by J. M. Walker
“What?” His hands massaged into the flesh of my rear.
There was little clothing between us with him in his sweatpants and me in shorts. A couple adjustments and I knew he could be inside me. I shook my head. No. I couldn’t. Not after everything he had done to me. But I wanted him. I wanted him to take me away and allow me to just feel. No emotions. No tenderness. I wanted rough and fast. I wanted it so hard that one thrust would force us to break.
“I hate you,” I said instead. “So damn much.” God, I couldn’t stop this. Hell, I didn’t want to.
Dale sat back, pulling me with him. His lips trailed down the length of my jaw. “Say it again,” he demanded, fisting my hair in his hands.
“I hate you,” I repeated.
“Good,” he growled and crashed his mouth to mine.
I gasped at the rough impact, opening instantly to him.
His tongue forced its way into my mouth, sliding along mine. The kiss became hard, desperate. It was like our souls were calling out to each other.
Dale tugged my head back, thrusting his tongue into my mouth.
A shiver trembled through my body. Memories of our time together, rushed back. Moments of passion, hours of ecstasy, all invaded my mind.
Digging my fingers into the hair at his nape, I tugged and pulled, deepening the kiss. Our tongues meshed, dancing. Both of us trying to take ownership over the other.
I could feel his body harden beneath mine, a part of him that had given me so much pleasure in such a short amount of time.
His hands traveled down my back and gripped my hips, pulling me hard against him.
A shot of electricity hit me straight in the center.
When our hips connected, we started moving. Clothing covered and breathless, I could still feel him everywhere. Not where I wanted him most but this would do. It had to. I didn’t know if I could have sex with him again. As much as I wanted—
“Stop.” He released my mouth with a wet smack, tugging my head back. “Stop fucking thinking. Feel me, kitten.”
“Shut up,” I snapped, shoving him.
“No.” His eyes burned into mine. “You shut the fuck up.” He grabbed my hips, undulating his beneath me. “You feel how fucking hard I am for you?”
“Good,” I panted. “I want you so fucking hard you explode. I want you to beg me.” These demands were not the norm for me. I didn’t know what was happening but all my emotions were becoming jumbled and, for once in these shitty weeks, I just wanted to feel. Skin against skin. Breath mixing with breath. I wanted to hear our moans and screams. I wanted this man to ruin me and, in turn, I wanted to force him to his knees.
Dale threw me back onto the couch, covering my body with his. “I’ll beg, Max. I’ll fucking beg until you tell me to stop.” His teeth grazed down the length of my jaw. “I’ll beg until you give me permission to do whatever I want to you.” Dale covered my mouth with his, the kiss slow and deep.
I moaned, taking all of him in, and wrapped my legs around his hips.
He pushed his hips into me at the same time I lifted mine.
We repeated our movements until I found I couldn’t stop.
Dale controlled every inch of me, much like he had done in the past. But now it was different. So damn different I didn’t know where he began and I ended.
I wanted to lose myself in him. Even though I hated him, I knew he could make me feel good. He could take away this pain and destroy me just the same. I had given him my heart and he crushed it in his hands.
Dale inched his hand under my tank top and cupped my breast. Of all the times I was thankful I was still in pajamas, this was one of those moments.
He released my mouth, pulled the fabric higher, and latched onto my nipple.
Arching beneath him, I pushed my breast harder into his mouth.
He sucked and pulled, nipping me until I cried out at the delicious pain. He repeated his movements with the other one.
“Fucking delicious.” Fisting the fabric, he pulled it over my head.
My breathing picked up at the dangerous heat in his eyes as they roamed down my naked torso.
I hadn’t lost all the weight from the pregnancy. Knowing stretch marks scarred my skin, I moved to cover myself when he grabbed my hands.
“Don’t you dare cover what our child did.” Something switched behind his gaze as he stared at the marks. His jaw ticked, his chest rising and falling. Brushing the back of his knuckles over my lower abdomen, he met my gaze. “You’re fucking perfect.”
***
(Dale)
I didn’t go to Max’s house with the intention of kissing her, let alone having her writhing beneath me.
Once I left Dr. Santos’ office, I felt stripped bare. Completely exposed for the world to see. He was a good guy. Not judging me in the least. He didn’t push when I didn’t talk and even threw on a ball game. I liked the guy but the session had me on the brink of losing it. I didn’t share shit. Ever.
Without even knowing it, I arrived at Max’s house before I knew what I was doing. I wanted to talk and sort some of our shit out. But her sass and feistiness shoved me over the edge until I couldn’t control my actions.
When I saw the marks on her stomach, it drove me past the point of madness. No longer was I feeling guilty but outright enraged with wanting to show her how sorry I was. But the words refused to leave my mouth.
I wasn’t lying when I told her she was perfect. When she almost covered her body, it pissed me the fuck off and I promised I would show her just how beautiful I thought she was.
Crushing my mouth to hers, I tasted her tongue, sucking it between my lips until she purred. She was so damn delicious, it took everything in me not to pull my pants down, move her shorts a little, and shove my cock deep inside her. But I wouldn’t fuck her. Not yet. Not until she gave me permission. I had already done enough.
“Dale,” she whispered against my lips. Her hands roamed down my back, sliding beneath my shirt. Her fingers dug into my muscles, her nails scratching at my skin. She wanted me. Her sweet heat washed over me, calming some of the rage I had felt since waking up from the coma. But it still wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
Somehow, I knew this moment would end before I intended it to so I savored it and took what I wanted until she pushed me away. Until then, I needed to see how far I could go before she stopped me.
Pushing my hips between her legs, I rubbed my pelvis against hers.
She moaned, spreading her legs wider.
Fuck me, this woman was going to give me the biggest blue balls in the history of sexual frustration. But I didn’t care. I found I needed to make her feel good first. Something poked at my mind, hinting that I had been selfish before. A part of me wondered if she liked it because she never pushed me away.
Pulling her further beneath me, I leaned an arm on the cushion just above her head. It gave me the leverage I needed to circle my hips and push them into her.
She gasped into my mouth, cupping the back of my legs and pulled me tighter against her.
My dick was hard—any harder and it would fucking pierce through my sweatpants.
She wanted me to beg. Well, little did she know, I had been begging since the first moment I met her.
Inching a hand beneath her shorts, I cupped her ass and rubbed myself over her sweet pussy.
Her breathing picked up, her hips following my movements. Releasing my mouth, her eyes glossed over with the darkest amount of lust I had ever seen. “Dale.”
I read her body language and knew she was close to having a release. Taking that as my chance, I brushed my mouth over hers and stopped moving my hips.
She whimpered.
A small smirk spread on my face. Cupping her jaw, I turned her head and kissed up the length of her neck. “I’ll make you come, sweet girl. I’ll make you come so damn hard, you’ll always remember me.”
Her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth set in a grim line. She wanted to tell me off. She wanted to push me aw
ay but she couldn’t. I knew it and took advantage. I was an asshole but I wouldn’t hurt her. Not again. I would spend my last breath, groveling at her feet and kissing the ground she walked on before I ever destroyed her heart.
Hooking my fingers into the waistband of her shorts, I pulled the fabric low enough that I could get access to her pussy.
Her eyes remained shut but her breathing picked up.
“Don’t worry, kitten,” I whispered in her ear, tightening my hold on her jaw. “I’ll take care of you.”
Brushing the back of my knuckles over her bare mound, I pushed a finger between the soaked folds of her beautiful cunt. My dick almost exploded right then when she bucked against me.
Rubbing my finger over her swollen clit, I pushed and tugged until she cried out and was squirming beneath me.
But all I could do was watch her. A rosy glow hit her cheeks, her mouth parted on a silent cry, her hands dug into the back of my legs. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
I rubbed until she screamed. I rubbed until she begged me to stop. And then I rubbed harder and faster.
“Fuck,” she cried out, shaking beneath me, and only then did I thrust two fingers inside of her. Her eyes popped open, her body arching beneath me.
I thrust until there was nothing left. Her pussy clenched around my fingers, sucking and pulling at me until I inserted a third finger.
She moaned, licking her lips. Her hands circled around my neck, bringing my head down to meet her lips.
Licking my way into her mouth, I gave her what she wanted, and when she came for the fourth time, only then did I stop.
***
(Max)
I needed his dick inside me. I wanted him to fuck me like he never fucked before. I wanted to break him and have him shatter me just the same. But instead, I did the only thing I knew how and pushed him away.
After Dale had me coming around his fingers several times, I shoved him off me. Much to my surprise, he let me.
He sat back on the couch, cupping the raging hard-on sporting between his legs.
My mouth watered at the sight but I shook my head. I couldn’t have sex with him. Not right now, maybe not ever. As much as my body needed it, my mind finally won out.
“You should go,” I muttered, pulling up my shorts and lowering my tank top. My fingers brushed over the stretch marks caused by our baby.
“Yeah. Fine.” He rose to his full height, glancing down at me over his shoulder. “You can fight it all you want, kitten, but I will be balls deep inside of you again.”
“Not if I say no,” I threw back at him.
A wicked grin spread across his face. “Remember the conversation we had when we first started fucking? No? Well I do. But I won’t repeat it.” He leaned over me, his face mere inches from mine. “I’ll just tell you what you told me.” He kissed my cheek, his mouth trailing down the length of my jaw to my ear. “No is not a safe word.”
“NO IS NOT a safe word.”
I had been surprised Dale even remembered that conversation. I wasn’t into kink with the other men I had slept with, not that there had been many before Dale. One to be exact. One man before Dale. No wonder I had it bad for the guy. I had no idea what sort of sexual activities I was into but from the moment Dale looked at me, I knew there was something more. A darker side to him behind his joking exterior. I could see it without him showing me. I didn’t know his past, his childhood, whether he had a family. I didn’t even know if he had kids. My heart skipped a beat. What if he had children already and didn’t want more, that’s why he reacted the day he did.
Being with Dale had made me question everything.
I realized quickly I liked it when he demanded things of me. I found a part of me needed it. Maybe that was why I had only been with one guy before him. Nothing could satisfy me.
I liked kink and, without making me feel ashamed, Dale embraced it. He had loved when I begged. When I pleaded for him to control me. I felt safe with him and once I let my walls down, only then did he push me away.
But no matter what Dale told me or did to me, I became lost when a part of me felt like everything made sense all at the same time.
After he made me come several times and I kicked him out, I was inspired. But I was also a damn idiot.
“Don’t you dare cover what our child did.”
His words taunted me because I had no idea what the hell they meant.
I went into my office and started painting. Knowing Dale was the reason for this new-found creativity, I embraced it.
After I finished my first painting, I called Josee and exclaimed how excited I was. Knowing she would come over, I hung up quickly before she could demand anymore answers. I needed to show her I was finally able to give her the work she needed me to do.
Stabbing the brush into the white and cream paint mixed with a little pink, I slid the brush over the blank canvas. I had no intention of designing something that could sell but after spending a couple hours with Dale, he was the reason I felt even remotely creative.
I was almost done with the second painting when the doorbell rang.
Rushing out to open the door, I saw Josee’s questioning glance and pulled her inside. “Come, come, come. You have to see.” I tugged at her arm and took the bottle of wine from her. Twisting off the cap, I took a long swig before thrusting it back in her arms.
“What the hell, Max?” she asked, a hint of amusement flashing in her gaze.
“Come.” I tugged at her arm, dragging her to my home studio.
“You sounded different on the phone. What gives?” Josee followed me. It wasn’t like I was giving her a choice really. Could she walk any slower?
“Jo,” I whined. “Seriously.”
She laughed. “Fine, fine.” She picked up the pace.
Once we reached the back of the house, I pushed open the door and shoved her inside. “Look.”
She glanced around the room, her gaze moving between the paintings and me. To the paintings, back to me. “You painted.” She stepped further into the room, walking around each canvas. “You painted a lot.”
“The two leaning against the wall are the newest and then the third I’m working on now. But they’re new,” I exclaimed, clapping my hands together. “They just poured from my fingers.”
“How the hell did this happen? Are you high?” She came toward me and placed the back of her hand against my forehead. “Are you sick? You haven’t painted this fast in months and you’re on your third? When did you start?”
I swatted her hand away. “No, I’m not sick.” I checked the time on the clock, letting out a slow breath. “I started painting three hours ago.”
“Holy shit.” Her eyes widened. “Even before all this …” —she waved a hand in front of her face— “stuff … you’ve never painted this fast.”
“I’ve been inspired.” I knew it would be weird seeing Dale again but I needed to thank him. Or maybe I would just show him. God, a couple orgasms later and I couldn’t get him out from under my skin. But something struck me as odd. He never wanted anything in return.
“What happened to cause this?”
“Uh…” my cheeks heated. “It just came on suddenly.”
“You’re a horrible liar.” Her grin widened. “Tell me. ‘Cause whatever it was, needs to keep happening. Your gallery opening will have the best of the best there if you keep this up.”
“Nothing happened. Nope. I was just inspired.” I looked away and started organizing some paints on the table.
“It was Dale, wasn’t it?”
My head whipped around. “How the hell could you know that?”
“For one, your shorts are on inside out and they’re backwards,” she said, pointing at my waist.
I looked down, my cheeks heating even more at the tag sticking out of the waist. “Oh … oops.”
“So, did you fuck him?” she asked, sitting on the stool by the canvas.
I coughed, rubbing the back of my neck. “No. We just made out
and I kicked him out after.” My heart pained. Why the hell did I feel guilty? Because it’s not who you are.
After everything he had done, I regretted telling him to leave my house. God, what was wrong with me? Was I that addicted to him that I didn’t care about my heart any longer? No. It was because I refused to put my heart in the game again. I wanted sex. Mind-blowing, life-altering sex. I didn’t care what I had to do. I would fuck Dale again and show him exactly how it felt to be used.
***
(Dale)
I could still feel Max’s body tightening around my fingers. It had been a couple hours since I had her coming undone beneath me, and it would be several more before I could shake this feeling of need from my mind. I scoffed, slamming my fist against the punching bag. I would never shake this feeling. I wasn’t kidding myself. Max had always been my undoing. I was just too fucked up to see that. I was an asshole. First and foremost. But it drove me fucking mad I couldn’t remember everything. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. But I made a pact with myself that I would grovel and beg for her forgiveness.
Hopping from foot to foot, I danced with the heavy bag in front of me, slamming both of my fists into it until my arm muscles vibrated. My body hurt. It ached to the point of utter destruction. But the pain made me feel alive. For once in my life, I felt like I had a purpose. The Navy was my calling, but Max was my reason for surviving. I knew that now. Maybe I always had but my judgment was clouded by the other women, sex, and alcohol. It didn’t make anything better that I didn’t remember the other women. I got flashbacks now and again but the only person I came even remotely close to having a memory of was Max.
After finishing my workout, I took a shower and headed over to the King’s Harlots clubhouse. Working with Angel and the guys on renovating the club kept my hands busy and my mind focused. But it still wasn’t enough. I hoped Max would be there. Not that she would talk to me in front of our friends. Shit. I was like a fucking schoolboy, needing to make sure she paid attention to me.
Once I reached the MC’s building, I found my brothers huddled over a table lined with blueprints. The new recruits I had briefly met, Lian and Henley, noticed me first. They both nodded.