by Sarah Biglow
Chapter Eight
Marisol
As I sat alone in the study room all day, the library book and its contents weighed heavy on my mind. Even though I hadn’t seen Henry since I’d arrived, it still felt as though he was keeping an eye on me. At four o’clock on the dot, I settled behind the circulation desk. Henry smiled at me but didn’t say anything. I hoped today’s shift would be uneventful.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Tina said, materializing on the other side of the desk. She had a way too eager smile on her face. Something was definitely up.
“Uh, fine.”
“You’re not on the schedule today, Tina,” Henry said, coming to my defense.
She rolled her eyes at him. “Really? Thank God you’re here to remind me. Anyway, this isn’t your business.”
Whatever she had to say next, I didn’t want it to be my business either. “Do you need help with something?”
She grabbed my wrist and dragged me around the side of the desk. I had no choice but to follow her. My heart thumped in my chest as I realized my bag and its secret contents were unguarded.
“I heard you’re going out with Spencer again,” she said when we were well hidden in the biography section.
“Why is it any of your business?”
“He’s a nerd but he’s kind of my nerd. He’s really excited about this whole thing and I guess you could say I’m a little protective of him.”
Somehow, I doubted the veracity of her statement. Not her protectiveness. I could practically feel the waves of defensiveness rolling off her. But I couldn’t picture her and Spencer as friends. Tina didn’t come off as the friendly type. She would invade your personal space and co-opt your personal life, but friend was a stretch.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but Spencer and I are just friends.”
Tina brushed a few strands of blue hair out of her face. “We both know he’s got more in mind. If you hurt him, you’ll see how protective I can be.”
I bristled at her threat. This girl who had spent all of three hours with me had no right to come at me like this. “Your threat is noted. But you aren’t the only one who can throw down. I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my business.”
I left her standing there and returned to the desk. Henry looked up from his laptop.
“Everything okay?”
I forced a smile. “Everything is fine.”
The first hour was pretty boring. A few people came in with early summer reading lists for their kids. With Henry manning the desk, I guided them into the shelves to find the books they needed. I helped an older woman update her account, so she could rent e-books. I reached into my bag to check my phone when my hand brushed the binding of the book. When the flow of people eased up, I leaned over and tapped Henry on the shoulder.
“Can I ask you something about Tina?”
“I can’t promise I’ll know the answer but shoot.”
“Is she good with computers?”
Henry chuckled. “If you ask her, she’d tell you she’s a hacker extraordinaire. Why?”
“I just have a problem with my computer and thought she might be able to help.”
“If she’s still around, you could ask. I’ve got the desk.”
I shouldered my bag and went in search of Tina. I found her sequestered in a study room, back to the door with her headphones in, tapping away on a 2-in-1 tablet.
I knocked on the doorframe. “Hey, Tina, can I show you something?”
She didn’t respond. I nudged her shoulder but again, nothing. So, I did the only thing I could think of: I moved into the room, reached behind the tablet’s screen, and unplugged the headphones.
Tina swiveled to face me, anger wafting off her. “What the hell?”
“I needed to ask you something and you weren’t paying attention,” I said, annoyance washing over me. I must have been picking up on her irritation.
“What is it?”
I sat down next to her and reached into my bag, retrieving the book. “I was re-shelving things yesterday and this book doesn’t have a reference number on it. In fact, it doesn’t look like it’s ever been checked out.”
“I’ve never seen it before. And Henry’s more the rulebook guy. Talk to him.”
“Well, I thought you should know, I found something in the back that seemed like it might be interest.” I flipped to the index and the cut-out pages fell open to reveal the five discs with no cases. “I don’t know what is on them, but I thought someone should know.”
Tina gave me a side-eye before closing her tablet and fully giving me her attention. She gingerly picked up the first disc with the pads of her fingers, as if handling it too roughly would make it spontaneously combust.
“I haven’t seen tech this old since I was five.”
“Do you have any way of figuring out what’s on it?”
“Not here. I’ll take a closer look with my set up at home.” She pocketed the lot of them. “Thanks for letting me know.”
I closed the book. “What about this?”
“It’s a book.”
My eyes rolled so far back in my head I’m surprised I didn’t get a look at my brain stem. “A book with no reference number in a library. It has some odd inscription on the front page which makes me think this has sentimental value to someone.”
“Keep it or give it to Henry. I don’t really care. I’ll let you know what I find with the discs.”
“You don’t find it a little odd someone hid whatever those discs were in this book in the bottom of the book return? I mean it has to have special significance.”
“Well Nancy Drew, sounds like you’ve got a mystery to solve. Like I said, I’ll see what I can find out with these.”
She gave me a dismissive wave, putting her headphones back on. Her holier than thou attitude washed over me and I bit my tongue to keep from cursing her out. After taking several calming breaths, I flipped to the front-page inscription. Who were Lena and C.H.K.? What amazing breakthrough would warrant inclusion in such a dense text?
I slid the book back into the front flap of my bag. I couldn’t explain why but I didn’t want to share this with Henry. He was nice enough, but this was something I wanted to work out with someone I trusted. Like Spencer?
Did I really trust him? I wanted his friendship. Would sharing this secret with him give him false hope there was more between us?
I headed back to the circulation desk and took up my empty seat. Henry was busy checking someone out. I was about to pull out my phone to do some covert internet searches when a woman stormed by chasing an elementary-school aged boy clinging to a book.
“Michael, you have to leave it here,” she yelled.
My irritation spiked. I pushed back from behind the desk, rounded the side and planted myself between mother and son. “Is there a problem?”
The woman gaped at me. Michael huddled behind me, pressing the book to his chest. “It’s none of your business.”
I pointed toward the circulation desk. “I work here. How can I help?”
“I want it Mommy!” Michael wailed.
“He loves this stupid book. I’ve read it to him a million times. But he refuses to leave without it.”
“You can check it out.”
She stared at me dumbfounded. “He doesn’t have a card.”
I bit my lip hard to keep from laughing. “Do you?”
She blushed a deep rose. “No.”
I waved her over to the desk. “I can help.”
She glanced between the desk and her son once before following me over. In a matter of minutes, she held her newly-minted library card. Michael still sat on the floor clutching the book. I bent down to his eye level and could almost feel his sadness about having to leave the book.
“Hi Michael, my name’s Mari. Can I see your book for a minute?”
“I want to keep it.”
“I know. I have to stamp it and you can take it home with you.”
His eyes widened, and his mood improved immediately. “I can?”
I nodded, and he relinquished the book. After date stamping the return card for as late a date as I could, I handed it back to him. He waved before following his mother out the front doors. A figure passed them on their way and I spotted Spencer as he approached the desk.
“He looks happy.”
“It is amazing what a library card can do. Poor guy wanted to spend more time with Mom reading his favorite book”
Spencer cocked his head to the side. “He told you?”
“No. Just … a feeling.” I turned back to find Henry sitting alone at the desk. “Is it okay for me to head out?”
“Have a good night,” he said with a small wave.
Spencer and I walked side by side out into the sticky early summer air. The sun had set, casting the sky in pretty shades of orange and purple. We meandered up the street in silence for a minute before Spencer looked at me. “Where should we go?”
I thought for a minute. I didn’t want the crowded noise of a restaurant and the park sent phantom shivers down my spine. I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn’t help it. “How about your favorite place in town. Somewhere special to you.”
He brightened. “Right this way.”
Spencer led me down back alleys and through people’s backyards to a small clearing overlooking a tiny ravine. The grass was lush and smelled of lilies. A single bench sat in the middle of the clearing with a perfect view of the land on the other side of the chasm.
“What is this place?”
“I’ve spent a lot of time here the last few years. Things were kind of … complicated when I started high school and this place made me feel safe and like I was more in control.”
“And the bench?”
He grinned. “A friend helped me get it out here. Come on.”
“How? With a forklift?” I joked.
Spencer’s cheeks flushed. “Not exactly. My friend works out a lot. To say he could bench press that sucker would be both accurate, and horribly cheesy.”
We settled onto the worn wood and stared at the sky as it faded to dark blue. “Can I ask what happened,” I probed.
“Huh?”
“What happened to make you find this place?”
He ran his hands over his thighs as if to wipe off sweat. His gaze went unfocused and he wouldn’t look at me. “It’s hard to explain. I discovered some things about myself I couldn’t share with other people. Being alone was easier, safer.”
I took his hand. “You don’t have to hide anything with me, I promise.”
“It isn’t something I talk about. Believe me, I want to tell you. You’re the first person I’ve wanted to tell, but I don’t know how.”
Pain etched into his features, as if it physically hurt him to say those words. I wanted him to spill whatever the secret was, but knew if we were going to trust each other, I needed to be patient. So, I said, “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. That’s what friends are for.”
“Yeah, friends,” he muttered.
I had to hand it to him. His secret spot was beautiful. “Thank you for sharing this place with me.”
“Don’t go telling the locals.”
A smile spread across my lips. “Lucky for you I don’t know many.”
He leaned forward with his elbows propped on his knees, hands clasped together. He slowly turned to look at me. “So, in all the time we’ve chatted online, you’ve never mentioned your mom. Are your parents like divorced?”
A pang of sadness constricted my chest. It had been a long time since my mother’s passing, but right now, in the calmness of Spencer’s hidden sanctuary, the loss felt all too fresh. I fought back tears. “No. She died when I was young.” Breath hitched in my throat and I had to swallow a couple times before continuing. “It’s been Papi and me for a while now. It is easier not to have to explain it, so I don’t talk about her.”
“I am so sorry. I feel like such an ass.”
I wiped at my eyes. “You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known.” I shivered as a sudden chill ran down my spine. “I love Papi with all my heart, but it was hard moving here this late in the school year and doing online classes is so isolating.”
“Did you tell him that?”
I shook my head. “This was really important to him. I couldn’t make it harder on him. So, I swallow how I feel and just put on a smile. I suppose it isn’t so bad. Starting at a new school with all the established cliques would be hell.”
Spencer unclasped his hands and wrapped them around mine. “I hereby induct you into my own personal clique of one. Membership is very exclusive.”
I laughed. He joined in and we fell against each other until the laughter finally subsided. The sun fell farther below the tree line, casting us into shadows. I studied his profile in the dying light, memorizing the planes of his cheek and the swirl of his ear. Why am I doing that?
“I’m glad you convinced me to give you a second chance. You are a good friend, Spencer.”
He looked me in the eye and before I realized what was happening, he closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. I stayed immobile until he pulled away.
“Was that okay?” Spencer said, his cheeks flushed from the encounter.
I brushed the pad of my index finger over my lips. They still tingled from where he’d made contact. “I don’t think I’m ready for this. I’m sorry.”
His shoulders slumped. “I’m such an idiot. Of course, you’re not. You’re still getting over your ex.”
I wanted to reassure him that his advance hadn’t ruined the friendship we’d been building. “You are not an idiot. Besides, I have something I want to show you. Can we go somewhere?”
He stared at me in silence for a moment. Spencer stood, offering me a hand. “We can go to my house. We should have the place to ourselves since my parents will be at the restaurant until closing.”
I shouldered my bag and he led me out of the clearing and back toward civilization. It was probably a trick of my imagination, but the people and sounds on Main Street bombarded my senses. There wasn’t enough air and my lungs burned from lack of oxygen. The sense of peace was gone, replaced by overwhelming panic.
“Hey, are you okay?” Spencer’s voice was barely loud enough for me to hear.
“I … don’t know.”
He squeezed my shoulders and guided me around the people crowding the sidewalks. I lost track of the path we took, but suddenly we were standing on the front porch of a three-story house with pale green siding and a cream-colored foundation. The white window-trim accented the place, making it inviting. Spencer pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the front door. Wordlessly, I followed him inside to the sprawling kitchen where he motioned for me to sit. I obeyed and waited.
“Here, drink this.” His voice was soft and concerned as he pressed a glass of water into my hands.
The glass rattled against my fingernails as my hands shook. How long had they been shaking? Spencer’s firm grip cupped mine and guided the glass to my lips. I drank deeply, and the haze began to lift. I took smaller sips until the world settled back to normal.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“It’s okay, as long as you are all right now.”
He dragged a chair across the pristine tile floor and sat in front of me, within arm’s reach. I finished the water in the glass and gingerly set it on the table beside us. “It’s never happened to me before.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but what did happen?”
I thought back, trying to put the experience into words. “It was like the world came alive all at once. Everything was sharper, noisier, and I could feel everything. Like the weight of the emotions of everyone around me was suffocating me. I don’t know, maybe it was a panic attack or something.”
“Maybe.” The creased lines in his forehead told me he thought otherwise. He didn’t offer any alternative exp
lanation.
“I will be fine, I swear. I think maybe talking about my mom overwhelmed me. I haven’t thought about losing her in a long time. It was a part of my life I locked away because it hurt so much.”
“I didn’t mean to make you relive your mom’s death,” he apologized.
I shook my head. “No, it isn’t your fault. You had no way of knowing. Sometimes I feel things deeply.”
“I get it. I mean, not exactly, but I understand feeling like there are parts of yourself you can’t control, and they take over unexpectedly.”
Something told me his empathy had to do with whatever he’d gone through at the start of high school, but I didn’t pry. If I was going to trust he wouldn’t press me about my mother’s death, I had to respect his privacy, too. We sat in his kitchen in silence with the clock on the wall ticking the seconds away.
Finally, Spencer cleared his throat. “So, you wanted to show me something?”
I’d nearly forgotten the reason we’d ended up here. “Yes. We will need a computer, too.”
He nodded. “Come on. That’s in the bedroom.”
I followed him up to the third floor. I wasn’t sure what to expect from his room but the moment I stepped inside, I knew it could not have belonged anyone but him. The midnight blue walls and the light grey accent curtains exuded the same sense of calmness and safety as Spencer himself. I don’t believe in such things, but it was like he had imprinted on the room from spending so much time there. Much of that time had been messaging with me.
“So, what did you need to show me.”
I pulled the book from my bag. “I found this yesterday when I was putting books away. There is no reference number and I was hoping to figure out who it belonged to. There is an inscription in the front that might have some clues. I found some CDs in the back that Tina thinks she can access.”