by Mason, Dana
I grab the receiver of the hotel phone and dial Housekeeping. I’ll need my bed made up again before the end of the night and I’d rather not have to face them when they see the mud. I’m sure they’ll figure out what we’ve been up to…
Nine
Emily
As soon as my room door closes behind me, I drop onto my bed and cry. I’m not sure what I was expecting. Did I think I could be with another man and not feel the emotions that go along with it? That’s impossible. I know that. I just need to work through it. I just need to keep moving forward. It’s hard though. Especially when I can’t really talk about it with Drew, not after we made a deal not to share personal information.
I close my eyes and pick up my phone. I hate to be such a baby, but I need to speak to someone and I know Rebecca will talk me off the cliff I shouldn’t be dangling from.
“Well hello there, Islander. How’s Maui treating you?” she answers.
I’m on the verge of a sob, so I hold my breath, fighting hard not to let it out.
“Emily, what’s wrong?” The tone of her voice changes, and I can tell I’ve scared her.
I slowly release my breath and say, “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Are you hurt? Has something happened?”
“No. I’m fine.”
She’s silent for a minute, and I know she’s trying to size me up. “Did you sleep with the hot neighbor?”
That didn’t take long. I’m fighting tears again, so I don’t speak.
“I know you’re feeling super guilty right now, but you need to stop. You haven’t done anything wrong.” She sighs heavily into the phone. “You knew this would be hard and it’s okay that you’re having trouble dealing. Especially since it’s the first time since Tucker, but after a good cry, you need to let it go. There’s nothing to feel bad about, I promise. Okay?”
She’s right. I know that, and I guess that’s why I called. I needed the reassurance. I need someone to tell me it’s okay. I’m not sure why. Normally I’m a take-charge kind of person, but when it comes to my personal life, I hesitate. And since I lost Tuck, I question myself even more.
My breathing evens out, and I try to talk again. “I’m trying.”
“I know you are. I also know how damn hard this is for you. I’m glad you called. I’m so damn thrilled to be the person you call when you need to cry. But more than anything, I know you need to hear me say to knock it off.”
I chuckle and nod. “It’s true.”
“Okay.” I hear her shift the phone and her voice grows a bit louder. “Emily Thomas Tucker, get up off your ass, brush yourself off, and take a step forward.”
Instinctively, I stand up and walk toward the balcony. The slider is open a bit, so the air flows through my suite but not enough to let in the rain. I stare out at the darkness and take a cleansing breath. I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Now that we have the preliminaries out of the way—look at you, doing it in the middle of the afternoon! Give me some dirty details. Tell me.”
“He’s incredible.”
“Details.”
“I went hiking, and just as I reached the spot I wanted, this beautiful waterfall, rain started falling. I stupidly went hiking without checking the weather first.”
“Oh, right, I heard a news report about a tropical storm. It’s a downgraded hurricane.”
“Well, just like when I locked myself out of the room yesterday, and when I got too drunk last night, Drew came to the rescue.”
“No way!”
“Yes way. He showed up at that mountain waterfall to get me the hell out of there.” I grin widely, I can’t help it. “I was super pissed at first but the heavier it rained, the more thankful I was.”
“Don’t stop there.”
“When we got back to the resort, we sort of pounced on each other. I’m not sure if it was the adrenaline from the storm or just pure exhaustion—”
“Um, or pure attraction,” Bec says, interrupting me.
I throw my hand in the air in agreement. “Or pure attraction. That wouldn’t be a lie. He’s amazing.”
“So, tell me about him.”
“I don’t know anything about him, except that he comes to Maui every year for three weeks and he’s self-employed.” I lower myself back into a chair and say, “We made a deal to avoid talking about anything outside of Maui.”
“Wow! That falls right in line with your plan to have a vacation fling.”
“Huh! You mean your plan for me to have a vacation fling.”
“Yes, and I still think it’s a good idea, but that doesn’t mean you can’t continue this relationship after your vacation. I just thought it would keep things light and, well, help you get past the nasty guilt you’re feeling about Tuck.”
My smile fades as I’m reminded of him. I close my eyes and wonder what he would do if roles were reversed. What if I died?
“Guilt is stupid, Emily, even if it’s inevitable. Tucker would already be with someone else.”
I laugh a little because I know she’s right. He wasn’t good alone, he liked companionship. Well, hell, so do I. I just want to skip the guilt part.
“It’s been long enough, Em. You’re allowed to have a life.”
“I know that, but I still can’t help thinking about him and about how this feels so much like cheating.”
“Like I said, inevitable. Work through it. You have to because you need to move forward. You’re much too young and vibrant to avoid living a full life.”
My grin slides back into place as I say, “It was good though. Drew was more than I could have wished for. Too bad I can’t keep him.”
“Maybe you can, but even if you can’t, he’s great practice.”
“You’re right. I should just try to enjoy myself while I’m here. Use this chance to work through my issues about Tucker and learn to let him go.”
Let him go…
As if that’s so easy.
“Time makes everything easier. You just need to try having normal experiences. Eventually it will get easier, I promise.”
“I know this transition is going to be hard. There’s no point in dragging this poor man into my black hole of grief. It’s better that I don’t see him again after I return home.”
“Maybe… but maybe not. You feel bad about it now, and you’re fighting with guilt, but in a week or two, you might be a little more indifferent. Maybe after a couple more rounds with this guy, you won’t feel any guilt or grief.”
If only… I look down at my empty ring finger and wonder how different my life would be today if I hadn’t lost him. I’d probably be a mother. We’d have a child… at least, that was part of our plan. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids. I’m not sure I’ll get the opportunity. The clock is ticking, and at thirty-three years old, I’m running out of time.
“You have years and years to worry about shit. Let this week be fun without the stress.”
“You’re right. Thank you so much for being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’re welcome. I love you—go have some fun. Dance in the rain or something.”
* * *
When Drew knocks, my heart flutters in my chest. I don’t know where we’re having dinner, so I wasn’t sure how to dress. Hopefully, my beige, sleeveless, sheath dress and wedge sandals are okay for where we’re going.
I open the door to his smiling face. He’s clean-shaven, and his hair is neatly in place. If my body wasn’t reacting when he knocked, it certainly is now. I almost lose my breath when he swoops in and kisses me. My body sings with tingles from my scalp to my toes. Damn, he’s sexy. I inhale deeply… and he smells sexy too. Like nutmeg and musky cologne.
I was afraid of awkwardness after our under-the-sheets encounter, but I much prefer we jump right to familiar. His lips dip to my neck, and I feel the nibble as he works his way down. I fight not to squirm, but I can’t help it, I’m super ticklish. When I wiggle a littl
e, he snickers and cups my face.
“I’m sorry, I forgot to say hello.”
A little giddy from the look in his eyes, I mutter, “Hello.”
“How are you?” His eyes dance between mine as if he’s examining me. “You look happy, but your eyes are a little red. You haven’t been crying, have you?”
My stomach bottoms out. This guy is good. Am I that transparent?
“Why would I be crying?” I scoff, trying to throw him off. “I’m perfectly happy.”
His gaze softens. “Good.”
“Where are we having dinner?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.
“I thought, if it’s okay with you, that we could eat in the resort. There’s a great little place over in the east wing, with lots of windows and a patio where we can enjoy the rain without getting wet.”
“Sounds perfect.” I reach my hand out for his, and the warmth of his hold is comforting, almost familiar.
We walk over to the east wing, and I take the opportunity to admire his assets. He’s very well put together, but without trying too hard. He looks relaxed, but then he always does. I envy him that because I seldom do. But it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this good. I sigh at the thought and know that Mac was right. I needed a break… or maybe Rebecca was right, and I just needed to get laid.
I realize now that when I mistook Drew for a maintenance man, I was being irritable and judgmental. He’s just at ease and confident in his own way. His long, muscular, tanned legs hint at the great shape he’s in and even in the cargo shorts he’s wearing, I can see the curve of his perfectly formed ass. As I watch him walk, I fight the blush that creeps into my cheeks.
When Drew catches me looking, I quickly ask, “How’s the leg?”
“It’s fine, I washed all the dirt out in the shower and rubbed ointment on it. I’m sure it looks worse than it is.” As we approach the restaurant, he asks, “How about your ankle?”
I turn my leg to show him the small bandage. “It’s fine, just a small gash.”
Following the waitress to our table, I’m struck by the simple elegance of the place. At first glance, it doesn’t look fancy, but once inside and seated, the delicate touches are obvious. Crisp white table linens and fine-bone china. We’re surrounded by windows and stained glass and the room glows in subtle candlelight. It’s still pouring with rain outside but the wind seems to have slowed some. The table we’re seated at gives us a great view of the pool, with shadows of the trees blowing through the rain. The resort has removed all the loungers and the place looks a little deserted––I sort of like it this way.
After serving us ice water and giving us menus, the waitress leaves us alone. I glance across the table at Drew, and he’s staring at me. He looks serious, which is quite a change from his usual playful expression. I glance down at myself, feeling self-conscious.
My dress isn’t showing too much cleavage, my teeth have been brushed, and my hair is neatly pinned into a bun on the back of my head. When I look back up at him, I ask, “Is something wrong?”
“I owe you an apology.”
“You do?”
“I’m sorry about conspiring with Gerry to find out where you were earlier. I’m sorry if that came across as overbearing.”
“Oh, huh.” I lower the menu to the table so I can see him fully. “No, you did nothing wrong. I’m sorry for being so sensitive. I just…” I tilt my head down and push at the hair at the back of my neck, not sure what to say. “I guess I’m just not used to people being concerned for my wellbeing.”
“How can that be? Your brother obviously cares about you.”
“Yes, oh sure, I have plenty of people who love and care about me. I mean…” I roll my eyes. I’m stalling, and I need to stop beating around the bush. “I mean, a man… specifically.”
“Oh, I see.”
I build up the nerve to look up at him again, and when I do, he’s still staring at me. “Why is that, Emily?” He reaches out and takes my hand. “You’re smart, funny, beautiful. Why has it been so long since a man has made you feel like you deserve more?”
Shaking my head, I reply, “You’re breaking the rule. Remember?”
“Fuck the rule.”
My eyes widen at his response, and I feel tension through the hand he’s holding. “We can’t just make rules and then break them.”
“Now see, statements like that make me think you’re a lawyer.”
I laugh at that. How much more spot on can he be? Why bother hiding who I am when I’m so easily figured out?
“But I know you’re not a lawyer. You’re much too nice for that.”
“Lawyers aren’t nice?”
“No, they’re sharks.”
I stifle a smile at that. “Oh, so you’re divorced.”
“Actually—”
I throw my hand up. “No, don’t tell me. Stick to the rule.”
“Listen, Emily, when I said I didn’t want to talk about anything outside of Maui, it was because I wanted you to feel relaxed. I sensed you needed that. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to get to know you.”
“But, Drew, you can’t deny telling each other more would complicate this. What if we live thousands of miles from each other? What if we have kids, ex-wives, different political parties? It could be disastrous.”
Drew removes his hand from mine, and I sense I touched a nerve. “To be honest,” he says, “I don’t really care if you have an ex-wife.”
I laugh hard. Too hard. With my hand on my belly, I realize other people in the restaurant are looking at me, but it feels good. For once I’m not worried about how I look. When I finally stop, my smile lingers on my lips. “I like you, I really do, but I’m not in the position to…” Tucker comes to mind, and with his memory, my smile fades completely. I can’t help it. Between sitting with this man, who I’m surprised to find I really like, and laughing so hard it hurts, I’m reminded that Tuck isn’t here, and he can’t laugh. I’m reminded that I need to move on, but that moving on will probably be very messy and I’m not sure I want to put Drew through that. “Because I like you, I feel like I need to spare you from what may be a terrible and confusing time for me.”
“So, you’re going through a divorce? Is that right?” He leans back in his chair. “When I first met you, I sensed you’d been hurt. I see the sadness in your eyes.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t need his sympathy. I need his understanding.
“Do you have children?” His eyes narrow and he shoots me another question. “New York?”
I don’t respond, which pushes him to keep going.
“Can’t be New York though, can it? I mean, you look like it fits. Buttoned up, the way you are. That take-no-shit stance and not wanting to be rescued… especially by a man. New York fits, but it’s still wrong, isn’t it?”
Curiosity pushes me to ask, “Why?”
“For one, you try like hell to come across as cold, but you’re not.” From the twinkle in his eyes, I know he’s referring to earlier.
“People do often accuse me of being cold or unemotional.” Since losing Tucker, I don’t like pity so I fight to hide my grief.
He watches me, and I’m a little scared of what he’s going to say next. So far, he’s been pretty spot on. “You’re not cold though. Not from what I’ve seen. Just reserved.”
“Hum, you said for one. What’s the second reason I can’t be from New York?”
He shrugs. “That’s easy, because it rains in New York. It rains a lot. You’re from a place that’s suffering from a drought.”
I feel the heat in my face. What can I say? The guy’s observant.
“But not Los Angeles either. Right?” He lifts his water glass to his lips, and when he sets it back down, he says, “You’re not conceited enough or tra-la-la enough for LA.”
“Tra-la-la?” I repeat with a raised brow.
His eyes close, then he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not from LA, are you?”
“No
, I’m not.”
When the waitress approaches to take our orders, Drew’s eyebrows lift conspiratorially and he asks, “Mai Tai?”
I can’t help the laugh that bursts from me. “No, absolutely not.” And as I order, I’m thankful for the interruption. Drew’s questions are intense, and I’m not sure how much longer I can refrain from telling him everything.
Ten
Drew
Dinner was quiet and full of small talk after she refused to answer any of my questions. I feel bad for putting her on the spot, but I’m not so sure I’m willing to walk away from her without some answers. What was I thinking when I made up that stupid rule? If I’d realized how much I’d want to get to know her, I never would have said that. Now I have less than three days to change her mind.
At least, that’s what I want to do… But my mind drifts to when she said, what if one of us has children? After hearing that, I can’t pretend she wouldn’t care that I’m a father. Most women don’t want to date single dads. I’ve been on many first dates. Second dates, not so much. Once they hear about my family, they don’t stick around.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe we should stick to our rule. Maybe this is just meant to be a vacation tryst. It wouldn’t be my first.
When she slides her keycard through the lock and enters her room, I stand back. I’m not sure she wants me to stay, and I don’t want to assume. She glances over her shoulder at me and her mouth tips into a grin. “Join me?”
I purse my lips and nod as I follow her inside. The door shuts hard, and the room is still dark. Emily doesn’t turn any lights on, and all I can see is her silhouette. She drops her bag on the table and slips out of her shoes. Her hair is still tightly bound in the bun, and all I want is to pull the pins out and watch her thick, caramel locks drop to her shoulders.
When she turns toward me, I tug her closer. I’m taller by a few inches, so I have to look down to see her face. Lifting my hands to her shoulders, I caress her neck before running my fingers up to the bun on her head. I find the end of a pin and tug it free, then another two. When the last pin is free, her hair drops halfway down her back with a sexy sway. As it falls, the scent of her shampoo fills my nostrils. Coconut and vanilla. I run my hands through her hair and revel in the silk, then lift a handful to my nose and inhale.