by Sophia Gray
“Well, just be careful, okay?” Mom sighed. She raked a hand through her brown hair that was streaked through with gray. “I don’t want you getting into trouble, Vanessa.”
“Mom, I won’t,” I said, finally letting some of my exasperation show. “I promise. I’m not some dumb kid anymore! I’m twenty-one, and I’m in my third year of the pre-med program! I’ve had all As, Mom! Do you know how hard that is?”
Mom looked at me. She pursed her lips and licked the bottom one, something she did whenever she was feeling extremely frustrated. “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” she said in a cagey voice before standing up and putting my sweater in the corresponding box. “And I’m afraid that you’ll change, Vanessa, into someone that you’re not.”
I frowned. “I’m not going to change,” I said. “Especially into someone I’m not. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, Mom.”
“Just be careful, especially with this Kimmy girl,” my mom replied. “You two aren’t going to be in the dorms, so no one’s going to be looking in on you. And your father and I expect you to maintain your grade point average,” she added. She stood up and brushed her hands off on her jeans. “I’m going to make some lunch,” she said. “Turkey on wheat alright with you?”
“Mustard, please,” I said. “Thanks, Mom.”
She hugged me tightly before leaving the room with my door wide open. I sighed, pushing it almost closed. Mom and Dad had a lot of rules, no closed doors except for in the bathroom among them. I didn’t mind, mostly because I was getting out.
Flopping down on my bed, I stared at my ceiling. There was a poster of a kitten wrapped around a tree. I sighed. I was sick of being such a good girl. Aside from dating Calvin, I’d never done anything that my parents disapproved of. And for the most part, they hadn’t even had any reason to worry. Calvin wasn’t that interested in being my boyfriend.
Reaching over to my nightstand, I picked up my phone and scrolled through the pictures. I’d found Kimmy on Craigslist; she was looking for a new roommate in her two-bedroom apartment. She lived downtown, in the middle of Madison, and I couldn’t wait to live there. Even though the pictures were grainy and fuzzy, I could tell that the apartment was incredible.
“Vanessa!” Mom yelled shrilly down the hall. “Lunch is ready! Come on, you need to eat something!”
“Coming!” I yelled back. Before leaving my room, I made sure to wipe the big grin off my face. I still felt guilty about leaving my parents, and I didn’t want them to know how happy I was. Deep down, I was ecstatic. I just had to put on a sad face for a little while longer and then everything would be different.
Chapter Two
“This is the place, alright,” Dad said. He turned the station wagon into a giant apartment complex.
I gasped. There was even a pool!
“What do you think so far, Ape?”
“Dad,” I whined. “Don’t call me that, please. At least not in front of Kimmy!”
“Oh, I get it,” Dad teased back. “You don’t want your cool new roommate to know about your old parents. I get it.”
“Stop it, you two,” Mom said. She was in the passenger seat, craning her neck upwards to look at the big apartment tower. “Vanessa, are you sure about this place? You said it was only five hundred a month?”
I nodded. “I can easily make that, and still put some in savings,” I told her.
“Good,” Mom said. “Don’t stop saving money, honey, you never know when you’ll need it.” She coughed slightly. “And this is so far away! I thought it was only an hour!”
“There was traffic, Stella,” Dad said. He parked the car and climbed out of the driver’s side, stretching. A moment later, a small moving truck pulled into the complex behind us.
I felt a weird rush of excitement and anxiety fill my body. What if this was a mistake? What if Kimmy turned out to be a giant bitch, or crazy, or someone who would disappear without paying the rent?
“Vanessa,” Mom said sharply. “Hurry up. Go help those movers!” She waved her hand towards the small men who were beginning to carry my twin bed frame and nightstand out of the back of the truck.
# # #
Thirty minutes later, I was standing in the middle of my first real apartment. I took a deep breath, glancing happily around.
“This is so perfect,” I chirped to Mom. “I just love it!”
She frowned, leaning down. “The baseboards are dusty,” she said. “I bet this Kimmy girl is a real slob.”
“Mom, stop,” I said quietly. “I don’t even know if she’s home right now. I don’t want her to hear you!”
“Well, she’d better hear me,” Mom said grumpily. “I’m not leaving until we’ve met her. I want to make sure she’s a good girl, Vanessa. I can’t have you living with someone who behaves badly.”
I rolled my eyes and flopped down on the couch. Everything was relatively new and expensive, especially the living room furniture. There was a grey fabric couch with a blonde wood coffee table and two chairs. The carpet was a dull beige, but it had been vacuumed recently. I could still see the lines in the carpet.
“Mom, I don’t know her schedule,” I said as politely as I could manage. “She might not be home for hours.”
“That’s okay,” Mom said primly. She settled into one of the chairs, gasping as it lurched backwards and a footrest popped out of the bottom. Gripping the sides of the chair, she looked at me with a bloodless face. “Vanessa, this is dangerous! I could have fallen and hit my head!”
I sighed. “Mom, it’s really okay, you don’t have to stick around,” I said.
“Vanessa’s right,” Dad replied. He almost never agreed with me, but I could tell that he was tired and wanting to get going. “I’m sure this Kimmy girl is very nice. And Vanessa will bring her by the house sometime for dinner, won’t you, Vanessa?”
“Sure,” I said. I got up and strolled around the apartment, peeking into each room as I walked past. I opened the door to Kimmy’s room and peeked around. She had a big queen-sized bed with a purple silk duvet and bright teal pillows. Instantly, I felt a touch of envy. I could tell she already had much cooler stuff than I did. Her shoes were lined up on one wall and I saw nothing but black leather and high heels. Meekly, I closed the door and checked the other bedroom.
My room was small and unfurnished. I could tell that my things were going to be a bit cramped. The closet was empty and I cringed as I imagined how my clothes would look hanging up. I didn’t even own anything remotely like Kimmy’s stuff. Suddenly, I wondered if she would think that I was a babyish little brat. We’d never met in person before, only talked on the phone, and while I’d seen her Facebook page, I wasn’t sure that she would like me. I wasn’t allowed to have Facebook, so Mom and Dad occasionally searched for me. At times, I’d thought about making a fake profile but it honestly wasn’t worth the stress of having to hide it from them. I told Mom everything. Not because we were necessarily close, but because she demanded it.
“Vanessa, come out here,” Mom said in a low voice. Frowning, I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. She was standing in front of the fridge with the door open, peering in at the contents inside. “Did you know your roommate is an alcoholic?”
“Mom, stop,” I said, gently pulling her arm away from the door. When I looked inside, I saw a few bottles of beer and one bottle of wine tucked on the door. The rest of the fridge was full of stuff that I’d never tried before—goat cheese, arugula, all kinds of weird-looking fruit with a rack of meat thawing inside.
“Vanessa, I don’t want you drinking.” Mom looked into my eyes and I saw the same expression of frantic worry that she’d shown me at the house. “Do you understand? That is off limits, young lady.”
“Your mother’s right,” Dad said. He stepped in close and frowned at me. “You don’t want to start drinking, Vanessa. Only if you want to throw your life away, and you wouldn’t want that, would you?”
Anger began to swell in my throat and I closed my eyes a
nd took a deep breath so it wouldn’t show on my face. “I get it, Mom, Dad,” I said, trying to stay polite. “But you have to trust me a little, okay? I’ve never done anything to prove that I don’t deserve your trust.”
Mom huffed. “Well, okay,” she relented. “But if we find out that you’ve started to drink, we’re not going to be happy.”
I sighed. “I understand,” I said meekly. Mom and Dad beamed, and again, I felt like the tiny child who’d done something wrong. I couldn’t understand what their problem was. Were they freaking out because I’d always lived at home? Did they think the first step of debauchery was moving out, then full on hedonism?
The front door swung open and a skinny, tall girl walked in. She had bright blonde hair and big sunglasses on her face that covered most of her features. She was wearing jeans, but unlike mine, they were black and skinny, clinging to her slim legs. I gaped.
“Hi,” she said. “You must be Vanessa. Bailey, right?”
I nodded. A blush spread over my cheeks and I was aware of my skin starting to feel faintly like it was on fire. “Right,” I said shyly. “And you’re Kimmy?”
“Kimmy Wilkerson.” She grinned at me and took off her sunglasses before sticking out my hand to shake.
“We’re Vanessa’s parents,” Mom said.
Dad stepped forward. “That’s right,” he said. He eyed Kimmy up and down and I blushed even harder, but she didn’t seem to notice his intense stare. “And you’re going to be a good roommate to our little girl?”
Kimmy laughed. It was a dry, throaty sound. Suddenly, I wondered if she smoked.
“Vanessa doesn’t look like a little girl to me,” Kimmy said in a deep, amused voice. “She looks pretty damn grown up.”
Mom flinched visibly when Kimmy cursed. “Right,” she said, but I could tell the cheeriness in her voice was false. “Well, we’ll just get on our way and let you girls get to be friends,” she said. “And, honey, call me if you need anything. Dad and I will always be there. And we want you to check in,” she added emphatically.
“Mom, I get it.”
“Vanessa, call us at least once a day,” Mom said firmly. “You understand. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.” She stepped forward and passed a slip of paper to Kimmy. Inside, I felt like dying. “Kimmy, that’s our phone number. You can call us Mr. and Mrs. Bailey. Please call if there’s a problem, or if you’d like to talk.” She smiled again and I wanted to grab her by the wrist and drag her out of my apartment. “Our little Vanessa hasn’t ever lived away from home before, and I know it’s going to be a bit of an adjustment period.”
“Cool,” Kimmy said. She glanced down at the piece of paper before shoving it in the back pocket of her jeans. “Well, I’m beat,” she said. “I’m going to lie down.” Then she walked away.
“Vanessa,” Mom said sternly after Kimmy had left the room. “You were so rude! How could you treat us like that!”
“Relax, Stella,” Dad said. “Vanessa’s just nervous. Everything’s going to be fine, Ape,” he said, giving me a grin. “I think you’ll be happy here, honey.”
Mom frowned. “Lloyd, I don’t—”
“Stella, enough,” Dad said. “Come on. We’ve stayed long enough, let’s go and let Vanessa get adjusted to her new home.” He winked at me. “She’s got a lot of stuff to take care of and unpack. Class starts again on Monday!”
We hugged and Mom started to cry. By the time they actually left, I was so grateful to be alone that I spun in a circle in the middle of the living room, stretching out my arms from one side to the other.
As soon as the front door had closed, Kimmy emerged from her room. She’d changed into a pair of short shorts and a tank top. “Hey,” she said. She cracked a grin at me and instantly, I felt some of my nervousness fade away. “So, tough parents, huh?”
I rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch. “Kind of, yeah,” I admitted.
“They seem like real drags,” Kimmy commented. She blew out a puff of air. “So, is this really your first time living alone?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I know it’s weird. But they’re really protective of me.”
Kimmy snorted. “I can tell,” she said.
I blushed. Even though I agreed with her, it still felt kind of weird to be sitting here and badmouthing my parents. I knew they were overprotective, but I also knew that they loved me.
“So,” I said, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. “What do you major in?”
“Art,” Kimmy said. She grinned at me and turned her head to the side. In the sunlight, I could see the gleam of something metallic on her face. A nose stud! She had a pierced nose!
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah, sure,” Kimmy said. “I want to be an artist or a graphic designer someday, so this is pretty perfect.” She yawned and stretched. “Madison’s kind of a fuckin’ boring town to live in, though, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know,” I said. My smile was straining my face and everything inside of me was screaming, This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea. Call Mom and Dad now, they might still be able to turn around and pick you up. Abort, abort, call 911!
“Hey, relax,” Kimmy said. She smiled at me. This time, it seemed more genuine. “I know it’s hard, living on your own for the first time, but all of that shit’s going to pass, and you’ll love it.” She smiled again. “I promise you won’t get homesick after a few weeks. You’re gonna love this area. I know Madison’s slow, but we live in the coolest part of the city. There are always awesome parties.”
“I don’t go to a lot of parties,” I admitted.
Kimmy laughed. “Well, you’re coming with me to one of them, at least.” She grinned and raised her eyebrows at me. “You can’t say no, Vanessa. You have to break out of your shell.”
I bit my lip. “I want to,” I admitted. “But I really don’t know how.” I shrugged. “I’m so awkward, especially when it comes to talking to boys.”
Kimmy laughed shortly. “Okay, one thing,” she said. “If we talk about guys, you can’t call them boys. How old are you?”
“Twenty-one.”
“Me too.” Kimmy leaned back on the couch before leaping to her feet. I studied her carefully. Her movements had a clumsy kind of grace to them, but mostly I admired her confidence. It oozed out of her pores like sweat. I envied her. I wondered if she’d ever been awkward and full of anxiety like me. Probably not, I decided. She’s probably always been cool.
“How much more time do you have in school?”
“I have one more year in pre-med, then actual med school and working a residence. I want to stay around here.”
Kimmy raised her eyebrows. “So you don’t have to leave your parents?”
I blushed. She was right, but I didn’t want to admit that. “I don’t mind it around here,” I said softly. “I’ve always thought Madison was kind of a nice area. And it’s home to me.”
Kimmy shrugged. “I’m from the east coast,” she said. “And everything in the Midwest kind of sucks. It’s so boring and plain and conservative. I mean, why else would I go to parties all the time?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Hey, want a glass of wine or a beer or something?” Kimmy walked over to the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. “I’ve got tons.”
My mom’s warning echoed in my head and I swallowed. It was already past seven in the evening so they probably wouldn’t try to call me. But then again, I had no way of knowing that. I decided that if she called, I could just tell her that I’d gone to bed early that night.
“Sure,” I said bravely. “Whatever you feel like sharing.”
Chapter Three
I didn’t see Kimmy much for the rest of the weekend. She went to work at an art gallery downtown where she was in charge of social media and marketing, and I had tons of unpacking to do. I’d always been one of those people who couldn’t fully relax until I was unpacked. Even on vacations or overnight trips, I felt like I had to have all of my thi
ngs in order before I could go have fun. It was something my parents passed on to me, but it was one of the few things that I didn’t mind.
Classes started on Monday. I had no reason to be nervous. I’d been taking classes at UW Madison for three years already. But being so close to the school was like a totally different ball game. I wouldn’t have to get up at six in the morning anymore and spend an hour or more in the car, listening to my recorded lectures. Instead, I could sleep in, eat breakfast, and go about things in a much more leisurely way.
But on Monday morning, I didn’t feel much like being leisurely. The old sense of panic came back and I bolted out of bed before it was even light outside. It was the end of August but still as hot as the middle of July had been, and I began to sweat before I was even in the shower. Kimmy’s door was closed and I could hear her soft, rhythmic snores coming through the door with a regularity that astounded me. Given how erratic she was in real life, I would have assumed the same for her sleep schedule. But she seemed like a deep, heavy sleeper. I envied that, too. My whole life, I’d struggled with insomnia and had nightmares that I couldn’t explain. It was like my subconscious, so beaten down during the day by proper etiquette, exploded to life in the middle of the night.