Stacie stared down to the table. Tears dropped onto her abandoned plate and she forced herself to continue. “He started calling me names, whore, slut, bitch. I couldn’t defend myself, I felt so weak. Then I remember hearing the bedroom door open. I saw Graham. I thought he’d come to rescue me. I thought he’d pull his friend off me and punch him, or something. Instead he stood there watching with his other mate. They were laughing and calling me names, encouraging him to rape me. Then he pulled out and I thought it was over, but he moved up and knelt over my chest. He jerked himself off for a few seconds then came all over my face. He climbed off and they were all laughing at me. I pulled the gag out. I felt I was about to throw up, but I had to get past them to get to the bathroom. They made me squeeze past them, making cheering noises as I passed. Graham grabbed my breast and the other one slapped my bottom.”
She scrubbed her tears from her face. “I went to the toilet and was violently sick.”
Dan moved round the table and stood next to her, pulling her to him where she sat. He stroked her hair as she nestled into his abdomen, her arms curving round his back.
“Abominable. There is no other word for it.”
Stacie closed her eyes and snuggled into him, feeling his warmth, and the rise and fall of his torso as he breathed. He bent over to kiss her hair and stroked her back with one hand. Tears streamed down her face and she let out a shuddering breath of release.
“He was a bastard, a man who didn’t appreciate something so special.”
“I know that now. It’s taken me all this time to realise it. Just telling you about that night has made me see what I suffered. I was so vulnerable and I was an idiot for putting up with it for so long.”
Dan dropped down to kneel on the floor next to her, lifting her chin to make eye contact. “You cannot blame yourself—he had you brainwashed. They all should be locked up and hung by their balls. Men like that make our society criminal. You’re brave, and haven’t anything to be ashamed of, nothing in the slightest. My God, Stacie, to think you have gone through all that and you are still here. He was lazy and a coward, relying on you to do everything and then—bloody hell—to allow his mate to rape you while he watched. He was sick and evil.”
Compassion glowed from his eyes and Stacie bowed her head.
“And he didn’t just work his evil on you, but also your family. I cannot believe your mother’s reaction. He controlled you utterly and made you afraid of everything.”
“That’s what he was good at, he had me captured, a player in his sadistic, vindictive game. The worst thing is that he’s probably still up to his tricks with some other woman.”
“But you saw sense and for that you need a bravery award. You are the bravest woman I have ever come across and you deserve my full respect.”
“I’m hardly brave.”
“No, you listen to me. What you have been through and what other women are going through needs to be recognised. Women aren’t servants, you aren’t here to be at a man’s beck and call, you should to be treated with respect. We live in a new century and men who treat women like that should be made to change their ways.” He dragged his chair round close to Stacie’s and sat in it so their knees touched. He took both her hands in his. “You’re amazing, Stacie, you truly are. You should be proud of what you managed to do to get yourself out, not ashamed of the circumstances that caused it. I would imagine it’s probably the hardest thing you had ever had to do. I gather there are no children?”
“No,” she whispered. “But there nearly was. He beat me again and I lost it.”
Dan’s head dropped and he could not look at her. After a minute, a tear dropped to their joined hands. “I have no words. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through,” he said finally, looking up, his eyes red-rimmed.
Stacie felt a sudden surge of rage against Graham blacker than she had ever felt. Why didn’t she see the signs before? Why had she left it so long? She should have gone after that first beating.
After a while Stacie raised her head and looked into his sad brown eyes. “I’m sorry. I never meant to burden you with all this.”
“Don’t ever apologise. I’m humbled you have told me. You deserve something in return. I could lose my job over this, but you deserve nothing less than total respect and honesty.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“I want to. I believe I can trust you, and I want you to trust me. He robbed you of your confidence and for you to come back from that at all shows me what type of person you are. I think you’re the bravest person I have ever met and it deserves to be recognised.”
“I didn’t tell you for sympathy.”
“I know. You told me because you needed to talk about it. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger.”
He poured them both a fresh glass of wine. Stacie took a sip of hers, then jumped up.
“If you’ve finished, I’ll just clear away these dishes,” Stacie said, unsure where to take the conversation next.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll do it,” Dan insisted, taking her plate out of her hand.
Stacie watched him for a second before standing up to go to the bathroom.
Stacie wetted a tissue and scrubbed at the mascara stains under her eyes. She looked a mess. Dan was an enigma. One minute he seemed like a typical selfish man with all his talk about just wanting sex with no commitment, the next he was kind and considerate, holding her and listening as she sobbed her heart out over Graham. But then maybe he was just a normal young man having fun with his life, and her sense of what was normal had been warped by her experiences with Graham. Weren’t all young men sexually selfish to some degree? Was it selfish to not want to settle down too young? And what right did she have to judge his choices anyway?
What did he want to tell her? She was eager to find out more about him, especially as it was forbidden. But what was the point, if there was no possible chance of a relationship or even friendship at the end of the weekend? At least she’d had an opportunity to talk to someone about Graham, although that wasn't why she’d come. Or maybe it was. She’d come here to regain her confidence sexually, and maybe talking about what had caused her to lose that confidence was part of it. Poor Dan—he hadn’t signed up to be a counsellor.
Chapter Five
Stacie headed back into the bedroom. Dan had moved to the bed, lying back against the plumped-up pillows with his glass in his hand. She saw he’d put hers on the bedside table on the other side. She climbed on the bed to sit next to him, and picked up her own glass.
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Stacie tried hard to stop her relief from showing on her face. “You don’t need to tell me.”
“I want to tell you. My day job is IT support and computer repair. It’s not very interesting. I do this job for some fun extra cash. I do enjoy it, although it has its moments like any job. And when I’m not working I hang out with my mates, play football, and drive my car. That’s all. I’m quite dull really.”
They sat on the bed talking. Dan regaled her with stories about his childhood, school-days and university. Stacie listened avidly.
“At university, I had an alter ego called The Yellow Ninja. The only person who knew it was me was a friend,” he said.
“And what did The Yellow Ninja do?”
“Basically, The Yellow Ninja would go places he wasn’t supposed to, and my friend would take a picture of me in these places and then we’d post it on my website,” Dan said, a smile cracking his face. “It all started when my friend bet me I couldn’t climb onto a roof. I didn’t want to get caught, so I borrowed a costume from the drama department when they’d done some mad play with a custard monster in it. So there was me dressed in yellow trousers and a yellow jumper wearing a yellow balaclava doing The Thinker on the drama studio roof. My mate posted it on the SU website and it went viral. Everyone was sharing it and the university management went ballistic. They demanded to know who it was and of course no one knew. I
thought it’d be funny to take a few more pictures of The Yellow Ninja in a few more places and it really took off. I created a website and I started to get issued with challenges.”
“What do you mean, challenges?”
“Well, one time someone wanted me to gatecrash their lecture so I dressed up and ran screaming through the lecture hall. I have pictures of me pretty much everywhere in that university I wasn't supposed to be.”
“What was the scariest one?”
“Breaking into the Vice-Chancellor’s office,” Dan said promptly. “That was pretty cool though—I got a picture of me lounging at his desk doing a thumbs-up.”
“And they never caught you?”
“Nope. The Yellow Ninja was a legend. And to this day no one knows who he was, except me and my mate. And now you.”
“That’s pretty awesome.” Stacie shook her head in admiration. “The maddest thing I ever did in university was get absolutely rat-arsed one night, roll up to lectures the next day still drunk and fall asleep on the desk.”
“This one time…” Dan glanced at her, then stopped.
“What?”
He pulled a face. “You might not approve.”
“Try me.”
“Okay, well this one time, someone put a challenge on the website, if I managed to break into a certain place at a certain time, this girl would suck my cock.”
“And did you?”
“Hell, yes.”
“And did she?”
“Oh yeah!”
“And she never knew who you were?”
“Nope. I was fully masked the entire time.” He sighed. “Good times.”
Stacie’s childhood had been mixed. Her mother had left her father, which had naturally caused upheaval within the family. Stacie missed her father tremendously and would have preferred to live with him, but it would have broken her mother’s heart. She did get to see him at weekends, but her mother made it difficult. Then her mother found a new partner, Ray. He was okay but Stacie never allowed Ray to replace her father, which made things awkward with her mum, who wanted them all to play happy families together.
She never really got on with her sister, Samantha. They seemed to be always fighting, causing bad atmospheres in the home. Samantha fawned over their mother, and could never do anything wrong in her eyes. But it was all show and Mum fell for it. Samantha was mercenary, constantly after her mother’s money. Stacie distanced herself from the two of them. Better to let them sort it out between them. Once she met Graham, her relationship with her mum improved and she helped Stacie to organise the wedding and decorate the house. But then, once Stacie left Graham, it all changed for the worse again. She was lucky if she heard from her mum once a month. And even then, it was usually only if something was wrong.
Her father remarried and had another child. Stacie was devastated. How could he replace her so easily? Bitterly disappointed by both her parents, Stacie resolved to get on with her life and do what made her happy. She learned how to fake it, to make nice and smile for family occasions, but for the most part, she would rather have nothing to do with any of them.
Dan made her feel real again. With him, Stacie could be herself, her real self, not the fake Stacie that laughed at other people’s jokes but didn’t really care.
She’d always had difficulty making new friends. Taking that first step was nerve-wracking, then she struggled to trust enough to allow them get close enough to be a true friend. Most of the time, it simply wasn’t worth the hassle, especially with Graham demanding to know why she needed friends anyway. But with Dan, it was easy. She didn’t have to try. It just…happened. And he made her feel safe.
“Do you fancy getting some food? I’m starving,” he said.
“More food? But we’ve only just had dinner.”
“Dinner was three hours ago.”
Stacie looked at the clock, startled. Had they really been talking for that long?
“Just have a snack. Let me show you downstairs.”
“Downstairs?” Stacie began to panic. What might she see downstairs? Would there be other people? The thought of leaving their haven was disconcerting.
“It’s okay.” Dan had accurately read her expression. “If you see anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, we’ll come back up again. Promise.”
Dan opened his wardrobe and pulled out a tuxedo. When she’d packed to come here, Stacie had thought they might go out to eat, so she’d put in a nice dress. When they’d ordered room service, she hadn’t bothered to get changed, but she was glad she’d packed it now. She hadn’t realised it would be quite so formal. She watched him get dressed, eating him up with her eyes. She’d rather have him than more food, but she was curious to see downstairs. She could have him later.
“How do I look?” he asked, posing in his tux.
“Awful. I think you should just take it all off.”
She giggled and he grinned. “Maybe later.” He gave her a wink and her stomach lurched. God, she could just jump on him. Later, she reminded herself sternly. She pulled her dress out of the wardrobe where’d she’d hung it and went into the bathroom. She quickly freshened her makeup and pulled the dress on, running a brush through her hair and twisting it up in a fountain before coming back out.
“You look nice,” he said as she twirled for him.
“Thank you.”
“Shall we?” He held out his arm and she took it.
They walked down the corridor toward the staircase. She could almost pretend they were a proper couple, in a nice hotel somewhere, walking down to the restaurant.
Until, that is, they passed a couple walking up the stairs in PVC fetishwear. You wouldn’t see that in a posh hotel. Stacie tried not to stare. They smiled at her pleasantly as they passed, and she managed a smile back. Stacie turned her head to watch them as they walked down the corridor.
“You’re staring,” Dan murmured to her.
“Sorry.” Stacie’s head spun back to face front and they headed down the stairs.
She was surprised to see a gang of people all dressed in cowboy and cowgirl outfits in the reception area. She’d never seen this place so busy. Dan guided her round the edge of the crowd, but Stacie resisted.
“Can you just wait for me here,” she said, turning to him. “I just need to speak to reception about something.”
His eyebrows rose in query, but all he said was, “Sure.” He sat down on one of the leather sofas and waited. Stacie took a deep breath to calm her nerves before proceeding through the crowd, trying to get to reception. Someone grabbed her bottom and she whirled around to see who it was, but there were so many men around her it could have been any one of them. Certainly no one was owning up. Huffing, she turned back and continued fighting her way through, trying to be polite. By dint of much excusing herself, and finally just shoving, she finally made it to the desk.
There were a number of people waiting to speak to the swamped receptionists. Stacie attempted to wait patiently, tapping her feet and silently urging them to hurry up so she could get back to Dan. She glanced around the area, for the first time noticing how revealing the outfits were. One girl had more material in her hat than in her outfit.
She felt a hand on her bottom and a voice in her right ear. “That’s a very sexy dress you’re wearing.” The hand gave her rear end a slap and she bristled. “Which party are you from?” the voice asked.
Stacie turned her head to her right, seeing a leering young man dressed as a cowboy. “I’m not with a party.” She reached behind herself and removed his hand from her backside.
“That’s a serious shame. I could imagine you and me having so much fun,” he said to her cleavage.
“Well, you just keep imagining, as it won’t be happening. Excuse me!” she called to the receptionist, wanting to get away from these people, before any more of them got any ideas. She moved around the desk, doing everything to get the receptionists’ attention, barging her way to the other side.
“Sorry, can I help?
” asked the receptionist, arching her brows at Stacie.
“Yes, I hope so. Can you tell me if Dan is available tomorrow afternoon and evening?”
“Let me have a look,” she replied. Stacie watched her pressing a few buttons on the keyboard. “Can I have your code, please?” she asked. Stacie gave it to her. “You are with him now?”
“Yes.”
“I will have to contact him,” she said, looking up at Stacie.
“What, right now?” she asked.
“Yes, just to make sure he has no plans.”
“Oh.” Stacie wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t want Dan to know she was considering booking him again. Not yet anyway. “It doesn’t matter,” Stacie said and turned to fight her way back through the crowd.
She arrived back to where Dan was waiting.
“All done?” he asked, standing up as she approached.
“Yes.”
“What did you want to speak to them about?”
“Nothing exciting,” she replied. “Shall we go?”
Dan led her round the crowd and down a corridor she hadn’t been down yet. A discreet plaque on the double doors at the end proclaimed it to be the restaurant. Stacie peered curiously round the door as Dan swung it open for her, but saw nothing but smartly dressed diners dotted around the room. Dan smiled at the look on her face.
“Disappointed?”
“Not at all.” Liar, Stacie told herself. Come on, you wanted to see something a little spicy.
“This restaurant is mainstream. There are others where you might see something a little more…interesting. But I thought you’d prefer it here. I ordered while you were in the bathroom. I didn’t know what you wanted so I just ordered a selection of starters for us to share.”
A girl wearing a tiny waitress’s uniform came forward to greet them. As she turned to lead them to their table, Stacie could see her frilly white panties peeking out from underneath her barely-there skirt. Suspenders held up fishnet stockings, and she wore impossibly high heels on her feet. She and Dan exchanged pleasantries and her rippling laugh grated on Stacie’s nerves. They’d only been seated a couple of minutes before she was back with a trolley laden with plates and another bottle of wine.
Desires Page 11