And I was right.
She did it, like I knew she would.
But I never stopped to think it through.
To realize that, of course, she would try to protect me.
My arrogance and overconfidence caused me to make a fatal error, and now, my beautiful wife is fighting for her life, barely clinging on, and it’s all my fault.
I couldn’t hate myself any more than I do at this moment.
If I could trade places with her, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Sadie can’t die. She can’t. I cannot fathom existing without her.
High Elder Jaxa clamps a hand on my juddering knee, forcing it still. “Try not to worry, My King, although I know that’s a futile sentiment. She is strong enough to survive this. Have faith.”
And I try. Stars, I do. But when one day gives way to two, and then a full week passes, and still there is no movement, no sign that either Sadie or Izzy are ready to come back to us, I find it harder and harder to hold onto that hope.
Haydn retrieved the weapon, and our best researchers have taken it apart and discovered exactly how it operates. Working with our best medicians, they identified a way to fully heal all physical injuries, and now my Angel looks as beautiful as ever, pristine behind her glass cage.
A fully recovered Deputy Tre stands guard outside the room, only leaving for short periods to snatch some sleep and food. His dedication is unwavering, and I’m grateful for his protective presence.
Another full week passes, and I think I’m going out of my mind. Torment has a vice grip around my heart, and I can barely eat or sleep for the fear and worry tearing me apart on the inside. With each passing day, my hope fades, until it’s barely a twinkle in my mind’s eye.
Rylan and Haydn are effectively running the country with the Royal Advisory Council while I spend every single minute holed up in the Saven Medical Facility with Sadie. Axton, Jarod, and Fern are my constant companions, my co-partners in this agony. I’ve had the entire ward cleared so we have complete privacy.
At the start of the third week, Izzy wakes up.
We are all delighted, but our happiness is a double-edged sword because Sadie is still unconscious, showing no signs of waking up, and I’m in the worst pain imaginable.
Izzy has been released, and Jarod and Haydn go with her to get her settled in the palace. Like Axton, she’s refusing to return to Torc until Sadie awakens. I’ve had Sadie moved to a separate private room that’s become my home away from home.
Axton lingers in the room now, like he’s taken to doing in the last few weeks, and it’s weird, but I’ve come to draw quiet strength from his presence. In light of Sadie’s condition, our previous issues seem unimportant, and, without articulating it, we have both put aside our differences to support the girl we love. I’ve come to rely on him as I think he has me. We’ve sat for hours, on either side of Sadie’s cot, talking to her, letting her know that we are both here waiting for her to return. Instead of envy and rage, I’m grateful for his support, for his mutual love for her, and I haven’t given up hope entirely that together we might be able to penetrate that mental shield she has erected.
Axton rocks back on his heels, biting his lip as he glances at the floor, then me, and back at the floor again. I sense he has something on his mind.
“What is it?” I ask, turning away from the window and leaning back against the wall. My eyes dart to Sadie, lying beautifully still in her floating cot. My heart warms as I drink her in, before reality slaps me in the face, and the habitual pain ties my stomach into knots, driving a knife straight through my lonely heart.
“We’re running out of time, Logan.”
“You think I don’t know that!” I snap. “I’ve been on a countdown since day one and I’m well familiar with the risks involved in hiding out for so long in your mind. I know she only has days left, ten, tops.”
He walks toward me, gripping my shoulders. “Listen to me. If anyone is going to get through to her, it’s you, but it’s like you’ve already given up on her.”
I shove his hands away, anger swelling my chest. “Who are you to say that to me?! I haven’t given up on her! I would never give up on her—she’s my entire life! I am continuously reaching out to her mind, continuously talking to her, pleading with her to come back to me. You know this! You’ve been here this entire time.”
“Do you remember that conversation we had at the Heir’s Summit? When you asked me what it felt like to be in love?” Sincere blue eyes pin mine, and it’s like looking in a mirror. He’s stopped wearing his contacts and it’s getting harder to deny the blood connection between us.
“I remember,” I say, swallowing the wedge in my throat.
“Well you need to tell her. Tell Sadie what it’s like to love her. Straight from the heart, Logan.” He angles his head to the side, despair and pain flooding his features. “Tell her how you felt the first time you saw her, how she makes you feel in here”—he places a hand over his heart—“and how you feel every time you are separated, how much it meant when she Eterno bonded with you, and whatever else she needs to hear. Reach into your heart and tell her because she needs to hear that, Logan, and you’ve been holding back. Not intentionally, because I know how much you love her, and how badly you’re hurting, but your pain and your fear is stopping you from saying what needs to be said. You have heard what Jaxa has said time and time again. You and you alone can guide her out of her mind, but you need to find that connection with her again to do it. So find it, talk to her, make her feel your love.”
He gulps and I stare at him, knowing everything he’s feeling without him saying a word.
“I would do it, but it isn’t me she needs to hear it from. It’s you, Logan. It’s always been you, and I know you can do this, because I know you love her with everything you have. I would never have stopped fighting for her otherwise. I chose to let her go, not solely because she loved you more than she loved me, but because I knew you loved her as insanely as I do, and I needed that for her. To know she was going to be loved like that because it’s everything she deserves. Don’t make me doubt my judgment. Don’t make her doubt her choice. Don’t let yourself down, because there is no one more qualified to do this than you.”
He gives me a gentle nudge toward her cot. “I’ll tell the nurses to keep everyone out so you have complete privacy.” I look to him, inhaling deeply, rediscovering that inner strength inside myself. “You can do this, brother. I have faith in you.”
He says the word with so much meaning, and I’d be a coldhearted bastard not to react to it. I pull him into a brief, awkward hug, slapping him quickly on the back. “Thank you.” We break apart, equally self-consciously. “Damn, I think we’ve both traded in our man-cards,” I joke.
A small smile creeps over his mouth. “I think I traded mine in years ago, the second she wrapped me around her little finger.”
“I know the feeling.”
“Go get her, Logan. Bring her back.”
I asked the medicians if it was safe to remove her from the glass chamber so I could talk to her while I hold her hand. We’ve always been tactile, and I need to try everything if I’m to stand any chance of getting through to her.
I kiss every inch of her face, startled and relieved at how warm she feels. Sitting down, I pull my chair up close to her bed as I rub soothing circles across the back of her hand.
It’s awful tracing my Eterno line to her and reaching a proverbial brick wall, but I wait patiently as reenergized hope surges through my bones.
I start talking and I don’t stop for hours. Recalling every precious minute from the first time I laid eyes on her. Some of this, she knows, but there’s so much I haven’t ever told her, because there has never been time. We’ve been far too busy surviving to share everything, but I don’t hold back now.
“I spoke with Axton once at the Heir’s Summit, and I asked him what it felt like to be in love. At the time, my father was lining up all these suitable girls for me, and
I despaired of ever finding true love. The girls were all lovely in their own way, but none of them held my interest, none of them ignited a spark. I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to marry for duty’s sake and hoped that in time, I would learn to love her. But when I felt you in the cafeteria in the Mock-Up Facility, when I saw you, when your beautiful gray eyes met mine, it was as though I hadn’t been existing up until that moment in time.
“I know humans are fond of saying that life flashes in front of you before you die, but, for me, my future life flashed before my eyes the minute I met you, in all manner of glorious shades. I saw the life I could have with you, and I wanted it, so badly, because I’d closed myself off to the idea of soul-deep love but when I met you, I knew, instantly, that you were the one for me. I’ll never forget the feeling of completeness, of being whole—I had never experienced anything like that before. It wasn’t an overtly conscious thing—more of an inherent truth that already existed within me—and it took a little time to bring that to the surface, but from the moment I met you, you captivated me. Our connection was electrifying, and though I didn’t fully understand it, I recognized it for what it was. True love. The kind most never get to experience.”
I smile to myself as I recall our time in Thalassic City. “You were like my drug, Sadie. I tried so hard to stay away from you, to protect you from my father, but there wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t orchestrate some opportunity to run into you because I physically couldn’t stay away. Every part of my being ached to hold you in my arms. To kiss you with every ounce of love in my heart. To tell you how much I loved you, how precious you were to me. To deny myself—and you—was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I drove Haydn and Neve mad talking incessantly about you, and when I finally made you mine, I thought that if I died right then and there I’d die happy because I had experienced such joy.”
I lean forward and press a soft kiss to her lips. “I miss you, Angel. I miss you so much. I didn’t realize I’d taken the intimacy of our Eterno connection for granted until it was gone. It’s lonely in my head and my heart without you. My heart still aches for the loss of my mother, and my grieving for Neve hasn’t even begun, but those feelings are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to how I’m feeling right now. I thought I couldn’t feel more loss or pain, but I was wrong, because I’m tormented without you. I’ve been wandering aimlessly through the last few weeks, not only because I’m scared and worried and lonely, but because I’ve lost half of myself. It’s gone. You have it, and I can’t be whole without you. You aren’t merely the greatest love of my life—you’re the only love of my life. You are my beating heart, my conscious mind, the essence of my soul, the blood that flows through my veins, the tenacity that drives me to lead our nation into the future. Without you, none of that exists. I can’t exist. I can’t go on without you.”
Tears are streaming down my face, and I lean down, rubbing my damp, prickly jaw against her cheek. “If you won’t do this for you, do it for me, and sue me if that’s selfish, because if you die, then I die too.”
I talk while the sun fades and continue until it rises again. I talk until my throat seizes up, and then I speak directly into her mind. I bombard her with my memorized cheesy Will Smith one-liners, and jokes, and I attempt to serenade her with pitiful attempts at singing.
I pour out my heart. I tell her everything that resides inside me.
I plead.
I beg.
I cry.
I laugh.
I kiss her.
I kiss her some more.
I slam my fist into the wall.
I scream in rage.
I kiss her and say I’m sorry.
And when all’s said and done and there’s still no sign of life, no signal, no movement, I give into crushing despair, defeat and failure shrouding me like a taunting crowd. I’ve used up all my reserves, and I’ve nothing left to give.
Exhausted, I fall asleep, still clutching her hand, my head resting on the edge of her bed.
I’m dreaming, and in my dream, Sadie is laughing, running her fingers through my hair as she calls out to me. She peppers my face with kisses and tells me how much she loves me. How she will love me for our forever.
I wake up with tears already forming in my eyes, cursing my feeble mind for torturing me even in sleep.
But when the tears fade, and my vision clears, and her smiling face greets me, her eyes sparkling with vitality, and I know I wasn’t dreaming, that she’s awake, and more beautiful than ever, I cup her face and kiss her relentlessly, refusing to relinquish her lips.
“Out!” the medician says, shoving our friends through the door. “I need to speak with our king and Alma Sadie in private.”
“We’ll wait outside,” Haydn says, and I nod, grinning even wider. I’d challenge anyone to wipe the smile off my face.
Axton leans down and kisses Sadie on the cheek. “Don’t ever do that to us again.” There isn’t a hint of humor in his statement. “I’m glad you’re okay. We were so worried.”
“I’d say I’m sorry but I can’t actually remember what was going through my mind.” She pokes her tongue out of her mouth, and I laugh. Nothing or no one could erase my good mood. I’m going to be in a perpetual state of blissful happiness for eternity. “I love you, Ax.” She lifts up, kissing his forehead.
He shoots me a quick sideways glance, and I send him an approving nod. I know she loves him, but it’s different from how she loves me. Someway, somehow, I’ve come to accept that fact. To no longer fear it.
“Love you, too.” He slaps me on the shoulder as he heads for the door. Sadie’s brows lift.
“We got some bonding in while you and your lazy ass were taking an extended vacation.”
She shunts over in the bed, patting the space beside her. I hop up, easing her gently into my arms.
“I won’t break you know.”
I kiss her cheek as my hands encircle her waist from behind. “From now on, I’m glue. I’m glue, you hear me.”
“Loud and clear, babe, and I like that. A lot.” She might think I’m joking, but I’m deadly serious. I’m sticking to her side for the foreseeable future and she can pout all she wants if it annoys her.
Things are finally settling down, and the prospect of starting my life with Sadie is now a very real possibility. Nothing or no one is going to jeopardize that.
No one is ever taking my baby from me again.
Epilogue
Six months later
Sadie
“Do I really have to wear this?” I tilt my face up to Logan’s, treating him to my best puppy-dog-eyed pouty expression. “I look ridiculous.” My eyes rake over the voluminous white and gold inauguration gown with barely contained disgust. Wide, structured shoulders and layer upon layer of skirting are heavy on my body, weighing me down and nearly toppling me over. I’m already sweating under this monstrosity.
“You look beautiful, and, yes, you have to wear it. There are some traditions that are important to maintain.” He stands back, and I run lustful eyes up and down his body. He smirks. “You really need to spend more time studying our histories and traditions and less time ogling me.”
I pout again. “The histories are boring, and, you, hot stuff, are anything but.” I’ve taken to borrowing Izzy’s nickname for Logan, because the cap fits and all that jazz. I’m not sure if it’s normal, because, let’s be honest, there’s nothing normal about me, but I can’t keep my hands off Logan. It’s like I’m obsessed. Now that we have little in the way of distraction, I’m consumed with my husband. Unnaturally so. I seriously want to jump his bones all the time, usually, at the most inopportune moments.
Logan leans down, pressing a searing hot kiss to my lips. “There’s nothing unnatural about it, and feel free to take advantage whenever the urge hits you. You’ll never hear me complaining.” He winks, nudging me back against the wall, and that’s all the encouragement I need. I grip his shoulders, pulling his face down to mine
, crashing my mouth against his with urgent need. He meets me more than halfway, and our tongues tangle wildly, our lips devouring each other like we’ll never get another taste. It’s been the same these last few months—this insatiable, unquenchable thirst for one another. I’ll never get enough of it. Enough of him. I reach a hand down in the gap between us, and Logan moans into my mouth. It’s like a shot of liquid lust straight to my overly-inflated hormones, and my body tingles all over with blatant need.
A sudden pounding on the door has us both cursing. “Seriously, guys?” Haydn calls out. “You are going to be late for your own inauguration, Sadie. Is that the first impression you make to make as queen?”
“Screw off, party pooper!” I yell, but there’s no heat behind it. He’s right, though I’ll never admit that to his face. Gently pushing Logan away, I straighten my dress.
Logan opens the door with a flourish. “We’re ready.”
Haydn purses his lips, his gaze roaming over both of us. “You need to zip your pants,” he says, looking pointedly at Logan, “and you need to fix your hair.” He reserves that one for me.
“Jealousy has never suited you, Haydn,” Logan deadpans.
“Get lost, Logan. I get plenty of hanky-panky.” He elbows him in the ribs.
I bark out a laugh. “Haydn, please stop watching those corny human shows. You seriously need to update your vocab.” He sticks out his tongue, and I laugh again. “How is Kesla?”
His eyes light up. “Exhausted but she’s good, we’re good. She’s so sorry she can’t be here.”
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