I wandered towards her.
‘Why did you give your bowl to Tag, dearie?’ she asked gently. She gave me a little poke in the tummy. ‘You’re the one who’s all skin and bone. You need to eat your fill, little Diamond.’
‘I don’t like that stew,’ I said.
‘Well then, have some of mine.’
I peered into her pot anxiously. ‘Is it horsemeat?’ I whispered.
‘No, it isn’t,’ she said. ‘I have eaten that and it tastes good, but I haven’t got the stomach for it, not when my horses are just like family to me. This is chicken, dear – an old boiling bird, but still quite juicy.’
‘Like you, Addie,’ Mister called, chuckling.
She pulled a face at him. ‘Take no notice of Beppo. I don’t,’ she said, scooping a fresh portion of chicken stew into a mug. ‘Here, child, eat. And when you’ve finished, I’ll see if I can find you something special for afters!’
I ate the chicken stew with relish, thanking her fervently. Then she took me by the hand and led me up the steps into her wagon. I cried out in surprise and delight.
‘Oh my, it’s so pretty and neat and you have such lovely things,’ I said, touching the lace antimacassars on her crimson sofa, the delicate fern in its polished brass pot, the china ladies dancing on top of her cabinet. ‘It’s just like a dear little home.’
The boys’ wagon was dark chaos, just three beds and a tumble of discarded clothes – and the wagon smelled so terribly of boy too. Madame Adeline’s wagon smelled of lavender bags and verbena soap and her own sweet rose perfume. I breathed in deeply.
‘Do you like the smell?’ she said, smiling at me. She took a cut-glass bottle from her dressing table and dabbed some rose scent behind my ears.
‘Oh, it’s lovely!’ I said.
‘Well, if you like roses so much, we’ll find you a special treat for your dessert,’ she said. She opened a tin and showed me two little cakes inside: fairy cakes with pink icing, each studded with a candied rose.
‘One for you and one for me,’ she said, offering me the tin.
‘But they’re yours,’ I said, though I wanted one dreadfully.
‘It’s twice as nice to share – and I shall get twice as fat if I eat both,’ said Madame Adeline, patting her stomach.
I ate my little cake happily, saving the rose till last and then sucking it slowly to savour it. I looked around Madame Adeline’s beautiful home. I could see her dressing table, and a white nightgown hanging behind the door, but I couldn’t see any bed. I looked up at the ceiling, but she didn’t have a hammock. I stared at her velvet armchair, wondering if she curled up there at night. She was watching me, amused.
‘I do have a bed, you know,’ she said, as if I’d spoken aloud. ‘Do you want to see it?’ She tugged at a handle on the wall and pulled down an entire little bed that had been hiding inside, ready made up with fresh white linen and a patchwork quilt.
‘Oh, how clever!’ I said. ‘May I try it out?’ I flopped down on the bed and found it very comfortable indeed. It was really quite large – roomy enough for two.
‘I wish I had a beautiful bed like this,’ I said wistfully. ‘I only have a hammock and I’m scared I shall tip myself out in the night.’
‘Well, if you do, Marvo is an expert at catching people,’ said Madame Adeline. She paused. ‘I wish you could come and sleep with me, Diamond. I think you’d be much happier.’
‘Oh, I would, I would!’ I said.
‘Well, I will talk to Beppo and do my best to persuade him.’
She tried very hard, but Mister wouldn’t hear of it.
‘She’s my property, not yours, Addie! I’m not having you molly-coddling her and feeding her titbits and making her fat and soft. She needs hardening up – and quickly. She has to earn her keep,’ he said.
‘I will do my dance and walk on my hands as pretty as you please,’ I said.
‘You’re not here to prink about like a child at a party, little missy. You’re a professional now. We’re going to have to work on your act night and day to get you up to scratch,’ said Mister. ‘You’d better make the most of today. Now watch the act with particular care at tonight’s performance. See how sharp my boys are. And afterwards I want you to list the whole routine for me – somersaults, flic-flacs, each and every tumble. You have to learn quick. Make the brain inside that pretty little bonce work overtime.’ He tapped me sharply on top of my head. It felt as if his finger had poked right through flesh and bone.
Instead of being stirred into action, my brain now seemed paralysed with fear. I sat down to the evening performance and watched tensely, waiting for the silver boys to start their act. Beppo capered about the ring with Chino, and every child in the big top laughed delightedly – but I shrank down in my seat, terribly aware of his steely grey eyes. They seemed to be staring at me even when his head was turned away.
I craned my neck until it ached to watch Flora, the Queen of the Tightrope, then slumped uncomfortably in my seat when the sea lions balanced balls and honked little trumpets with their whiskery mouths. My head started to nod when dear Madame Adeline cantered round and round the ring. It had been a long and terrible day, the tent was stiflingly hot, my stomach was very full . . . I was soon fast asleep and didn’t wake up until the grand parade at the end of the show.
I sat up with a jerk, bewildered by the claps and cheers all around me. I called out for Mary-Martha, in such a daze I thought I was back at Willoughby Buildings – but then my dazzled eyes made sense of the gas-lit tent and I remembered everything. I remembered everything – except the silver boys’ routine! And Mister was going to quiz me on it in detail.
I thought I’d better attempt another escape, but Tag was waiting for me again and I was too tired to tussle with him. I let him drag me over to the wagon. Marvo and Julip joined us. All three boys seemed subdued, standing apart, arms hanging limp.
‘It was your fault, Marvo. You weren’t standing straight on,’ Julip muttered.
‘You didn’t spring high enough, you fool,’ Marvo told him.
‘Well, Tag messed up his cartwheels and I got distracted,’ said Julip.
Their act had clearly not gone well. They kept looking anxiously over their shoulders. I saw Mister in the distance discussing something with Chino, both of them smoking cigars. Madame Adeline was busy grooming Midnight and covering his back with a blanket for the night. She waved at me and I waved back, though my arm felt leaden.
Then, at last, Mister came striding towards us. He was a small man and he walked with his shoulders hunched. Marvo was twice his weight and Julip a head taller, but they cowered visibly. Tag was sweating through his greasepaint, clenching his fists.
‘Fools!’ Mister muttered, and then he reached up and slapped each boy hard about the head. ‘Slipshod amateurs! We’re rehearsing at seven sharp tomorrow – and if you dare mess up again I’ll whip you all within an inch of your lives. Understand?’
It was clear he wasn’t bluffing. Marvo and Julip bent their heads. Tag shivered all over, his face screwed up to stop himself crying.
Then Mister looked at me. ‘Well, little trembling fairy, I hope you paid attention to the act? Tell me how it begins, reciting each individual exercise. Woe betide you if you get any wrong!’
I stared at him. I stared at Marvo and Julip and Tag. Marvo moved his hand minutely, twirling one finger.
‘They – they somersaulted into the ring,’ I stammered.
Marvo pointed downwards.
‘And – and Marvo stood on his hands,’ I continued, but Mister had spotted Marvo’s twitching finger.
‘Don’t you dare help her, you sneaking lummox,’ he said, and he lashed out at Marvo again, hitting him so hard his head rocked.
If he could nearly knock a young ox like Marvo off his feet, what could he do to me? I felt sick with terror.
‘I’m waiting,’ said Mister. ‘And as my boys will confirm, I’m not a patient man.’
My mouth was so dry I could o
nly make a little croaking sound. I did not dare look at Marvo again. I simply stood there, opening and shutting my mouth.
‘I can’t hear you!’ Mister came towards me, bending down so that his painted face was close to mine. His crimson lips leered at me. ‘Louder, little fairy. Speak up, if you remember. If not – well, you must take your punishment.’
‘Oh, Mister, I can’t tell you!’ I blurted.
‘You can’t tell me?’ said Mister. ‘You mean you weren’t paying attention?’
‘I was, oh indeed I was, but – but when the act went a little wrong and Julip slipped, quite by accident, I had to shut my eyes tight because I was so upset,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t watch because I knew you would be vexed.’
Mister stared and then seized hold of me. But he didn’t strike me. He twirled me round as if we were doing a dance.
‘Oh, what an artful answer from my little fairy!’ he said. ‘I think you will prove worth your five guineas after all. Now, go to bed and get your beauty sleep. Go, all of you.’
I visited the unspeakable latrine and then shut myself in the wagon with the boys. I did not have any nightgown to change into. I climbed into my hammock and curled up tight. The boys below me argued in whispers, cursing and complaining, but they soon started snoring. I lay awake, aching for Mary-Martha and little Johnnie, wondering if I’d ever see them again.
I HAD ONLY just gone to sleep when I was woken by one of the boys giving my hammock a violent swing so that I nearly tumbled out.
‘Practice time!’ Tag hissed. ‘Quick!’
We had no breakfast – just a hot drink. I peered at mine suspiciously. It was the same mug in which they’d served the horsemeat stew and it smelled.
‘What drink is this?’ I asked.
‘Horse’s pee,’ said Julip.
All three boys collapsed with laughter when they saw my face.
‘It’s tea, black tea, I promise you,’ said Marvo, but I still wouldn’t drink it.
‘You’d better have some. You’ll be thirsty soon enough. Beppo works us hard,’ he told me. He held the mug to my lips. ‘Come on, little Diamond, drink up.’
I managed a few reluctant sips. ‘Why is he so cruel to everyone?’ I asked.
‘It’s just his way. His father was hard on him. It’s the way we learn,’ said Marvo.
‘But you’re bigger than him now,’ I said. ‘You could hit him back.’
They all three looked at me as if I were raving.
‘You try hitting him, Diamond. Go on, I dare you!’ said Tag.
‘He’s got a special cane,’ said Julip. He pulled his singlet up to show me his back. ‘Look!’
I saw terrible weals that made my eyes water. ‘Why did he do that?’ I whispered.
‘We fell out. He hit me night after night because I lost my nerve and wouldn’t always try the flying double somersault at the end of the act. I hate performing. I never wanted to be an acrobat – still don’t, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I ricked my back falling clumsily and it made me even more awkward, because it hurt so—’
‘He made you perform even when you were in pain?’
‘Beppo’s in pain all the time,’ said Marvo. ‘He hurt his back too – broke it. He was six months scarcely able to move, and now he has to be a clown.’
‘So it makes him all the more severe with us,’ said Julip. ‘One night I just wouldn’t try at all. I did the simplest baby routine. The crowd probably didn’t even realize – they’ll roar and clap at anything – but afterwards Beppo beat me. The next day I could hardly move and all the wounds were seeping, but I still had to do two performances.’
‘Will he beat me?’ I whispered. ‘I can’t do one somersault, let alone two.’
‘You’ll learn soon enough,’ Marvo told me. ‘You’re a little fairy, like he says. You’ll be flying through the air in no time.’
‘Flying through the air from the tip of my boot unless you all get cracking,’ said Mister, coming out of his wagon and pointing at us threateningly.
He looked very old in the early morning light, his face grey without his greasepaint, and I noticed how stiffly he walked, his eyes twitching at every step, though they were still steely. I saw how a man twice the size of Marvo could still fear him. He was holding a great coil of rope and I wondered if he was going to beat me with it or maybe tie me up and hang me. I shrank from him in terror.
‘Easy now, little fairy,’ he said, chuckling grimly, and seizing me by the wrist. ‘Come along with your Uncle Beppo.’
The rest of the circus performers were still in their wagons, fast asleep. Even the animals were quiet in their cages, slumped in slumber, though Elijah the elephant stood tethered to a tree, idly plucking leaves from the branches. I shrank from him too, scared that he might trample me or knock me over with his great trunk, but the boys all called to him affectionately as if he were their friend, and Tag reached up and patted his vast wrinkled thigh.
The circus ring was empty.
‘Right, boys, cricking time,’ said Mister.
They seized hold of each other’s legs and stretched them hard, working them round in their sockets till I thought they’d be pulled right off.
‘Your turn, little fairy. Got to get those puny arms and legs supple . . .’ Mister pulled me close and then yanked my legs up to my head ten or more times. I screamed with pain.
‘Now now, no fussing!’ said Mister, panting with the effort.
‘You’re breaking me in two! Please, please, stop it!’ I begged.
‘A little bit of cricking never hurt anyone,’ said Mister, persisting. When he set me down at last I could barely stand, but he took no notice.
‘Right, let’s get to work now you’re warmed up. Tag, practise your somersaults. Marvo, Julip, help me with the ropes.’
He took a strange belt and tied it tightly around my waist. ‘So little, my tiny girl. A true Thumbelina!’
There were rings on either side of the belt, through which he threaded ropes. Marvo stood on one side of me, Julip on the other, holding the ropes tightly.
‘Now, Diamond, first you must learn the back somersault, the easiest of all. Simply spring up, tuck and turn backwards. Show her, Tag.’
Tag did a whole series of back somersaults, landing each with a jaunty flourish.
‘Now, you try, Diamond,’ said Mister.
I did my best, in spite of my aching back and buckled legs. It was a clumsy attempt, and I pulled heavily on the ropes and fell as I landed – but it was almost a back somersault.
‘That was hopeless!’ said Tag, sneering.
I thought Mister would be vexed with me, but he waved Tag away. ‘Not bad for a first attempt, little fairy. I think you’re going to be a natural,’ he said.
He kept me working at it half the morning, until I was wringing wet with sweat and the blood was pounding through my body. Then he let me rest for half an hour while he made the boys repeat their act. He was especially hard on Julip, forcing him to do his double somersault again and again. Then it was my turn to do my very simple back somersault, while Marvo and Julip held my ropes. I still couldn’t turn and tuck neatly enough. Tag kept sighing at me and then somersaulting exquisitely himself, showing off.
The friction of the tight belt was rubbing my waist raw and chafing terribly.
‘Enough,’ said Mister. ‘We don’t want to saw the little fairy in half.’
‘Little flop, more like,’ said Tag.
‘We will work on your handstands instead,’ Mister went on.
‘I can do that!’ I said eagerly, and demonstrated.
I thought I did it well enough. The crowds at the market had always clapped me – but I didn’t impress Mister or the boys.
‘Terrible! You must straighten your line and position those legs. There are two different postures. The first is with the legs open in the form of a Y, the second with the legs straight together like an I, toes pointed. Show her, Tag.’
Tag executed both handstands neatly
in triumph. I did my level best to copy him, and must have made a fair stab at things because Mister nodded.
‘Better,’ he said, which was clearly the nearest he came to praise. ‘Now try bending backward, arching your body.’
‘The crab-walk! Oh, I can do that too!’ I said, doing so.
‘Yes, yes, so now you can try the curvet. Arch your body back until your hands touch the ground and then relax all the muscles of your legs so that you rebound back onto your feet. Simple!’
It wasn’t simple at all. Tag showed me several times, but I couldn’t get the hang of it. I kept tumbling and hurting myself – one time so badly that I cried, tears streaming down my face.
‘No, no! No grimacing, no tears, no matter how much it hurts. A true artiste always smiles through the pain so that no one knows. Smile, Diamond – stand up and smile and do the curvet again – properly this time,’ Mister commanded.
I clenched my teeth and smiled, and managed a reasonable stab at the horrible curvet.
‘Mmm . . . Well, it will become second nature to you in time.’
I did not believe him, but I practised morning after morning. When I could do a back somersault without the ropes, Mister said it was time he fitted me out with a costume.
‘With a costume?’ said Tag. ‘She can’t go in the ring! She still can’t do anything!’
‘Don’t you question me, boy,’ said Mister, slapping him about the head. ‘She don’t need to do anything, she just has to look sweet. She’s got a lot to learn, but she has to earn her keep meanwhile. We’ll work her into the act. She can run in and do her tiny tricks in turn with you boys, and then, when you start your balancing and make your human tower, she can caper about and point – look, Diamond, like this.’ He bent down with a groan, contorted his mouth into a huge O of surprise and pointed his finger in exaggerated pantomime. I was forced to copy him until I could do it to his satisfaction.
Tag mimicked me cruelly behind Beppo’s back. ‘You don’t look sweet at all,’ he hissed that night in the wagon. ‘You look so stupid everyone will laugh at you.’
‘Take no notice. Tag’s just worried they’ll all look at you instead of him,’ said Marvo, trying to be reassuring.
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