by Alexia Purdy
“Where have you been?” I whispered into his ear, finally able to pull away enough to speak to him, though I was out of breath. He was still devastatingly handsome in ways I could never get used to, still strong and fit. His muscles were defined under the buttoned up crimson shirt he wore paired with a sleek pair of black slacks. His shoes were polished to the shine, face smooth and shaved recently. He didn’t appear to have worn our separation badly. I, on the other hand, had let it carve its insanity into my head, my thoughts, my life, until all I could do to live from one moment to the next was intoxicate myself into some kind of high to blur the details out.
“I’ve been in Mexico, doing my brother’s bidding. You know that.” He stroked my hair with his strong fingers. Strong but soft and gentle, as if he’d been pampering them and no hard labor had touched those bones in years. Whatever he’d been up to, he was no worse for wear.
“I know. But…you never tried to call me or message. Why?”
My despair flooded my senses again as I peered at him expectantly, eyes shiny with tears. His calm demeanor made my insides suddenly jilt and boil as I realized he could’ve contacted me, somehow. If he’d really wanted to, he could’ve found a way, right? Even so, he’d found me now, beyond the reaches of his brother, down in the slums of this lonely hell I danced in, where no one knew my name but for the groupies that followed me from each venue, nameless faces, countless people who just wanted to hang out with me. Me. Liv Westing. Singer/Songwriter extraordinaire. Who wouldn’t? Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to party with a rock star?
The moments lasted forever, and I pulled away, waiting for his answers to all my eternal questions which plagued me for months.
“Why, Emilio?” I knew the answers. I knew why. I just wanted him to tell me the words himself.
“Business is business, Liv. You know that more than anyone else could. I did what I had to do. I’m back in the states, and Jonas has finally laid off my back so I chose to contact you now rather than sooner. Isn’t that enough?” He tilted his head and watched me as I started to pace the room. “Would you rather I brought him into our lives? I had to stay away, no matter how much it pained me to.”
I froze in my steps, wearing out the carpet underfoot. He had a point, I had to admit. But, man, that didn’t make the hurt of the last few months dull enough for me to feel completely appeased. I wished it would.
“I know. I get it. It’s just been so long. It really was like living in a nightmare, even on stage, even with everything I’ve ever wanted out there, under the lights, the music bleeding from my fingers, the songs I’ve written performed before thousands...It means almost nothing without you.”
He rushed toward me, pulling me into his arms. The lights flashed across his face in colors of neon purple, blue, and white. Even the strobes threw the room off balance and more into some psychedelic dance around us, like dancing in an ocean.
“I know, Liv, my love. Forgive me…” He hushed me and gently stroked my hair again, easing my frustrations away. He knew me so well. Everything anyone could do to calm my soul, he could do with just a slide of his finger, a gentle word, a sweet caress. I let him take me into him to feel his hot breath against my cheek as he pulled me closer. The music slowed outside the room into a slow dance number. I could still hear the soft lyrics, and they echoed in my head as we joined the dance, slowly turning in one spot in this dark room.
Even through the heartache the months had caused me without him, Emilio erased them with one soulful dance in the middle of a sea of chaos. There was nowhere I’d rather be, no one I’d rather spend the moments with, and no other man would do.
I gave a tiny prayer that it would last forever. Somehow, it had to.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Audrey
“Tell me, Miss Westing, how does it feel to have two of your songs in the Billboard’s top 100?”
The lights were blinding. I couldn’t even see the audience beyond them on the soundstage. The cameras felt like eyeballs focused on me, mirroring my face in their wide lenses. Even the teleprompter for the interviewer Barbara Stratton, a well-known anchor for the Los Angeles News, looked oppressive. I shouldn’t have agreed to do this. My stomach was in knots and I had such a late night at the New Year’s Party in Las Vegas the day before. I couldn’t even be running on two hours of sleep. I was sure to say something off before the night was over.
“It’s really surreal. Like it’s not happening to me, it’s someone else going through this…” What a generic response. I couldn’t think of anything else.
“Right. I’m sure it’s been a whirlwind for you and your band. How long have you been together?”
“Well, my sister Liv and I have been singing together since I can remember. In toddlerhood?” The audience gave a chuckle, and I grinned wide and big for them. “Saul recently joined us several months ago. We’ve been pretty tight ever since.”
“Now tell me, Audrey, did you have a feeling your album would go platinum within the first three weeks of release?”
I shook my head. “Oh, hell no. I mean…who does?”
The audience’s laughs kept me relaxed. At least I had that.
“How does it feel, being a platinum selling artist?”
I let out a long drawn out breath, my eyes rounding out to focus on the glaring lights staring me down instead of the audience’s faces. I wish I could see them, their gleaming eyes and attentive faces staring right at me, but maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t.
“It’s feels like I’m living in the best dream I’ve ever had.”
The clapping encapsulated the studio even more, and I started to feel the sweat pooling under my neck and down my spine. The heat from the spotlights was intense. I didn’t know how the people on shows did it. Thank goodness the interview ended just as fast and the lights whooshed off with a pop that made me jump. My tunnel vision surrendered me to the darkening studio, and I finally could breathe again.
Why did my nerves act this way? Such a roller coaster ride… I could never really point out how I’d end up feeling, or if I’d puke my guts all over the soundstage floor. Praying I’d make it through each interview somehow was always required.
How Liv never seemed bothered by all this was so unfair. Of course, I ended up doing most of the interviews without her and Saul for some reason. Talk about not fair.
“Liv!” I heard my name from the back corner off the stage. Heading in that direction, I spotted Saul waving me down. He wasn’t waving at me exactly, but it was close enough. The studio hand who’d led him there nodded toward me as he spoke to Saul before he turned to head back to whatever duty they were supposed to be doing instead of leading blind men around the place.
“Hey, Babe!” I grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him in for a deep kiss. It was as good as it got with this man. He was my everything. I never knew I could feel so much for a man as I did for him. He was more than amazing; there was nothing like when I was with him. He made the days and the nights whole for me in every step he took and every caress he gave to me.
“How’d it go? Sorry I was late. I got those tracks you wanted mixed. I think you should hear them now, see if you like the direction me and Random went with the new songs you and Liv wrote. They already want us to hit the studio recording the moment the tour ends, if not sooner on our breaks.”
I lifted an eyebrow, surprised at the rush of it all.
“Really? Man, we won’t even get any rest going at this break neck speed.”
Saul wrinkled his eyebrows together, looking concerned as he rubbed away at his goatee. “I thought you wanted all this—the record deals, the touring, interviews, playing to large crowds that absolutely adore you.”
I laughed, letting his embrace tighten again, warming my soul. “I did. I DO. The way this is all going so fast is just making me off balance. It’s beyond my dreams really.”
Saul tickled my earlobe with his lips and breath while he spoke. “I know things are still crazy, bu
t Jonas seems pretty satisfied with the way things are going. He’s pretty much out of the picture on the road.”
“I know. It’s not Jonas that worries me.”
He stepped away from me, and the loss of his warmth froze the air like an artic wind. I wanted his body next to mine again, but I waited as I watched him think things over.
“Liv will be okay. Time heals all sorts of things. If not, she will adjust. You’re both made strong that way.”
“I don’t know. Things are different between her and I. She doesn’t tell me a lot of things anymore. I feel like I’m watching her movie from the outside in. What if she’s doing things she shouldn’t be meddling with?”
“Like?”
I groaned, rubbing my temples as the people rushed about us for the next show. We’re forgotten, lost in the frenzy of chaos as everyone did their jobs and did their best to pretend we didn’t exist in the middle of their paths.
“I don’t know. It’s like, most days she’s just trying to get away from herself. The other night, though, she came back looking different, changed, more sober, even though she had to be blasted. Since that night, she isn’t drinking. She’s actually walking around laughing and chatting with everyone, even offered to come to this interview, but I told her no because they were only expecting me and had it all planned out.” I leaned forward. “In reality, they wanted her to come, but I didn’t trust her to not show up high as a kite.”
“So she’s on her cold turkey cycle again.”
I shook my head. “You totally have been around us way too much lately. You know us too well.” I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a cocked smile. “What else might you know that could be held against us?”
Saul laughed, stepping closer so that his nose almost touched mine. “Oh, I know everything, my love. More than anyone should…” He stroked my cheek, and the slivers of energy he emitted through that singular touch made me gasp.
“Same can be said about me.”
Saul paused, thinking about what I’d just said. “I hope so.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Liv
Something woke me in the middle of darkness. I blinked and peered around the unfamiliar room, which didn’t quite surprise me all that much. In the past few months, I’d gotten more used to waking up in strange hotel rooms, cities who’s name I couldn’t remember, and living out of a suitcase more so than ever before in my life. Every day a new place. Every morning a new view. One would think you could get used to it. I tried to act like it was nothing to me now, this moving around all the time, but I never really got used to it.
Soft snores from the warm chest I was lying on reminded me I wasn’t alone. My senses kicked in, and the scent of the only man I’ve ever truly loved filled my nostrils. It was elating, this satisfaction I could feel in my bones, still thrumming through my veins from the night before. We’d made love so many times, like we’d never get enough of one another, ever. We’d been empty for months and now were overindulging ourselves in a gluttonous rush of passion. Emilio was my drug of choice, eclipsing all others in his wake, and I drank up all I could.
Slowly peeling my body from his, he barely shifted in his sleep from my disturbance. Sore muscles protested this movement, and I rolled my neck around, feeling each and every exquisite ache. I knew what had caused these pains, and it was the one between my thighs that hurt the best. This man could turn pain into a divine pleasure I couldn’t live without.
The thought of his love caused a tingle to rise inside me, down the center of my belly and drizzling into my sex. I happily sighed, knowing soon enough he would wake and we could start it all over again. Damn be the soreness.
Slipping away toward the bathroom, I stared at my reflection. My hair was a twisted nightmare, sticking out in all directions and tangled. My makeup had worn away, leaving behind unsightly smears of eyeliner around my eyes and faint traces of lipstick staining the skin around my lips. I felt the liquor still circulating in my stomach, and a wave of nausea hit me as I pressed a hand to my eyes. I’d let myself get dehydrated, and it was going to demand payment for it.
I let the room calm its spinning before grabbing one of the plastic wrapped cups off the vanity and filling it with water. Downing it, I felt immediately better if not a bit queasy.
Partying was starting to wear on me. It was my ruse tonight to slip away to see Emilio again. I met him at the club and spent the endless night with him.
I grabbed my purse just outside the bathroom on the carpeted floor of the room. Glad I always kept a small brush and morning after essentials stuffed in there in case of an emergency, I began to work the knots out of my hair until the brush made its way through without ripping out any more hairs at the roots. I contemplated a soak as I stared longingly at the roman tub with jets in the room, but opted for a fast shower before Emilio woke up. I didn’t have anything to do my hair with me and no fresh clothes. Still, I wanted to freshen up and wipe the smoky film of nightclub off my skin.
After a quick washing, I walked back into the room and froze.
“Hello, Miss Westing.”
Random was sitting at the small breakfast table in the room while Emilio sat in only jeans at the edge of the bed. His stubble made him look tired, as did his messed up tresses. I gulped as I moved my eyes from him back to Random. What the fuck was he doing here? Shit.
“Random,” I said, giving him a nod as I tightened the towel around my body. The bastard had the gall to even eye me from head to toe in apparent admiration, if not heated underlying desire. He’d never looked at me like that in the studio. In fact, he’d hardly given me a roll of an eye in acknowledgement whenever I’d stroll in late for a recording session. I’d always thought he loathed me and had written me off as drunken starlet. The early darkened hours of morning awoke a great many things in people—primal things we denied ourselves every waking hour under the microscope of the ever discerning light. Random was showing more than he’d ever care to admit if he wasn’t high off of something right now. How did I know this? It wasn’t hard since I’d been in that very state dozens and dozens of times. It took one to know one.
Honestly, the look on his face at the moment made me want to rush back into the bathroom and lock the door behind me, that or grab my clothes and change really fast with him not in the room. It wasn’t completely vile; it was more of a curious desire that he reeked of, really. Yet, it still made me shudder.
“I see I’ve come at the most inopportune time, but I had to speak to Emilio. I didn’t know he was in town until very late last night, so I decided to give him a wakeup call. Had I known he would have such delightful company, I would’ve waited a few hours.”
“What do you want, Random?” I snapped as I reached over toward the pile of my clothes on the floor, snatching it into my hands before he could protest.
“Oh, it’s business as usual. But I’m afraid I need to adjust some particulars about it.”
“I need to get dressed.”
Random tilted his head and motioned his hand toward the restroom. “I hope I’m not holding you up. I’ve just a few more things to discuss with Emilio.”
I turned away before they could say anything further and shut the bathroom door behind me. Leaning my forehead to the door, I strained to hear anything they were talking about. Not that I cared to really know, or want to know, it’s just…the change in Random’s demeanor made my suspicions kick into overdrive, and I was now invested in the conversation. I sure as hell wanted to know what was being discussed.
Only faint murmurs made it through the door, and I cursed under my breath and tore the towel off when I realized I was better off getting dressed with a lightning speed to head back out of the bathroom if I was to get anything else out of Random. Pulling on my smoky scented clothes I’d been wearing, I tried to hold my breath. The smoke was thick last night, and it made me choke on the whiffs of it wafting off them. I sighed, seeing only a small body spray in my purse. Spritzing it on before tearing my compact
brush through my tresses again, I was done in a couple minutes flat and emerged from the room with a makeup free, but freshly scrubbed face.
My unusual appearance attracted Random’s gaze as he chatted with Emilio. His eyes watched my movements as I made my way across the room to the edge of the bed next to my love.
“Jonas may not be as involved with the record deal as I’d like, but he has eyes all over the place. I suggest you both keep a better watch over your surroundings than you’ve done recently. There’re rumors flying through the ranks of the Cartel guards posted at the studio. I’m sure you’re aware of it.”
“What rumors?” I asked. Emilio turned toward me, a stern hard look in his dark eyes that made want to shrink away, but I didn’t. I continued, avoiding his warning. “What have you heard, Random?”
Random moved his light hazel eyes between Emilio and me, silently contemplating what he was going to offer me. I wished he’d cough it up already, but a part of me didn’t want to know anything that had to do with what Jonas knew about me.
“It’s just rumors, but I heard Jonas is looking to move to the next level with you, Liv. Marrying a rock star would be good for his career.” Random watched me for a reaction, but I refused to give him one. I swallowed it down, down into my stomach where it could fester into a sickened rot.
“What sort of level do you mean?” Emilio interrupted this time, obviously stunned. I remained silent, knowing anything shocking him was not going to be good in any way.
“He’s going to ask you to marry him. I wouldn’t call it ‘asking’…really. More like telling. He’s enamored of you, Liz. I was surprised he’d jump to that already. You’ve not been together very long, have you?” He studied me further, his gaze probing at me like a dental pick.