by Toni Aleo
“Excuse me, asshole, that’s my wife!” Benji exclaimed, and Markus laughed, holding his hands up.
“No offense, bro. Just saying.”
“This is insane. Thanks, Mom,” Lucy said, covering her face as Jude looked around, eating a piece of steak from his salad.
“Wait, you guys slept together?”
“Oh, my God,” Lucy groaned, but Markus just laughed.
“It’s really not a big thing.”
“Yeah, ’cause you basically sleep with everyone.”
The room went quiet as he looked across the table, meeting Mekena’s eyes. They were full of heat, and if his declaration before had maybe helped a bit, it was now totally forgotten. All she saw was that he slept with someone else’s sister. It wasn’t even like that. The thing with Lucy was over before it started—one time and that was it, but Mekena was looking way too much into it.
Clearing his throat, he held her gaze, not letting her escape like he had before. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You sleep with everyone, apparently.”
“Um, I haven’t slept with him,” Baylor said, raising her hand.
“Me neither,” Claire and Avery added.
“He never offered,” Autumn said, and the table went silent.
But then everyone was doubled over with laughter.
Well, everyone but Markus and Mekena.
Instead, their eyes stayed locked together, hers burning into his and his begging for a chance to even speak to her.
“I didn’t sleep with you, did I?” he said matter-of-factly, and her eyes widened, her face flushing red as the laughter around them died down. “So, in reality, I haven’t slept with everyone.”
Mekena looked away, shaking her head as everyone else glanced around awkwardly. The redness in her face ran down her neck, and her shoulders were back and taut as she exhaled loudly. Avery and Benji were glaring at him, while Jude, Jace, and Jayden had their murderous gazes on him. He wasn’t scared of any of them. What scared him was Mekena. She rattled him because with every second that passed, he knew any chance of her ever forgiving him was dwindling. Because of that, he knew that dinner was ruined. Hell, everything was ruined.
And it was all his fault.
Or maybe his dick’s fault.
That guy was always getting him into trouble.
When Jace got up and started stretching out his arms, Markus’s brows rose as Autumn asked, “Jace, what in the world are you doing?”
He dropped down into a squat and then another one. “I’m going to kick Markus’s ass for sleeping with my sister.”
“Jace, really,” Lucy complained, and Markus rolled his eyes as Jace stretched out his quads.
“I’ll help,” Benji muttered, which resulted in a smack from Lucy, her eyes crazy with anger.
“Be real. It was forever ago! We are friends, no one was hurt, it was just one night,” she complained as Jace pointed to his brother-in-law.
“Yes, and I gotta stretch ’cause that dude is strong as shit. Are you dweebs gonna help me?” he said to his brothers, and Jude waved him off.
“It was eons ago, and they both seem okay about it. No broken hearts, no hard feelings,” Jayden said, and Jude nodded.
“Plus, this tenderloin salad thing is awesome,” Jude added, shaking his head before pointing his fork at Markus. “Don’t do it again.”
“Never,” he promised, and Lucy let out an annoyed sigh.
“Sit down, Jace. It wasn’t a big deal. We seriously had a pity hookup—he felt sorry for me.”
And he was horny, but he was pretty sure saying that would get him in even more trouble. Markus looked to his best friend, and Jace glared as Avery tried to pull him back down, telling him he was not getting into a fight with his best friend at Lucy’s dinner.
“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. We were and are adults!” Lucy said, and Autumn shook her head.
“If I’d known it would cause all this, I wouldn’t have said anything,” she said, reaching for a drink, visibly upset.
Markus was so tired of fucking up. Why couldn’t things work out for once? Just as quickly as his hunger had come, it left as he backed away from the table.
“Markus?” Baylor asked, and he shook his head.
“Excuse me, I gotta get some fresh air,” he said, reaching for his beer as he started for the patio. He felt everyone’s eyes on him, noticed the hushed tone that fell over the table, and he also saw that Mekena didn’t even spare him a glance. Swallowing hard, he carried Dawson out the big wooden doors and shut them behind him. The brisk October air hit him in the face as he carefully leaned against the banister overlooking the beautiful rolling hills of the country. The sun was almost behind the trees, and the dark orange and yellow of the sky should have cheered Markus up, but he was pretty sure nothing could make him smile at that moment.
But then Dawson farted, his little eyes bright as he looked up at Markus. With a loud laugh, he cuddled the little guy in his arms. “Better out than in, I always say. You don’t need your diaper changed, do you? Because I’m not down with that, bro. We talked about this.”
He shook with fear from the earlier memory of trying to change Dawson’s diaper and the mental image of shit all the way up the back of his little buddy while Jayden tried not to puke. Yeah, he wasn’t down for that. But he sure as hell wasn’t down for going back in there. He couldn’t face them. The people he loved. All of them had a look in their eyes that just didn’t sit right with him. He didn’t like when people were disappointed in him or hurt by him, and everyone in there looked as if he had hurt them each individually.
And the sad thing was the only one he was really worried about was Mekena. The guys, they’d get over him sleeping with Lucy. Not only was it forever ago, but like Jayden said, no one was hurt in the matter. River and Autumn, they didn’t care, and even the girls weren’t worried about it. He knew Baylor didn’t care, but he did worry a bit about his relationship with Benji. The guy was cool, and Markus didn’t want any bad blood between them, especially with him trying so hard to make it on the Assassins. He needed things to be right between them, and he’d make them right because he didn’t have any feelings other than platonic for Lucy. He knew she felt the same. She loved Benji, and he loved…
Mekena.
He loved her.
But that ship had sailed.
Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back as he sucked in a deep breath, letting it out loudly through his nose. When he heard the door open, he didn’t move, not even when he felt a blanket come around him before it was tucked into the carrier.
He knew who it was.
And while he loved Baylor something insane, he wished like hell it was Mekena.
“The main course is about to be served,” Baylor said, patting Dawson’s back. “Wanna come back in?”
“No, I’m good. Gonna sit out here with my main man, watch the sunset.”
Opening his eyes, he found her watching him. Her eyes were full of worry as her hand cupped his bicep. “Markus, it’s okay. You know they’re a lot of talk, those boys. No one is mad, not even Benji. He just said no hard feelings.”
He shrugged. “I know. I’m just…” He paused, shaking his head. “Having a hard time and all. I’ll be okay. Go enjoy dinner with your family.”
“But my family is out here too.”
“Take Dawson, then. I think he might have shit. Massive fart, this kid had,” he said with a little grin.
She glared but checked him and then shook her head. “He’s just gassy like his daddy,” she said, running her hand down Dawson’s back. “And I was talking about you too.”
“I know,” he said, sending her a grin as he shook his head. “I just can’t right now.”
“Why?” she asked, trying to meet his gaze, but he wouldn’t allow her to. “It can’t be the Lucy thing. No one cares, I promise.”
“No, it’s not that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just… I… It’s hard. I
…fuck, Bay, I don’t know. It’s hard to sit there with her right across from me and know she hates me as much as she does, when I hate what happened too. And most of all, I hate that I can’t even remember what I did to hurt her so bad.”
Shit. He’d said way more than he wanted.
Baylor’s brows came together, her eyes narrowing as she watched the side of his face. He wished he hadn’t said that. He had never said that before, so why did he say it now? “What do you mean, you can’t remember what you did?”
He cleared his throat, shrugging his shoulders. “You know, ’cause I was drunk,” he tried, but even he didn’t believe the words.
Stepping in front of him, she focused her eyes on him as she shook her head. “No, you always remember what goes down when you’re drunk. You’re the one who can fully recap every single thing we all do, so that’s bullshit. What do you mean, Markus?”
Looking away, he swallowed hard and didn’t know what to say. She was right; he wasn’t one of those blackout drunk kind of people. He got blasted but could remember everything. So when he woke up that morning with Skylar beside him and he put two and two together, it was easy to say he was freaked out. He still didn’t know what had happened, still didn’t understand. Well, he understood, but it wasn’t him. He wouldn’t have done that. But the only other option—the one he was pretty sure was true—wasn’t something he could own up to. Wasn’t something he could accept. He was a man. There was no way. So obviously, he had done it. He clearly hadn’t cared about his relationship with Mekena. He wanted to cheat. Maybe it was all done subconsciously.
At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.
“Markus, I see the struggle in your eyes. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged, and he closed his eyes, shaking his head.
“I fucked up.”
“Did you?” she asked, and he opened his eyes, meeting her inquisitive gaze. “’Cause I’m sorry, but this all sounds a little fishy to me. I know you, I know your heart, who you are. And all of it just seems so wrong.”
“It’s ’cause you hate Skylar.”
“Damn right, I do, she’s a cunt. But it’s more than that. You said you don’t remember. What do you mean?”
Could he admit the truth? Could he tell Baylor? Before he even knew what he was doing, his mouth was moving and words were coming out. “I don’t know, Baylor. I mean, I remember her showing up to the party. Mekena had some test or something and went home early, which was cool. I hadn’t planned on hanging out all night anyway, especially since Jace was staying with Avery that night. So I was just chillin’, and Skylar came up. She was macking hard, which wasn’t unusual, she’d always had a thing for me. But I didn’t want it because everyone had already been through her,” he said, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “So I tried to get out of it, saying I thought it was shitty that she was macking on me when I was with Mekena. And she’s like, ‘Come on, are you even with her?’ And I’m like, ‘Duh, yeah.’ And she rolled her eyes and said, ‘Fine. You won’t turn down a drink with me, will you?’ No shit, Bay, that’s the last thing I remember.”
Baylor’s eyes widened. “She drugged you?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that when I woke up the next morning, there was a condom on me, and she was naked beside me. Then I fucking saw Mekena outside, and it went to shit after that. But that following day, we had—” He paused, his heart jumping up into his throat. He had only told Jace what he was about to say, and he hadn’t thought he would ever tell anyone else, but when he opened his eyes, meeting Baylor’s concerned ones, he knew he had to. “We had a surprise piss test because rumors were going around about drugs on the team. And mine came up hot for a high dose of Xanax.”
“What? How?”
“I don’t know. But luckily, I was able to pass the next one, which was a couple days later, and every one after that. Thank God your dad was my coach ’cause with anyone else, I would have been fucked. I wasn’t though ’cause of Coach. He said it probably got mixed in my drink at a party and no big deal, since that was a popular thing people were doing to get high. I don’t know. He’s probably right and that’s why I don’t remember anything, but I just don’t know.”
Baylor could only blink. “Or that whore drugged you and raped you!”
“Baylor, be real,” he said, sweat suddenly dripping down his back. “I’m a dude. Dudes don’t get raped.”
“Yes, they do,” she yelled back, her eyes wild. “It happens, and it sounds like she did it to you.”
His heart was jackhammering in his chest, so hard and so loud. When he looked down, he was completely surprised to find Dawson fast asleep. Meanwhile, he felt like he was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. He could really use a dose of Xanax right now.
“No, that didn’t happen.”
“Markus,” she pleaded, reaching out for him. “I understand that you are upset, that this all seems like it couldn’t happen to you, but it can. I know this firsthand.”
Swallowing hard, he nodded. Baylor had almost been raped back at Bellevue. Thankfully, Jayden had walked in and stopped it, but her incident was nothing like Markus’s. Because Markus wasn’t raped. That was preposterous. He was a guy; guys didn’t get raped. He didn’t care what she said. “I wasn’t raped. I just don’t remember it.”
Holding his gaze, she nodded. “Okay, let’s stop using that word for a moment. Either way, she went after you when you were not in the right state of mind because of the drugs she gave you—”
“You don’t know that,” he tried, but she waved him off.
“Anyway, did you say no or yes?”
“I don’t remember,” he whispered, his voice sounding broken.
Just like his heart.
“And let’s just throw this the other way—the roles are reversed, and I’m telling you all this. What would you say?”
She held his gaze, and he knew he couldn’t look away. He knew the truth. He knew she was right, but he swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I would say, give me his name so I can go kill him.”
“Exactly.” She reached out and took his hands in hers. “She better hope I never see her again.”
Markus smiled, shaking his head. “You’re a mommy. Mommies don’t fight.”
“This mommy does, especially for people she loves.”
“I love you too, Bay, I do,” he whispered, and she squeezed his hands.
It was all too much. Too much pain. Too many unanswered questions.
“Have you talked to Skylar?”
He snorted. “Fuck no.”
“And you haven’t told anyone else about this?”
He shook his head. “It was hard just to tell you.”
“You need to tell Mekena,” Baylor said, and Markus looked up. “The truth.”
“Yeah, ’cause she’d believe me,” he scoffed. “I don’t even believe me. It’s all just so unreal, so dumb and silly. She is better off just thinking I fucked her over and I’m a dog. She doesn’t need to know the truth. The truth is fucked up.”
He tried to look away, but Baylor gripped his face in her hands. “No, you both need it. You’re both so hurt, and I’m not saying the truth will fix it, but at least it will give y’all some closure. I don’t know if y’all can fix what’s broken, and I know it will hurt, but both of you need this.”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. It felt as if his body wasn’t his. His eyes became misty, and his throat started to close up with the emotion that was taking over his body. He felt worthless, he felt used, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell Mekena? Would she even listen? It all seemed so unreal. And if he did tell her, what would it do? Would it ease the pain a bit? He knew they would never have what they once had. Too much time, too much pain had passed, and no matter how much he wanted her, how he never wanted to love anyone else but her, he knew that it was unattainable.
He knew what he could win at, and Mekena was a prize that wasn’t up for grabs anymore. No m
atter what he did. Though, if he did tell her, if he was honest, then maybe, just maybe, she would forgive him, and they could have the closure they both so desperately needed. She might put on the act that she was over him, that she was unaffected by him, but he saw right through it. She was hurting as much as he was.
“And when you want to confront that cunt Skylar, let me know. I’ll go with you and kick her ass,” Baylor said, trying to lighten the darkness of the situation. With a small smile, he leaned over, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in tight, kissing her temple.
“Thanks, Baylor. I really don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life.”
She laughed. “I think it’s hard to get rid of me.”
“This is true.”
Wrapping her arms around him and Dawson, she squeezed them tightly and whispered, “But really, you need to confront both of them. Put everything out in the open and leave it behind you—because you’ll never move on until you get all this weight off your chest. It’s too late to ruin that whore of a girl, but at least maybe she’ll apologize for hurting you. ‘Cause I’m sure she’ll lie out her ass.”
“Yeah, which is why I don’t see a point in even trying to confront her about it.”
“For you. For your heart. You are too emotional, Markus. You hold stuff so close to your heart, and if you don’t let this go, you’ll dwell till your dying day. You’ll truly never be you because of this, and that’s unacceptable.”
“You’re right.”
“I know.”
“I’m scared, though.”
“I know,” she whispered, holding him tighter. “But fear never held you back from anything before.”
She was right. Fear was always an ugly emotion that tried to restrain him, but he never allowed it. He fought through it, and he wasn’t giving up. He would find a good time, apologize to Mekena, and pray that she forgave him. He would then find Skylar and he would confront her, getting the apology he thought he deserved. Meanwhile, he’d work his ass off to have his dreams, and maybe he could be happy again. Truly happy.
The kind of happy that Mekena made him feel.
“Whoa, are you moving in on my wife now?”