created strong opinions in people, but he was working to perfect his vision. Dad was a traditionalist, a pillar of stability in an ever-changing world. But more than a King, he was a father and he always tried to protect me in the way he thought correct. I didn’t expect to lose him so young. I’ll be honest, Dad gave the impression that he was invincible and could not die. His strength was such that sometimes I could forget he was just a human, and as vulnerable to illness as anyone else. Dad will be buried alongside his wife, who he loved dearly and he remained ever-faithful to his whole life, refusing to marry or even love again, perhaps this loyalty can be said to be his most admirable trait. Thank you all for attending today. It is on this day I officially say goodbye to my Father but its not forever and he shall never be forgotten” says Calix, stepping down to an applause from the congregation.
Calix resumes his seat and classical music starts to play.
“You were amazing Calix. It was so poignant” I say, laying my hand on his hand.
“Thanks. I did get a little bit choked up in some parts, but I tried to control my emotion. Dad would have wanted it that way” he says.
As I look at the coffin laid on the bier, its like a mighty giant that could only ever be defeated while he slept. Only death could end the King’s reign.
“How are you feeling”? I ask Calix as we leave the cathedral and follow on to the burial.
“Not as bad as I thought. I guess this is closure, the end of a chapter in my life and the beginning of a new one. I feel more at peace now that I’ve said goodbye. I think the fact that this day was looming was getting to me. It’s the waiting that’s the worst thing” he says.
We walk to the City of the Broken cemetery, which is grander than the graveyard that resides next to the entrance of the city. All of the graves are black and in the centre stands the stately tomb of HRH Queen Audrey 1st of the City of the Broken, Calix’s mother.
“Its good that they can finally be together again in death” I say, holding Calix’s hand.
“Yes, maybe Dad will finally have a smile on his face now” smiles Calix.
I laugh, but then stop, realizing its inappropriate at a funeral. Especially when it’s a funeral of the King of the Broken.
“I hope that’ll be us one day Calix. An everlasting couple, resting together, awaiting the next life” I say.
“You are morbid Seren but me too. My mother and father were a wonderful couple. Maybe Dad’s heart was yearning so much for his wife that it couldn’t bear to carry on anymore. I like to think that’s the reason he died so early” says Calix thoughtfully as he looks upon his Mother’s, and soon to be parents grave.
The coffin is lowered into the earth and Calix sheds a tear.
“Goodbye Dad” he says emotionally.
After the burial ,the mourners depart, offering condolences to Calix and wishing him luck with his future role as King.
We head back to the palace , away from the public, away from the show, just us together. We go to Calix’s room.
“Wow Calix this whole place is yours now” I say, looking at the positive angle of things.
“Yes. Its far too big for one person. Maybe you could come and live with me Seren” he says seriously.
“Live with you? Here in the City of the Broken?” I ask in complete astonishment.
“Sure, why not? Dads not here to stop us now and we love each other, so its only natural” he smiles.
“Wow Calix. This is such a big step…”I say
“It is. And tonight I don’t want to think about all the serious grown up stuff. I invited you here to my room Seren so that we could hang out, listen to music and do whatever we want. This may be the last time I ever get to be a teenager ,a prince, carefree, devoid of responsibility. And I want to share this moment with you Seren .My moment of normality” he says enthusiastically.
“Oh Calix, yes. Lets just chill out and be like everybody else. Tonight let us not have a care in the world” I say, a tear in my eye at Calix’s desperation in clinging to his lost youth.
“You bet baby .I’m talking midnight feasts, too-loud music, staying up and talking until dawn. Just us, the world can wait. Let everyone else get swamped in toils and workloads, because tonight we don’t care” he says, electric and alive ,finally free to fly.
Should I feel bad tha
t we are having this much fun after a funeral? Well I don’t. Tonight we are children again, stress and shame are not in our repertoire.
We eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, popcorn and sweets that rot the teeth. We listen to all our favourite songs, some which we haven’t heard in years. We dance through the dark, a disco ball highlighting our steps. We read our favourite poems, have quizzes on our favourite novels and even make up our own stories. We play truth or dare, trivial pursuit and Monopoly. Calix is beaming, and so am I.
Its hard to believe I’m in the palace of the City of the Broken, a chamber of gloom. We laugh so hard it hurts, falling over into a heap of cushions and partake in a pillow fight.
“Oh Calix, we’re alive!” I screech, as he attempts to tickle me.
I return home from the city, and am glad to leave Calix looking exuberant and hopeful about the future. I think that Calix is now at peace, as much as his Dad now is. Calix dropped me off at four o’ clock in the morning. I would have spent the night at his and arrived at college together, but I had to go home and change. I’m still wearing my funeral dress and its now sticky from popcorn and spilt fizzy drink.
At college there is hardly anyone around, so Calix and I lark about in the corridors, dancing and jumping around like fools. The few people that pass us look at us like they think we are retarded.
“I love that you’re about to be crowned King and everyone in this college is oblivious to this fact” I say, my arms wrapped around his neck.
“Yeah me too, and lets keep it that way .I like the anonymity here” he says.
After returning my books to the college library, I check to see if Calix is ready to leave too.
“Have you finished everything as well?” I ask
“Yes, I only came in to see if my final history assignment had been marked” he says.
“Has it?”
“Yes, I got an A*” he says happily.
“Well obviously you did. I could have told you that” I say.
After our short stint in college, we head back to the City of the Broken. The coronation is tomorrow and Calix is eager to put in some practice.
“I want to rehearse a bit for the coronation. To be honest this is stressing me out far more than Dads funeral. The whole focus will be on me and I feel like I’m not allowed to mess up” he says, creasing his forehead.
“Calix please don’t worry. I know this is a big deal, but you are such a perfectionist and you are putting all of this pressure on yourself. Just relax, I promise you’ll be absolutely brilliant” I say, kissing him.
“But what if, you know, I cant live up to my Dad?” he says hesitantly, flushing slightly from embarrassment.
“What? Calix I think that is the most ludicrous thing you have ever said. No disrespect to the man but you will outshine his rule one hundred and ten percent, through kindness and justice alone. The only people who will disapprove of you becoming King will be traditionalists who don’t like change” I say forcefully.
“I don’t know” he says doubtfully.
“Please don’t compare yourself to your Dad Calix. You are so different from him. Your rule will be in an alternate universe to his, but that doesn’t make it bad. You are the rightful heir, your Dad wouldn’t trust the throne to any other hands” I say earnestly.
“He didn’t trust it in my hands. You heard what he said that night we got engaged. Maybe I’m not good enough to be King” he sighs.
“Just stop it Calix. Lets practice, the more you do, the better prepared and more confident you’ll be” I say, looking deeply into his eyes.
“You’re right Seren. I’ve got to pull myself together, I’m going to be King” he says determined.
“Right you are. Now lets get down to this” I say passionately.
We practice for hours with Calix balancing a textbook on his head in place of a crown, sitting on a dining chair in place of a throne and addressing an audience of Alfred and I in place of the citizens. Calix seems more nervous than I thought he’d be ,despite the fact that its only us.
“I just cant get it right Seren, its not good enough. I don’t sound sincere ,I sound rehearsed, like I’m acting” he says, evidently stressed.
“Please calm down Calix. Its just stress. Maybe you sound rehearsed because you are reading a prepared speech. Perhaps on the day you should improvise a bit, freestyle” I say.
“What if my mind goes blank and I cant think of anything to say?” he enquires.
“Well memorise your speech as well, as a backup. But perhaps give the real speech a more human touch. The citizens will like to see your compassion, its what makes you you. Your trademark” I say.
“I cant believe I have to do this so soon. Truth be told I’ve been rehearsing for this moment since I was a little boy, but I pictured it happening when I was fifty and grey, mature, with a knowledge of life and a social ease and grace that I haven’t yet mastered. Seren, do you think I’m too young to be King?” he asks.
I hesitate, because in some ways yes I do. Calix is just a teenager and the word King has a gravitas air to it. But at the same time Calix has a sense of responsibility, perhaps more so than his father ever did, that far belies his young years. I couldn’t think of a better candidate to be a ruler.
“No Calix, I think you are very mature. Just get a good night sleep tonight, tomorrow is the day. You will make an amazing King” I say truthfully.
“Thank you Seren. Your opinion means so much to me. I’ll be up before daylight making sure everything is perfect. The staff have organized the coach, the ceremony and extra security. Everything else is down to me now” he says, decidedly more confident than he appeared earlier.
Chapter Nineteen.
A New Beginning
This morning I shall be driven to the city alone by Alfred, meet Calix at the palace to wish him luck and then Alfred and I shall follow behind the Royal coach to the Black Cathedral. I feel incredibly nervous myself. Thousands of spectators will witness this event which will be broadcast to the whole city on cinematic screens and live television. It really is an historic occasion. Calix has to arrive alone in the coach, and for selfish reasons I’m glad, I hate the spotlight. He must be so terrified.
Alfred and I pull up to the palace.
“Have you seen him yet?” I ask Alfred.
“No, not yet Miss Loneheart. No one has. He’s been locked in his room all morning getting ready. He even had Jane leave his breakfast tray outside his bedroom door” says Alfred.
“Why all this secrecy?” I ask puzzled.
“I think he wants you to see him before anyone else” says Alfred seriously.
I walk to Calix’s room, apprehensive at his refusal to open the door, thinking perhaps nerves have got the better of him. I knock.
“Calix ,its me Seren” I announce.
To my surprise, he opens the door instantly, ushering me in quickly.
When I see him I nearly fall backwards in amazement. He looks breathtaking. A vision. He’s wearing a long black velvet robe adorned with gold and purple jewelled collar. His hair is the best I’ve ever seen it-thick, glossy and immaculate. An appropriate base for a crown to sit. He stands confidently, noble, tall and elegant. He looks like a king, despite the fact he’s yet to have been awarded his crown.
“Well?” he asks, as I have remained silent since entering the room, taken aback by wonder at the sight of the fairytale in front of my eyes.
“Calix, you look so wonderful! Why didn’t you let anyone see you?” I ask.
“I wanted your approval first. I trust your opinion above everyone else’s, but don’t tell anyone that” he winks at me.
“Where did you get that robe Calix? Its so luxurious” I ask.
“It was my Dads. It’s the Black Robe of the Broken. Its only worn to momentous occasions like state banquets and the coronation of course”.
I briefly recall once seeing the King in this exact robe, however on him it looked drab and ill fitted. On Calix ,it looks li
ke made -to -measure haute couture.
“Are you afraid?” I ask him.
“I’m a little nervous, but I feel well prepared. The scariest bit is being parted from you, riding in that coach alone” he says sincerely.
I feel so needed and cherished.
“Oh Calix, you are so romantic. Prince Charming” I blush.
“King Charming soon ,don’t forget. I like to think of it as just another duty to be performed, that way I don’t get overwhelmed by the vastness of the occasion” he says sensibly.
Calix and I walk down the great staircase to the entrance of the palace.
“Well, this is the moment. You are going to be King” I say looking deeply into his compassionate eyes.
“I know, its crazy. I’ll see you after the ceremony Seren” he says, kissing my head gently.
The Black State Coach is parked inside the main palace gates. Its beautiful, with golden edges, pulled by four glossy, black Friesian horses who are as smartly dressed in their bridles and saddles as Calix is in his black robe.
Crowds stand behind barriers, as in the funeral, only this time there is decidedly more optimism in the eyes of the citizens. I can even see a few Smiley’s holding a banner reading ‘New King, New City.’
I kiss Calix and wish him good luck. He walks dignified and nobly like a lion into his coach, flanked by security and attendants.
I locate Alfred and get into the Rolls-Royce ready to follow on behind.
I see Calix sitting in the coach and he has become a statue, untouchable and a living hero. A prince about to be crowned. But deep inside I know that’s not the real him, that’s his duty, his job. He’s giving the people what they expect of him, performing the role perfectly.
The gates of the palace open and the coach takes off. The horses prance gracefully to their destination, seemingly equalling the prince in their sense of duty to trot in perfect step with one another whilst looking sleek and dignified.