Fulfillment

by Golland, K. M.

  ‘You’re all that I want and nothing else.

  ‘I’ve fallen hard and will never get up.

  I cannot let go...I won’t.

  You’re infectious, my love.’

  Oh, my, God. It’s the song Bryce was writing when we’d first gotten together. I quickly turned it up and listened in surprise and wonderment. Having Bryce’s declaration immortalised in the form of a song captured me entirely and left me stunned, but it also warmed my heart immensely.

  When the song finished, I smiled. Is it naive to believe that Bryce loves me as much as he appears to love me? I shook my head, once again feeling that I had to pinch myself daily where he was concerned, having believed in the past that a love like ours was a love only found in fairy tales. But I was wrong. He had proved that time and time again; his devotion for me was evident in everything that he did.

  I pulled out my phone and typed him a text:

  I just listened to track 4 on your CD.

  If anyone is infectious, it’s u, my luv. - Alexis

  I hit send, sighed contentedly then looked out the window, taking in my surroundings and therefore losing my smile. It’s amazing how your heart can play tug-of-war, fighting between happiness one second and sadness the next then somehow finding that in-between to keep it sane. My heart was currently in that predicament, as the last time I was here I’d had to say good bye to my daughter.

  I proceeded to get out of my car, and before I had even locked the door my phone beeped with a reply:

  It’s how I feel, Hunny. U rule me, entirely.

  Where r u? - Bryce

  I probably should’ve told him where I was going, but he was busy, and I figured that if he wanted to come along we could always come back later in the day.

  I typed my response:

  So everyone keeps telling me.

  I think it’s the other way round though,

  U rule me.

  I’m at the Hospital...

  I wanted a moment to feel close to Bianca - Alexis.

  I hit send and waited for the reply I knew would come swiftly. It did:

  R u alright? - Bryce

  I didn’t want him to worry. I was alright.

  I’m fine.

  Thought I would spend some time in the Garden of Angels.

  I’ll see u later, luv u ♥ - Alexis

  Again, his reply was instant:

  Luv u more - Bryce

  I tucked my phone back into my handbag, pulled out a fluffy pink smiley-faced star I’d found at the shops and headed to the garden.

  It felt quite different from the last time I was here as I stepped out onto the path and looked at the vivid blue blossoms of the Jacaranda which formed the centrepiece of the garden. Maybe that was because it was now summer, and the garden was awash with colour, sunlight and with a happy aura that only summer could bring.

  Slowly, I walked along the winding cobble path around the entire garden, taking in the abundance of toys, teddy bears, and brightly coloured wooden staked garden creatures. There were also homemade plaques situated in amongst the shrubbery, against the trees and propped along the edging of the path—plaques containing baby’s names. I stopped and took the time to read each and every one, acknowledging all the angels that shared my little girl’s home. It gave me an idea to ask Charlotte to make one for Bianca and bring it with her the next time we visited as a family.

  After reading all the plaques, I sat down on the wooden park bench directly across from the spot where we sprinkled Bianca’s ashes and said our goodbyes. I had the pink star on my lap and was tenderly stroking it and hugging it as if it could replace the one thing I wanted to hug and caress the most—my daughter. As I sat there with my eyes closed visualising a life with Bianca in it, I felt the seat shift and a comforting hand rest on my shoulder. I didn’t have to open my eyes to see who it was, but I did, because his presence still surprised me. He was puffed and slightly glistening, his face a little pinker than usual.

  “That was quick,” I said with a smile, as I nestled into his side.

  “I didn’t want you here alone for a second longer,” he said with strained breath as he tightened his grip.

  “I’m fine. I just needed to be close to her today.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounded a little disappointed.

  “You were busy, and I just thought I’d come on my own.”

  “I’m never too busy for you, or Nate and Charli. Remember that—you come first. Always.”

  I knew he meant it, but he was still an extremely sought after person in his work life, and I didn’t want to interfere with that. There were some things I would have to do on my own, and I was okay with that. I needed my independence—I liked it.

  I looked up at him and noticed him staring at the garden ahead. “I think she would’ve looked like you,” I said softly.

  He scoffed. “Me, too. The force is strong in my family,” he playfully replied.

  I lovingly shoved him. “Yeah, don’t I know it.”

  “I think she would’ve had blonde wavy hair like her mother, my blue eyes, your button nose, and the sweetest little dimples like Charli. She would’ve had Lucy’s smarts, Nate’s determination, and your kindness.”

  I was staring at him, tears rolling down my cheeks.

  He turned his head and wiped them away. “No doubt, she would’ve sent me to an early grave,” he smiled sadly.

  I giggled. “I know. I can imagine her having your stubbornness, your drive, and your ‘no restraints or restrictions’ attitude.” I broke free of his embrace and leaned forward, ready to put the pink star in the garden. “I guess we’ll never know,” I said regretfully.

  He grabbed my hand and gently took the star from it, smiling as he identified its significance. He ran his fingers along it then passed it back, not before taking my hand and pressing it to his lips. “You’re wrong, Hunny, we do know.”

  I gently caressed his sad face then moved forward and placed the star in the garden. Happy with its perfect position, I moved back into Bryce’s safe, secure and comforting embrace.

  ***

  The following weekend was Charlotte’s birthday. She was a Christmas baby and hated it. I remember her saying to me not too long ago that it wasn’t ‘fair’ and that she had to wait an entire year to celebrate. I’d tried explaining that we all had to wait a year to celebrate, but that just frustrated her even more.

  “Charlotte, are you ready? Your friends will be here in any minute.”

  “Yes, Mum,” she called from her room. “I’m coming.”

  Charlotte appeared at the top of the stairs dressed in a purple and blue Young Versace dress that Bryce had bought her with Clarissa’s help. At first I hadn’t known what to think of my now seven-year-old daughter in a designer label. But, the more I thought about it, the unshakeable feeling of hypocrisy bubbled in the pit of my stomach, so I shrugged my shoulders and let it go. Plus, she did look unbelievably sweet in the flowing pleated floral dress.

  I beamed at her. “Look at you, Sweetheart. You look beautiful.”

  “Like mother, like daughter,” Bryce said as he looked up from his newspaper at Charli. He was seated on the sofa next to me, bare footed and in jeans with his legs stretched out and resting on the coffee table—this now my new favourite sexy couch position of his.

  Charlotte gracefully pranced down the stairs, a large smile covering her face. “Thank you. I love my new Versace dress,” she said in a posh voice, enunciating the word Versace. Oh God, I’ve created a little designer-Charli-monster.

  As she twirled around the lounge room—making me laugh—the buzzer to the door sounded. The refined poise she had just displayed practically evaporated into thin air, a squealing, jumping noisy banshee replacing it.

  I got up from my seated position next to Bryce and followed Charli to the door, opening it to find both Lil with her daughter, Jasmine, and Steph with her daughter, Katie.

  “Come in,” I smiled.

  Charli embraced bo
th her friends with high pitched giggles and a lot of bouncing—lots and lots of bouncing. Steph and Lil remained in the foyer.

  “You coming in?” I asked, confused.

  Steph laughed sarcastically. “Nope, are you kidding? They’re all yours.”

  “We are heading to shops. Have fun.” Lil twiddled her fingers in a faux wave then linked her arm with Steph’s as they skipped away.

  “Bitches,” I called out jokingly. “We will have fun.”

  As they skipped through the foyer, they passed Addison and her mum, Addison’s mum giving both Steph and Lil a strange look.

  “Hello, Addison.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Summers.”

  “Come in, Sweetheart.”

  Charli, Jasmine, and Katie noticed Addison and all squealed again. I cringed at the noise.

  “I hope you have a set of ear muffs,” Addison’s mum said as she stuck her finger in her ear.

  “We have a sound-proof room,” Bryce called out from his sexy sprawled out position on the couch.

  ‘Oh my’ I heard Addison’s mum say under her breath as she looked in his direction, then quickly covering her slip by answering his remark with a nervous stutter. “Even better.”

  “Would you like to come in?” I asked.

  “No, I won’t stay. I have a few things to do,” she said red-faced. “Addison, I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

  Addison didn’t take any notice of her mum and just answered unfazed. “Okay, Mum.”

  “Actually,” Bryce said as he strode in our direction. Fuck, he looks extremely hot today. Why does he look hotter than his normal hotty hotness? “Danny, my chauffer, will be dropping the girls off home tomorrow in the limousine, if that’s alright?” he asked with a charming tone that no sane woman could refuse.

  All the girls screamed.

  I licked my lips.

  And Addison’s mum just stared.

  “I think the girls would like a ride in the limo, wouldn’t you?” he asked them as he pulled me into his side.

  “Yes,” they squealed.

  “Mum!” Addison screeched, snapping her mother out of her Bryce-induced trance-like state.

  “Yes. Yes, sorry. Yes, that is fine, sorry. Thank you. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She quickly kissed Addison on the forehead and hastily made her way out the door.

  I closed it behind her and wrapped my arms around my man. “You do that on purpose.”

  “What?”

  “Hmmm,” I mumbled, while squinting my eyes at him.

  He chuckled, leaned forward and kissed me on top of my head. All the girls sounded a long-winded ‘Oooooo’.

  I laughed and rolled my eyes, prying his hands from around my waist. “Okay, you four, what will it be first: cupcake making or make-overs?”

  “Make-overs,” the all screamed and clapped. And with perfect timing, the buzzer to the door sounded again. Bryce walked over and let in two of the hotel’s spa centre staff, who were both pushing a garment rack containing five fluffy robes and a case which I assumed contained many beauty make-over products.

  “This is Bridget and Emily, Alexis. They will help make-over each and every one of you.”

  All four girls happy-clapped and bounced on the sofa.

  “Hi, pleased to meet you,” I said.

  “Great, now that Bridget and Emily are here, that is my cue to leave. I’ll be in my office if you need me.” He placed two fingers on his lips and blew me a kiss. I sighed. Did I just sigh out loud? Shit! What is wrong with me today?

  Emily and Bridget spent the next hour applying facial masks to me and the girls while 4Life played through the speakers in the background. We each had our hair in buns, with headbands keeping the loose strands of hair back, a greenish poo-coloured mud mask spread across our faces, and slices of cucumber lightly balanced on our closed eyes.

  All four of us were lying back on the sofa with our robes on and our feet up on the coffee table.

  “How long does this mask have to stay on?” I asked Bridget or Emily, not being able to see either of them. Quite frankly, I couldn’t see shit through these circles of cucumber.

  “Another five minutes,” one of them replied with a slight giggle. Glad you find this funny!

  I nodded very carefully. I honestly couldn’t wait to get this shit off my face. I was only indulging in this incredibly expensive mud mixture—that was probably dug up from down the street—because Charli wanted me to.

  The sound of a camera shutter broke through the only piece of silence I’d had since the girls arrived.

  “Was that a camera?” I asked awkwardly, as the mud around my mouth was dry and made it difficult to move my facial muscles to talk.

  “Yes,” Bryce answered with a cocky tone.

  I shot up, the cucumber slices falling into my lap. Blinking for a second, I spotted Bryce standing on the opposite side of the coffee table holding up his phone.

  He smiled satisfactorily. “This photo is going on my desk.”

  “Like fun it is,” I said as I stood up. “Give me your phone.” I held out my hand.

  “Sorry, Hunny.”

  “Bryce Edward Clark.” I put my hands on my hips.

  Bridget, Emily and the four girls started laughing.

  “You know I can’t chase you,” I said angrily, but with a subdued laugh.

  “I know.” Grrr.

  “You do realise I look like a clown. Would you like me to put on a red nose for you? Maybe even a coloured wig,” I warned.

  He raised his eyes to meet mine. “Point taken. I’m deleting it now.”

  I squinted my eyes at him—I must’ve looked atrocious. “Good,” I said triumphantly as I took a few steps toward him. “Now give me a kiss.” I reached out to grab his t-shirt, pursing my crackly skin and lips. He was too quick and jumped away.

  The girls all laughed—again!

  ***

  After our make-overs were complete, two dozen cupcakes were baked and artfully decorated then consumed, pizzas were devoured and movies were watched, and we all made our way to bed.

  “My fucking ears are ringing,” I complained. “I must have a permanent high-pitched squeal noise going on in there.”

  “No, they are all still screaming,” Bryce grumbled as he turned over and placed the pillow over his head. “A house full of young girls. Whose idea was that again?”

  “I don’t know, but please, someone shoot me.” I flopped onto the bed, just as another loud giggle echoed down the hallway. “Grrr.”

  “You’re so sexy when you growl into a pillow.”

  I growled back. “Shut up.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  The end of the calendar year was fast approaching which meant one thing: Christmas! I loved Christmas. I loved all things Christmas. I loved Santa. Not the Mr. Gordon Santa variety, he interrupts too many of my fun sexed-up moments. No, I loved the real Santa and his big round belly and big black boots. I loved the fantasy and joy behind the concept of Santa and his elves, who joyously made the toys in the North Pole. I loved the reindeer and the Christmas tree, the sleigh and the presents. I loved the sense of family and togetherness, of giving and being grateful. Oh, and I loved the food—damn, did I love the food.

  We decided to have Christmas at the hotel, being that it was a convenient place for everyone to stay. I was terribly excited that we were hosting both our families, so much so that I had gone just a tad overboard in my decorating. I’d twirled tinsel around the staircase banister, bought a sleigh which was about two meters long and one meter high with an entire set of Santa’s reindeer. I’d also put up twinkling lights on every door frame and window frame I could find. But I think my over-the-top craziness had been when I’d gone absolutely ga-ga when seeing the huge hanging snowflakes and baubles dangling from the hotel’s lobby. They were gorgeous, and each one was approximately one meter squared.

  The next thing I knew, Bryce was having them hung from the ceiling in our lounge, three stories high. He’d also organised a
ginormous Christmas tree to be put up, the tip of it being the perfect height for Nate and Charli to adorn it with a star from the top of the staircase. The apartment looked like a Christmas wonderland...I absolutely loved it!

  “Charli, don’t touch that bauble, Missy,” I barked at her, as she gave my perfectly colour-coordinated Christmas tree decoration a tap with her finger.

  “Alexis, calm down. Everything is perfect,” Bryce said, reassuringly.

  “It’s no use, Bryce,” advised Nate, “No one touches Mum’s Christmas tree. She goes nuts if you do.”

  I was tidying up the lounge area, making sure it was as baby-and-toddler proof as I could get it. “Listen to your brother, Charlotte, or that rather large present toward the back of the tree with your name on it will no longer have your name on it,” I said flatly, without removing my attention from what I was doing.

  “When is everyone going to get here?” Charlotte groaned impatiently.

  “Soon, Charli. It’s only 7:30 in the morning.”

  “Urgh! I wish they’d hurry up. I want to open some presents.”

  “Alexis, come and sit down and we’ll open our presents before everyone gets here,” Bryce suggested.

  I raised my head and noticed him looking just as eager as the kids. He really was adorable at times. “I’ve got to go and set the table,” I argued.

  He stood up and strode my way, then bent down and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder.

  “Presents! Now!”

  “Bryce! Alright,” I squealed while smacking his arse.

  Both the kids laughed.

  “Me first, me first,” Charli squawked.

  Bryce set me down next to the sofa then pulled me onto his lap, my back to his front and his arms securing me to him.

  “Go on, get the big one at the back,” I said to Charli. “Nate, you can get that one over by the wall.”