by Lulu Pratt
She laughed at my silliness but quickly grew serious, saying, “Poppy, on that call, you’d already been talking about what would happen if there wasn’t a future between you two, what that would mean for your soul and such. Is it possible that you broke things off with him so quickly because, in a way, it was easier to end it before you started to feel even more deeply for him? Do you think, just maybe, you were afraid to fall for Finn?”
Jeez, why did April have to always hit me with the hard truths? Couldn’t she just say ‘he sucks,’ and we could watch some Charmed and move on?
But no, she had to get all smart about it.
April’s eyes stayed on me, unrelenting, and I sighed. “Maybe,” I allowed. “It’s a little, tiny teensy bit possible.”
“Okay, so–”
“That being said,” I continued, unwilling to let that be my position without adding a caveat. “Finn should have stood up for me. He ought have told Chrissy to take a long walk on a short pier, and then he should’ve quit that awful job.”
April pursed her lips, clearly formulating an opinion she didn’t want to announce.
“What is it?” I groaned. “You got something to say, spit it out.”
“Well, it’s just that, you always expect so much from people,” April confessed. “Which I understand, because you are so truly, unflaggingly good. But the Lord tells us to meet people where they are, to not make ourselves their judge and jury. Maybe Finn couldn’t have spoken out against Chrissy. Maybe you don’t have the full story.”
I shook my head vehemently. “I know you’re trying to consider the whole story, April, but you’re wrong. He was just being the guy I guess I knew he was all along – a womanizing career man who gets romantically involved with people at the drop of a hat, and cuts it off just as fast.”
“But–”
“No more buts,” I told April. “I can’t get into this anymore. Let’s just watch an old movie and talk about it later, okay?”
“All right,” she said, though she clearly wasn’t satisfied.
“All right. And we can go the animal shelter tomorrow. I feel like I gotta do some good, because all this anger and hurt is just about eatin’ me up.”
I waited for April’s response, but instead, she handed me the remote.
“You can pick,” she said. “But just for tonight.”
I turned on the TV, clicked to the classics channel, and was greeted by Scarlett pulling down the curtains at Tara. Oh, I loved Gone With the Wind.
Although I had every intention of staying up to watch the movie, I’d reckon I got through about five minutes before I was passed out, snoring on the couch.
When I awoke the following morning, I was groggy and April was cooking pancakes. Man, that woman knew how to feed me.
“Morning, sunshine,” she called out. “Pancakes in five.”
“Love you.”
“Love you more,” she returned.
I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and threw on the old shirt and shorts I left at April’s house for just such occasions. Sister sleepovers were a regularity for us, so it’d become necessary to leave a change of clothes in her place.
Over breakfast, we chatted about anything not related to Finn. I think April knew I’d just about reached my fill of that man for the morning. I wondered briefly where Cindy was, then remembered she was probably at work this morning. Fridays were her day at the fire station.
Mercifully, April kept the conversation going until I’d scarfed down the last of my blueberries and wiped my mouth free of syrup.
“All right, I’m off to the shelter,” I announced, pushing back my stool. “See you later.”
She looked mildly ambivalent about this plan, but only replied, “Text me if you need anything.”
Knowing April, she was probably thinking it was too soon for me to be going out and feeling the pressure of accomplishing stuff. And maybe she was right. I did seem to have this ceaseless drive to do, and rarely thought about what it meant to just be. But that was a personal flaw for another time. Right now, I needed to clear my head free of Finn, who though absent from the conversation, continued to haunt my thoughts.
I hugged April goodbye and then walked out the front door, stopping only briefly to grab her car keys off the entryway hook. She always let me borrow them, which was super kind.
On the drive to the shelter, I wondered what I’d do my vlog about today. Maybe a little featurette in the shelter? Then again, I had no make-up on – and you forgot your filming equipment at April’s, my mind added. Shoot. Well, maybe I could do some kind of themed make-up routine or make-up transformation video later that night. Just because my career might be over didn’t mean I should treat it as such. Gotta keep plowing ahead ‘til the plow hits mud, y’know?
As I walked into the shelter, I was greeted by all the usual suspects – Martin, Nadine, et cetera. I was one of the few volunteers they let do ‘drop-ins.’ That is, unscheduled work hours at the shelter. I’m not sure what I did to earn that, besides being my friendly self, but I loved that I could play with puppies or kittens at any time, day or night.
“Hey, Poppy,” Nadine said as I signed my name into the entry book. “We’ve all been watching your island vlogs, and they’re amazing. But weren’t you supposed to stay a whole week?”
I stopped, hunched over the book, and considered my options. Did I tell her the truth – that I’d been fired – or make up a lie?
Normally, I’m all for honesty, but I thought maybe, just this once, God would forgive me for skirting fact.
“I’m home early,” I explained, which wasn’t a lie as much as an omission. “For Easter.”
Well, I was home for Easter, which was Sunday. Never mind that my week on the island would’ve ended Wednesday, had all gone according to plan, so I always would have made Easter. That was complicated, and required about an hour of additional explanation I was sure no one really wanted. So I settled for Easter. What? I’m not a saint.
Nadine, bless her heart, took my answer at face value, and proceeded to walk with me to the back, where all the puppies were kept.
“Hey ya’ll!” I cooed, greeting the adorable dogs. They replied with a cacophony of barks, and I settled peacefully into the room, opening one cage after another to play with the dogs.
I’m not sure how long I’d been in the room – two hours, maybe three? – when Nadine peeked back in.
“Somebody here to see you,” she said.
Probably April, maybe Cindy too, on her lunch break. That would be nice.
“Okay,” I replied. “Bring ‘em in.”
Nadine opened the door wider, enough for a person to slip through but not so wide a dog would lunge out.
And then Finn walked in.
My heart stopped. Puppies swarmed around me, but I was numb to the touch of their fur. All I could see was Finn, all I could smell was Finn.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Nadine said.
How could I have been so stupid? Of course Nadine knew who April was, and would have identified her by name. How had I let this happen? I wanted to smack myself upside the head, but I was made immobile by Finn’s gaze.
Finally, he cleared his throat. “Hey.”
“How did you find me?” A stupid first question, but still, the only one that came to mind.
He rubbed one leather-clad arm, massaging it gently. “My assistant. She found your address. I went there, you weren’t there. Asked someone nearby, figuring it was a small town. Sure enough, they told me to find you at your sister’s place. You weren’t there, but she said that you were probably still here, at the shelter.” Finn broke off abruptly, then apologized, “Sorry. For the rambling.”
Oh, April. I was going to have to murder her when I got home. What were the chances that she didn’t know who he was? How many hunky Irish photographers wandered through our little town? We were certainly going to get to the bottom of her horrible decision-making when I got home, but for the moment–
; “What are you doing here?” I asked, in no mood for small talk.
Finn went to his knees, stroking the scruff of a nearby puppy. He seemed to contemplate my question for a few moments, before at last saying, “I’m here to tell you the truth.”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” I knew his truth – blah blah money, blah blah job, blah blah blah.
He sighed, and another puppy crawled into his lap. We were separated by a sea of dogs, but I still felt that we were the only ones in the room.
“Please?” he asked. “Just give me a chance. And if you decide that you still hate me, I’ll… figure out how to live with that. Please, Poppy. I flew across the world just to be here, right now.”
That was true.
Curse my good upbringing – I couldn’t turn away a man without at least hearing his side of things.
“All right,” I said. “But if at any point, I decide you’re just selling me smoke, I’m kickin’ you out.”
“I understand.”
He surveyed a nearby Labrador puppy, giving the dog a kiss on the forehead before leaning back onto his hands and staring up at the ceiling.
Finn began, his voice faltering a little – the most unsure I’d seen him since… ever, I guess. It made his brogue even rougher, the accent less singsong.
“You know me and Chrissy have a history.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, I got eyes.”
He nodded. “Well, she’s been trying to sleep with me for ages. Sleep with me again, I should say. And I’ve turned her down, because for one, I don’t find her particularly attractive, and for another, I just wasn’t that into the idea.”
How could anyone not find Chrissy attractive? If Chrissy wasn’t attractive, what did that make me? But I stayed silent, waiting to hear where this could be going.
“And, as you saw on the trip, she’s been up to her old tricks again – hitting on me in public, making advances, putting down other women who I’m interested in. Women like you.”
He glanced up from the floor to see how I was reacting, but I kept my face purposefully blank. I wasn’t about to give him sympathy, not unless I saw that it was really, truly warranted. He swallowed and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.
“Anyhow, when you came into the picture, she got more jealous than she’s ever been before. That is, she’s acted out on shoots when there are other girls around, but I don’t think Chrissy’s ever felt threatened, not really. And then… then she must have seen the way I looked at you, and known that it was more serious than it’d been with all the rest.”
My heart leapt at this. Stupid heart. I didn’t want to give Finn an inch, but hearing what I’d so desperately wanted to be true – that I was more special than the rest – made me a little giddy.
He continued, “So, things got worse. You heard the stuff she said in front of you, obviously. That was her intent. But what you don’t know is that, after you put her in her place over those body-shaming comments, she called Regency and threatened to quit. They then got in touch with me, said that I – we, rather – needed to cool it, or Chrissy would walk and we’d all be out of a gig.”
I sucked in a breath, my mind racing. Although I had a million questions, I managed to stay silent, anxious to hear what Finn would say next.
“That’s why I suggested you stay back from the shoot the next day, because she was just looking for reasons to get you booted. And then… the shoot…”
He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his knuckles, as if trying to iron out the lines.
“Then,” he said in a lower voice, “she told me to untie her bikini top, and kissed me against my will.”
“Oh my God,” I murmured, then realized I’d taken the Lord’s name in vain. Normally, I would’ve clapped my hand over my mouth and apologized to God, but I knew that interrupting Finn would be even more un-Christian.
“Yeah. Anyhow, I rejected her advances. I’d made it clear for a long time that I was not interested. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. It wasn’t about sex in some ways, but about power. She was in control and I – and you – were her playthings. And then, I guess, she sent that vlog of yours into Regency, said you were being a problem on set… you know that part.”
I nodded. I knew that bit all too well.
Finn chewed the inside of his cheek before saying, “I’m not sure why I didn’t tell you that I suspected it was Chrissy, given everything. I guess I was just, just so frightened of how she’d treated me, of the power she held over my job. And yes, a job isn’t everything, but Chrissy could downright end my entire career, Regency or otherwise. She’s powerful, and she’s fucking possessive.”
He hesitated. The air was heavy with silence as I tried to process everything I was learning, to decide how I felt, in light of all of this.
But Finn went on before I could come to any kind of conclusion. “Once you’d left, on the shoot that day, she grabbed my dick.” He shook his head, as if trying to shake the memory. “And that was it. I’d been afraid to speak out before, afraid that people wouldn’t believe me, that they’d think me less of a man. But I couldn’t just sit around and hope things got better. She’d already used her power to get you fired, and I knew that she wasn’t going to stop until she had me in her bed.”
His eyes met mine. “That’s the whole story,” he finished. “And, God, I am so, so sorry for the fact that you got dragged into this. That is, above all, my greatest regret. You should never have been a part of my bullshit.”
And that’s when I finally figured out how I felt about everything Finn had told me.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I said, loud and clear, my voice ringing with certainty. “Because there’s nothing to apologize for. You were sexually harassed by Chrissy, by a woman who was in a position of power over you. She intimidated you into silence. I can’t be mad at you for being a victim.”
“Do you mean that?” he asked.
I bobbed my head up and down. “Of course. I was angry that you weren’t standing up for me because I thought it was all about the money. And maybe some of it is, I don’t know. But it’s also obvious that you were, well, scared.”
Finn’s forehead creased and his fingers went up to play with one of his many earrings.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been scared,” he admitted quietly. “Thought I’d seen everything, aye? My mother, foster care, so on and so forth. It’s not something I’d ever like to feel again.”
I could no longer hold out. I crawled, hands and knees, across the floor, the puppies parting for me like the Red Sea. At last I reached Finn, and pulled him into a hug. His arms clasped around my back, squeezing me for dear life. I knew that we were, despite all odds, going to be okay.
Chapter 25
FINN
AS POPPY hugged me, I felt anxiety leach from my bones. I hadn’t realized how desperately I’d needed her absolution, but with that in hand, I thought that perhaps, just maybe, I could move on from what Chrissy had done, and refocus on being the kind of man Poppy deserved.
I took a breath. It was time to tell her the rest. I pulled away, reluctantly breaking the hug.
“And,” I added, “Regency retracts what they did.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her brow furrowing.
“I mean… you have your job back. With BeYou. I don’t know about this shoot, and you’ll have to get in touch with them, but I think you’re back in business. Not least of all because they know they can’t have you leaking the truth about Chrissy.”
Poppy’s face went wide with surprise.
“Are you serious?” Her voice trembled on the brink of delight and fear.
“Absolutely.”
“Oh my gosh… oh my gosh, okay,” she murmured. “All right, I-I’ll get in touch with them. This is amazing. Thank you, Finn.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t do shit.”
She raised a pointed eyebrow and replied, “I know that’s not true.”
But I couldn’t accept a compli
ment for doing the right thing. That wasn’t heroic, just fair play. I brushed it aside and redirected the conversation.
“So where do we go from here?” I asked. “Because I don’t intend for this to be the last time I see you, Poppy Reeve.”
She blushed and then replied, “How about we start by taking care of these dogs?”
I grinned. She really was a humanitarian. “That sounds heavenly.”
We spent the next few hours playing with the pups – wearing them out, feeding them, bathing a couple. Our conversation turned light, easy, the way it had been on the island. Could things really go back to normal, and so quickly? It felt like another shoe had to drop. Why won’t you ever just accept the good? I chided myself. You’ve got a beautiful lass at your side. Be grateful and don’t fuck it up.
But that was my specialty – fucking up the better things in life, isolating myself, refusing love. I wanted to pry my soul open for Poppy and hand it to her on a platter, but that would take quite a bit of work. That being said… I was willing to try.
Eventually, the dogs were worn out, and I sat back on my heels.
“What shall we do next?” I asked Poppy.
She thought for a moment, biting her lip and casting her eyes up.
“Well, I was planning to go to my sister’s Bible study group tonight,” she offered. “That said, I think a walk along the river would be better under the circumstances.”
I smiled and said, “That’s sounds like a great first date.”
This time, her brows shot up, and stayed there. “Oh, it’s a first date?” she asked.
I considered this a little. “More of a second, or third, but it’s the first one not during a work trip, so let’s just call it first and settle it at that.”
She grinned, and laughed, “You’re getting awful cocky.”
I leaned in closer. “What can I say? You bring out the confidence in me.”
Poppy’s face transformed from amused to serious. “You bring out the confidence in me, too,” she said softly.
That touched me rather deeply, if I’m being honest. What more can you look for in a partner than someone who makes you the best version of yourself? And – did I just say ‘partner’? I hadn’t realized I was already thinking that far ahead, but apparently so.