by J. M. Walker
I stared at him, my mouth agape when a laugh left my mouth. “I’m scared.” I shook my head. “We’re doing this now? All right.” I could feel eyes on me. I had forgotten we weren’t in fact alone. But the words tumbled from my mouth, not caring in the least who was around to hear them. “You’re damn right I’m scared. I’m fucking terrified. I want you but I hate you and even then, I don’t know if that’s true.”
“Max.” His face softened but then something switched behind his warm gaze. It went from caring to deadly in a matter of seconds. “I’d be careful if I were you.”
“What …” A warm body stepped up behind me and I realized that Dale wasn’t talking to me.
“What are you going to do about it?” Angel placed a hand on my shoulder, gently nudging me to the side.
But I stood my ground. This was between Dale and me. “Angel, it’s fine. I can handle this.”
“Can you?” he asked. “Because after all these months, I really don’t think you can.”
“What …” I was taken aback. Angel never put his two cents in. Ever.
“Angel.” Jay came up beside him, glancing my way quickly before looking back up at her fiancé. “Come. Let them sort it out. You will sort it out this time, won’t you?” she asked me, her tone clipped.
My heart started pounding, my ribs feeling like they were closing in on themselves. “I’ll deal with it,” I muttered.
“Why the hell are you ganging up on her?” Dale grabbed my arm, pulling me back against him.
Angel rolled his eyes. “You only care because you’re getting your dick wet again.”
“Angel,” Jay scolded, slapping his arm.
“It’s the fucking truth,” he snapped. “Listen, I’m done with these games. Either you two do something about your situation or leave each other the fuck alone.”
“All of you need to mind your own business,” I said, my voice firm. “How we handle our shit is between us. No one else.”
“Max.” Jay reached for me.
“No. I’m done, Jay. I love you but I need you guys to leave us the hell alone.”
“You can’t handle your shit,” she cried. “Look at you two. You’re strung the fuck out.”
“You know what?” I shook my head. “Have you ever thought that maybe sex is an out? At least it helps us feel something other than the pain over our baby dying.”
Jay snapped her mouth shut.
Exactly.
“Listen.” Angel rubbed the back of his neck. “I know it’s not our business but—”
“No, Angel.” Dale moved me behind him. “Max is right. It’s none of your business. You’re not my Team Leader anymore, remember? That all went to shit when I got fucking shot. Which also happened under your care.”
“Dale,” I said gently, grabbing hold of his arm. “Let’s go.”
He pulled from my grasp, taking a step toward Angel.
“You don’t think I feel fucking guilty over that?” Angel got in Dale’s face, their noses mere inches apart. “You don’t think we all do? Who the fuck was there when you woke up? Who dropped everything and told our boss to go fuck himself when told to stay on the mission? Me, Dale. It was all me. Not the other guys. Not your best friend. Not the woman you’re in love with. Me.”
The rest of Vice-One circled around us.
“You didn’t do shit for me,” Dale threw back. “You were only there because you felt guilty. Coby had his own shit to deal with. And Max has nothing to do with this.”
The fact he never denied being in love with me sat heavily on my heart. I couldn’t deal with that now but my hands shook just the same. It also sent an unexpected flutter racing through my heart.
Jay moved to my side and grabbed my hand.
I looked up at her.
I’m sorry, she mouthed.
I gripped her hand. There was no reason for her to be sorry. I had been the bad friend and now we were dealing with our … well, her fiancé and Dale.
Maybe Angel was right. Maybe we needed to go our separate ways.
***
(Dale)
Angel was so close to my face that I could see the gold specks in the brown of his eyes. His hot breath fanned over my face, the tension between us rising as each second past.
“What the fuck do you want from me? Of course I felt guilty. You all were under my care. And look at what the fuck has happened already.” The veins in his neck popped, a red hue showing beneath his skin.
My muscles jumped. I was picking a fight with a fucking predator but I couldn’t stop myself.
“You going to hit me?” I asked him, clenching my fists at my sides.
“You want me to.”
It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyway. I had been itching for a good fight since waking up.
“I’m not fighting you but I refuse to stand by and let you hurt her. Again.”
“That’s none of your business, brother, and you know that. Do you see me getting in your shit? Do you see any of us doing that? No. That’s because it’s not our fucking business.” I went to walk around him and back to Max when Angel sidestepped in front of me. My blood hummed in my ears, the drive to fight was almost like sex. It was a euphoric high and as soon as the first punch was laid, the darkness was released. “Move,” I demanded, my voice coming out deeper than I intended.
“Or else what, Dale? You going to run from your problems like you’ve done for the past couple of months? You can’t always fuck your way out of your mess.” Angel was egging me on now, and it was starting to really piss me off.
“Angel.” Coby clapped a hand on both of our shoulders, separating us. “This shit needs to be dealt with at a later time. We have other stuff to worry about right now.”
“No.” I shrugged him off. “Keep going, Angel. Tell me how you really feel. Tell me how awful of a person I am for the shit I’ve done when I can’t remember it. Tell me how using my girl is fucking wrong even when she uses me just the same. You can’t tell me you and Jay have never fought and decided to fuck instead. Because you’re so prim and fucking proper. So, tell me.” I rubbed my chin. “Please. I’m all fucking ears.”
Angel narrowed his eyes at me. Just when I thought he was going to hit me, he shoved past me, but he was careful not to miss shouldering me in the process. He grabbed Jay’s hand, kissed her knuckles, and placed his hand on her swollen belly.
She smiled up at him but glanced my way. Her face paled.
Angel followed her gaze, the corners of his lips curling into a wicked snarl. “You want to fucking dance, brother?”
And that was when I charged for him.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT was like it came right out of a movie. It was so fast, I couldn’t tell what body part belonged to which man.
When Dale charged for Angel, although it took me by surprise, my heart broke for him at the same time. I had no idea he blamed Angel for getting shot.
“Dale,” Jay screamed. “Get off my fucking fiancé.”
Dale reared his arm and landed his fist straight into Angel’s cheek.
Angel only grinned. The guy had a couple inches on Dale and he was probably twenty-five pounds heavier. He threw Dale off him. “You think you’re fucking tough, don’t you?” Angel shoved him onto his back, straddling his waist.
“Guys,” Jay yelled at the rest of Vice-One. “Do something.”
“It needed to happen,” Coby said, circling the huddle on the floor.
“You have no idea what I’ve gone through, what we’ve all gone through after your accident. We almost lost you, asshole.” Angel peered into Dale’s eyes, wrapping his hands around his throat.
“You don’t give a shit about me. You’ve been on my ass since the moment I woke up.” Dale gripped Angel’s wrists. “You don’t fucking care.”
Angel paused, his nostrils flaring. “I don’t care,” he repeated the words. “Fuck you, Dale.” Angel pushed himself off Dale, rubbed the spot on his cheek Dale had hit, and turned to Jay.
She mumble
d something to him, touching her fingers to the bruise forming on Angel’s face.
“Dale.” I rushed to him, helping him to his feet. “Let’s go.” I needed to get him out of there before things became worse.
Dale turned on me. “You don’t care either, do you?”
My eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”
Both Coby and Asher took an arm and tried pulling Dale back but he stood firm, staring at me with those dark intense eyes of his.
“You don’t care. I’ve apologized to you,” Dale said, his words taking on a deadly tone. “I’ve done everything I can to make you forgive me.”
“You apologized? Sure. Maybe. But words don’t mean shit, Dale.” I placed my hands on my hips, jutting my chin. “You have to show me. You can’t expect me to forgive you instantly over what you’ve done. You have to give me time.”
“How much fucking time do you need?” he boomed, coming toward me.
“Careful.” Angel spun on him, placing a hand against Dale’s chest, and forced him back. “I will lay you out right the fuck here if you so much as even think of getting in her face.”
“Fuck off, brother.” Dale glared at him.
“Get out,” Angel demanded, shoving him back.
“Fuck you.” Dale pushed him. “I’m not leaving without her.”
“You are,” Angel said, his voice flat. “And you will.”
Dale grinned. “Make me.”
***
(Dale)
I had officially lost my shit. I never wanted to hit Angel. I didn’t even intend on going into this like I did but when his hand grazed over Jay’s stomach, I snapped. I couldn’t control it. This urge. Max should have had a baby. She should have been stress free and able to carry our daughter to full term. I never should have shoved her away. I should have been there for her. Our baby should have survived. How the fuck was it fair that she didn’t? How could a caring God let something like this happen? Max didn’t deserve it, and I sure as hell didn’t deserve her.
All of these thoughts and questions only fueled the rage coursing through me.
“Dale.”
I could hear Max’s soft voice behind me but it did nothing to stop my fist from flying into Angel’s face for the second time. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me. My lungs constricted as I gasped for breath.
“You need to calm the fuck down before I do it for you,” Angel warned, his voice calm and collected. He pushed himself off me and turned back to Jay. “Let’s get the hell out of here. I don’t want to have to knock my brother out.”
Jay chewed her bottom lip, glancing between Angel and me. “You can’t leave it like this.”
“He’s the shithead who won’t see reason,” Angel said, pointing down at me.
I jumped to my feet, punching him in the shoulder. “Let’s end this then.”
Angel glared at me, his gaze shooting daggers at me. “I’m too old for this shit.” When he turned around, I grabbed his arm.
“Dale,” he yelled, shoving out of my grip.
The rough move knocked Jay back, forcing her to land hard on her ass.
Gasps sounded around us.
Fuck.
“Watch who you’re pushing, assholes,” she snapped.
“Shit.” Angel grabbed hold of her hands and pulled her to her feet. “Fuck.” He cupped her stomach, turning his glare on me. “You need to get the fuck out of here,” he said, his tone deadly.
I swallowed hard. For once in my life, I listened and headed out of the clubhouse.
Coby was hot on my tail, following me until I made it to the end of the parking lot. “That was cold, brother. Even for you.”
“I didn’t push her.”
“Maybe not directly but you sure as fuck started it.”
“It was an accident.” I paced back and forth. “He’s been on my ass ever since I woke up. I can’t make things right with Max if he won’t leave us alone.”
“Then you need to deal with your shit alone and not here. Angel looks out for her because she’s his fiancée’s best friend. The mother of his baby who you just knocked over.”
I looked away. I didn’t need the reminder.
“What if something happens to their baby?” He slapped my shoulder. “Huh? Tell me. How the fuck will that make you feel?” Coby turned back around and headed inside the building before I could give him an answer.
Max stood outside the door.
Our gazes locked.
My heart stuttered.
What the hell did I just do?
HAVING AN IN-house nurse came in handy when accidents happened. Creena checked out Jay as best she could without having any equipment on hand and advised Angel to take her to the hospital just in case.
As they were leaving, I stopped Jay. “I’m sorry.” I rung my hands together in front of me. “I have no idea what came over him.” But I definitely had a feeling.
Jay hugged me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “It’s not your fault. I just wish you two could be civil but …”
“What?”
“Maybe you both need some time apart,” she suggested when Angel came up to us.
“Angel,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
He grabbed Jay’s hand, kissed her knuckles, and dropped their joined fingers between them. “I don’t suggest bringing Dale around here for a while.”
I nodded.
Before Jay could add anything, Angel wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her outside.
My chest constricted over their words. Two people said we needed time apart. But would it really do any good?
“Max?” Meeka stood beside me. “You okay?”
“No,” a sob escaped me. “Not at fucking all.”
***
(Dale)
I hit Angel and lived to tell about it.
Bruises were already forming on my knuckles. I flexed and un-flexed my knuckles, the sharp pain jabbed me right in the gut. What was I doing? I fought my brother. A man who had been my mentor for most of my adult life. If it hadn’t been for him taking a chance on me, I’d probably be dead somewhere or in fucking jail. And my way of thanking him was by hitting him instead.
Stretching my legs out in front of me before bringing them back up to my chest, I massaged the impending headache piercing through my skull.
I had been sitting outside Max’s gallery for the past hour. Not exactly sure where else to go, I ended up there before I even knew what I was doing. I didn’t want to go home. Even though I couldn’t remember everything that had happened back at my apartment, I could smell the other women on my sheets. I washed them, threw fucking cologne on them, but it did shit all for the smell. So, I threw them in the trash and lit a match.
“Dale?”
My head snapped up.
Max stood a few feet away, keys in hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t want to go home,” I grumbled, slowly pushing to my feet. The protest in my muscles reminded me what I had done only a couple hours before.
“How’s the hand?” she asked, stepping around me to unlock the door.
I shrugged. I deserved the pain. I embraced it. It made me feel alive.
Max let out a muttered curse. “All right, come with me.”
I followed her into the building until we reached her office. She went right to a mini-fridge sitting in the corner of the room and pulled out a tray of ice. “Sit,” she demanded, pointing to the stool beside the easel.
She wrapped some of the ice cubes in a cloth before kicking the door to the fridge closed and came toward me. “Give me your hand.”
Every inch of me wanted to pull away from her. After accidentally shoving Jay, I didn’t deserve her kindness.
Max grabbed my hand. Her small fingers wrapped around mine, holding the ice against the back of my knuckles. “What’s this?” she asked, rubbing her thumb over the black soot on my wrist. “What did you do?”
“Coby told me
about the women. I don’t remember. I wish I could remember. So, I lit my sheets on fire,” I told her, lifting my shoulders. “They didn’t smell like you.”
“Oh.” She crinkled her nose. “You caused a lot of problems back at the club, Dale.”
I grunted. “No fucking shit.”
“Why?”
“I … Fuck … I saw Angel rub Jay’s stomach and I lost it. I can’t explain it but it forced this rage inside of me. It’s not their fault. It’s no one’s fault but my own. But it’s not fair. Not to you. You should be having a baby. My baby. But instead, I fucked up and took that away from you.” All the words leaving my mouth stripped me bare until I was exposed and vulnerable. That was it. It was the truth. And I vomited my feelings all over her.
“That’s not all of it, though,” she whispered. “is it?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“You want to talk. I’m listening. So, talk.”
Scrubbing a hand up and down my face, I took a deep breath. And another. I blamed Angel. He should have protected me. He should have protected all of us.
“Dale?” Max placed a hand on my shoulder, her beautiful brown eyes staring back at me but they were void of emotion.
No trust.
No love.
Nothing.
What the fuck were we doing?
***
(Max)
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, dropping my hand from his.
“Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever trust me again?” he asked, his voice rough.
“I … I want to. I’m confused and my feelings are jumbled. But I want to forgive you. I want to trust you.” I sat on the stool across from him, gazing up at the canvas that held a hint of scenery. It was the cemetery where our daughter was buried. But no one would know unless they had actually visited the place.
“I’m trying to be patient,” he muttered.
“Are you?” I asked, staring at the image in front of me. “Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean I am. You also just tried to beat the shit out of your brother and you pushed his fiancée.”
“That was an accident. You know that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And Angel is not my brother. Never was. Never will be.”