“Did you eat lunch yet?”
“Huh...?” I was caught off guard by her sudden question.
The girl’s hair came down to her shoulders, and she had it tied to the left. She tapped her foot against the floor impatiently.
“I asked if you’ve eaten lunch yet,” she reiterated.
“...I haven’t eaten today, no.”
I had rushed right out of the classroom to blow off some steam. If I’d waited any longer, Satsuki and Iris would’ve both grabbed me and demanded to know who I was eating lunch with. The thought was too horrible to contemplate.
“You haven’t eaten, right? You’re telling the truth, right?”
“Yeah, but... isn’t that a weird question to ask at the end of lunch break?”
It was pure happenstance that I hadn’t eaten that day. Normally, I would have long finished my meal by then. In a sense, this girl had gotten extremely lucky...
“Then eat this,” she said as she poked her chopsticks into something on the plate she was holding in her other hand.
“...No, wait... What is that?”
It was black.
And not a natural black, like sesame seeds or seaweed. It was more like somebody had splashed all the colors on their palette against a canvas, then mixed it with potato starch soaked in sulfuric acid... I’m not sure where I was going with that simile, but it was that kind of putrid black.
And this suspicious black ball was being brought right in front of my face. My survival instincts screamed at me to flee. If I didn’t flee, I would die.
“S-Sorry, I’m not hungry. Bye.” I tried to run—but she got in front of me.
“That’s all the more reason to eat it. I put in dried plums and lemon and grapefruit and chili paste... Oh, balsamic vinegar and spicy miso, too, so it should stimulate your appetite.”
“That doesn’t make sense! That doesn’t make any sense at all!”
“Sour foods stimulate saliva production and make you hungrier. Spicy stuff does something similar. So I put in curry rice, too. Everybody loves curry rice.”
“That’s too much stuff! And where is there curry rice in that black ball?!”
“I just mixed it all up, kneaded it, fried it, steamed it, froze it, added in a secret ingredient, combined it—and this is how it turned out.”
It’s not a stew or a salad, so you can’t just mix everything together! And that part about the secret ingredient worried me even more. Did she mix in some mud or something?! My survival instincts screamed even louder.
“...!” I turned around, speechless.
I tried again to flee as fast as I could, but she reacted quickly, tripping me and knocking me to the ground. She then climbed on top of me and straddled me. Was there no escape?!
“Now give up and eat it!”
“Wait, wait, wait! I actually don’t like spicy food!”
“I see. But there’s chocolate and Mont Blanc in it, too, so you’ll be fine.”
“That’s even worse! I-I know! If there’s curry in it, there’s beef, right? I can’t eat beef for religious reasons!”
“Fine. What’s your religion?”
“Um... Uh...” What religion was it that couldn’t eat beef again?
“I knew you were lying. Why does everyone lie to me?”
“...Everyone?”
“Whenever I try to feed this to someone, they all lie and try to run away. It’s so rude. I stayed up all night making this new menu item for Nozomiya. You should be happy that you get to eat it.”
“...Just out of curiosity, what happened to the people who lied?”
“They’re all sleeping in the nurse’s office.”
“Gyaaahh!” This was way too dangerous!
Just then, I saw a girl appear in the hallway of the special classrooms building.
“Tsumiki! What are you doing?!”
“Tch!” The girl she called Tsumiki panicked and tried to force open my mouth.
“I won’t let her stop me this time! Now eat this!”
“GYABUH?!”
When the black mass hit my tongue, I tasted something I’d never tasted before—and I suddenly started to remember things like the picnic I went on with my parents when I was a kid, and playing in the park with Satsuki...
“That’s your life flashing before your eyes,” my survival instincts said. “You won’t be needing me anymore.”
And then everything went black.
“UGWAH!”
I had a dream that a giant, black pill bug crushed the entire world. It almost crushed me, too...
When I woke up, I found myself in the nurse’s office. I could see the sheets I had flung off the bed when I’d leaped up, as well as a sweat-soaked pillow.
“Rekka, I’m glad you’re okay. You’re really awake, right?” Satsuki asked as she came through the curtains.
She dropped the damp towel she was carrying and sobbed with joy.
“I’m glad... I’m so glad... We did everything we could, but they said you might never wake up again...”
“...What? I was that bad off?”
I remembered that Tsumiki girl forcing a black ball down my throat... but I couldn’t remember anything after that.
Satsuki put her hands on my forehead and chest. She still looked worried.
“What happened? It was like you’d taken a cursed poison so vile that it must have been made from hundreds of sacrifices...”
“A cursed... poison?” I knew it was bad when I heard what was in it, but evidently it was far worse than I’d thought.
“Fortunately, it wasn’t magical, so I was able to break the curse.” Satsuki gravely reiterated that it had been a close call for me.
All I could do was flash a forced smile.
If her cooking could scare even a magic expert like Satsuki, then, in a sense, wasn’t she a genius?
Apparently there were plenty of other victims of this girl—Tsumiki, her name supposedly was—but Satsuki had healed them all. None of them were forced to eat the whole ball like I was, so they’d all woken up and left already.
“Hey, where’s Iris?” I would’ve thought she’d be the first person to show up for a fuss like this, but I didn’t see her anywhere.
“Um, well... She...” Satsuki went on to explain that when her anti-curse spells had failed to work at first, Iris had said she was going to get “the most advanced medical technology in the universe” and left school—that is, she had left Earth.
“So she’s headed for planet Finerita?”
“Probably... Thinking back on it, I should’ve stopped her, but I was panicking, too. I just couldn’t...” Satsuki looked regretful.
Maybe she was upset that she hadn’t been thinking clearly.
“Nah, it’s okay. Both of you were worried about me, right? Thanks for that.”
“Y-Yeah...” Satsuki looked away, embarrassed for some reason.
Anyway, Iris was in space, huh? That meant that there was no way for me to get in touch with her now. If I could have told her I was safe, I’m sure she would have hurried back, but...
As I thought to myself, someone opened the door to the nurse’s office and came inside.
“Oh, you’re awake. I’m glad.”
It was the girl who’d tried to stop Tsumiki earlier.
Tsumiki’s friend, Sato, apologized to me and explained the situation.
“Food Champion?” I asked for clarification.
“Yes. It’s a big event they hold every year in the next town over. Lately there’s been a big junk food boom, so now it’s broadcast on TV nationwide,” Sato continued.
I wasn’t really into that sort of thing, so it was all news to me.
“I see. So she wants to win there and help save her family’s cafeteria?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“And that’s why she’s making this creative food and feeding it to everyone?”
By “creative food,” I meant that black mass she force-fed me. But in all honesty, there wa
s no way that “food” was going to work out for her. The only thing she was going to win was a free ride in a cop car.
“Um, her dad’s the chef at this Nozomiya place, right? Can’t he enter Food Champion?” I asked.
But Sato shook her head, “No offense to Tsumiki’s dad, but... Nozomiya makes the kind of stuff you could get at any old restaurant. I really don’t think he could make anything that would impress the judges.”
So that was it. It wasn’t just that they needed to enter the competition, they really needed to win it.
“Then can someone teach her to cook?” I continued to question.
It was then that Satsuki interjected. She had been following along, too, and had come up with a different idea. There was no guarantee it would make Tsumiki win, but it would certainly give her better odds than what she had now.
But Sato looked a little perturbed.
“Once Tsumiki makes up her mind, she’s the type who never relents. Who knows if she’d even listen to anybody...”
“That’s...”
“That’s a difficult personality to deal with...” Satsuki and I both whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Sato apologized, even though it wasn’t her fault.
Hmm... Now, this Food Champion tournament and a restaurant in danger of going out of business...
Wait, isn’t that...
“Hey, R.” I whispered over my shoulder when Sato wasn’t paying attention.
“Aww, that tickles.”
“It’s not sexy when you say it in a flat voice. So I’m guessing Tsumiki is a heroine?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Turns out I was on the money.
But good grief... That meant I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I was just an ordinary guy who hated trouble, but I wasn’t cold-blooded enough to just abandon a girl to her fate when I knew it was going to be a sad one.
Sometimes that got me into trouble... but it’s what anyone would do, right?
“Okay, I understand. I’ll work something out.”
“What?!” Both of the girls shouted at the exact same time.
▽
After learning what class Tsumiki was in from Sato, I set off down the hallway.
By the time I left the nurse’s office, sixth period was over, meaning we had a short break before homeroom started. I had to use this brief window of opportunity to find Tsumiki and get through to her.
“Rekka, how are you going to convince Nozomuno?” Satsuki asked as she followed me.
It was good question. Based on what I’d heard about Tsumiki from Sato, she wouldn’t be easy to persuade of anything.
“I’d like your help with that.”
I turned around to look my mage friend in the eyes.
“Me?”
“Yeah, more specifically...”
Tsumiki’s classroom was three rooms down from ours. I knocked on the door before I went in, but nobody really seemed to notice. It probably had something to do with the fact that people were always coming and going during break. Besides, the school year had practically just started, so it’s not like anyone knew the faces of all their classmates yet.
But I spotted the girl I was looking for and walked straight over to her desk.
Tsumiki’s eyebrows twitched when she saw me.
“...Hmm? Who are you?” She didn’t seem to remember the person she’d almost poisoned to death just now.
Although, I’d wandered the threshold between life and death for at least an hour, so maybe it wasn’t really “just now” anymore... But still, that didn’t mean it was okay to force food down someone’s throat and then forget about them right after they collapsed, right? ...Well, whatever.
Anyway, I decided to talk to her.
“Um, I’m Rekka Namidare. I heard your family’s cafeteria was in trouble, and um... I was wondering if there was something I could do to help.”
“...Who told you?”
“Sato.”
“Sato, huh...? Well, it’s not your problem. Get lost.”
Grr... This wasn’t getting anywhere.
“A-At least listen to me, okay?”
“Shut up. And leave me alone! I’m busy coming up with a new recipe.”
Was I supposed to assume that she meant she was developing a new kind of poison? No, no. It wasn’t the time to worry about that. A girl’s fate was on the line here.
“Tsumiki. Do you have any more of that black... I mean, that creative dish you made?”
“God, you’re still here? I guess I do. But what do you care?”
Yup. I was right.
“Let me have some.”
“Huh?” Tsumiki perked up. She had been looking away with disinterest, but now she turned to me in surprise.
“You’re working on new recipes, but you still need someone to taste them, don’t you?”
“...Not really. That’s not an issue.”
“Liar. You were just forcing people to eat your cooking.”
“...Did you see me?”
“No, I was one of those people.” There was a note of anger in my voice, but I didn’t care.
“It’s gotta be time-consuming to find someone to try it every time, right? That’s time you could be spending on other things.”
“Sure, but...” Tsumiki looked a little uncertain, but pulled a piece of tupperware out of her bag.
She opened the lid, and I saw the black balls inside.
“Ugh...”
“If you pass out every time you eat it, it won’t save me any time. Just so you know, everything I cook turns out like this.”
“...So you knew it wasn’t good?”
“Shut up. Sato got really mad at me for that. Listen, are you going to eat it or not?”
Why did she sound so bossy about it? Well, whatever. I only had to take that black ball—maybe it would be best just to call it dark matter—and manage to eat it all without passing out.
“Okay, give it to me.”
I moved the dark matter up to my mouth.
“...” I could see Tsumiki gulp a little bit.
Chomp.
“Mmwarraaggghmm!” It was a strange taste: bitter, spicy, and salty, but just a little sweet and creamy, yet crunchy and teeth-chattering at the same time. Mostly, it was hard to describe.
Satsuki was sitting next to me. All I could do was look at her as I tried to hold back the tears. She nodded, a bead of sweat running down her face.
That meant the anti-curse spells she’d put on me were doing the trick. She had said that her healing magic worked after I’d passed out the first time, so I thought that maybe defensive magic might work as well.
Thanks to that—just like I’d hoped—I didn’t pass out.
But there was still a terrible explosion of tastes going off in my mouth. Maybe without the defensive magic, it would have been even worse.
“Mgghh...! G-Gaaahh!”
...The spell was working, right?
It’s probably rude to be so blunt, but this thing was so disgusting that it was dangerous. If she took it to the tournament, it might get treated as some kind of weaponized food. The SDF or even the UN might have to get involved.
Even if things didn’t go that far, Nozomiya would go out of business and her story would end poorly. I had to stop that, no matter what. But it didn’t change how revolting this was!
Down the hatch!
I somehow managed to swallow the whole thing. My head drooped to the desk.
“B-But... I didn’t pass out?!”
I was feeling a little woozy, but I was able to endure it all. I really owed Satsuki for this one.
Tsumiki’s eyes went wide for a moment, but then she started to smirk.
“Hmph. Fine. I’ll let you be my taste tester for a while.”
She offered me her hand.
“So? What’s your name?”
“I told you, and you already forgot... It’s Rekka Namida—?!”
I went to take her hand, but she suddenly pushed me. I lo
st my balance and fell backwards onto my butt. Oww...
“I’m Tsumiki Nozomuno. Just so we’re clear, you’re nothing but my taste tester. Don’t think that you’ve got a girlfriend or anything now, okay?”
“...I’ll keep that in mind.” I nodded weakly.
“Looks like you’ve got a long way to go, huh?” R looked down at me, seemingly unconcerned, as she floated upside down in the air.
▽
After school, I headed straight for Nozomiya to taste test (poison test?) Tsumiki’s latest creation. As I sat at the empty counter, a bored R peeked into kitchen to see what she was doing.
“Rekka, don’t die here, okay?”
Saying it like that, I wasn’t sure if she was concerned about me or just being a jerk.
I put my elbows on the countertop and sighed, really starting to worry.
It was just me, R, and Tsumiki in Nozomiya. Her parents had a shopping street meeting and wouldn’t be back until late.
I thought Satsuki might agree to come, but she had to go to the mountain behind the school to pick herbs for her potions.
“I’m going to make you some simple stomach medicine. And get some materials for anti-curse and anti-poison spells,” she’d said.
I definitely owed Satsuki big time. No joke. Without her, I might not have even survived this storyline.
But she couldn’t come soon enough with those potions! I was desperate! Tsumiki emerged from the kitchen, dressed in short sleeves and wearing a bandana on her head.
“It’s done.”
So it was finally time...
I prepared myself to fulfill my duty as taste tester, but I wasn’t anything close to ready for what followed.
“ZzzZZOOGHH?!”
Once again, there was a terrorist attack in my mouth. I fell out of the chair and hit my head on the floor. My whole body twitched.
Tsumiki looked down at me, annoyed, but then she patted my shoulder with her ladle.
“So? How does it taste?” she asked, as if nothing at all was wrong.
“IT TASTES AWFUL!” I screamed, my head still hurting from the impact, and worse, the food.
“That’s because you have bad karma.”
“The tortures of hell would be better than this!”
Afterward, I chugged several glasses of water and decided to get a firsthand account of how this mess was made. There was obviously something going very seriously wrong.
I Saved Too Many Girls and Caused the Apocalypse: Volume 2 Page 2