He tapped his hat against his tan pants and lowered his chin. “We’re sorry we’re late, but Mr. McIntyre wanted us to have these shirts.”
Hannah didn’t know where to start with that. “You mean, Mr. McIntyre gave you those?” How oddly generous.
“Si. He said we should wear them to the wedding if they fit.”
“Well, they fit nicely. You’re both very handsome.” The compliment had snuck out and Hannah wished immediately she could take it back. Complimenting them both, but specifically Billy, felt dangerous somehow. Eager to get past it, she remembered her manners. “Oh, I’m sorry. Amanda, let me introduce Billy and Emilio to you. Gentlemen, this is Amanda Hines. She’s our new cook, until she goes off to teaching college.”
Amanda nodded at the boys as she slipped off her apron. The three exchanged greetings, but she quickly returned to Hannah. “Unless you need me, I’ll head on to bed?”
“Yes, please do. And thank you again for your help. These two scoundrels have plates in the warmer. I’ll get them.”
Amanda hesitated. She bit her lip as she laid the apron on the counter. “About tomorrow … if we’re closed, what should I do? I really do nee—like to keep busy.”
Hannah grabbed the apron and turned to the warmer. “We can talk about it at breakfast. You can either help us with wedding food or decorations, or do hotel chores. We’ll figure it out.” Using the apron as a mitt, she pulled two dinner plates from the oven and set them on the kitchen table. “Go on now and get some rest.”
“All right.”
Amanda nodded good evening as Billy and Emilio settled down at the kitchen table. Hannah could tell right away there was far less tension between the two and that irked her, she realized. She handed them both forks, halting almost imperceptibly when Billy’s steely gaze hit her. Swallowing, she sat down across from them and whispered a blessing as both boys dug into the warmed-over roast and mashed potatoes.
Hannah watched them eat for a moment, but the chewing noises in the quiet kitchen only made the silence more awkward. “You want to tell me how Prince Valiant is? Really?”
Billy and Emilio froze. Guilty as charged, Hannah thought.
Billy finished his bite of potatoes. “It’s his tendon. I won’t be riding or racing him for a while. How did you know?”
“I know what liniment smells like.” She scrunched up her nose at Emilio. “Especially your version. The whole back yard smelled to high heaven.”
“Si, it smells bad, but it works good.”
The silence returned and Hannah wanted to scream. Why couldn’t they just talk and be friendly? It seemed Billy and Emilio had made progress toward that end, but what about her? Where did she fit in with these two? Why wouldn’t they talk to her tonight?
“So, how is it that Mr. McIntyre came to give you two of his shirts?”
“Emilio here was going to show me where the bathhouse was and that Donohue fella overheard. He took us down to Mr. McIntyre’s place and he let us use his bathroom.”
“Really?” Hannah leaned forward, her curiosity getting the best of her. She’d heard so many stories about the rooms in the Iron Horse Saloon. “What was it like? Was there gold and marble everywhere?”
At first, she thought neither boy was going to answer, then, as if by mutual consent, they nodded.
“Pretty much, that’s true.” Billy sliced off a piece of roast and shoveled it into his mouth. “There were four tubs and they all had gold trim.”
“And the counter is marble and the floor, too.” Emilio shrugged. “I’ve seen it before, though. I used to lug the water up for the customers. It was nice to use it for a change. I know it cost a lot of money to get the marble to Defiance.”
“It is fairly swanky, especially for the likes of this town.” Billy didn’t sound particularly impressed, though, as if he’d seen better. “But it was nice of him to let us use it. I think he wanted to make sure we’ll clean up for the wedding.”
“Well, obviously you will.” Hannah bit her lip. She needed to stop paying them compliments. She felt like her words carried too much weight. She rested her elbows on the table and traced a knothole in the wood, puzzled that she was dawdling. “Well, it’s getting late … Oh, Mr. McIntyre bought the hotel for a few days so we can close and get ready for the wedding. We’ll need your help, if you’re both willing.”
“Si, that should be fun.”
“Oh, yeah, nothing I’d rather do.” Billy muttered the statement under his breath as he used a biscuit to sop up a little broth. As he raised the dripping mess to his mouth, Hannah’s glare stopped him in his tracks.
“We wouldn’t want to keep you from anything more important, Billy.” She sat up and folded her arms across her chest. “I mean, it is only my sister’s wedding. I’m sure anything a Page had to do would be more important.” Guilt pinged Hannah. She was developing quite the gift for sassy comebacks. But they didn’t make her feel any better.
“That’s not what I meant. I don’t know what I meant.” Next to Billy, Emilio studied the ceiling, almost as if he was embarrassed for him. “I just wish I knew what to do.”
“We could build them an arbor to stand under.” Billy and Hannah swung startled gazes to Emilio. He tugged at his collar, apparently intimidated by the gawking. “I thought that it would make the ceremony … pretty.”
Hannah would have sworn there was a pink tinge rising in Emilio’s cheeks. The suggestion was a beautiful idea and she appreciated his sensitivity, though she wasn’t sure Billy had been referring to the wedding with that statement. He was gawking at Emilio like he’d just suggested they shoot the happy couple.
Hannah reached across the table and clutched Emilio’s hand. “Emilio, that’s a beautiful idea.” She snatched a quick sideways peek at Billy. “Very insightful.”
Billy rose to his feet. “I think I’ll step out back and get a little air.” His shoulders sagged and his tone sounded weary. “Emilio, if you need any help with that … that arbor thing, just let me know.”
“We could get the wood first thing in the morning.”
“Sure.”
Billy pushed his way through the batwings without any enthusiasm. His stance, his step, everything about him said defeat. Puzzling over what had just happened, Hannah stared at the door as it swung back and forth and finally stopped. She couldn’t ignore Emilio’s eyes on her, and wiped away the troubled crease in her forehead. She was still holding his hand and slowly pulled it away.
“This must be hard for you, si?”
She sighed, but didn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see him staring back at her with hope. What she wanted had just walked outside.
Would she never learn? Why couldn’t she show strength when it came to him? Grow a backbone? Grow up?
Emilio was strong and steady, kind and loving, generous and honest. He was handsome in a dark, rugged way, too. He would be a much better catch than Billy. And clearly a better father. Finally, she gave in and met his gaze.
His eyes were soft and kind, but they shone with unexpected steel. “If you’re still going down to Doc Cooke’s tonight, I’ll sleep in his front room.” The firm tone in his voice intrigued her, left her with the feeling he was laying a claim. “You shouldn’t be there alone.”
“Well, all right, if you want to. I have to tend to Little Billy first.”
Half an hour later, she went out back searching for Billy. Pulling her shawl close, Hannah took a moment to adjust to the half-moon light. Slowly, his shape emerged from the shadows. He stood down by the water, thumbs hooked in his back pockets, staring up at the moon. A twinge of melancholy hit her. He evoked such a kaleidoscope of emotions. She loved him. She hated him. She wanted to run to him. She wanted to run from him.
Emilio was so much safer.
Pulling strength from what felt like a dwindling reserve, she marched out to him. A few paces away, she stopped and cleared her throat. Slowly, he turned.
“Would you mind checking on Little Billy before you
go to bed? I’m going to spend the night at Doc’s office.” Those blue eyes, silver in the moonlight, pierced her heart. Silently, they echoed all the desperate confessions he’d made since arriving in Defiance. That didn’t mean she wanted to listen. If she did, she might believe them.
“You’re going out after dark? May I accompany you?”
“I won’t be alone. Emilio is going to stay …” Spoken aloud, the arrangement sounded inappropriate.
“Oh?”
“Doc has two patients who need watching.”
“Oh. Would you mind if I came along, too?”
“Actually, I was hoping you would stay here with Little Billy.” Hannah almost told him straight up I don’t want you along. Truth was, she didn’t want Emilio along either, not really. She wanted some time alone. “Of course, Rebecca, Naomi, even Mollie can help you if you need something. He is sleeping and generally sleeps through the night now. You should be fine.” Pulling the shawl tighter against the cold and the emptiness, she turned and marched back toward the hotel.
She never heard Billy come up from behind. Suddenly, he was there, spinning her around, pressing his lips to hers. At first Hannah was too stunned to react, then she tried to pull away, but he held on tighter, moving a hand to the back of her head to keep his lips pinned to hers. “Please forgive me, Hannah. I love you.”
She shoved against his chest but he held on to her as if his arms were forged from steel. Fury turned to defeat and she whimpered as the fight raging within her turned. She pushed against him one last time, but the battle was lost. Her hands came up around Billy’s neck and she clung to him, and to the memory of their first kiss at the Christmas social. Her heart hammering wildly, she let herself forget the betrayal. For the moment, she pretended these were the strong arms of an honorable man. This was the deep, passionate kiss of a noble husband who would fight all odds to keep his family together.
Only none of that was true, and she’d fallen prey to his kiss again. Growling, she shoved Billy off her. A scream rose to her throat. “No!”
“Hannah, please …” Billy reached for her.
“No!” she screamed again, furious with herself. “I will not ever let you hurt me like that again.”
She ran to the hotel, to a safe place. To Emilio.
~~~
Thirty-Two
Hannah stared hard at the shadowy boardwalk beneath her feet, intermittently illuminated by the street lamps. Emilio walked beside her, probably confused by her silence. Bawdy laughter and the sounds from a couple of different pianos wafted over to them from Tent Town, mixing the drinking songs into an unrecognizable, out-of-tune mess. This street used to sound like that, she remembered. Now, the traffic was light, and the few pedestrians on the boardwalk with them seemed sober, most likely on their way to Tent Town. Later on, sober might be debatable.
“I know Black Elk,” Emilio said. “He doesn’t shy away from trouble. You understand that’s why I’m not leaving you alone with him?”
“Oh, the man’s handcuffed to the bed.” Hannah waved his concern away. “And Marshal Beckwith and Wade will stop by at least twice tonight. Not to mention, Doc’s office isn’t a hundred yards away from the Marshal’s office. You really don’t need to stay.”
Besides, nursing someone helped her bring perspective to her own problems. She bit her lip, reliving Billy’s kiss. The desperation in his voice when he’d asked for her forgiveness and said I love you. Had she overreacted? Why did he confuse her so badly? Maybe he did deserve a second chance, but she couldn’t see herself giving it to him. The fear of getting hurt again was like a huge towering brick wall between them.
Oh, Lord, forgive me. Am I being haughty and proud? But I just can’t stand the thought of more heartbreak.
She glanced up at Emilio for confirmation she was in the right place and was surprised to find him peering down at her. He moved a strand of black hair away from his forehead and smiled. “Would you rather I was someone else?”
She cared for him too much to lie. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
His countenance fell, only a little, and he nodded, as if respecting the truth.
A few minutes later they tromped up on the porch of Doc’s office and Hannah knocked. Doc’s muffled voice bid them enter and they found the physician working on Uncle Matt’s side again.
Hannah gasped. “What happened?”
Doc looked up at his patient, a challenge in his raised brow. Uncle Matt smooshed a clumsy finger against his lips, hitting his nose in the process. “I haf been engaged thith efening.” The slurred words and hint of whiskey in the air filled in the details. “Get it? Engaged?” He laughed drunkenly, wobbling on the stool.
“Be still, son, ’less you want me sew up your liver instead of this wound.” Doc straightened the man and made sure he was done teetering. Convinced of it, he hooked in another stitch.
Hannah still wasn’t following the story. “But how did you tear your stitches?”
This time Doc didn’t wait for Uncle Matt. “Mr. Miller here was involved in, well, let’s say activities a healthy man would have shied away from.”
Uncle Matt chuckled and hiccupped. “Amaryllith ith quite the energetic girl.”
Hannah didn’t have to think too hard to get the picture, and she wasn’t happy about it. He had plainly said he didn’t drink. And now, he’d not only ripped his stitches loose horsing around with some floozy, he was drunk as the proverbial skunk. Maybe because of Billy, Hannah was particularly sensitive to being lied to. She’d always adored Uncle Matt because of his quick wit and devil-may-care attitude. Life had certainly tainted her view of those traits.
“I guess we need to get you back to the hotel.” She stepped closer to study Doc’s progress. “Or is he staying here?”
Doc snipped a string and set the needle and scissors on the table. “No, I don’t have a bed for him so he’s all yours. Just walk him slowly.”
Hannah pleaded silently with Emilio. He frowned, but nodded and wagged a finger at her. “Once he’s settled, I’ll come back.”
Doc rolled out of the way as Emilio slipped his arms around Uncle Matt. “All right, senor, the party is over. Let’s go.”
“I’m done sewing you up, son. Lock him up if you have to, Emilio, but keep him away from Tent Town for at least two or three days.”
“Si, we’ll handle him, Doc.”
~~~
Billy leaned on the crib and watched his son sleeping in the faint moonlight. As the minutes ticked by, the only sound in the room was the peaceful breathing of the innocent babe. If he’d ever seen perfection in the human form, he was looking at it now. His throat took on that painful tightness again and he tried to shake it off. When had he become so emotional?
When he realized all he stood to lose.
He hung his head and tried hard to imagine a future in Defiance without his son and Hannah. What if he actually lost them to Emilio? What would he do? Where would he live? And that was assuming he survived the loss. Right now, he didn’t think it possible. His heart had never felt so crushed.
He’d had a split-second of confidence that she still cared about him when she’d returned his kiss. But that notion had gone up in flames when the growl had ripped loose from her throat. The sound and the despair in it had torn out his heart.
He lifted his head at a soft rustle behind him, but he didn’t turn.
Several moments passed till, finally, he heard the muffled sound of a woman clearing her throat. “Billy, why are you here?” Naomi asked the question in a surprisingly gentle tone. “Really.”
He half-turned to her, but kept his hands on the crib. The troubled crease in her forehead made him wonder if she was interested in more than just running him off.
Quietly, she drifted up beside him and smiled at the little angel before them. “You said you came for her. Because you’re rebelling against Frank or because you love her?”
There were about a dozen answers to the question and Billy sighed. “I’ve never
stopped missing her. Then I started wondering what kind of a man I was that I could be cowed by Pa just because I was afraid of him. Only a yellow coward would run like I did.” He clutched the rail, the reasons sticking in his craw. “I wanted to stand up to him. I didn’t care what it cost me. I wanted her back and I wanted to thumb my nose at Pa. He said she’d hate me. I didn’t believe that, but now,” he turned to Naomi, “I’m losing her and it scares the hell out of me, Naomi. I realize now that every decision I’ve made to get here was because I do love her. I was afraid of what that meant. What am I supposed to do if I can’t win her back? What happens to my son?”
For the first time since he’d known this woman, he saw compassion in her eyes. The crease in her brow deepened and he thought maybe she finally had sympathy for him. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “Funny how sometimes we have to lose things we value to find out what’s really important in our lives.” She smiled at him and touched his elbow. “God loves you, Billy, every bit as much as He loves Hannah and this child. Find the truth in that and maybe you’ll be able to let go if you have to. But I’ll pray that you don’t.”
He turned back to Little Billy.
Let go? The thought twisted his insides. There was no conceivable way he’d ever do that. Just the idea threatened to stop his heart. He couldn’t live without his son. He couldn’t live without Hannah.
He laced his fingers together and sent up a prayer before he realized it. Oh, God, no, please anything but that. They have to be with me. With me.
~~~
Thirty-Three
Hannah sat quietly next to a softly snoring Black Elk and perused a three-year-old copy of Medicinal Quarterly. From the main room she could hear the Regulator wall clock ticking the wee hours away. In the silence, everything seemed too loud. The turning of the pages. The soft scrape of her cotton dress as she shifted in the ladder back chair. Her own breathing.
A change in Black Elk’s breathing brought her head up. The Indian lay awake. His dark eyes, trained on her, sparkled with unnerving intensity. “I think I will live.” His voice, though stronger, still held a raspy edge.
Hearts in Defiance (Romance in the Rockies Book 2) Page 21