“I don’t…” She started to defend herself.
I jerked around very quickly. I didn’t want to hear anymore of her lies.
“Don’t make me hit you.”
I opened the front door and slammed it behind me as hard as I could. I heard a picture fall from the wall and shatter. It was the first time all day that I felt a smile forming on my face. In that moment I had the distinct notion that Jonathan was sitting behind me saying “I told you so.” That was the first and last time I ever went to a so-called medium psychic.
After trying for so long to connect with Jonathan on the other side I realized he would never respond to me so I stopped trying. That is the same time I began talking to myself and becoming what others, thought was a crazy person. Often though, I preferred to have conversations with myself. I knew the answers I would receive and therefore avoided conflict.
“Hey Car, I’m here I’m just looking for parking.” I said when Caroline called me to see how far I was. I had been spending approximately fifteen minutes simply looking for a parking spot. Los Angeles wasn’t exactly known for easy parking or driving for that matter.
“Well hurry up it’s really hopping in here tonight.” Caroline said shouting over the loud techno music being played.
I knew that if I didn’t hurry up Caroline would call me every five minutes, literally. She was always that kind of person. If you were late she let you know it by phone call after phone call. I drove around the block one final time hoping that I would find a spot out of sheer luck and as luck would have it, I did. There was a single spot in between a Jeep Wrangler and a Range Rover, it would be a tight squeeze but considering I had a Mini Cooper I was sure I would fit nicely. As I was pulling into the spot I guess I had been concentrating hard on making sure I didn’t pull up on the sidewalk, I didn’t notice the Jeep’s break lights were on. The timing was perfect so perfect in fact that our cars collided with minimal impact. Of course, that’s not to say that I didn’t get shaken up. I had never been in a car accident before and I wasn’t sure what to do first. Was I supposed to wait for the other driver to get out of the car first? Should I call 911 or the normal police line? Was I supposed to take my license, registration and insurance forms out? Was I supposed to call my insurance company first or the police? I was in a panic and shaking like I had just drank twenty cups of coffee back-to-back. These were the kinds of things I would normally talk to Jonathan about. He was always the one who took care of the paperwork. He was the one of us who had the street smarts. However, he was no longer here and it was up to me to make all of the decisions, including this one. Before I had a chance to make a decision there was a knock on my window.
“Are you okay?” The driver of the Jeep asked as I slowly rolled the window down. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you pulling into the spot.”
This man was incredibly handsome, probably the most handsome man I’d seen in a very long time. He had bright blue eyes and straight black hair that reached just above the bottom of his ear. He was dressed business casual complete with blue jeans and a blue button down. His facial features reminded me of a model I’d seen in an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. I was incredibly turned on by his looks, which was the first time that had happened to me since Jonathan passed.
“Miss is you okay?” He asked again.
“Yes I’m fine. I am so sorry I didn’t see you backing out.” I replied. “I have been driving around for quite some time looking for parking so I think I got over excited and wasn’t paying attention.”
“Yeah parking in this area can be pretty brutal. I was actually just fixing myself in the spot when you pulled in.” He smiled kindly.
“It’s my first night out with my friends in quite a while and of course I start it off by crashing into you. Typical of my luck.” I joked.
“It’s my first night out in a long time as well. I was hesitant about coming out tonight but I’m kind of glad I did.” He said.
“Did I do any damage to your car?” I asked opening my door and stepping out of my small vehicle.
It was a stupid question I asked. He was in a Jeep and I was in one of the smallest cars in the world, did I really think I would have done more than a slight scratch to his car?
“Well let’s take a look but I highly doubt it.”
We checked the back of his car, which was clear of any visible damage. The front of my car however, was a whole other story. My bumper was dented and the paint was completely chipped. I was sure I had at least $1,000 dollars worth of damage.
“I knew I should have got a larger car.” I said in frustration.
“Hey its LA, driving a more energy efficient car is kind of the new thing to do.” He laughed.
“I am so glad you find this amusing.”
“I’m sorry. Look where are you heading?”
“That new lounge just around the corner, I forget the name of it.”
“Larimer’s Lounge?”
“Yes that’s the one.”
“I’m heading there as well. Let me buy you a drink and we can figure out all this insurance nonsense.”
“Thank you for the offer but I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides I’m at fault so you don’t really owe me anything.”
“Look I wasn’t paying attention anymore than you were so really it’s no one’s fault. Please I insist Miss…”
He was fishing for my name but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give it to him. I wasn’t sure it was okay for me to give a new man any information about myself since it had only been a year since I lost Jonathan.
“I’m sorry where are my manners, I’m Benjamin.” He said reaching my hand out for the proper introduction.
“Ashley.” I replied surprising myself.
“It’s a pleasure to have bumped into you Ashley.”
I was becoming slightly uncomfortable and I think it showed because shortly after the formal introductions Benjamin excused himself.
“Well I guess I’ll see you inside and the offer stands if you decide to change your mind.” He said before rushing off to meet his friends inside the lounge.
I stood there for a few more moments thinking about what I should do. My head was telling me to accept that drink but my heart was telling me to be cautious. That’s when Caroline called me a second time to find out what was taking me so long. I explained what had just happened and unsurprisingly she began to encourage me to take Benjamin up on his offer.
“Oh my god Ashley get in here and accept that drink!” Caroline insisted. I kept her on the phone as I walked from my car to the front of the lounge.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea Car.” I replied as I turned the knob of the club’s front door and went inside where I found Caroline waiting. We hung up because the need for cell phones were no longer necessary, besides the music was so loud hearing a phone conversation would be impossible.
“So where is he?” Caroline asked hugging me.
She was dressed to the nines, as she liked to say. She had her hair tied in a side bun complete with a white rose shaped clip. She was wearing a tight black dress that just barely covered her thighs. She was clearly dressed to impress and had no plans of going home alone that night. When Caroline went out dressed like that we all knew what her goal for the night would be, she was there to meet a guy and to take him home.
“I’m not sure.” I said taking a quick glance around the lounge. At first I did not see Benjamin then my eye caught his handsome face standing at the end of the bar talking to the bartender. “He’s over there.” I said motioning with my head.
“Where?” Caroline asked desperately looking around for my mystery man.
“Right there.” I pointed to Benjamin.
“Hello hottie!” Caroline said when her eyes locked on Benjamin. “Oh we are so going over there.” She grabbed my arm and quite literally dragged me over to the bar.
“So I hear you crash into women to get their attention.” Caroline said to Benjamin as he took a sip of what I believed to be
vodka.
He looked up with confusion until he spotted me that’s when the confused look on his face turned into pure satisfaction.
“Hey a guy has to do what he’s got to do to grab the attention of a gorgeous woman.” Benjamin replied not once taking his eyes off of me.
“I’m sorry we didn’t meant to impose on your conversation.” I said motioning to the bartender.
“Oh it’s no imposition whatsoever. I was actually just telling her about the beautiful woman I ran into on the way in here.” He was so charismatic and I hung onto his every word. “I’m Benjamin.” He said introducing himself to Caroline.
“Nice to meet you Benjamin, I’m Caroline.”
“Pleasure to meet you Caroline. Your friend here sure knows how to make a first impression.” He laughed.
“That’s my Ashley always one for the dramatics.”
I slapped Caroline playfully. She liked to make me out to be more dramatic than I actually was.
“It’s okay I like a little drama.” Benjamin said smiling at me.
There it was again, that tingle in my stomach. I got it earlier when Benjamin first smiled at me. I hadn’t had that tingle since my first date with Jonathan all those years ago. I smiled back flirtatiously. Caroline saw the attraction between Benjamin and myself and since she had been trying to get me to move on and start living again she took this opportunity to not so subtly walk away.
“Well would you look at that I’ve forgotten my purse at the table, wait here and I’ll be back.” Caroline said running away before I had the chance to stop her.
“Well she is subtle.” Benjamin laughed.
“Yeah well Car has never been one for subtleties.” I joked.
“Well since you’re here, how about that drink?”
Despite my hesitation I was already there and was still slightly shaken from the accident besides one drink couldn’t hurt.
“I suppose I had time to have one drink. After all you are partly to blame for the damage done to my beloved car.” I joked.
“What’s your poison?”
“Amaretto sour please.” It was my go-to choice whenever I couldn’t figure out anything else to have.
“One amaretto sour and a refill for me please.” Benjamin asked when the bartender came over to take our order.
“What’s your drink of choice? Vodka neat?” I asked pointing at his now empty glass.
“Actually it’s this new drink called, water.”
“Not a drinker?”
“Not anymore.” He said pulling out a sobriety coin from his pocket. “Going on eight months sober.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize.” I felt like the world’s biggest jerk. The man was a recovering alcoholic and I had not only ordered a drink on his tab but had implied that he was drinking one as well.
“No need for apologies. How could you have known? Truth is I used to be an alcoholic until I made a terrible mistake a year ago that cost someone their life and it’s a day I wish that I could take back both for myself and for that individual and their family. Anyway it made me realize I had to change my life around and I haven’t touched a drink since.” He explained.
He didn’t have to share such personal information about himself but I appreciated his trust in me. Even though we’d just met I felt a connection to Benjamin that I hadn’t felt with anyone in a while.
“Well whatever events took place they led you to where you are today and for that you should be very proud.” I said placing my hand on top of his.
“Well I am. Had I not gone through what I did in the past I imagine I might now be here right now and I might not have bumped into your car tonight.”
We spent most of the night sitting at the bar talking. I learned that Benjamin used to a first grade teacher but following an incident a year ago he was forced to resign. He told me how he missed the kids he used to teach terribly and wanted nothing more than to get back in the classroom and continue to enrich their lives. He told me many intimate details about himself and yet I couldn’t muster the courage to tell him about Jonathan. I wasn’t ready for him to know about Jonathan because, for me, telling him meant I was starting to let go and I wasn’t sure I was ready to do so. We had been talking for so long I hadn’t realized what time it was.
“Hey Ash, we’re going to take off.” Caroline said touching me gently on the shoulder.
I had completely forgotten that I was there to spend time with my friends. I felt like the worst friend in the world.
“Oh my god Car I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you guys all night.” I apologized. “Do you want to go get a cup of coffee or something, my treat?”
“No it’s fine seriously don’t worry about it. Tonight was about you finally getting out and having a good time and from the looks of it you did.” Caroline replied hugging me.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, please just enjoy the rest of your night just make sure you call me tomorrow.” She said before shuffling out the door with the rest of my friends who I did not even say hello to.
“I’m sorry to have kept you from your friends all night.” Benjamin said apologizing as though it were his fault alone that I ignored my friends all night.
“It’s not your fault, I forgot they were here.”
I was surprised at myself. Even with Jonathan I never forgot about my friends. I didn’t understand what was happening to me but the most terrifying thing was that in the hours I’d spent talking to Benjamin not once did I think about Jonathan, in over a year that has not happened to me, not once. Everyday since the day he died, Jonathan has been in my thoughts practically every second. The fact that he hadn’t entered my mind the entire time I was with Benjamin scared the hell out of me.
“Are you okay?” Benjamin said placing his hand on top of mine.
I pulled my hand away abruptly so much so that it was incredibly obvious that something in me changed. Benjamin had no idea what was going on and the look in his eyes was terrible, I felt like the worst person in the world.
“I’m fine. Look I’m sorry I’ve gotten run. Thanks so much for the drinks and don’t worry I don’t need your insurance information I’m sure I can just run the car as is.” I said as I ran out of the bar as quickly as I could.
As I ran I hoped this wouldn’t be like one of those romantic movies where the guy chases the girl out and somehow convinces her to give him a chance. Of course, as is everything in my life, nothing ever goes, as I want it to.
“Ashley wait.” Benjamin said running after me as I made my way passed the front entrance of the now closing bar.
“I’m sorry Benjamin I must get home.” I said as I refrained from running and downgraded to speed walking.
“What happened back there? Did I say something to upset you?”
“No. I just…I need to get home.” I said turning the corner to the street my car was parked on.
“Ashley please stop.” Benjamin had finally caught up to me.
He grabbed my shoulder and tugged gently. I stopped but didn’t turn around, not yet. The tears had already begun to form in my eyes and I didn’t want him to see me crying because if he saw me crying I would have to explain why I was crying. I had to turn around eventually so I wiped my eyes and tried to make rid myself of the lump growing in my throat.
“I’m sorry Benjamin you must think I’m incredible insane.”
“Insane, never.” He said wiping the one tear that escaped from my tear ducts before I was able to catch it. “I just don’t understand what happened.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I promise it is nothing you did. I don’t think I have ever had as much fun as I did tonight there are just some things about me that you don’t know.” I said realizing that my attempt at an explanation made me sound like I was some law-avoiding criminal.
“Look I know that we just met a few hours ago but I also know that there is something here. I have never had a connection with a girl so quickly. I mean am I wrong or did you feel it to
o?”
“No you’re not wrong I felt it too but that’s part of the problem.”
I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth but there they were. I also couldn’t believe what I knew was already coming next.
“Look I don’t want push my luck but I’d really like to get to know you better. Can I take you out on a real date, you know one where we don’t crash into one another’s cars?”
Yeah there is was, the question I was both hoping for and fearing at the same time. I wanted so badly to accept his invitation but if I did it meant I was moving on from Jonathan. It meant I was getting ready to let go and I didn’t know if was 100% ready to let go. Benjamin seemed to understand me in a way most people didn’t and even though I hadn’t known him for long, and I mean not long as in four hours not long, I felt a deeper connection with him than I’d felt with some friends I’d known for years. I didn’t know what to do.
I stood there staring blankly into this gorgeous man’s eyes. This man who was looking so hopeful that I would accept his invitation. This man who spent the entire night trying to get to know me better. The man who spent so much effort trying to ensure I had a good time despite having crashed into his car earlier that evening. I needed to give him an answer, he deserved an answer and I wanted to give him one, I just didn’t know what answer to give him.
“So Ashley, what do you say?”
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Ashley & Benjamin - Part 1 of a 3 Part Saga! (Romance Mystery) Page 2