"Yes!" I couldn't believe she had to ask.
She spread her hands in front of her. "I can't tell you."
I bit back a burst of anger. "You're joking."
"Of course not." Hilly looked at me like I was an idiot, which I was starting to think I was. "Why would I be joking?"
Riley pointed out, "It is hard to joke when you have no sense of humor."
Hilly nodded in agreement. "I told you why I was here, and you should try to believe that."
"Come on!" I raised my voice. "Why?"
"Because that's what I told you," she said matter-of-factly.
"Hilly." I tried again. "Are you working?"
She cocked her head to one side. "In what sense of the word?"
It was really difficult to avoid screaming in frustration, but I gave it a shot. "In the CIA sense of the word."
She nodded and smiled. "Then no, I'm not."
"You just nodded, meaning yes," I pointed out.
Hilly nodded again. "No I didn't."
Riley and I stared at her. When she was like this, there'd be no getting anything out of Hilly. You might think, hey, there's two of you, you could take her! But the idea of taking out a somewhat deranged and deadly assassin seemed a bit optimistic, and I was tired.
"Go to bed." I waved her off. "The grownups need to talk."
"Okay." She brightened and got to her feet. Then she frowned and looked at us. "I'm not a grownup?"
"Not unless you want to come clean," I said.
"That's what grownups do?" She chewed on her lip.
I leaned forward with hope. "Yes. They own up."
"Okay." She shrugged and headed off for our cabin.
Once she was out of earshot, Riley leaned toward me. "You really didn't think she'd confess, did you?"
I slumped. "I hoped so. I was hoping she'd confess to kidnapping Chad and later killing him and of looking for Maria."
"Those are good theories," Riley said. "But how do the goons fit in?"
"I don't know. It would make more sense, I suppose, if they were CIA coming to check up on Hilly. Other than that, I've got nothing."
Riley offered, "Maybe they were those commies Betty Sr. is always talking about?"
"Did they seem like Russians to you?" I asked. "There aren't any commies anymore. There's no Cold War anymore. And why do I have to explain that to you? I can't think of anything the Russians would gain by being at a decaying Girl Scout camp in the middle of nowhere."
"If they were Agency," Riley said, "they could be here to look for Chad's body. Maybe Hilly called them in to remove the remains."
"That would discount her from moving him. They were in the lodge, where we'd last left Chad."
Riley agreed. "That's a good point."
"This is like a puzzle where half the pieces don't fit. First, we have Maria, who's unnerved by someone here. Then we have Chad, who was kidnapped, asked about a woman, and dumped in the spot where we were supposed to meet Maria. Then Hilly shows up for no reason and hikes into camp with us. If she'd gone after Chad, she would've killed him the first time. And then there's Chad, acting like something is up, and Laura mumbling some strange things about him, even though he had never seen these ladies in his life. Then Chad is killed. Now Chad's body is missing, Maria still isn't 'in,' Hilly's sneaking off at night, and I'm attacked by two guys in the lodge."
"When you put it like that…" Riley started.
I held up my hands with my fingers just about to interlace. "The threads get close but don't connect. If Hilly had kidnapped Chad, she would've left him dead in a dumpster somewhere. Maria knew where we were meeting, so she could've dumped him here, but why would she do that? What's the reason Chad was dumped on that hilltop? Maybe if we could figure out that, we'd understand what happened."
Riley held up one finger. "What if Hilly went rogue? She abused Chad to find out where Maria is. The agency sent in two men to find out why Hilly wasn't reporting in? Maybe she moved the body so they wouldn't find it."
"That's an interesting idea," I mumbled. "But it still feels like we're jamming rectangular pieces into square holes. It almost fits."
Riley nodded. "Okay, how about this. Hilly was sent to find Maria. The guys kidnapped Chad, and Hilly dumped him here."
"Okay, I'll bite." I opened my mind. "Why? How?"
"She didn't want the Agency handling it? She could've been in the woods a while before we got here. We just don't know."
"Maybe the two men killed Chad," I thought aloud. "That would take the heat off of Hilly, Maria, and the older troop."
"Exactly," Riley said. "His discomfort around the older women was nothing. Laura's comments against him was just paranoia brought on by early onset dementia."
I wasn't so sure about that. It didn't sit well in my gut. All the puzzle pieces still didn't fit, and there seemed to be a missing piece.
"How are we going to get Hilly to confess?" I wondered.
"You think she's lying," Riley said what I was thinking.
"It's definitely possible. The way she's saying things, and what she's saying, make it look like that."
"But Hilly's always been strange," Riley said very quietly, probably worried about the assassin overhearing.
That was true. You never really knew what the deadly amazon was thinking.
Betty appeared in front of us. "You need us to interrogate. I brought a pair of pliers."
"You." I pointed at her. "You want to interrogate Hilly, using pliers."
For the first time ever, Betty's mouth dropped open. "Hilly? Are you nuts? She'd straight up kill us! I thought you were talking about someone else."
Where was this kid going with this? "Who did you have in mind?"
"One of the old ladies," she said. "But not Betty Sr. Or maybe only Betty Sr. She's like me. I'd suspect me. Now that I think of it, Future Me should be your first suspect."
Instead of wrapping my head around this, I insisted, "I'm not going to let you torture a senior citizen."
Betty threw up her hands. "Then go find those guys. I need to be able to interrogate someone for a badge."
"There isn't a badge for interrogation." There wasn't, was there? I'll admit I have been letting the leader newsletters pile up unread.
"Not yet, but I sent a petition to the headquarters. I also want a badge for turning everyday items into weapons and one for espionage. I should hear back soon."
I didn't think the Girl Scouts were going to go for such a thing. Letting it pass until Betty found another area of interest would be the best. For once I missed her passion for the Basque people's cause.
Lauren shouted from her tent, "We needed an adult's signature for the paperwork."
Not gonna happen. "I'm not going to sign that. Kelly will kill me."
"We didn't ask you," Betty said. "We asked Hilly. She signed it."
I guess that made sense in the way that I didn't have to put my neck on the line for it.
I rubbed my eyes. "Go to bed, Betty."
Betty studied me. Maybe she saw the bruise that was most likely forming on my cheek, or maybe I looked tired. Whatever it was, I wasn't prepared for her saying, "Okay."
Riley looked at my cheek, shining his flashlight onto it. "That doesn't look too bad. I think you should go to bed though. I'll take the watch."
"No, you go," I insisted. "I'm not going to get any sleep now."
Riley agreed. He got up and sprayed himself from head to toe with the Gucci bug spray and went back to his tent. When was he going to realize it didn't work? Meanwhile, with the original application of Hilly's miracle spray, the girls I were still bite-free.
I knew Riley wasn't going to go to sleep, just in case those guys came back. I started to slide off my jacket, and the photo I'd taken from the pool fell out. I'd forgotten to give this to the women.
I aimed my flashlight and stared at it. They looked so happy. This photo must have been taken when they only came here in the summer. They still lived in a house back in their town, wi
th electricity and heat. The teens in this picture didn't have a care in the world. It was fun to see kids enjoying this camp, considering how dangerous it had been these last few days.
Well, it didn't matter. We were leaving in the morning whether this was solved or not. I didn't care about all these mysteries anymore. I didn't care about Maria needing our help or whether these women would come back with us or not. It was time to return to civilization and food that wasn't tuber-based.
And before we went, I was getting the Sharons to remove the hypnosis hex so I wouldn't shout rutabaga whenever someone snapped their fingers. What if they couldn't? I'd have to avoid beatnik jazz concerts and live performances of West Side Story, and I'd live in fear that the girls would use this against me at inopportune moments.
I looked at the photo again. It would be nice to return the camp to its former glory, but that was unlikely. We'd done our job, and that was what mattered. I'd take these pictures back to the Council, and they could see what the camp was like…a place where girls had fun. A place where these smiling teens were…
That's when I saw it. Where had that come from, and why hadn't I noticed it before? Was I wrong? There was one way to check. I got up and ran to the lodge, ignoring my body's stress. Once inside, I snatched the photo of the women when they were my troop's age and studied it.
It was like a door opened as I remembered things that had been said or done over the last few days. There were some things I still wasn't entirely sure about, but now, for once, I had an idea about what had happened here.
I walked slowly back to Possum Pass. New ideas came to me with every step.
* * *
Riley and the girls joined me in the morning, and I told them to break camp. There were no complaints, which was good. Hilly ran off, saying she needed to say goodbye to Old Eisenhower. I'd have to make sure she didn't try to smuggle him out. I noticed she hadn't taken her wagon with her, so maybe I'd gotten through.
When we arrived at the lodge, the women were up and moving around. I noticed a few old duffel bags stacked by the lodge door. Were they coming back with us? The thought made my step a little lighter. These ladies shouldn't live the rest of their lives here. And I'd make good on my promise of providing them with a home.
Hilly jogged back into camp. That was quick. She didn't even look winded.
"Hilly," I said. "Can you get everyone inside the lodge?"
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
"I think I've figured things out," I announced as everyone else sat in chairs around me. "And if you'll bear with me, I didn't get any sleep last night, so I might meander a bit."
There were polite nods. Betty Sr. got up and took the talking stick from the fireplace and handed it to me.
"It seems appropriate," she said.
"Okay." I grinned. "First of all, I want to thank you ladies for your hospitality. It was an interesting stay, and you guys were very welcoming, considering you didn't want anyone to find you."
The six women nodded.
"I'm afraid that some of this news will come as a shock. I apologize for that in advance."
Hilly got up and went outside before I could stop her. She returned seconds later with Maria in tow, which made me wonder if she'd known where Maria was all this time. The assassin went and got a chair for the rogue agent, and they sat down. Riley's eyebrows went up as he got up and walked over to the window and looked out. I supposed he was going to keep an eye out for the guys from last night. I gave him a nod.
"First up, you're going to hear some things that are classified. I mean, really classified. Like, CIA classified. That means I'm swearing this room to secrecy via the Pinky Swear."
There was a reverent gasp, and everyone held up their pinky. After they promised not to reveal what was said and I offered up some vague threats that I wasn't really sure I could or even would pull off, I continued.
"Some of you know this, but this is my friend Maria. She's been hiding out in the woods all this time, avoiding contact. Maria and Hilly are CIA agents. Well, Maria was until she left the agency for reasons I can't disclose. Also, Riley and I are former CIA agents. I'm telling you this because you'll need it for context."
If the women were surprised, they didn't show it. And since we'd never overtly given all this info to the girls, I waited for questions. But they, too, seemed to take it all in stride…or they'd known it all along and were just too polite to say anything. Which was nice.
"Some of what I'm going to say is speculation. Some of it is fact. All of it is a matter of national intelligence, so it won't matter anyway. Got it?"
Ava's hand shot up. "Will this hurt my chances with my mayoral campaign?"
"No," I guessed. "It shouldn't, as long as you don't share this information with anyone."
My Betty's hand went up. "What if we are tortured by bad guys who want the intel?"
"It won't be a problem," I assured her.
"Still," the girl persisted, "I think we should train on how to handle being tortured, just in case."
"I don't think that would be a good idea." I felt a little better, like I'd said something a responsible adult would say.
Betty Sr. raised her hand. "I'm with Betty. And I think we should train to take it as well as giving it out."
Betty Jr. gave Betty Sr. a fist bump, indicating that they were now a team and I was now in trouble.
"Let's move on. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can hit the trail. I'm buying dinner when we all get back."
A cheer went up, and a few of the women high-fived each other.
"Maria was supposed to meet us in the woods at the spot where we ended up finding Chad. She'd asked me to help her with something, so I invited her along to help out."
Inez crossed her arms over her chest. "You didn't tell us that."
"Yeah!" Betty got to her feet. "You were holding out on us!"
I nodded. "Yes, I was. Maria's real purpose was a secret."
"Can we help?" Ava asked. "It would look good for me to help the government."
"She's not CIA anymore," I broke to her gently.
Hilly waved at Ava. "You can help me on my next job."
"No, she can't," I intervened. "Anyway, we're getting off track. At the hilltop Maria didn't show, we found Chad unconscious, and then Hilly showed up out of the blue."
"No," Hilly interjected. "I showed up out of the woods."
I couldn't come up with any response for that, so I went on. "The point is, the person who was supposed to join us was missing, and two people we hadn't planned on, did join us. Which turned out to be very confusing."
"We liked having Hilly here," Betty Jr. said. "She's pretty cool. And the pranks were fun."
"Betty got the last laugh," Ava said.
Betty agreed. "She even showed me something new this morning, where you pinch a part of your hand and it makes you smarter." She placed her left hand in her right hand, and…
"Wait!" I called out. "Don't…"
Too late. Betty hit the nerve and promptly collapsed in her chair.
Hilly leaned back in her chair, grinning. "Who did you say had the last laugh?"
"Hilly killed Betty!" One of the Kaitlyns ran over to the girl, who was now snoring loudly in her chair.
"She didn't kill her," I said. "That's an old CIA trick. Hilly tricked Betty." I wagged a finger in the assassin's direction, and she shrugged.
"I want to try it!" Lauren said.
"Me too!" the Kaitlyns added.
"No," I said. "Hilly, will you please wake Betty up, so we can proceed?"
Hilly leaned over and touched the girl's shoulders, like she had when she brought Chad around back on the hilltop. Betty sat up and looked around.
Her eyes stopped on Hilly. "That was a good one!"
I held up my hand signal for the quiet sign. "That's the end of the pranks. I mean it."
Betty Jr. shook her head. "You can't do that. It's part of the Geneva Convection."
"It really isn't," I insisted. "No mo
re pranks. Got it?"
The pranks had escalated quickly. If I didn't stop this now, who knew how bad this would get. What's next? Napalming Hilly's car? Sending a hit squad to deal with Betty?
There was a strange noise before Larry the cougar came into the building, walked over, and curled up around Hilly's feet before falling asleep. The assassin reached down and scratched between the cat's ears, and he began purring loudly.
The six older women seemed frozen in their seats, until Lauren explained that Larry didn't, in fact, want to eat anyone. I guess I wasn't lying about the possibility of this meandering. I just didn't know it wouldn't be me doing the meandering.
"Guys." I clapped my hands. "Can we focus here?"
"She can't focus!" Lauren said. "Does that mean she has dementia?"
Betty Jr. nodded. "I knew it would happen one day."
"I don't have dementia!" I shook my head to clear it then decided to just plunge right in.
"Hilly was sent here to track down Maria. Before this trip, I'd recently come into contact with a CIA agent who indicated that they were watching me to see if I could lead them to Maria. Given that Hilly is a friend, they probably thought she had a better chance of pulling this off."
Betty Sr. raised her hand. "Who was Chad really?"
"Chad," I explained, "was really Frederick Salt. Since we don't have access to the internet here, I couldn't research him. But I believe Frederick was an agent sent to find Maria also. He was probably also meant to follow Hilly to make sure she got the job done and blow the whistle on her if she didn't."
Ada raised her hand. "What is the internet?"
"I'll explain later," I said. "Sorry. I'll try not to explain using things you don't know about."
"Very thoughtful of you, dear." Esme smiled.
I went back to the story. "I don't think Chad had experience. Hilly knows a lot of the field agents working and would've recognized him. So I suspect he was pretty low-ranking and maybe took the assignment on in hopes of being promoted."
"He was a total loser," Betty Jr. sniffed. "I could do a better job than he did."
"You got that right." Hilly rolled her eyes.
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