Sister Betty couldn’t move at all, not even when she heard the thundering sound of a door slamming shut.
Sister Betty hadn’t ever cried as much as she’d done over the past few minutes, ever since Freddie left. She sat shivering in the darkness of her living room, a darkness that rivaled the pitch blackness of the night sky and the dread that flooded over her.
She was tired all throughout her body. Using her hands for support, she tried to rise up off the sofa. She couldn’t. Falling back against it, she began to weep again. She’d had no rebuttal to his fears and accusations. Yet how could she have said no to Leotis. He was more than her pastor; he was her spiritual son. After all, she’d known Leotis longer than she had Freddie.
Leotis was her second chance to experience what it was like to be a mother, since she’d lost her only child. When it began with Ima, she’d convinced herself that he needed her to lean upon as much as she needed him when troubled.
She’d also been convinced that having Freddie in her life would lessen that dependence. And now she’d unintentionally driven him away. “Father God, I’ve never felt so low and so lost,” she prayed softly. “I’ve never felt so out of touch with you and your purpose for me. Didn’t you send Freddie to me?”
A chill raced through her body as she faced another possibility. “Am I doing this only because I don’t want to grow older alone?”
“Cousin Betty, are you okay?”
Sister Betty’s body shook and quickly stiffened. Leaning forward, she strained to see who stood in her living room doorway, although she’d already recognized Sharvon’s voice.
Sister Betty’s voice quivered as she fought to regain control. She’d never heard Sharvon come home. “I’m fine, Sharvon.” As she fell back against the sofa cushion, she turned her head away from her. “I just need a moment of some ‘me and the Lord’ time.”
“I promise you that I’m not trying to interfere or question you.” Sharvon’s promises were empty, because she’d arrived home about fifteen minutes ago. It was obvious that they’d not heard her as she crept past the kitchen, catching the last moments of their argument.
Despite what Sister Betty had just said, Sharvon walked farther into the living room. She went directly to the end table by the sofa to turn on the lamp. What she clearly saw then was a figure of a woman bearing no resemblance to the strong and rooted-in-God super saint she knew and loved.
Without saying a word, Sharvon pushed aside one of the sofa’s back cushions and sat beside Sister Betty. She reached over, grasped her shoulders, embracing her without any resistance. Whatever questions Sharvon had could wait for the moment. The sobbing sounds now coming from Sister Betty had silenced her. All Sharvon could do was rock her in her arms like a baby. Yet knowing that she’d heard Freddie mention her name during that argument still caused Sharvon to wonder what she’d done to make him so angry.
Mentally and physically drained from the fight minutes ago with Sister Betty, Freddie had reached the end of her block. He began walking slowly, holding his head as he did. Crossing the street to go home, he stepped off the curb and right in the path of Leotis’s car. The loud blast from the car’s horn caused him to jump back onto the curb.
Although it was unusually dark that night, the car’s bright headlights lit up Freddie’s horrified face. Leotis stuck his head out the car window and yelled, “Trustee Noel, I’m sorry. I almost hit you. I never saw you. Are you okay?”
Freddie, still stunned, looked toward Leotis for a moment. A scowl quickly replaced his look of panic, and then, without saying a word, he began walking away.
Leotis jumped out of his car, leaving it where it’d come to a stop a few feet from the curb. He walked up behind Freddie, whose walk suddenly seemed to speed up. “Trustee Noel, what’s wrong?”
Freddie’s words were harsh but direct as he spewed them over his shoulder without stopping. “Leave me the hell alone, Reverend.”
Leotis’s face morphed. His eyes began squinting, and his mouth fell open. He’d never seen this type of behavior from the trustee, and it was unsettling. He quickly regained his composure. “Wait one moment,” he commanded before he began walking after Freddie again. “You need to tell me what the problem is. You don’t just speak to a man of God like that and walk away” Despite his anger, he suddenly remembered he’d left his unlocked car parked on the corner. He turned around. Aiming the car’s remote, he locked the car doors. Leotis turned around just in time to see Freddie stumbling. Lord, not again, he thought.
Freddie had begun to stagger. He knew he wasn’t drunk, yet he was certain he appeared that way. As much as he wanted to get away from Leotis, Sister Betty, and the world at that moment, he could only stop and rest against the front gate of a nearby house.
“He couldn’t have meant it the way you took it,” Sharvon told Sister Betty. She’d spent several minutes using the same soft and convincing voice that’d won over most juries, hoping it’d work with her cousin. “Every couple, so I hear, argues as their big day grows near. So tonight it was about honeymoon planning. It’ll probably be about something just as silly next time.”
She’d listened to her cousin weep to the point of near exhaustion as she told her what’d happened between her and Freddie. “Just give him a couple of days to calm down,” Sharvon said. “It’s probably just a case of the pre-wedding jitters.” She took a deep breath, hoping she’d sounded convincing. “Even though this is yours and Freddie’s first wedding, it will be the second time you two have tried to get to the altar. He probably feels responsible because he fell ill, and for not having the wedding when you first planned. I’m sure he just doesn’t know how to handle it.”
There was some validity to what Sharvon had said. It was true that the first wedding date had been postponed due to Freddie’s health, but Sister Betty hadn’t been fully forthcoming when she told Sharvon about the argument. It wasn’t in her nature or character to divulge everything, and she’d left a lot out, mentioning only that they’d disagreed about the honeymoon. She hadn’t wanted to tell Sharvon how she believed she’d come up short as his fiancee. She’d not even mentioned to Sharvon Freddie’s anger over the way Leotis had mishandled the situation between Ima and himself. Instead, when Sharvon mentioned she’d clearly heard her name called out, Sister Betty had shaken her head, so as to deny it without saying so. Lord, please help me. I know a half-truth is still a whole lie.
She rose and walked into the kitchen, hoping Sharvon would stay behind, and she’d not have to answer more questions. Instead, Sharvon followed her. Words of explanation still hadn’t come to mind, and of course, Sister Betty wanted to find a way, again, not to respond to any questions.
While Sister Betty piddled around in her kitchen, trying to avoid Sharvon’s questions, down the block Leotis had his hands full trying to understand Freddie.
Leotis had reached out to Freddie, catching him before his body hit the pavement.
“Get ya h-hands off me,” Freddie stuttered. He tried wiggling out of Leotis’s grasp but couldn’t.
Despite the disrespect he felt from the way Freddie had spoken to him moments ago, Leotis, being stronger, placed an arm under the skinny man, leading him back to his car. Once they reached it, he almost had to fold Freddie in half to get him inside the car.
Leotis climbed inside the car, and when he looked toward the passenger seat, where he’d deposited Freddie moments ago, he saw that Freddie had pulled his body into a fetal position. He looked uncomfortable. Leotis adjusted his rearview mirror, saying, “I’m taking you to the hospital immediately.”
But before starting the engine, he glanced over at Freddie a second time. That time what he saw made him wince. Although the inside of the car was unlit, he could see that Freddie’s face had taken on a jaundiced pallor, with a grayish color mixed in. “I haven’t said anything, but you haven’t looked that well to me in several weeks.” He caught himself. The last thing he needed to do was to criticize Freddie or make him feel as bad as he loo
ked.
“No hospital,” Freddie blurted. “Take me home.”
“You need to see a doctor!” Leotis had begun easing the car into reverse to turn it around and head to the hospital.
Like a jack-in-the-box, Freddie’s body sprang forward. “I need to go home.”
If he can unfold himself like that, then he’s serious about not going to the hospital. Although conflicted, Leotis gave in. “Whatever you say.” There was definitely something wrong with Freddie. He could think of only one person who could make Freddie do what was best for him. “I know what to do.”
Leotis completed the U-turn. He began driving back up the block, toward Sister Betty’s.
As ill as Freddie felt at that moment, he was suddenly aware that Leotis meant to take him to the last place he wanted to go. “No!” Freddie yelled with strength he didn’t know he still had. “Not to her house. Please, just take me home.”
There was something foreign about the trustee’s voice. It contained a combination of anger and sadness, which told Leotis that no matter what was wrong, Sister Betty was the last person Freddie wanted to know about it or to see.
While Leotis was down the block, grappling with his conscience and with Freddie, Sister Betty was grappling, too. She was trying to find a way to keep a persistent Sharvon from learning what part she’d played in the argument between her and Freddie.
“I’ve got to accept it,” Sister Betty told Sharvon. They’d gone from room to room, with Sister Betty fiddling around, moving things that didn’t need moving. Each time Sharvon tried to get her to discuss how she figured in the argument, Sister Betty would begin adjusting lights, which would remain unlit once they left the room. Still determined not to answer Sharvon’s questions, she told her, “You’ve got to understand. Freddie didn’t just argue with me as he did weeks ago with Bea and Sasha. Tonight he frightened me.” Throwing up her hands, she declared, “He doesn’t want to go through with this, and that’s all there is to it.”
Suddenly Sister Betty stopped. She spun around, facing Sharvon, nearly stepping on her feet. Her voice became strong and defiant. “I’ve lived all these years by myself, and I don’t need a man.”
“You don’t?”
“No, I’ve got Jesus.”
To Sharvon’s way of thinking, they’d played follow the leader long enough. Sharvon removed one of her pearl earrings, as though she were getting ready to fight. Instead, she reached for the cordless phone. “I’m calling Leotis. I don’t want to call him, but you’re making me nervous.”
Sister Betty needed to do something to stop her, but all she could say was, “Put the phone down. Don’t call him!”
Sharvon ignored Sister Betty’s pleas to put down the phone. She quickly dialed Leotis’s home phone. After several rings her call went directly to his voice mail.
“Leotis,” Sharvon began, “I believe you might want to stop by the house and check up on your Sister Betty. She’s in a bad way, and I believe it has something to do with Freddie.”
Sharvon didn’t bother to turn around after hanging up the phone. She could feel a shift in the room. Without saying another word or looking back, Sharvon left the room, muttering, “I still don’t want to see him when he gets here.”
A short time ago, Leotis had taken Freddie to his home, as the old man had requested. No sooner had he returned and entered his own home than he heard his phone ringing. Before he could reach it, his answering machine intercepted the call. He was about to interrupt the recording when he heard Sharvon’s voice leaving a message: “I believe you might want to stop by the house and check up on your Sister Betty. She’s in a bad way, and I believe it has something to do with Freddie.”
Leotis let the machine continue while he plopped down on his living room recliner. His head fell forward, and he held it for a few moments in the palms of his hands. Lord, please help me. I’m glad I didn’t answer that phone. What could I have said to Sharvon? What can I say to Sister Betty?
Because he’d raced through the door moments ago, trying to get to the ringing telephone in time, he’d not bothered to turn on the living room light. And as he knelt beside the chair, he still made no move to turn on the light. It didn’t matter. He felt that there wasn’t enough light in the world beyond Jesus Christ to bring him out of the darkness he’d just fallen into.
A frown appeared upon his young face, making him suddenly look much older than his thirtysomething years. He didn’t clasp his hands together in prayer. Instead, he lifted his hands, with his open palms stretched high. Leotis began to pray. “I’m humbled before you, Lord, in repentance. Whatever I’ve done or said that was displeasing in your sight, please forgive me.”
Leotis’s plea for God’s grace and mercy was for a good reason. Earlier he had done as Freddie insisted and had not taken him to the hospital or to Sister Betty’s. Instead, he’d taken Freddie home, and because he’d insisted on knowing from where Freddie’s anger stemmed and why Freddie had directed it toward him, he’d learned much more than he’d wanted.
Leotis followed him inside. They barely entered Freddie’s home before Freddie collapsed on his bed. Leotis had entered the house only to make sure Freddie would be all right if he was left alone. But Freddie wasn’t all right, and the way he suddenly began perspiring in his air-conditioned home caused Leotis to stay put. His need for an explanation fell away as he watched Freddie grab for a pill bottle. Freddie hadn’t asked for water and didn’t seem to need any as he quickly swallowed a pill.
“Freddie,” Leotis said slowly and with compassion. “You’re perspiring, and you really look like you should see a doctor . . . not tomorrow, but tonight.”
Freddie didn’t respond, and no sooner had he set the pill bottle down upon the nightstand than Leotis grabbed it. He had seen a lot of illness, had visited many of the sick from his church, and had served as a hospital chaplain, and in his heart he knew this was no ordinary illness. A look of sadness blanketed his face as soon as he read the label.
Leotis’s hand began shaking. “Thalomid,” he murmured. “How long have you been taking Thalomid?”
Freddie had turned his head toward the opposite wall, away from his bed, and said nothing.
Leotis placed the pill bottle back upon the nightstand. “Trustee Noel, I’m here as your pastor and your friend.” He went to the side of Freddie’s bed and gently turned him over so he could look him in the eye. “I promise unless you tell me to, I won’t say anything to anyone.” He sighed. “I know Thalomid is a chemo pill.”
Freddie’s eyes swelled with tears, but he still refused to speak. There was no need.
At that very moment the light from a lamp on the nightstand framed Freddie’s pain-filled face—and made many things clear in Leotis’s mind. “When did you learn you had cancer?”
Leotis leaned in closer. He’d recoiled as he faced Freddie before peering closer, looking at him as though for the first time. And it’d felt that way because he noticed that much of the patch of spiked silver hair the man had always pulled on when nervous was missing. And for how long, he wasn’t certain. And yet he did not ask the question, not fully expecting Freddie to confide such a private and delicate matter in him. And then there was still the matter of how he figured into Freddie’s anger.
But that didn’t matter at that moment, and he pressed on. Before him lay someone he considered a friend, a soul he’d pastored, and a man who was supposed to marry the woman he loved like his own mother. And so he’d told the trustee, “You can’t face this alone, and I’m not about to leave you.”
It took less time than Leotis thought it would, but within minutes Freddie finally came around, and without divulging much detail, he shared his predicament. He told Leotis that he’d been feeling poorly for months. He didn’t know when he became ill the first time that it’d been cancer. He’d also gone to see doctors for quite some time, complaining about the pains in his back and his side, but he hadn’t shared those aches with his Betty, fearing she’d think less of him.
After a few tests he’d seen a pulmonologist, because it’d been determined that what he had was just a respiratory problem. It’d taken several CAT scans and MRI scans to finally find what looked like old rib injuries. Then a biopsy was done before they found the real problem, and by then it was too late. Upon the recommendation of one of the oncologists, he was accepted as a participant in a multiple myeloma trial at Anderson General. It was away from Pelzer, so he could keep his affairs private, and hopefully, he would be one of the ones who benefited from a newly reformulated drug, Thalomid. The downside was that he needed to postpone the wedding date they’d set last year. He hadn’t liked misleading Sister Betty, making her think it was just pneumonia that’d had him hospitalized, but he’d done it.
Leotis’s muscular arms suddenly felt weak, and they twitched, causing him to break loose from the burden of Freddie’s news. Looking around the darkened room, he glanced at the wall clock’s lit panel. He didn’t know how long he’d been thinking and praying. However long it’d been, he now felt completely exhausted. He’d gotten more information from Freddie, aside from his illness, after a gentle badgering. Freddie had told him what’d sent him reeling earlier. He’d said that when Sister Betty met him at her door earlier that evening, he’d wanted just a little attention after an afternoon at the doctor’s in Anderson.
“I know she doesn’t really know that I’ve been seeing an oncologist, and maybe I shouldn’t have kept it from her, but that shouldn’t have mattered. Things were supposed to continue like they did before I got sick. I figured she’d offer me something to eat and I’d pick at my plate and say I was too excited to eat. That’s the excuse I came up with. And I figured I’d somehow just steer her around to discussing our wedding. Me marrying her kept me hoping and believing I’d make it.”
Sister Betty Says I Do Page 11