by Toni Aleo
“But I feel healed. I’m over it.”
“Okay, but can you talk about it without getting upset?”
He paused. “I mean…kinda. I just don’t talk about it.”
“Yes, but you are dating your abuser’s sister. That’s Mekena’s family. No matter how mad she is at her, they might one day work it out. Will you be able to handle that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, right now, it’s just us.”
“I know, but that could change, and then what? Are you prepared for that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Have you forgiven her?”
Markus scoffed. “God, no.”
She nodded, a grim look on her face. “And that’s okay. I wouldn’t have forgiven my abuser either, especially after what happened. The anger is still there, and it’s only been a week of knowing the truth. But Markus, I need you to realize that this may take time. As much as you want to move forward and leave it behind you, you aren’t all the way there, and that is completely okay.”
He didn’t want to hear that. He wanted to hear that he was cured, that he was healthy, and that he and Mekena would be great. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying this is going to take time. But with that being said, you are doing everything right. You are talking about it, you are getting help from me, and you seem to have a great relationship with Mekena. It is new, I understand that, but I feel you two can use each other to heal. This affected you both, you were both broken by this person’s actions. You just need to keep communication open.”
He nodded once more as he cleared his throat. “I don’t want to lose her. I love her.”
“I understand that, and as long as you are honest and don’t let this eat you alive, you should be fine.”
“But what if she can’t handle it?” he asked suddenly. He hadn’t realized that was a fear of his until that moment.
She pressed her lips together and slowly shrugged her shoulders. “I’m here for anyone who needs me. Send her my way. But, Markus, I can’t promise you it will last. Not only am I not a psychic, I’m also not the best at believing in true love,” she added with a laugh and he smiled. “But please don’t think I don’t believe that you love her. I do. Love just isn’t for me.”
He nodded. “I can respect that.”
“Thank you. But I understand where you are coming from, and I understand your fear. This was a very traumatic event, and I need you to realize that both of you are healing. If you aren’t honest with each other, it could be your downfall.”
Swallowing hard, he looked up, meeting her blue gaze. “So when will I be over it?”
She slowly recrossed her legs as she shook her head. “I don’t think I can answer that.”
He held her gaze. “Can you try? I need a goal. Like I said, I’m a visual learner. I need to see my goals and crush them.”
She smiled, and he decided he liked her. She got him, and he appreciated that. “Okay, Markus, but you know this could take months, or even years?”
“I understand that, but I need goals.”
“Okay, so I think when you are confident in your relationship, with being honest about how you are feeling—”
“I don’t have a problem with that—”
“You do. You are worried she can’t handle it,” she reminded him, and he paused, pressing his lips together. “I know everything is a bit up in the air, love and all that, but you have to be confident in what you feel for her and what she feels for you. You can’t be scared to hurt her feelings. You have to know you two can bounce back and be stronger. So that’s the first step. The second is when hearing your abuser’s name doesn’t hurt you. And the third is when you can forgive her.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, knowing he could crush those.
That together he and Mekena could do anything.
“The thing that is hard, Markus, is that usually, male rape victims are children, not men. So the long-term effects on those victims are more traumatic because they were so young and they trusted their assailant. But it is different with you. Not only are you strong and older, but you knew this person as an adult, and she’ll be around because of who you’ve chosen as your partner.”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t be with Mekena?” he asked, ready to get up and leave.
“No, not at all. I’m saying that you’ve got yourself a mess, but I have all the faith you’ll clean it up and be happy. I think you are going to be fine. But to be totally honest, I haven’t experienced a case like this, so we are both going to have to figure this out. The main thing I need you to remember is that door right there is always open for you,” she said, pointing to the door. “That I am always here for you—and for Mekena, if she wants to come.”
He nodded as he cleared his throat. “Thank you.”
Flashing him a smile, she asked, “How do you feel?”
“Good,” he said, nodding. “I’m ready to put this behind me and live my life.”
“Great, so we have goals.”
“We have goals.”
“Fabulous. So I want to see you once a week, maybe every Monday, for the next three months. How does that sound?”
He nodded. “Good. I’ll be here.”
“Awesome. I’ll have my receptionist get a schedule made for you,” she said, standing and holding her hand out to him as he stood. “If at any moment you feel you aren’t handling things, we will revisit a different treatment plan.”
“I think I’m good. I like what we’ve done. Or you’ve done.”
She smiled. “Good, but remember I’m here for you.”
“I understand that, and thank you.”
“Of course. It was wonderful to meet you, and I’m excited to watch you grow.”
“Thank you, it was great meeting you,” he said, taking her hand and shaking it. After making his next appointments, he walked out of the Assassins’ offices feeling good. Great, even. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to talk to someone who didn’t love him or care about him already. Everyone else babied him, but Dr. Lemiere was honest and gave him a plan. A plan he was going to crush.
With Mekena by his side.
As he pushed open the door, he had his phone in his hand to call Mekena, hoping she would be done with her meeting since he wanted to tell her everything Dr. Lemiere had said. He hit her name and his phone started to dial, but when he looked up, he found her in front of him, a few feet away on her phone, typing away like crazy. She looked gorgeous, like always. Wearing a tight dark blue shirt that hugged her breasts and fastened at her wrists, she’d paired it with a high-waisted floral skirt that flared out at her knees and a pair of ankle boots. Her hair was blowing in the October breeze, and she wore thick black glasses that were low on her nose as she continued to type. That was, until she saw the call from him.
Her face lit up as a grin covered her pretty lips, and she answered.
“Hey, you. I was just texting you. Wasn’t sure if you were out yet.”
“Oh, yeah? Where are you?”
“Standing outside the Assassins’ offices. I just got done with my meeting with Elli.”
His lips curved as he tucked his hand in his pocket and walked toward her, drinking in his beautiful girlfriend. “How’d it go?”
“Great! I got the job, and she’s paying me way more than I made in Florida! It’s working out. We’re going to be together.”
His face broke into a bigger grin as he hung up and then wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck as she shrieked, almost smacking him until she realized who he was. “Markus! You scared me shitless!”
He laughed as she turned in his arms, kissing him hard on the lips. Losing himself in the kiss, he closed his eyes as he held her, their mouths moving together while his heart thudded in his chest. He wanted this so badly, and everything was coming together. The stars were aligning, and damn it, he would make her happy. He’d loved her more than he loved anything else, and they would be happy.
; Together.
She grinned up at him as he cupped her face. “I’m so proud of you.”
She beamed. “Thanks. I was so nervous, and when she showed me the offer sheet, my jaw dropped. Your sugar momma will be bringing home the sugar!”
He laughed. “Good, you can buy me lunch,” he teased, and she giggled as she cuddled up in his arms, kissing his jaw. “I’m hungry and poor.”
She laughed hard as she rolled her eyes. “Yes, you poor, hungry man. Then we can go look at those apartments in the Gulch. Elli gave me her Realtor’s number, and they’ve already got a list for us. We’re meeting her at three.”
Leaning his head into hers, he smiled. She had everything together; she had a plan. In a way, he was dwelling on his plan, which he hadn’t expected. Shaking his head, he knew he wouldn’t ruin this moment for her with his worries about moving forward. Clearing his throat, he said, “Sounds amazing. Where do you want to go?”
As he started to walk, she paused, pressing her hand to his chest. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he answered, trying to move ahead, but she stopped him once more.
“No, something is wrong. Shit! I didn’t ask about therapy. I’m sorry. I was excited. Was it okay? Are you okay? Do you want me to cancel the Realtor?”
He laughed, shaking his head. Taking her face in his hands, he kissed her lips before pulling back. “No, babe, don’t cancel. I’m excited. Just lots of pressure and lots on my mind. Gotta make the team.”
She waved him off. “That’s a done deal. You’ve got that. Are you okay? Did it go okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah, fine. I feel really good. I’ve got a plan.”
“A plan?”
“Yeah, why don’t we talk about this over lunch?”
“’Cause I want to talk now, I’m worried now.”
He let out a breath. He hadn’t wanted to do it now, but Dr. Lemiere had said he had to be honest. He cleared his throat. “Okay, yeah, I’ve got a plan to move forward. Dr. Lemiere doesn’t think I have fully recovered.”
“Oh, well, I wouldn’t think you would have. It was very traumatic.”
“Yeah.” He could see it in her eyes. She thought his lack of a full recovery was bad. He guessed it wasn’t all that great. “But I am, I will. I just have to get over some stuff and move forward. I have to be confident in us. I’m always worried about hurting you, and she said I can’t do that. That I have to love you and trust you love me.”
“I do.”
“I know—”
“And don’t worry about me. I’ve got this. I may be small, but I’m strong.”
“I know, babe, I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know, and I don’t want to hurt you. I think we’re both walking on eggshells about some things.”
“We are.”
“And that needs to change.”
“It does.”
“So we’ll change it. We’ll work through this.”
“That’s my plan.”
“Our plan,” she reiterated, and he smiled. “As long as we’re together.”
“Exactly.”
“We can do anything.”
“Yup. Like forgive her.”
Her eyes widened as she looked away, her face twisting in disbelief. “Yeah, sure.”
“We can. We will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or in a year, but one day, we will.”
She chewed on her lip as she let out a breath. “I love my family and I want to see them, but I’m scared you won’t because of her.”
“No,” he said, reaching out and taking her hands in his. “I want to be where you are. And if you want to see your family, I’m there. We’ll work it out.” She nodded and he smiled. “And I know you don’t want anything to do with my family, and I understand that. I will stand by you, but I want to give them another chance.”
“Which is fine with me,” she answered with a nod. “I just want you to be happy.”
“Me too. But we have to be honest with each other.”
“You’re right,” she said, her eyes wide and full of hope. “I’m scared shitless, Markus. I love you so much.”
His heart shattered in his chest and then put itself back together as he nodded, taking her in his arms and holding her close. She tipped her head up, and he pressed his nose to hers. “I am too, but I can’t lose you. Not again. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, my laugh, my smile, my heart, fuck, Mekena, my everything. I know we rushed this time, we jumped in heart-first, but damn it, I love you. I will do everything and anything to make this work.”
Her eyes clouding with tears, she nodded, her face pressed against his as she whispered, “Me too.”
And as their mouths crashed together, he decided therapy was great and it worked, but Mekena was the only thing that would help him get through it all.
Through this crazy thing called life.
Running his hands along his face and catching the sweat that was already rushing down his jaw, Markus sucked in a deep breath and looked around. All the guys were standing around, high-fiving and getting each other pumped for the game. Everyone was all smiles, excited to be back together after some of the guys had gone off to the Worlds. Jayden was being his normal, team-leader self, pumping everyone up and telling Odder that he was going to kill it.
Meanwhile, Markus was having a mini panic attack.
It was his first game.
His first NHL game.
Holy. Shit.
And his girdle was too tight. Fuck, he should loosen it, but he didn’t have time.
“You look like you’re about to shit yourself.”
Looking over at Vaughn, Markus nodded. “I think I already did, but my girdle is so tight, I can’t check.”
“Then loosen it!” he said as the roar of the crowd leaked into the hall where everyone was standing, rocking back and forth as they joked around. Nodding like an idiot, Markus dropped his stick and loosened his girdle the best he could with his shaky hands. Vaughn scoffed before saying, “Don’t worry man, you’ll do great. You’ve been murdering in practice.”
“Thanks,” he managed, but he hadn’t realized how much he had riding on this game.
Mekena had done her part. She was in, she was going to travel with the team, she was getting paid great, and she was excited. Markus, on the other hand, was freaking the fuck out. He had been fine the last couple days, but when he started to lace up his skates, it all began to dawn on him. The importance of this moment. If he wanted to be included in the apartment Mekena had selected the day before in the middle of the Gulch with a beautiful view of Nashville through nothing but glass windows, then he better get his shit together and kick ass in this game. He had to get signed. He wanted to start a life with her in the apartment that cost more a month than he had in his bank account, so really, there was no choice. He had to prove they should renew his contract with the Assassins.
When a slap came against his shoulder, he glanced up to see Lucas Brooks looking at him, a grin pulling at his lips. “I remember my first NHL game.”
Anderson scoffed with a gleam in his eye. “You can remember back that far? Wasn’t that the fifties?”
“No, twenties,” Titov said with a laugh.
“Actually, I think 1910,” Odder said, his English broken, but Markus understood him just fine.
Lucas didn’t laugh, though, he just ignored them, his eyes on Markus.
“As I was saying, I remember throwing up for hours in my helmet. So there’s that, and they replace them pretty quickly with new ones. But after a bit, you start getting the same one ’cause they can’t clean them out fast enough, and then you smell.”
“Oh, wow, thanks,” Markus somehow got out as Lucas grinned big before smacking him again just as the horn sounded, indicating the start of the pregame.
Markus swore he turned green.
With a loud whoop, Jayden said, “All right, boys! Let’s do this!”
When he started for the tunnel, Markus rushed to catch up si
nce he was supposed to be behind Jayden, or maybe he was supposed to be behind Anderson. Shit! He should have paid attention. Soon he just fell into the line, and as he hit the ice, he heard it.
His name.
“And on defense, number 76, Markus Reeves.”
He was surprised he didn’t fall over at the roar of applause that followed his name, welcoming him to Nashville Assassins’ ice. When Jayden grinned back at him, Markus still felt like he was going to puke, but he was grinning. Big-time.
He had waited his whole life to get here.
As he lined up beside Jayden and Anderson, he looked around the arena. The place was sold out, welcoming the Assassins back after the long break for Worlds. He couldn’t see anyone he knew, but he knew his parents, River, Autumn, and Baylor were there. When he looked to where Mekena said her assigned spot was, he found her with her hand on her heart as she sang along to the national anthem. She wore her camera around her neck, and he was bummed that the Assassins camera strap he had ordered for her hadn’t come in before her first game. He had been really excited about it, but man, she looked good standing there, excitement pouring off her.
When she glanced back at him, he winked, and she smiled as she shook her head. She must have known he was trying to look cooler than he felt because soon she was laughing her butt off, before lifting her camera and taking a shot. When the lady finished singing, he put his helmet on and glared playfully at her as she mouthed, “Don’t puke.”
Sending her a dry look, he said, “Well, duh.”
Still giggling, she threw him a thumbs-up before blowing him a kiss. A sense of ease fell over him. He had wanted this for so long. Why was he freaking out? This was his moment to shine. To kick ass not only for the boys he was playing with but for that beautiful girl he loved. He wouldn’t ruin this. No, he’d own this moment.
“Don’t fuck up,” Jayden said, tapping his shin with his stick before digging his skates into the ice.
“Didn’t plan on it.”