by Harper Bliss
“Or Brooklyn could go to college in New York.” I feel so out of my depth in this conversation about this child that isn’t mine. I don’t even know that much about her—yet.
“We’ll see.” We sit at the latest additions to Bookends, a small table and two easy chairs close to the window. Hemingway’s sprawled out between us. “I’m just… I don’t know. I had this amazing weekend with you and then I come home to find my daughter in such a funk.”
“It will pass. She might miss Eve, but she has you, and her new life here. She has Jaden. And she has Hemingway.” He perks his ears up briefly at the sound of his name. My dog lying there all cute and cuddly reminds me of the adoption appeal I saw for the little dachshund last week. I pull out my phone and show Zoe the picture. “How about this? Wouldn’t that cheer her up?”
“Is that why you said I should consider adopting a dog this weekend?” Zoe asks, her gaze instantly glued to the screen because the animal is irresistible. He’s probably been adopted already.
“Yes.”
“I’m not getting my teenager a dog because her other mother leaving made her feel sad all over again.” It’s her staccato, firm voice, the one she uses when she’s very adamant about something. I can hear the city in Zoe’s tone, and I catch a glimpse of the person she was when she lived in New York.
“Pity,” I say. “You could also do it for the dog. It needs a home.”
“I just got myself a new girlfriend,” Zoe says. “I’m quite busy with her.”
“We could always go and have a look at the shelter… No pressure, of course.” I know it’s time to back off, but sometimes, when I get really passionate about something, and rescuing pets is definitely one of those things, it’s hard for me to put a sock in it. Luckily, the door opens, and I naturally stop talking.
“Hi, mija.” Zoe gets up and walks over to Brooklyn. “Come here.” She opens her arms wide, but Brooklyn looks at her as though she’d rather turn around and walk right back out of the store than give her mom a hug. My heart aches a little for Zoe.
“Mom, come on,” Brooklyn says.
Hemingway, who is very adept at spotting stress in humans, gets up and walks over to her. He gently pushes his snout against Brooklyn’s leg. She responds very differently to Hemingway’s affection and crouches immediately to give him an elaborate petting.
If only my glance could convey to Zoe what dogs can mean to people. I can’t imagine my life without Hemingway. Without his constant presence and his goofiness and the unconditional love in his eyes. I can’t imagine not taking care of him, a routine that has helped me through many an off day.
“Do you want to take him for a walk?” I ask.
“Can I?” Brooklyn eyes me suspiciously.
“Of course.” I try to sound confident, because I don’t like to leave Hemingway in the care of other people. But Brooklyn is Zoe’s daughter. I trust Zoe. And Brooklyn’s obviously besotted with Hemingway.
She looks at her mother and, as she does, I can see the little girl in her. I’ve been thinking of Brooklyn as a young woman already, but I see now that she’s still a girl, helpless at times. A girl who needs her mothers.
“Why don’t you walk him over to Jaden’s?” Zoe says. “Ask him to walk you home.”
“When should I be back?” Brooklyn asks me.
“Looks like I’ll be here a while.”
“Before closing time,” Zoe says firmly.
A customer comes into the store and while Zoe focuses her attention on the woman, I take Hemingway and Brooklyn outside. I snap on his leash because I don’t want her walking him without it.
“He’s usually very well-behaved,” I say. “But don’t text and walk.” I sound so silly when I say it. “Enjoy his company.”
“Thanks, Anna.” Brooklyn beams me a carbon copy of her mother’s smile. She doesn’t start walking immediately. “I—I talked about you in art class today.”
I arch up my eyebrows.
“About your paintings. How they’re unlike any paintings I’ve ever seen before. The teacher asked me which techniques you use.”
“Techniques?” I say. “I just paint.”
“Do, um, do you think you could show me some time?”
“Show you how I paint?”
Brooklyn nods. Hemingway starts pulling on his leash. Now that he’s outside, he wants his walk to start.
“Um,” I say, while my mind whirs. I have no idea how to show Brooklyn how I paint. I do it without thinking. I can’t bear the thought of having someone in my studio while I work. Despite all of this, I say, “Sure.” Because Brooklyn needs the kind of cheering up a walk with my dog can’t provide—and it doesn’t sound as though Zoe will be adopting that cute little sausage dog any time soon. “Any time.” I am her mother’s new girlfriend, after all.
“Thanks.” She gives me a quick wave as she bounds after Hemingway.
When I head back inside, Zoe is still busy with the customer. This gives me some time to process the exchange I just had with Brooklyn. I wonder who her art teacher is. Jamie should know. I make a mental note to ask him on Friday.
Then my brain starts making up excuses to give Brooklyn as to why I won’t be able to keep my promise. But then I look at Zoe, and memories of the weekend flood my brain. Zoe comes with a daughter, there’s no two ways about that. A daughter that I will need to like me. Maybe this is how I can get closer with Brooklyn, because not finding a way in with her, which would be my default choice, is not an option.
“Maybe,” Zoe says, after the customer has left and I’ve told her what Brooklyn asked me, “she’ll get over Eve leaving in no time.”
12
Zoe
“They’re in Anna’s studio,” I say to Janet. “Right now, as we speak.”
“Things are progressing swiftly.” She smiles at me. “Truth be told, it was quite the shock to not see Anna at lunch last Sunday. She’s always there. Always. Sam hardly knew what to do with himself because of her absence.”
“Yes, well, we were busy.”
“Hm,” Janet says. “I bet you were.”
“Of all the things I thought would happen to me when I moved to Donovan Grove, I never thought I’d fall in love,” I say. “I don’t know why. It wasn’t very high on my list of priorities. I just wanted to build a new kind of life for Brooklyn and me. Integrate ourselves into the fabric of the town a little bit. Take it easy and have lots of heart-to-heart talks with my daughter.” I chuckle. “That was my first mistake, of course. What with her being fifteen.”
“She is such a lovely girl for a fifteen-year-old, though, Zoe. I couldn’t have hoped for a better first serious girlfriend for my son.”
“I just keep wondering if she asked Anna to spend time with her for her own benefit or because of me. Because she wants to get to know Anna better for my sake.” I think I’m beginning to understand what it feels like for Anna when she says something is hard for her to process. That her brain needs more time to fully absorb it.
“Maybe it’s a bit of both,” Janet says. “If she’s truly interested in art and painting specifically, she might as well ask Anna.”
“I’m not sure about that. Yes, Anna is a genius painter, but I’m not sure if she’s also a good teacher.”
“No one forced her to do it.”
“I think Brooklyn might have forced her hand a little.”
“This is good for Anna, too, you know.”
“You sound very convinced.”
“I’m always telling Jamie that she could benefit from a small kick in the behind at times. Meeting you has most certainly given her that.”
I chuckle at the image I see appear in my mind. Then my mind gets pulled back to the sensation of Anna’s hands on my behind. I need to organize a sleepover for Brooklyn soon, so I can spend the entire night at Anna’s again. But Brooklyn hasn’t mentioned many girlfriends she might want to have some girlie time with yet, and I’m sure as hell not going to let her stay over at Jamie and Janet’s—and
Jaden’s—yet.
“It was nice to meet Eve,” Janet says, when I haven’t spoken for a while.
“Was it?”
“Yeah. It’s good to have the full picture. She’s very… sure of herself.”
“That’s an understatement.” I offer a small smile.
“She’s a beautiful woman. I could most certainly see the appeal. So could Jamie, by the way.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t see Eve in that way anymore. Once you’ve gone through a divorce with someone, it changes your perception of them forever.”
“Was it amicable?”
“As amicable as it could be, for Brooklyn’s sake. She was only ten at the time. And before you ask, it was Eve who left.”
“Would you have rather she’d stayed?” Janet’s not shy with the questions tonight—she never is.
I huff out some air. “I understand you have questions, Janet, but I really don’t feel like talking about my ex-wife any longer. She hurt me, but in the end, it was good that we separated. Eve always had this kind of frenetic, relentless city energy about her, a vibe she could never shake. Like it was impossible for her to fully relax. It took me a long time to shake it after the divorce. It was one reason why I wanted to move to a place like this, where life happens at a different speed.”
Janet nods and leaves a pause. “That explains why you would fall for someone like Anna. From what I’ve seen, Anna and Eve couldn’t be more different.”
“They are very different, yet… there are some similarities, I guess. Anna can be very focused on herself, with her routines and rituals and rules. Eve’s self-centered as well, but in a different way. She honestly gave me a bunch of reasons and debated with me why moving to Shanghai was not a selfish a thing to do.”
“When I had her alone, when she and Brooklyn came over…” Janet leans over the table. “I tried to ask her what her motivation was to move abroad and leave her child. Not in those words, of course. I can’t even imagine not seeing my boys for longer than a weekend.”
“She fell in love. She won’t admit it, but I’m sure she followed some woman to Shanghai and that’s why she left earlier than planned.”
“But still. You’re in love with Anna. You wouldn’t leave Brooklyn behind to move to the other side of the world with her.”
“Not in a million years.” It sounds a bit harsh toward Anna, but my child will always come first. “Anna’s just so…” I feel like I have to say something nice about her, especially because Janet isn’t Anna’s biggest fan. “Gentle’s not the right word. Thoughtful. Patient. Loving.” When I put it like that, I’m not sure why I was worried when Brooklyn invited herself into Anna’s studio. Because Anna is all these things. She and Brooklyn will be just fine.
“I’m really happy for you, Zoe. For Anna as well,” Janet says. “She’s my sister-in-law. I want the best for her. Jamie’s practically beside himself with happiness now that you and Anna are together. And that she’s seeing this therapist.”
“It’s made a world of difference already. I don’t even know Anna that well yet, you know, in the grand scheme of things, but even I can see that. She has more confidence. She’s more outgoing. Some days, I can barely get her out of the store.”
“I believe that’s called being in love.” Janet bats her lashes at me. “Speaking of… Have you had the question from your offspring? Because I have.”
“What question?” I’m trying to imagine Brooklyn and Anna in her studio together and I still can’t picture it.
“Jaden has asked me if Brooklyn can spend the night.”
My eyes grow wide. “You’re kidding.”
“He did add that she would sleep in the guest room, but I can read between the lines.”
“What did you say?”
“That I had to talk about it with you.”
“Dios mio.” I shake my head. “Brooklyn will be sixteen in a few months. It’s not something we can stop. For all we know, they’re already at it. Remember how we were when we were sixteen?”
“But still,” Janet says on a sigh. “I want to be the kind of mother who understands this stuff and is open to her children about it, because that’s how we raised them. But when push comes to shove, these decisions are hard.”
“They are hard.” I’m so grateful for Janet in that moment. Brooklyn could have fallen for another boy with a mother who would not want to discuss this so openly. Janet and I get to have this chat while we’re sharing a bottle of wine. “But we can only do what we can. Tell them plenty of times that we’re always available to them if they have any questions or issues.”
“Just to be clear, when Brooklyn does end up staying at our house, she will be sleeping in the guest room and either I or Jamie will be keeping guard outside their doors.” She chuckles.
I laugh with her to break the tension. “Should we talk about protection with them again?”
“It can’t hurt to repeat ourselves, but I can imagine how Jaden’s going to roll his eyes at me.”
“Have you… given him condoms?”
“Jamie has.”
“Good.” I top up our wine glasses. “I really need to have Jaden over for dinner again. I feel like Brooklyn’s always over at your place.”
“We really don’t mind, Zoe. It’s not a quid pro quo.” She smiles at me. “And I’d rather they be at our house instead of upstairs at yours, while you’re downstairs in the store.”
“I’d find an excuse to go upstairs every five minutes or so.”
“God, we’re walking mothers-of-teenagers clichés,” Janet says.
I hold up my glass. “Walking, wine-drinking clichés,” I say.
“But it will all be fine.” She raises her glass as well.
“It will be,” I say, and I believe it, because I have to.
13
Anna
Because I don’t want my dog’s fur to be all colors of the rainbow, I taught Hemingway to stay out of my painting studio, but tonight, I wish he was here with me for emotional support.
“You’ve done another one of Mom,” Brooklyn says as she gravitates toward the one painting of Zoe I’ve left on display. I’ve finished about a dozen more, but I managed to stack them in the attic. I’ve also hidden the one of Jaden that Zoe wants to give Brooklyn for her birthday. “Wow, Anna. It’s so beautiful. How do you get the colors to pop like that?”
“I mix the paint until it’s the exact color I see in my head.” There’s a reason I have never for one second of my life considered going into teaching.
“Has Mom seen this? She’ll go apeshit over it.” She smirks at me. “Surely you’ve noticed she loves admiring pictures of herself.” She giggles.
I laugh, because it’s true, and it’s funny when Brooklyn says something like that about her mother.
“Ooh.” Brooklyn has noticed another painting I’ve recently finished. “Who’s this?”
“A dog I’m thinking of adopting,” I say.
“Aw, he’s so cute.”
I’m not sure why I said that. Probably because it’s true. The other day, when I tried talking Zoe into adopting the little dachshund from the shelter, maybe I was trying to talk myself into it.
“Are you going to do it?” She looks at me expectantly.
“I’d need to meet him first. See if we click.”
“Can I go with you when you go see him?” Brooklyn asks.
It’s my turn to giggle nervously. “I would really need to check that with your mom.”
“I’ve always wanted a dog, but I also understand why Mom doesn’t want one. I bet Hemingway would like a brother or sister, though.” I haven’t spent that much time with Brooklyn and now that I am, it strikes me that, from certain angles, like now, she looks just like her mother.
“Maybe the three of us could go together,” I say, hoping I didn’t just get myself into a world of trouble with Zoe.
“That would be amazing. Mom might have a fit, but I know she adores Hemingway, so maybe she won’t.” Brooklyn s
eems to have inherited her mother’s confidence, because there’s no shyness or any other hint of intimidation in the smile she shoots me—not that there should be. It seems so easy for her, and she’s still so young. If I wasn’t suffering from shyness and feeling a touch intimidated myself, I’d ask her where she gets such self-esteem at such a young age. But it’s obvious that she gets it from her mother, and from the times she has grown up in. Or maybe it’s all a front. I have no way of knowing.
“Are you okay, Anna?” she asks now.
I spaced out for a second there. It happens. “Yeah. Sure. We’ll see what your mom has to say later, okay? Just… try not to get your hopes up too high.” I do my very best to sound conversational although, most days, I have no idea what that would actually sound like.
“Can I ask you something personal?” Brooklyn fixes her gaze on me. She doesn’t appear to be as interested in painting as I thought she would be.
“Shoot.” Oh no, I groan on the inside.
“You’re just… I don’t know. I don’t want to sound offensive, but you’re totally not what I imagine when I think of someone neurodiverse.”
This is Zoe’s daughter, so I have to do my very best to not go on the defensive. She’s just a child with questions.
“What do you imagine?” I draw up two stools from under a nearby table so we can sit.
“Someone much more awkward, I guess. Much more difficult to be around. Not the kind of person my mom would fall in love with.”
I wish I could press an alarm button that would notify Zoe that it’s time to come and get her daughter.
“I don’t mean that in a bad way, Anna,” Brooklyn says. “I think you’re great, but, if Jaden hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t even have known.”
“You can’t always see what a person is like on the inside from the outside.”
Brooklyn sighs. “Tell me about it.”
“Do you sometimes feel like you need to hide how you’re truly feeling inside?” I always think I have no special gifts, and I really don’t, but I do excel in the art of conversational deflection. Decades of practice have turned it into one of my most useful skills.