by Alice Ward
I wanted to remember him in that first way, laughing in the sunshine of the orphanage’s back yard. Not like this, sad and broken like me. I couldn’t remember him like this.
And still, I couldn’t look away.
“I’m sorry about this,” he finally said.
“I know. I know you are. And I understand. If it were me, I might not let you follow. If something happened to you…” I swallowed hard, thinking about how close we’d come to ‘something happening’ to him just the night before.
I gazed back at him, feeling the whole universe explode as I tried desperately to cling onto it, to keep it whole.
“My flight leaves tonight,” he said simply. “I have a lot to do before then.”
“Yes,” I thickly agreed, giving a terse nod.
He still didn’t move. He still didn’t look away from me, nor I from him.
Eventually, Cristiano broke the silence. “We should have been given a better chance. We were cheated.”
I shut my eyes. Perhaps in the darkness, there would be less pain. “Don’t say that,” I whispered. “We don’t know how things are meant to be. Maybe this was our path all along.”
Though I said the words, I couldn’t believe them. I’d thought Cristiano might be my soul mate. The prospect of losing him, and now the full reality of losing him, made me even more sure he was just that.
But you’re supposed to be with your soul mate. That’s the whole point.
There would be no one else. There could never be anyone who would hold even half a candle to this man.
“Destiny,” Cristiano bitterly said, like it was a slur.
I blinked fast and looked back at him. “Yeah, well…” The sentence ended in a heavy sigh.
His weight shifted. He went to move, to walk in the direction of the front door. But then I spoke, stopping him.
“You’re my soul mate,” I blurted out.
The words came without me planning them, but I didn’t regret their arrival. It was the truth, and nothing was better than the truth. Especially in times of pain. Sometimes, I saw then, when there’s suffering, there’s nothing but the truth. It’s the last thing you have to hang on to, the one thing you know will always be unwavering.
And to voice it, though you may be in unspeakable pain, can really set you free.
“You’re my soul mate,” I repeated. “And I know that you’re going in one direction, and I’m going to have to go in another, but nothing will ever change what you are to me.”
Cristiano’s throat rasped, like he was gasping for air but not able to get a good breath in. “I know, Blaire,” he whispered, so soft I could barely hear it. “I know. And you’re mine.”
“I would die for you. Do you not get that?”
“And I would do the same for you. And that’s why I need you to live. I need you to stay safe.”
“And happy?”
“And happy.”
Heavy as it was, my head still managed a weak shake. “Not without you. I won’t be happy without you.”
“Blaire…”
“What do you think I’m going to do?” I demanded, each word coming out a note higher. “How do you envision this new life you’re asking me to live? Am I going to go to some tiny town named after a fruit or a tree? Peachtree? Orange Blossom? Oakdale? And what? Get a job as a waitress? Spend the rest of every day and night of my life wishing that I was by your side? Get married to some random man who thinks I’m happy with him, but who will actually never get to know the real truth? Am I supposed to spend each night sleeping next to some other guy, trying to love him while the whole time I’m slipping away to hide in the bathroom and cry for you?” Tears filled my eyes, so thick I couldn’t see more than Cristiano’s vague shape. “I would rather die tomorrow by your side than live a hundred more years without you.”
“You’re a fool, Blaire,” he croaked, the thick nature of his words revealing how close he was to crying himself.
“Then let me be because fools can be happy too!” I wiped my eyes ferociously, brushing away the tears and clearing my vision.
“You talk about going on living with me far away, but what about me going on with you dead? Don’t you think that’s a crueler fate?”
“Of course it is, but you won’t exactly be safe in Cyprus yourself,” I countered. “Whoever is after you here will be after you there, and maybe twice-fold. You’re walking into the lion’s den.”
He sighed, his head dropping until he faced the floor. He looked so defeated, his shoulders slumped and not a bit of him moving. “I know.”
“You’re not safe anywhere. Maybe I’m not safe anywhere.”
He slowly lifted his head and then walked across the room to come and sit at the far end of the couch. Several feet remained between us, and I kept my distance, scared with him so close.
“So what can we do?” he softly asked.
I tried to not let the question give me hope.
“We can go forward. Together. Cristiano, I know that I could lose you, okay? And I know that you could lose me. I’ve looked death in the eye. I’ve seen friends go into combat and not come back. I know what loss is like. And I know you do too.”
His eyebrows pushed together, and he peeked at me from the side, his exact expression unreadable.
I went on. “And you know what else? We both lived through it. We’re here today. And we’ve both been happy, though we lost people.”
Cristiano slowly ran his palms over his face then dropped his hands to his knees. “You could have been a lawyer.”
“Because I’m so persuasive?”
“And conniving.”
“Damn it, Cristiano! What the fuck else do I have to say?”
“How about this?” he hissed. “That you will go on with your life. That you will forget all about me. That you will do everything you can to stay safe and away from me.”
I choked on my own breath. It was just like when Florentia left him at the orphanage so many years ago. I understood then that Cristiano was making what might be the hardest decision of his life… and I was only making it harder for him.
“All right,” I whispered. “I will.’
I got up and went in the direction of his bedroom, my body shaking. I couldn’t believe I’d just given in.
At least this was the hardest part. At least it will be over soon.
Tears coursing down my face, I got to work collecting all of my belongings and throwing them into the suitcase Cristiano had brought over for me the day he decided I was safer with him than I was at my apartment. It was painfully ironic that his opinion on that had switched so fast.
My hands trembling, I threw everything into the suitcase, zipped it shut, and then lugged it into the hallway. I kept my gaze pointed straight ahead. No indulgent glances at the walls around me, the space that used to be so welcoming. My time with Cristiano was over starting right away. I needed to accept it.
Straightening my back, I wheeled the suitcase into the living room to say goodbye for the last time.
Cristiano wasn’t alone. Florentia had joined him there.
“…then it is not right,” she said.
Cristiano’s eyes went wide at the sight of my suitcase. Florentia whipped her head towards me.
“You are leaving?” she asked.
I nodded stiffly.
“But what about…?”
“It doesn’t matter. Cristiano and I talked about it. It’s… for the best.”
Behind her, Cristiano’s jaw ticked, but he said nothing.
“But it is a mistake,” Florentia insisted.
I raised my chin, not allowing myself even a second before I replied. If I weren’t careful, I would agree with her, which meant I would be right back in the place I was fifteen minutes ago.
“I love your son,” I informed her. “So I’m going to do whatever it takes to make him happy.”
“If you love each other then you won’t be happy.”
I glanced at Cristiano, curious as to wh
at his reaction to that was, but he stayed as frozen as a statue.
“You will be miserable,” Florentia insisted. “And I know what you will say. The same thing he just told me. You might die.”
“Yep,” I tartly agreed. “And that’s enough for him.”
She turned to look at her son. “But she won’t die here?”
Cristiano opened his mouth, likely to argue the point, but she cut him short. “She could get hit by a bus next year, and then what will happen? You will spend your life wishing you had stayed with her.”
He shook his head. “It’s highly unlikely—”
“I’m not done.”
He flinched as if struck. Even I was surprised by Florentia’s sudden aggressiveness.
“You left me,” Cristiano calmly said. “When I was four. Even though it broke both our hearts. You did it because it was what was best for me. You did it because you loved me, and now I’m doing this because I love Blaire.”
A tear escaped the corner of my eye, and I sniffled. At least I would have that statement to hold on to, wherever it was I went next.
“And that is why I know what I’m talking about,” Florentia said. “That was worth it. You were a small child. You did not understand the risk that came with us staying together. Blaire does. That is the difference.”
The silence rang out. I swallowed, the sound crazily loud. Cristiano blinked rapidly, something changing in his features. His gaze slowly moved across the room, coming to rest on my face.
“I know,” I whispered, taking my hand off the suitcase handle. “You don’t have to tell me what we might be up against.” I licked my parched lips. “But let me help. Let me give you strength when you don’t have it. I know how much you can do alone… but together we can do everything. And please believe me when I say that even one more week with you will be worth it. It will have made my whole life.”
Cristiano’s eyes shimmered. I held my breath, waiting, unable to bear the pain of it. Please, please. Say yes. Just tell me you want me with you.
“I don’t know, Blaire,” he said, but it was enough to get my breathing going again. He was breaking, getting so close to opening the door and letting me in.
“I’ll follow you,” I stubbornly said. “Because one day, Cristiano, you’re going to see it my way. I know you will.”
He looked into my eyes, holding my gaze, those amber eyes I would love until the day I died locking onto my soul.
“Come with me,” he whispered.
I almost didn’t believe it. Could this really be right?
“But only if you really understand…” he began, but I didn’t let him finish. I flew across the room, moving lighter than air into his arms.
Cristiano swept me up, pulling me off the floor and bringing me close. Two hearts as one. Two lives come together.
Alone we had done so much, but together we would accomplish even more. And come what may, and in what form, it didn’t matter. Cristiano and I were meant to be together.
My mom would understand. Evie would too. Because they both knew how hard I’d searched for my real purpose in life.
I’d found it. At this man’s side, I would protect him and he would protect me. We would make a difference in the world.
Together.
With no more secrets.
THE END
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CHAPTER ONE
e
Thailand
“Such power,” I breathed, watching as an elephant pushed aside a heavy boulder with its trunk, employing a strength I didn’t know it possessed.
Sweat dripped down my back in the sweltering heat, soaking my navy-blue tank top. Though the inferno of the jungle made it almost impossible to move, it was a day to explore, to run wild. My only restraint was the ponytail holder that held the long waves of my chestnut hair back, exposing the flesh of my shoulders, tanned by the blazing sun.
I was in Thailand, backpacking my way through the inheritance my grandma left me. It had been her dream to travel, not mine. But she had raised me, so I wanted to honor everything she would have done with the money had she not been confined to a wheelchair the last years of her life. As much as I loved my grandma, I’d rather be home, in the cold of Milwaukee, putting my Masters in Environmental Science to use, preferably at one of the breweries along the lake, ensuring the fish didn’t become as inebriated as the overexcited brew hoppers.
I hope you can receive postcards in heaven, Grams, I thought.
Traveling may have been in her honor, but I was enjoying myself, especially now. Somewhere between Bangkok and Chiang Mai, I’d joined a group of trekkers in search of a herd of migrating elephants. We’d found them, but we kept our distance, observing the playful beasts from the safety of the lush trails.
“Do you admire power, Imogen?” a man asked, his voice as deep and rugged as the valley we wandered.
“I admire elephants,” I said, refusing to face my companion, keeping my focus on the herd in the distance.
“It would appear so,” he said, fingering the tiny plush elephant I’d tied to the strap of my rucksack, a cute trinket I picked up outside Bangkok.
It was him, Corey, the criminally hot recluse who had joined our party a few miles back. With the legion of tattoos that ran across his strong arms and ripped chest, I was convinced he was an actual criminal. Beneath his sandy blond hair, his eyes were bright green, a fusion of the jungle around us and the sun above, but they were reckless, full of sins he would never confess.
He’d stuck close to me since emerging from the bushes to greet us. I was nervous around him, nervous about the mystery that surrounded his sudden arrival, and nervous about the way my body woke when he was near. It didn’t help that he was shirtless, his tattoos exposed for all to see. Being on vacation ignited me, made everything more tempting. The sun. The fruit. Corey.
I swallowed. With him near, the day had gotten impossibly hotter, but I didn’t trust him. “And how do you feel about elephants, Corey?”
“They’re beautiful creatures. I appreciate beautiful creatures.” He kept his gaze steady on me, studying me with his bright green recklessness.
I didn’t let it sway me. “Beautiful enough to kill?” I asked, unable to hide my suspicion.
“No,” he claimed, unfazed. He wasn’t the type of man to be taken aback by accusations. He was his own pack, fearless and unrestrained. He didn’t play by anyone’s rules. He wasn’t easily admonished. “I’m not a poacher.”
I wasn’t convinced. “So you just happened to find us in the jungle?”
He smiled, as if we were playing a game of wits. “You weren’t exactly exploring new territory. You were following a well-marked path.”
“Exactly. We were on the trail, but you weren’t. You came from the bushes. What were you looking for out there?” I demanded, irritated by his nonchalance. I didn’t consider myself a confrontational person, but when it came to protecting the elephants, I could rip the horns off the devil.
“Maybe I was looking for you,” he teased. “A goddess. Phra Mae Torani, the lovely one who drowns demons with her detachment.”
“Don’t flatter me,” I snapped. “Tell me the truth.”
“Or what?”
I lowered my voice. “Or I’ll tell everyone here about the gun you slipped into my rucksack when I set it down to rest.”
Corey remained undeterred. If anything, he seemed to be impressed. “So you’ve got brains behind those hazel eyes.”
“It doesn’t take brains. I saw you. You were quick, but you weren’t discreet. Tell me why you’re here. What is the gun for? Do you plan to hunt the elephants for their ivory?”
They were brave words to speak to a tattooed maverick with a deadly weapon, especially one as sinfully gorgeous as Corey, except that now I was the one with the gun. He had given his power to me, and that power was safely stored in my rucksack.
“Amongst Asian elephants, only the males have tusks.”
My stomach sank. “So you’re going to hurt them.”
“With a handgun?” he challenged, his smile as fierce as ever. He was winning the game of wits.
“Then why hide it?” I pressed, my voice rising with the rate of my heart.
A middle-aged couple nearby heard. They glanced at us, curious.
“Friendly fire,” Corey said to them and took my arm, guiding me out of earshot from the rest of the group, behind the shelter of a palm tree. “I’m not a poacher,” he insisted, his body close to mine. The bulge of his arm pressed against my shoulder as I inhaled the raw male scent of sweat on his skin. “I have the gun to protect the herd, not to hurt it.”
“Against what?”
“Actual poachers. A handgun doesn’t frighten an elephant, but it sure scares the hell out of a man.”
My suspicions disappeared, but my questions didn’t. “Are you some sort of jungle police?”
He laughed. It was a careless sound that dragged me in, took me captive. “No. I’m self-employed, so to speak.”
“A vigilante?”
“Of sorts. Asian elephants are endangered, the males hunted for their tusks, something I obviously don’t have to tell you. With the decreasing population, the males are becoming harder for poachers to find. Males don’t usually travel in herds. They travel alone and can be difficult to track.”