I screamed. “Bryce! Stop! No!”
Rick recovered quickly and barrelled into Bryce’s stomach, with his head down and his arms wrapped around Bryce’s waist in an attempt to take him to ground.
I screamed again.
Rick was obviously no match for Bryce, not only in size but in combat, self-defence and fighting skills, because Bryce was able to get Rick in a head lock and subdue him gently, slowly squeezing the air out of him.
I tried to stand up, putting pressure on my foot and forgetting momentarily that I had a broken leg. I cried out in pain.
“Alexis!” Bryce let go of Rick—who fell to the floor—and dashed over to me. “Shit! Are you okay?”
“No!” I screamed at him, now in a considerable world of pain. “I’m not fucking okay. I’m not okay at all.”
Rick was on his hands and knees coughing, attempting to get his breath back.
Bryce didn’t even look over at him. Instead, his eyes were on mine. “What can I do, Hunny?” His voice had softened and it was laced with regret and concern.
“Nothing! You’ve done enough.” I turned to look at Rick. “Rick, are you okay?”
“Yes,” he spluttered.
“Good. I think you should leave.”
He looked up at me, registering that I just wanted him to go. “Fine, I’ll ring Maryann and Graeme and tell them I’m coming to get the kids. Don’t worry about them. Like I said, that’s the least I can do.”
Bryce looked at Rick then back to me, suddenly comprehending that the encounter he walked in on was about Nate and Charli, nothing else.
He dropped his head. “Fuck! I’m sorr—”
I cut him off. “Don’t.”
Rick got up. “I’ll let myself out.” He stopped mid-way to the door. “Alexis, again, I’m sorry for your loss.”
I looked up at him and nodded. “Can you get the kids to FaceTime me? I really need to see their faces.”
“Sure, not a problem,” he replied, then he left.
I started crying again, then quickly reeled myself in, shuffling up to reach my crutches. Bryce snatched them away.
“Give them back,” I hissed.
“No. Where do you want to go? I’ll take you,” he pleaded.
“No, you won’t. I just want to be alone.”
“Hunny, I’m sorry. I just saw you both together hugging, and you were crying, and I fucking lost it. I thought you were both—”
“I know what you thought, Bryce. And if you had given me a chance I would’ve explained.” I tried to push myself up to a standing position, but he dropped to his knees in front of me and placed his hands on my hips, holding me down.
He surrendered and slumped his head onto my lap. “I thought Rick was grieving the loss of my baby like it was his. He has no right to grieve what I lost.”
He broke at that moment and sobbed into my lap. Lucy said he’d break at some point, this must be it.
“Oh, Bryce.” I placed my hands in his hair, and his hands slid to my arse gripping it tightly and hugging me like he would never let go.
We stayed like that for minutes. I let him cry and I cried along with him.
***
Bryce and I once again took long uninterrupted hours to comfort each other. We promised we would be honest and upfront with one another about what we were feeling and why we were feeling it. This assurance alone seemed to help with our grieving and healing process. Although we did kind of keep our distance from each other for most of the day, Bryce spending time between his office and the kitchen, while I read my book in between taking long gazes out across the skyline of the city of Melbourne.
I decided I would ring Mum as she had texted me numerous times since heading back to Shepparton. I knew she was worried about me—she was a mum, of course she was worried—so I figured I’d better ease her mind with a phone call.
“Hi, Mum.”
“How are you coping?” she asked, without delay.
I sipped the cup of tea Bryce had made me prior to ringing her. “I’m doing okay, Mum. More so if I don’t think about it. I know that’s not a healthy approach, but it’s working for me at the moment, so I’m sticking with it.”
“As long as you don’t bury what needs repair, Alexis. Life’s problems cannot be resolved if they are buried. We bury what is finished, obsolete. We bury what we cannot restore. Grief can be overcome. It can be addressed and alleviated. Remember that.”
“I’m not burying anything, Mum. Bryce and I have talked, and I know I have you, Jen and my friends if I need you. I just don’t right now. I’m coping; life goes on. What has happened cannot be reversed. Moving forward is my only option.”
“Okay, Sweetheart. How is Bryce coping?”
Mum knew when to let things go.
“Clearly he is devastated.” I paused for the smallest of seconds. “I have decided to try again, Mum, but I haven’t told him yet. I’ll tell him when the time is right.”
“Are you sure, Alexis?” She sounded neither enthusiastic nor apprehensive.
“I want to give him a child, Mum. He deserves a child of his own.” I sipped my tea, which was now lukewarm.
“Answer me honestly. Are you trying to give Bryce another baby because you feel guilty and responsible for losing the one you had?”
I replied in a calm voice. “No, Mum, I am not doing this out of guilt. I’m doing it because I want to. I want another baby. I want Bryce’s baby.” I took in a breath and let it out slowly. “Being pregnant again felt so good, so right. At first I was hesitant about having another child, but I grew to love the idea. Knowing that I was going to hold another baby that I created filled me with so much joy and happiness. I desperately want that back, so I am going to get it back. Why? Because I can and because I want to.”
I heard her sigh down the phone, but it wasn’t a bad sigh. I think it was a content sigh.
“Very well, Darling. I just want you to be happy.”
“Don’t worry, Mum. I will be, eventually.”
I hung up from Mum after having a quick word to the kids. Apparently Nate had helped Dad deliver a calf.
Dad was overly proud.
Nate said he never wanted to do it again.
And Charlie cemented the fact that she definitely did not want to be a veterinarian anymore.
I smiled at the thought of my kids witnessing and participating in a Blaxlo farming right-of-passage, then dialled Carls’ number.
“What up, Duffy?” she answered, with a playful carefree tone.
I dropped my head. Strangely enough I did not feel sad at her pregnant stab. This was Carls, after all, and she was renowned for putting her foot in it.
“Not up the duff anymore, Hun. I lost the baby,” I said sadly, but not sadly enough to make her feel bad. I didn’t want to make her feel bad. Carls was Carls and I loved her just the way she was.
There was silence on the other end then I swear I heard her sob.
“Carls? You there?”
“Uh huh,” she said.
“You alright?” I asked.
She scoffed then sniffed her nose. “I just shamefully make a joke about you being pregnant when you’re no longer pregnant, and you ask me if I’m alright? What’s fucking wrong with this picture?” She sounded angry with herself.
“Carls, how were you to know?”
“It’s doesn’t matter,” she sulked. “I’m a bitch, a horrible best friend.”
“You are not...well...you are a bitch, but you are definitely not a horrible best friend.”
“Yeah, well...I disagree. So what happened, Lex? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Sure. There’s not too much to say really. I fell down the stairs, broke my ankle and miscarried,” I explained, weakly.
“Geezus, fuck! When did this happen?”
“Monday, just past. I was in hospital pretty much all last week.”
“Right. I’m coming over there.”
“No. I actually just want to be with Bryce, Carls. But
thank you.”
“Oh, poor Bryce. He was really looking forward to being a dad. How is he?”
“He’s coping. Anyway, Hun, as you can imagine, I need to call a few people, and next on my list is Tash. I will need a moment to prepare myself, so I better get going.”
Carls laughed, mildly. “I understand. Okay, if you need me for anything, please call. I love you, you know.”
“I do know. I love you too. Bye.”
I hung up and wiped a tear from my eye. Carly Josephine Henkley never cried.
I realised I was just a bit too emotional to call Tash after calling Mum and Carls, so I decided I would ring her later after I had gathered some semblance of composure.
I propped myself up on my crutches and hopped back into the kitchen where Bryce was cooking something that smelled insanely fucking good. Twitching my nose like a sniffer dog, I sat myself down on the stool at the bench.
“How did it go?” he asked while stirring a pot. Man, he makes cooking look damn sexy.
“Sorry? Oh, two down, one to go. I figured I needed to brace myself before calling Tash. I will do it after dinner.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” he agreed.
“What are you cooking?” I extended my upper body so that I could peek into the pot.
“Well, I know you like Thai food, so I thought I would try a Massaman Curry with Coconut Rice.”
“Is this your way of saying sorry for earlier?” I probed.
“Hunny, my methods of apology normally involve you moaning. This is an alternative.”
I sniffed in a big breath and licked my lips. “Oh, trust me, I’m pretty sure that will make me moan.”
His eye twitched and I smiled.
As we sat down to eat dinner, the buzzer to the door sounded. Bryce got up and answered it, letting Samantha into the penthouse. She was holding an enormous bunch of flowers.
“Hi, Alexis. These came for you just now.”
“Oh.” I manoeuvred my chair backward, so that they would fit on my lap.
She handed them over. “I’ll get going, I don’t mean to interrupt. And, Alexis, I’m very sorry for what happened to you.” She smiled sheepishly and quickly made her way to the door. Bryce let her out.
By the time he made his way back, I had found the card:
I’m so sorry, Lexi.
Am I still a bitch? - Carls ♥
I smiled, replaced the card back into the bouquet and sniffed the pink roses.
“Who are the flowers from?”
“Carls,” I replied while reaching into my pocket for my phone. I pulled it out and typed her one word in response:
No - Lexi ♥
After dinner, I called Tash. She had been angry, sad, quiet, shocked, sad again, and eventually numb. I’d run through all those emotions again with her, feeling her deep sincerity at my loss. We cried together, and she insisted on coming to see me. But again, like I had with Carls, I informed Tash that I just wanted time with Bryce. She reluctantly respected my decision, but made me promise that when I was ready for visitors to let her know.
I promised her I would.
After hanging up from Tash I sat on my own in silence, allowing my mind to filter in and out of my current environment, therefore granting more memories of my fall to present themselves for deliberation. I couldn’t erase the visions, and as a result I couldn’t shake the feeling of something sinister being involved in the whole ordeal.
At first, I thought it was my mind’s natural defence mechanism kicking in, reassuring me once again that I was not to blame and instead something or someone else was. But the more vivid the feelings and senses became, the more I felt they were not a result of my guilty conscience. Instead they were more the result of a physical warning—an alarm even.
I couldn’t fathom what they really meant, so I just pushed them back into my mind.
***
The following day Bryce and I went for a walk together through the shopping precinct. I really liked the idea of getting out of the apartment, but I could not walk far. My skinny, muscleless arms were not fond of supporting crutches.
I persevered though, and enjoyed my new surroundings.
“Do you feel proud when you walk through this complex?” I asked, personally impressed with his accomplishments.
He looked down at me. “Yeah, of course I do. Look at the place. It’s fucking awesome.”
I laughed at him and looked around once again. “Yeah, it kind of is.”
During the scan of my surroundings, I noticed a shop attendant in Prada quickly look away, pretending she was not just caught staring at me. Um, hello, you were as obvious as dog’s balls. Own it.
I ignored her, but it bothered me.
We kept walking—or in my case, hobbled—and I soon became more aware of people watching us. I hated it.
My hands had become sweaty, and I started to feel a little clammy.
“Alexis, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I’m just hot. Are you hot?” I removed the light scarf I had around my neck, but it didn’t help.
“No, Hunny,” he replied, concerned. “Let’s go to the lobby and take a seat.”
We made our way to the City Towers front office and Bryce made me take a seat next to the water feature that sat in the middle of the extravagant lobby. I took deep breaths but felt a sudden surge of helplessness course through me.
“I think you’re having a panic attack. Just breathe.” He began rubbing my back and I noticed him motion Charlie over.
“Yes, Sir?” he asked, as he awaited Bryce’s instruction while looking at me concerned.
“Can you please get Alexis a glass of water?”
“Of course.” Charlie hurried off.
Almost instantly, Abigail was crouched down at my side, Samantha standing beside her and Chelsea next to Bryce.
“What’s wrong, Dear?” Abigail asked.
I couldn’t answer her. I tried, but my mouth wouldn’t open. I honestly felt that everyone was staring at me, secretly thinking that my losing the baby was a result of Karma, and they thought I deserved it. It filled me with such dread that I started to feel light headed then, all of a sudden, there was black—nothing.
***
We I came to, I was laying on the sofa in our apartment. Bryce, Abigail and Janette were all standing in the lounge room not too far from me.
I opened my eyes. “What happened?” I murmured, confused.
Bryce came over and sat on the seat next to me, gently moving the hair out of my eyes. “You had a panic attack. Your blood pressure dropped and you fainted.”
I tried to sit up.
Janette moved closer. “Stay there, with your feet up. At least until your blood pressure returns to normal, it is still a little low. I will take it again shortly.”
I closed my eyes again, briefly remembering what happened downstairs. “Everyone was staring at me, I didn’t like it.”
Bryce dragged his knuckle along my jaw and my eyes re-opened. “No, Hunny, they weren’t.” He smiled at me. “Then again, you are incredibly beautiful, so you could be right.”
I returned the smile, but only with a minor one. “I thought they were all judging me,” I explained.
“Why would anyone judge you?” Abigail asked.
“I don’t know.” I brushed off her question. I didn’t want to honestly answer it in front of anyone.
The door buzzer sounded.
“I’ll be right back.” Bryce kissed my forehead before he stood up and went to the door.
I tilted my head and watched him leave when Janette stepped into my line of sight. “Okay, let’s take your blood pressure again.”
She placed the stethoscope in the crook of my arm and began to pump the pressure cuff that was still attached to my bicep. The cuff tightened then slowly relaxed and loosened back out again. “Good, it’s going back up again. You can sit now, but do it slowly. No fast movements or actions, okay?”
I sat up just as Bryc
e entered the room, opening the door for Jessica. Oh, fuck no. Why not invite, Chelsea, Gareth and the bitchy mum from school. We’ll have a ‘we hate Alexis convention’. She better be here to see Bryce.
They made their way toward me and it was quite obvious, she was not here to see Bryce.
My eyes widened and pierced Bryce’s. “No, Bryce!” I said sternly. “Definitely not.”
“Alexis, you need to speak to someone, clearly.”
“Okay, I will, but someone else. No offense Jessica.” Actually, yes offense. Plenty of offense for you.
“Alexis, please let me help you,” she said kindly. Oh my God. She is like a mix of Glenda the Good Witch of the North and Cruella DeVille.
“I don’t need any help. I’m fine!” I snapped.
I hadn’t noticed in that short space of time that Abigail and Janette had been escorted out of the room by Bryce.
“You are blaming yourself for the miscarriage, are you not?” she asked, or more accurately stated. Her tone was still kind though.
“Not,” I answered quickly, while looking around for my crutches. Where the fuck are my crutches? I’m going to fucking kill my Mr. I’m-Carrying-You Clark.
“You feel guilty.”
“No.”
“You’re scared.”
“No.”
“You think you deserve punishment.”
“Yes.” I answered this not realising what I’d said. Shit! “No, I mean no. Bryce, where are my crutches?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Don’t fucking play this game with me. I want my crutches, now!”
He looked down at his hands.
“Bryce, please,” I begged him.
“I’m sorry, Alexis. I love you and want you to talk, to heal. Jessica can help.”
“No, she can’t.”
“Yes, she can.”
“No,” I screamed at him.
“Give her a fucking chance, Alexis,” he shouted back. “I don’t want to see you lying unconscious anymore. I can’t handle that, it fucking kills me. Please just talk to her. Fuck!” He got up and stormed to the elevator then turned back to face us. “Jessica, make her talk to you. Do what you have to. I don’t fucking care what it takes.” He slammed his hand on the button. “Alexis, I fucking love you.” He stepped into the lift and left the room.
Fulfillment Page 18