Moments later, I felt Bryce’s warm, comforting hand on top of mine. I clenched it tightly and slowly opened my eyes, finding him slumped over the bed his head resting on his folded arms.
He began to sob. “I’m so sorry.”
“Bryce,” I said, my voice raspy and my throat sore and dry. “Don’t be sorry. Please don’t be sorry. None of what happened is your fault.”
“You’re wrong, it’s all my fault,” he answered angrily. “I knew Scott had returned and I didn’t protect you.”
I moved my other hand to touch his head. “Look at me.”
He slowly lifted his head from his arms.
“I knew Scott had returned as well, but neither of us could’ve known what he had planned.”
He dropped his head again. “I knew what Scott was capable of, Alexis. What if Charli and Nate had been there, or Lucy and Alexander?”
Just the thought of it made me feel sick again.
“Did you know he was capable of that?” I asked sternly.
“No.”
“Then stop blaming yourself.”
“I nearly lost you, Alexis. I thought I’d lost you. I thought you were dead.” He took my hand in his and brought it up to his cheek, while closing his eyes.
“Open your eyes, Bryce.”
I said it with authority, like the many times he’d said it to me. They shot open.
“You didn’t lose me, I’m right here. I’ve told you before, I’m not going anywhere.”
***
I leaned up against the window, 38 floors above the city of Melbourne, the window which now housed the view from our make-shift apartment in City Towers. It had been days since the explosion and fire that destroyed the interior of majority of the penthouse floor. There was no major structural damage, but the heat of the fire and extent of the smoke damage had made it so that the entire apartment would need to be completely renovated. Until that happened, we were staying in one of the villas a few levels down.
“Alexis, are you with me?” Jessica asked softly, but firmly enough to bring my attention back to her.
I removed my gaze from the many kayakers streaming along the Yarra River below. “Yes, sorry.”
“It’s okay to dwell on what’s happened. You’re allowed to think about the events, just make sure you talk about them out loud.”
“I wasn’t really thinking about it. Alright, maybe I was. I’m worried about Bryce more than anything, he’s blaming himself.”
“I know he is, Alexis, and I’m working on that. If you feel you need to constantly reassure him, then do so. But he will need to sort through his guilt and his insecurities himself.”
I turned back to look out the window, to the sun which was part way up in the sky, indicating the time being mid-morning. It was hot outside, and a beautiful day, but that beauty was soon going to turn glum when we made our way to the Melbourne Cemetery to say farewell to Gareth.
I had on a black sheath dress with a top layer of black lace. It was conservative but also cool enough for the day ahead. I leaned into the window again, but closed my eyes to block out the vertical drop that now greeted me.
“Alexis, I am here to listen to you, to make you feel comfortable enough to open up to me and rid yourself of information and feelings you do not know how to dissect and comprehend. I’m here to help you, and I want to, but you need to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Still keeping my eyes closed, I confessed what I had held onto since Scott’s attempt at my murder. “Scott pushed me down the stairs. He was the reason I fell and lost our baby. He confessed before he tried to blow up the apartment, but... I think I kind of already knew that he’d pushed me, that he was at fault.”
“Hmmm, it would appear you did. And how does that make you feel?”
“Angry,” I bit out, while turning to face her, my back now to the window.
“That is a reasonable reaction, Alexis.”
“I’m not angry at Gareth, because Scott’s actions were never his fault. I realise that, I do. I’m angry because Bryce will blame himself.”
She pushed her glasses back up to the top of her nose. “He feels responsible for Gareth.”
“Yes, he does, and he will feel responsible for the death of our daughter because of that. I will not let him bear that guilt. Ever! Her death was not his fault. It wasn’t my fault. Fuck, it wasn’t even Gareth’s fault. It was Scott’s.”
“So, you’ve chosen not to tell him the truth?”
“Yes.”
“That’s quite a secret to carry.”
“I know,” I sighed while closing my eyes again. “But, I will carry it. I will bear it to save him more heartache, he has suffered enough. I love him so much I can barely breathe, Jessica, and I can’t handle seeing him torture himself any further. Carrying this secret is nothing compared to seeing that.”
“Well, Dear, that’s why I’m here. You no longer have to carry that secret alone.”
***
Shortly after my session with Jessica ended, we headed to the Melbourne Cemetery in order to pay our respects to Gareth. Bryce had been terribly quiet during the limousine ride, and Lucy had not said much more than him.
I threaded my arm behind Bryce’s back as we walked along the grass to the marquee set up for Gareth’s memorial service.
“I know this is a stupid question on a day like this, but are you alright?” I asked softly as I leaned my head against his shoulder.
“I’m fine,” he answered flatly.
I stopped us from walking any further, the marquee only meters away. “Bryce, why are you angry?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’re angry with Gareth, and you’re angry with yourself.”
He twitched his eye ever so slightly, and I noticed his free hand fist into a ball.
I grabbed hold of it and brought it to my lips, kissing it tenderly. “For starters, you shouldn’t be angry at yourself. We’ve gone through this. None of it was your fault. So please, let it go. And secondly, you shouldn’t be angry with Gareth. Scott yes, Gareth no.”
He gave me a slight roll of the eye.
“Bryce, don’t blame Gareth for Scott. Gareth was a hero. He saved your brother, pulled him free of a burning car wreck without a second thought. He saved me, Bryce.” A tear rolled down my cheek. He lifted his hand and wiped it away like so many times before. “He saved my life. He fought back, took control. He allowed me to get away. Gareth was a hero, don’t ever forget that. Don’t let Scott mar your good memories of your cousin. A cousin you cared deeply for, a cousin you loved like a brother. Don’t be angry with Gareth, okay?” It was now my turn to wipe a tear from his eye.
“Okay,” he answered with mustered courage, then pulling me to him, he placed a renewed kiss on my forehead. “Let’s go say goodbye.”
I gently touched his cheek. “I love you, Bryce Clark. You are an amazing man.”
He went to say something, and I could tell by the look on his face that his response was going to negate my words to him, so I put my finger to his lips then continued toward the group of people that were slowly gathering.
We sat under the make-shift marquee in the hot summer sun, listening to Gareth’s life story, a story of achievement, of loss, of sadness, but also of friendship and family. Looking around, Gareth had many friends and family that cared for him. There were a lot of people I did not know, but there were also a lot of people I did know, and it warmed my heart that they had come to pay their respects. I noticed Derek, Abigail, and Santa, together with other board members of Clark Incorporated. I also noticed Jessica, Patrick the Head Designer, and even Clarissa. But it was Sam who stood beside Abigail, with her head hung low and a tissue scrunched in her hand that had me catching a breath. She looked so sad, so torn, so heartbroken. It really was awful.
I hadn’t spoken to her since the fire and Gareth’s death. I really wasn’t sure what she was thinking or how she felt toward me. It made me nervous to think that this may have a detrime
ntal effect on our friendship, and if it did, I would try my hardest to make it right again. Sam was my friend, an unorthodox one at that, but she was my friend and had helped me settle in from being a stay-at-home mum to a working professional again—she’d helped keep me sane.
As if she felt me staring at her, she looked up and caught my eye. I smiled at her warily and hoped for the same response. Thankfully, I got what I thought was a sympathetic smile back, so I nodded respectfully at her then gripped Bryce’s hand as the minister began to speak.
After the service and burial, I took a moment to linger above Gareth’s plot while clenching a book to my chest. I’d wanted a few moments alone to pay my respects, having an overwhelming feeling that I had to let Gareth know in some way that I was aware of what he had done for me.
I took a deep breath, knelt down beside his grave and looked down at his casket. “Thank you. I know you sacrificed yourself for me, I could see it in your eyes right before you told me to run. I knew at that moment what you planned to do, and I want to let you know that I’m truly sorry I couldn’t help you.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes. “You’ve probably already read this, Gareth, but just in case you haven’t, I thought you might like it. Plus, you kind of remind me of Samwise Gamgee.” I dropped my book of The Fellowship of the Ring into his grave. “And don’t worry, I’ll make sure Lauchie gets a new one every year, I promise.”
I spent a few more moments alone by Gareth’s grave thinking about life—past, present and future. Bryce and Lucy were talking to friends and family, and Nate and Charli were both at school. I felt it wasn’t necessary, nor was it responsible to allow them to go to the funeral. Charli was too young to understand Gareth’s condition or reason for his death, and Nate was too smart for his own boots and would piece together the story. So much had happened in my children’s lives this past year as a result of my actions and decisions, and although some of those changes had been good and for the better, some of them had been incredibly hard for them, too. I didn’t want to add another painstaking event to the list of things they would have to decipher and work through. They didn’t need to know their mother was almost killed by their soon-to-be stepfather’s mentally ill cousin. Instead, I had told them that the apartment had caught on fire due to an explosion, and Gareth had tried to save me. It wasn’t entirely far from the truth. In my eyes, he was a hero after all.
EPILOGUE
I once learned that to calm one’s nerves you needed to regulate your breathing. Breathe in through your nose while imagining the air to be cool and refreshing. Then breathe out through your mouth, your exhale warm and comforting. Bullshit! Icy cold air in, and warm soothing air out? Pfft, calming, my arse. Whoever came up with that crock of shit needs to experience a day in my life, then practice that breathe-in breathe-out bullshit and tell me it works. It doesn’t, it doesn’t fucking work.
“Somebody get me a gin and squash, please.” I begged, as I paced the room in my Maggie Sottero wedding gown. The A-line fitted, capped sleeved ivory lace dress with a keyhole back and corset closure draped elegantly down my nervous body. It was simply elegant, and I loved it. “Gin...Somebody...Please!” I implored.
“No, you don’t need any more alcohol, Alexis. An intoxicated bride walking down the aisle is never a good look.” My mother was fixing an ivory-coloured, rose garland on top of Charli’s head. “I don’t know why you’re so nervous, you’re never this nervous.”
“Mum, look, we are both princesses,” Charli beamed, as she tried to twirl her dress which was of the same material as mine.
“Charlotte, keep still,” Mum barked.
I turned around from my position at the top of the step which led into the lounge area, careful not to catch my heel in the fishtail train of my dress, which finished in scalloped edging and was delicately sprinkled with Swarovski crystals.
“Mum—”
I was about to argue my need for a drink when Tash interrupted.
“Awww, Mrs. B, a little Schnappies won’t hurt,” she said mischievously, as she slipped me a small shot glass of Baileys and Schnapps while singing in a high pitched whisper, “Schnappies!” She then proceeded to walk around the room and hand out shot glasses to my bridal party: Jen, Carls, Lucy, Lil, Jade and Steph. All seven of them were wearing strapless mushroom-coloured chiffon dresses, the hem stopping just above their knees.
“Oh, for the love of God, please do not spill any of that on your dresses,” my mother whined, finishing with Charli’s hair and taking an appreciative stance.
“Mrs. B, here, down this.” Tash handed Mum a shot. “Drink up, bitches!” she hollered, and we all knocked them back.
Mum just stared at hers.
“Go on, Mum. Trust me, it helps,” encouraged Jen.
Mum put her glass to her lips and slowly tilted her head back, all of us watching in anticipation for her reaction.
She lowered her head back down with that screwed-up, squinty-eyed, I-just-stuck-my-finger-in-a-powersocket look, then casually softened her expression. “Actually, that was quite nice,” she said as she licked her lips.
I let out a loving giggle then walked out onto our balcony, 43 stories above the ground. If there were any place that could calm my nerves, it was the balcony—that or my shower, and I was not about to go and hop in there.
Two years had passed since Scott tried to kill the both of us by blowing up the apartment, and it had since been completely renovated and now felt more like our family home. Bryce had tried to convince me for months after the fire to move into a house in the suburbs or by the beach, but I hadn’t wanted to. City Towers held such sentimental memories for me, and I couldn’t bring myself to abandon that. Okay, so the building also held some pretty devastating memories, too, but I was of the mindset that you didn’t run away from your fears and demons; you faced them head on. You addressed them, dealt with them, conquered and quashed them. Only then could you honestly move ahead.
I’d also decided that I wanted to get married at City Towers, because again, let’s face it, the place was sentimental. It was where Bryce and I first met, where we first kissed, where we both first said ‘I love you’, and it was the place where we shared our lives together both personally and professionally—for me it was the perfect choice.
My friends had thought my choice was crazy, because...well...it was no secret we pretty much had all the money in the world. But I wanted something familiar, elegant and private. I wanted something intimate. The glory and over-the-top hype that was involved with weddings just wasn’t my thing. City Towers was the perfect setting, I was positive of that.
It was February in Melbourne and relatively warm, but I liked summer. For me, it was the perfect time of year to get married. Our ceremony was to be held in the Garden Terrace which was located in the precinct area. It was quaint and offered both an outdoor freshness and an indoor feel with the luxury of air conditioning—very much needed for the summer season.
I took in the view from the balcony like I had so many times, and like those times, its serene calmness and beauty washed over me and settled my nerves. Mum was right, I was never this nervous, I guess it showed just how happy Bryce made me, and because of that, I wanted this day to be perfect.
“Lexi, your phone just beeped,” Lucy said with a snide smile as she handed me my phone then turned and headed back inside.
I looked down at the screen and noticed a message from Bryce:
29 minutes and 13 seconds - Bryce
I shook my head a little just as my phone beeped again:
28 minutes, 19 seconds and counting,
until you make me the happiest man alive - Bryce
I typed back:
27 minutes and 21 seconds until I become
Mrs. Alexis Clark - Alexis
I can’t wait. - Bryce
Neither can I - Alexis
Well then hurry up - Bryce
I love you, you know. - Alexis
I do. - Bryce
Aren’t you s
upposed to say that in
25 minutes and 33 seconds. - Alexis
That’s it, I’m coming up there to get you. - Bryce
I giggled. Shit! He probably would.
Okay, okay. I’m on my way. ♥ - Alexis
You better be ♥ - Bryce
“You look beautiful, Baby Girl,” Dad’s voice sounded from behind. I turned around to see my father suited in a tux with a rose button hole pinned to his breast pocket.
I tilted my head to the side and gave my dad a bashful smile. “Thanks Dad, you look pretty smashing yourself.”
Dad hated suits. Hated them. He was most comfortable in a pair of tracksuit pants, overalls and Blundstone boots.
He tugged at his tie, uncomfortably. “Hmmm,” he muttered, with false frustration.
I stepped forward and adjusted it correctly for him.
“I know this is your second time down the aisle, Sweetheart. But let me tell you, I’m just as proud to walk you down it this day as I was the first.”
I wrapped my arms around the wonderful man I was privileged to call Dad. “I promise this is the last time you’ll have to do it.”
He nodded. “Good! Okay, let’s get this show on the road then, shall we?”
***
My bridal party huddled into the elevator and made their way down to the lobby, while Charli, my parents, and I, waited for it to return to collect us.
“Alexis, Sweetheart. Take a breath,” Mum advised.
“Leave her alone, Maryann, she’s allowed to be nervous.”
I clenched Dad’s arm a bit tighter.
“Mum, you’re my favourite princess, even more than Cinderella, and she’s really beautiful.”
Fulfillment Page 38