by Laura Martin
Louisa said nothing.
‘I’m more foolish than King Midas when he asked for the golden touch, more idiotic than the Trojans when they accepted the wooden horse into Troy, more half-witted than Jason when he spurned the unhinged Medea.’
He could see Louisa was trying to hide a smile.
‘In short, I’ve been a fool, Louisa, and I wouldn’t blame you for never wanting to see me again.’
She still didn’t say anything. Robert ran his thumb across the palm of her hand, revelling in the softness of her skin. It felt like heaven just to touch her again. All he wanted to do was sweep her up into his arms and whisk her away to some private sanctuary, never to let her leave his sight again.
‘But sometimes we fools get lucky, we get a second chance.’
He looked at her hopefully. She gave an almost imperceptible nod. Robert’s heart soared. She was going to forgive him.
‘When this dance is over I’m going to take you by the arm and escort you somewhere private,’ Robert said, bending his head so his words were only audible to her. ‘Then we will talk. But for the next few minutes I’m just going to enjoy having you in my arms.’
He saw all sorts of emotions flit over Louisa’s face: confusion, hope, disbelief. She was beautiful. She’d changed so much since he’d found her those few short weeks ago in the Lewisham Asylum. Louisa was now a strong, confident woman. There was no trace of the self-doubting girl he’d found chained to the wall. And she had started to trust, as well. Despite everything he’d put her through she was still willing to give him a chance. He knew he was lucky to have found her.
Slowly Robert began tracing small circles on Louisa’s back with his fingers. He knew she could feel his touch through the thin layers of fabric. She bit her bottom lip, as if finding it hard to concentrate, and her eyes glazed over a little.
He loved that he could have this effect on her. He felt strangely possessive; he wanted to be the only one who ever touched her like this, the only one who ever made her breathing become shallow and desire flood into her eyes.
The music reached a crescendo and they stepped the last few steps of the dance.
Robert bowed and Louisa automatically curtsied.
‘Will you give me a chance?’ Robert asked.
It felt like hours before Louisa gave a sharp nod of her head.
Robert felt his heart soar as he tucked Louisa’s hand into the crook of his elbow and led her from the dance floor. They walked quickly, skirting round groups of people, trying not to make eye contact so they wouldn’t get pulled into conversation.
Robert went out into the hallway and led Louisa down into the private part of the house. He tried a door handle, found the room to be unlocked, then pulled Louisa inside. Finally he turned, felt for the key and locked the door behind them.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Louisa waited until her eyes had adjusted to the darkness before turning to face Robert. He was standing with his back to the door, looking like a lion ready to pounce.
Louisa felt her mouth go dry and tried to swallow, knowing she should say something, confront him, but unable to find the words.
‘I behaved awfully,’ Robert said as he took a step towards her.
She nodded and took a step backwards, knowing that if he got to close she would lose all sense, all reason, and right now she needed to talk to Robert, not fling herself wantonly into his arms.
‘By rights you should be refusing to speak to me,’ Robert continued, ‘but I’m a lucky man, you’re too kind to let me suffer, to shut me out.’
Louisa took another step back and still didn’t know what to say.
‘When you confronted me in Hyde Park you said a lot of things I didn’t want to believe.’
She’d only spoken the truth.
‘And I’ve spent these last few days thinking long and hard about my future. And about the past.’
‘You need to stop thinking about the past all the time, Robert,’ Louisa said softly.
‘I know. You’re right. You’ve been right all along. I’ve just been too stupid to realise it.’
‘You know what happened in St Mamede wasn’t your fault,’ Louisa pressed him.
Robert grimaced. ‘If I’m honest I think there will always be a small part of me that blames myself for what happened. They were my men, after all. I was ultimately responsible for them.’ He paused and took another step towards her. Louisa sensed that what he was about to say next would be very important. ‘But I also realised that I can’t keep living in the past. What happened happened and no amount of self-loathing or deprivation is going to change that.’
Louisa wanted to reach out and comfort him, encourage him to go on, but she sensed this was hard enough for him to say as it was and didn’t want to interrupt his flow.
‘These past couple of years I’ve shut myself away and I realise now that was the wrong thing to do. I should have been living my life to the full. I should have been thankful I survived.’
Louisa found herself nodding and no longer backing away.
‘The day I met you I felt as though I’d come alive again. It was as though I’d been frozen for two years, just going through the motions. You breathed the life back into me.’
Louisa thought of how much they’d been through together and knew what he was saying was true. Robert had changed since they had first met, and she supposed some of that could have been because of her influence.
‘I fell in love with you, Louisa. I fell in love with you almost immediately.’
Louisa felt as though her heart was about to explode with happiness. He loved her.
‘But I denied it to myself, thinking I didn’t deserve you. Thinking I didn’t deserve the happiness I knew you would bring me.’
He stopped a couple of paces in front of her. Louisa wanted him to reach out and pull her into his arms, but she knew he needed to get everything off his chest first.
‘I made up all kinds of excuses, reasons why we couldn’t be together, but in reality it was because I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy.’
‘You do deserve to be happy,’ Louisa said quietly. ‘You’re a good man, Robert, and after everything you’ve been through, the one thing you do deserve is happiness.’
‘When you confronted me in the park, I was a mess,’ Robert admitted. ‘I wanted you so badly, I couldn’t stand the thought of you being with someone else, marrying someone else, but I still couldn’t forgive myself for what had happened in Portugal.’
‘What changed?’ Louisa asked.
‘I forced myself to try to live without you,’ Robert said. ‘It was impossible. I would crave your company at the breakfast table, your presence in my study as I worked, your smiles and your laughter. I missed you so much it hurt.’
Louisa felt the love for this man swell and grow inside her. He’d missed her just as she’d missed him. He’d craved her company as she’d craved his.
‘So I forced myself to sit down and examine the reasons we couldn’t be together. The reasons I was using to condemn myself to a lifetime of unhappiness.’
Louisa held her breath.
‘And I realised you were right. Regrets are not enough of a reason to cause two people this much unhappiness. I needed to start living in the here and now, to stop revisiting St Mamede in my thoughts and put the past behind me.’
Louisa stepped forwards and took his hand in hers.
‘I can’t promise I will ever be able to forget what happened in St Mamede, but I will do my very best to stop it from ruling my life.’
‘I wouldn’t want you to forget,’ Louisa said softly. ‘What happened to your friends and men was awful, they deserve to be remembered. But they deserve to be remembered by a man who is getting on with his life, living it to the full in honour of the lives they g
ave.’
Robert nodded and for the first time in the weeks she had known him she could see he actually agreed with her.
‘I need you, Louisa,’ Robert said, his voice hoarse with emotion, ‘I need you so badly.’
Louisa felt as though she were about to burst with happiness.
‘I know what I’ve done to you is unforgivable, but I’m willing to spend the rest of my life proving that I’m the man for you, proving you can trust me.’
He reached out and grasped her by the hand. Their bodies were still a couple of feet apart and Louisa realised he was giving her the chance to reject him, to push him away. He wanted this to be her decision.
‘When you found me in the asylum, I was a mess,’ Louisa said slowly, needing Robert to hear what she had to say. ‘Half the time I wondered if I was actually mad and the other half I spent wondering how long until I did go mad.’
‘You were never mad, Louisa, I knew that from the first.’
She smiled at him and gripped his hand even tighter. ‘You believed in me, and that made me believe in myself.’ She paused, wondering how best to put what she had to say.
‘That first night at your house I was so scared of being hurt I didn’t even stop to consider the safest place might be with you. I just didn’t want to have to rely on anybody else. I’d been hurt and betrayed so badly I thought the best thing I could do would be to strike out on my own.’ She smiled softly up at Robert, trying not to think about where she would be now if he hadn’t followed her. ‘You saved me, from that horrible man and from my own foolishness.’
She could see the anguish in Robert’s eyes as he thought about the attack he’d only just been in time to fend off.
‘And then you showed me what it was like to be cared for, what I had been missing all those years.’
Robert took a step forwards and stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers.
‘You deserve to be loved and cherished and worshipped,’ he said quietly.
Suddenly his lips were on hers, kissing her passionately and possessively. Louisa allowed herself to melt into his embrace, savouring the warmth of his lips on her skin, the taste of his mouth and the pleasure of having him so close.
After thirty seconds Louisa broke away. She needed to finish telling Robert how she felt. She needed to make him understand.
‘I’ve loved you almost from the very first,’ Louisa said, ‘but I was so afraid of getting hurt I tried to deny it.’
‘Then I pushed you away,’ Robert said, his voice full of regret. ‘Can you forgive me for being such a fool, Louisa?’
‘When we were on the rooftop of the orphanage, I thought my heart would never mend,’ Louisa said. ‘I gave myself to you and you rejected me—it was like my worst nightmare. I told myself I’d been right all along, that trusting someone else would only end in tears.’
Robert looked as though he’d been shot. Louisa could see he hated the idea of causing her so much pain.
‘And then I began to realise why you pushed me away. And I knew my fears or your regrets were not a good enough reason for us to be apart.’
‘So wise,’ Robert said, reaching up to curl a stray strand of hair around his fingers. ‘So beautiful and kind and wise.’
‘I think we should make a pact,’ Louisa said. ‘I should promise to trust you and you should promise to start living in the here and now.’
‘Can’t I promise to love you?’ Robert asked.
‘You can promise that, too.’
‘And will you love me?’ he asked, his smile seductive. Louisa knew she would never be able to deny this man anything.
‘I’ve tried not to love you,’ Louisa said, ‘and it was impossible. I think I will love you until I die.’
Robert stepped forwards again and took her in his arms. This time the kiss was leisurely and contented. Louisa felt his body press against hers and she knew with certainty that this was right. She was meant to be with Robert. They were completely right for each other.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
She was pretty amazing, this woman of his, Robert thought. She loved him, she’d loved him for weeks. He’d been such a fool, wasting precious days, hours, seconds that could have been spent revelling in her company. He heard a soft moan escape her lips and knew in that second he had to have her.
He pulled his lips away from her sweet mouth and started to trail kisses down her neck. He loved it when she shivered beneath his touch. He wanted to see her undressed, naked to his eyes, to see the little goosebumps rise on her skin as he trailed his tongue over her most sensitive places.
Her skin was so soft, so smooth. He started to picture her laid out beneath him, with every inch of her body accessible to him. Robert felt himself let out a groan; just the idea of Louisa naked underneath him was almost unbearable, the reality would be exquisite.
He grabbed Louisa’s hand and pulled her to the sofa. There were only two lamps flickering in the room, illuminating it with a faint glow, but it was enough. Robert wanted to see Louisa undressed, bathed in brilliant sunlight, but there would be time enough for that. They had all the time in the world to enjoy each other.
Robert trailed a finger down Louisa’s neck, feeling her writhe underneath his touch, urging him to go lower. His finger caressed the skin over her collarbone, then trailed lower, teasing her by running around the neckline of her dress. Robert could feel Louisa straining upwards, trying to encourage his fingers to explore further, to dip into her dress and caress the contours of her breasts.
‘Oh, Robert,’ Louisa murmured, just the sound of her voice firing an even deeper passion within him.
He kissed her again, savouring the sweet taste of her lips beneath his, then pulled away.
‘Stand up,’ he said, unable to be more eloquent.
Louisa stood, facing him. Slowly Robert reached out and spun her round so her back was towards him. He ran his hands down the length of her spine, feeling the curve of her bottom beneath the layers of her dress. He knew he couldn’t wait much longer. He needed to have Louisa soon, but the small voice of reason reminded him where they were. He wasn’t going to be able to stop himself from making Louisa his in the most primitive of ways, but he would restrain himself so she could walk out of here afterwards and not have the entire ton know what they had been doing.
Carefully he started to unlace her dress. He cursed the intricacy of the design. Although it looked stunning on, Robert just wanted the damn dress off her; he wanted to see Louisa in all her natural glory.
As the dress loosened Robert paused, taking a second to run his hand from the nape of her neck down her back. Although she still had her undergarments on he could feel the heat radiating from her skin and he knew he was getting ever closer.
‘Robert,’ Louisa said, her voice strained.
He didn’t know what he would do if she asked him to stop now. He wanted her so badly, desired her more than anything else in the world. If she asked him to stop, it would be agonising.
‘I need you,’ she said.
A fire of desire roared inside Robert and his resolve to undress her gently slipped away. He tugged at the laces and fastenings that secured her undergarments, pulling her dress off over her head at the same time. He heard ripping but was too caught up in the moment to care.
Robert spun Louisa back round to face him. Layers of her clothing were piled on the floor and now she was just clad in a simple chemise of cotton. It was thin, so thin he could see the outline of her nipples through the material.
‘Are you sure you want this?’ he asked, knowing he had to be chivalrous, but equally aware it might break him if she said no.
‘I want this,’ Louisa whispered. ‘I want you.’
Robert didn’t need any more encouragement. He stood in front of her and ran his hands down her body, taking i
n the swell of her breasts, her taut abdomen and the crease where her body met her thighs. Louisa shuddered with anticipation and within seconds Robert had whipped the rest of her clothes off.
He looked at her for a long few seconds, his beautiful siren standing in front of him, enticing him in.
‘Robert,’ Louisa said, her voice barely more than a whisper, ‘this hardly seems fair.’
She motioned to his fully clothed body and took a step towards him. Robert groaned as her fingers started tugging at his shirt, pulling off his jacket. He resisted the urge to help her, instead enjoying Louisa’s touch all over his body as she struggled to undress him.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he said as she brushed up against him in the process of pulling his shirt over his head.
Then she was in his arms, her bare chest pressed up against his, both their hearts pounding in unison. Robert kissed her everywhere he could lay his lips: on her mouth, her jaw, her neck, her chest. He heard her gasp as he lavished attention on her breasts.
Breaking away for just a second, Robert scooped Louisa up into his arms and carried her over to the sofa.
‘I want to enjoy this,’ he murmured.
He heard her gasp as he straddled her, still clad in his breeches, but his manhood very obviously straining to get out.
He lowered himself down so his body was covering hers, then began to tease her.
‘Robert,’ Louisa urged. ‘Please.’
‘Please what?’ he asked.
‘Please.’
‘What would my lady like?’ He paused, pulling away slightly. ‘To be kissed here?’ He peppered kisses across the base of her throat. Louisa groaned. ‘Or here?’ He moved lower and ran his tongue down in between or breasts. ‘Or here?’
Louisa let out a low moan of pleasure as he caught a nipple between his teeth.
‘Does my lady like that?’ he asked.
Frantically Louisa nodded her head, pushing his head back into position.
Robert let out a low chuckle, pleased Louisa was finding so much pleasure so soon. He grazed her nipple with his teeth, then drew back, switching his attention to her other breast.