by Kelly Oram
“WHAT?”
“We need to test it out, Russ, to make sure it works. He trusts you. You could do it right now, and he’d never know what you were doing. Without his power, he wouldn’t be able to stop us.”
I was so shocked I couldn’t respond with anything except, “You’re insane.”
“It wouldn’t hurt him, Russ. It’s not dangerous.”
“It would destroy him, and it would leave Grace unprotected!”
When I didn’t even consider it, my dad lost his temper. “We don’t have a choice! I will do anything to keep you from losing yourself to Beelzebub. Dani is the only person who can save you.”
“If you go anywhere near any of them, I will kill you!” I shouted, losing all the control I’d had. “It’s sick and wrong, and Dani’s not mine, Dad! I can’t just take what doesn’t belong to me!”
I felt myself starting to lose grip on my control. Angelic love or not, I was falling into the darkness. I was so disgusted with my father’s suggestion that I didn’t even care if I turned into a demon. I was looking forward to it. It would feel good to kill him.
My dad’s face flushed an angry red. “Are you talking about that worthless little man-child in there?” He thrust his hand in the direction of my bedroom with a look of disgust. “That shy, weak, naive boy? She can’t possibly love someone like that. She’s just brainwashed.”
I was startled by the fierceness of my reaction to my father’s insults. Gabe wasn’t my favorite person in the world, but he wasn’t the weakling my father was making him out to be. As much as I hated admitting that, I couldn’t deny he deserved a certain amount of respect. Plus, he was Dani’s soul mate. She loved him.
The need to defend the man Dani cared about swelled in me in a way I’d never experienced before. It snapped the connection to Beelzebub instantly. Something else took over in me. I grabbed my dad by his collar and shoved him so hard into his bedroom wall that he broke through the Sheetrock. “Don’t ever talk about him like that again. You don’t know him. He may be a dork, but he’s a purehearted one. He’s thoughtful and caring in ways a selfish jerk like you could never understand. And besides that, he’s Dani’s soul mate. You heard Beelzebub. They were meant for one another. She belongs with him. She’s not mine, and she never will be. I lose, okay? Face it! You can’t force her to want me any more than I can. I wouldn’t want to, anyway. I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who loves me. Someone who wants me. She doesn’t!”
I was brought back to my sanity by the sound of a quiet gasp. Dani stood in the doorway to my father’s bedroom, gaping at me with a hand cupped over her mouth. Everyone else was gathered close behind her, and all of them were staring at me in shock. Gabe more so than anyone. Dude had a killer natural tan, but he was as pale as a freaking sheet of paper at the moment.
Ethan was taking in the scene and trying to decide if he should step in. When Grace sniffled, his arm slipped around her and he pulled her back tight against his chest. It was only meant as a gesture of comfort, but seeing them like that and knowing that they were soul mates destined to fall in love was too much for me to deal with right then. It seemed everyone had someone, and all I had was the man who’d killed my mother and turned me into a monster.
I had to focus on one problem at a time, so I forced my eyes away from them and scowled at my father again. “You and I are done. Forever,” I growled, low and dangerous. “If I ever even see you again—I will cut your heart out of your chest, just like you did to my mother.”
Grace whimpered and buried her face in Ethan’s chest. I hated that I was making her cry, so I took a deep breath and tried to get a hold of myself. Shoving my father away, I headed for the hallway. Everyone scrambled to get out of my way. I went into my room and started throwing my things back into my duffel. I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to go, but it didn’t matter. I had to get out of there right that minute. I couldn’t breathe with all of those people knowing every awful truth about me, and staring at me as if I were broken. Not even thirty seconds later, I felt a rush of energy sweep into my room.
“Russ,” Dani whispered. Her choked-up voice gave out. When she could no longer speak, she placed her hand gently on my back, sending so much energy into me that my knees nearly buckled. Clara was way strong—a lot stronger than her aura would suggest, even—but as powerful as she was, she wasn’t pure. Dani was twenty times stronger, and her essence was nearly crippling.
“What?”
My brand new heart apparently came with some superpowers, because even without words, I seemed to feel Dani’s intentions. It was as if my heart just knew, somehow, exactly what Dani felt for me, even if she didn’t know how to say it. No wonder Michael always seemed psychic. I bet I understood Dani better than she did right then.
Unfortunately, her emotions—her love for me, and her devastation over hurting me—were so overwhelming they broke me. I shattered. I fell to my bed, completely unable to process everything I was feeling. When Dani sat down next to me, I scooped her into my arms, squeezing her to my trembling body as if she might prevent my chest from bursting open. She clung to me just as tightly, and soaked my shirt with hot tears. “Russ…”
“I know, Dani,” I muttered into her hair as I rocked her slowly. “I get it.”
I pulled her face out of my chest so that I could look her in the eyes. I wanted her to see the truth in mine, that I understood. Wiping the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs, I forced a small smile, pained as it might be. “It sucks,” I told her. “I’m not going to lie; it really, really, really, really sucks. But I get it. He’s your soul mate. You love him.”
“And I love her, Russ. I swear it. With all of my heart.” Gabriel had followed Dani into my room. He was hovering just inside the doorway, looking every bit as upset as Dani and me. “I am sorry for how things have happened. I did not wish to come between you, and I regret that you are suffering because of me.”
He was telling the truth. Like with Dani, I could feel the sincerity in his heart. I felt how much he loved her, and it was every bit as much as I loved her. He also felt as guilty about stealing her from me as Dani did for choosing him over me. I’d always known that much. It was obvious that he was over the moon for Dani from the moment I met him, and he’d always felt bad for me. Crappy as the situation was, Gabe was as innocent as Dani and me.
What I hadn’t ever known, that my nifty new angelic heart was telling me, was just how much Gabe thought of me. I could feel the respect and admiration he had for me, and the desire he had to earn my forgiveness and even my friendship. Well, I’d be a monkey’s uncle! The goober liked me! A lot. And my overly-sensitive new heart wanted me to like the freak back. I wanted to groan. Why couldn’t he just make it easy for me, and be a jerk? I didn’t want to be friends with the nerd who had stolen the love of my life.
Geez, we were quite the emo-tastic trio. We should win some kind of award for most jacked-up threesome ever. Instead of groaning, I sighed and said something nice, unable to let him suffer any more. “At least you make her happy.” Spewing my next words felt like vomiting up a pincushion, but I was compelled to say them anyway. “You’re a decent guy, Gabe. I guess she could have done a lot worse.”
Gabe looked shocked, but a faint smile eventually tipped the corners of his mouth up. Dani squeezed me tightly again, and a fresh stream of tears spilled from beneath her lashes. “Thanks, Russ. I promise, he really is great. And he does make me happy. I’m not just brainwashed.”
“I know.”
I kissed her forehead, and she sniffled. “I still love you too, Russ.”
I sighed again. “I know, Waterworks. I love you, too.”
She frowned. “Waterworks?”
“If the shoe fits.” I tried to shrug nonchalantly, but broke into a grin.
Dani rolled her eyes and elbowed me before she climbed to her feet and went to Gabriel. She dried her tears and forced a smile. “So, what’s the plan now?”
I s
hook my head. “I don’t know. But I can’t stay here, and I can’t go back with you guys.”
“Do you really have to go?”
“Yeah, I do. At least for a while. I need to figure some stuff out. Process everything, you know? Plus…” I took a breath. “I think we need a little space.”
Dani nodded, as if she’d already suspected this would be my answer and was resigned to it. I was grateful she didn’t fight me, for once. Grace, I knew, would be a different story.
“Well, we’re going to go.” Dani chewed her bottom lip and rocked on her heels as she slipped her hands into the front pockets of the jeans she had on. “We’re going to go get my parents.”
It took me a second to absorb what she’d said. Then, all the air left my lungs. “Are you sure?”
She looked terrified and determined at the same time. “I have to. I can’t let them live the rest of their lives believing…” She cleared her throat, determined not to start crying again. “They’re my parents. I love them, and I miss them, and I’m not going to lose them. Plus, they’re in danger now. It’s only a matter of time before the council comes after them. They know my parents are my biggest weakness. They’ll take them in order to get me back. I’m going to bring my mom and dad back to resistance headquarters with me and explain the supernatural world to them.”
I grinned, despite everything. “Good. They need you.” My smile vanished as I remembered how broken they were. “Dani… They’ll handle it. I know they will. You should go get them, but…just…be prepared. They aren’t…well, they’ve been through a lot.”
Dani matched my sudden somberness and swallowed thickly as she nodded. “Clara told me about your visit.”
“They’ll be okay, Dani. They’ll be so happy to have you back they’ll accept everything. I know they will.”
Dani’s eyes glossed over, and she tackled me for one last hug. I stood up and held her tight, lifting the shrimp off the ground. We stayed locked in that hug for a long time, but eventually I had to let her go. I slid her back to the ground, and she gave me one last squeeze. “’Bye, Russ. You be careful, okay? Stay out of trouble for me.”
I choked on a laugh that had a hint of panic in it. “’Bye, Dani. You be safe, too. Get your parents back to the resistance, and raise a lot of hell for me.”
She smirked at the age-old joke, then laced her hand in Gabe’s. I held out my hand to Gabe, shocking him once again. He eagerly accepted it. “Take care of my girl,” I said. “Keep her safe.”
Gabe shook my hand and nodded gravely. “I will with my life, Russ. You have my word. I will not let you down.”
“It’s won’t, dude. You won’t let me down.” The groan I’d had to suppress for several reasons throughout this conversation finally burst from me. “Contractions, Dani. If you ever want me to believe he’s not a dork, you have to teach him how to use contractions.”
Gabe’s cheeks turned slightly pink, but I didn’t feel bad for embarrassing him. The guy sounded ridiculous. Dani punched my arm, but she was smiling. “No way. I don’t want him to change a thing.” She grinned up at Gabe and kissed his cheek. “I think the formal speech is sexy.”
“Gag. Get out of here, before I puke from your horrid, cheesy romance.”
Dani laughed. “You just wait until it’s your turn. Someday, when you find your soul mate, I bet you’ll turn into a poetry-spouting Shakespeare yourself.”
“Please. She wouldn’t be my soul mate if she liked that kind of crap. Any woman of mine will have the mouth of a sailor and a black belt in karate.”
Dani’s smile turned wicked. “Who said it’s going to be a she? I mean, you are very pretty, and you do like your makeup.”
“Oh, yeah, real hilarious. Moisturizer is not makeup, and my woman is going to be one sexy, feisty bucket of awesome. But even if I did find a man, I guarantee he’d be less of a geek than yours. I’d for sure land a hot fireman or biker gang leader or something equally cool. It’s like you said: I’m prettier than you.”
“That is totally not what I said.”
I waved her off. “Semantics.”
We laughed, and even Gabe chuckled quietly, but the good mood dissolved quickly. “Love you, Russ.”
“Love you too, Dani.”
“You know where to find us when you’re ready to come home.”
I nodded. “Make sure you show those resistance people who’s boss.”
“Pshhh. I already did.”
Dani winked and then looked to Gabe. I suspected she needed him to pull her away or she wouldn’t be able to leave. I knew the feeling. I fell back down on my bed after she left the room and stared at the ceiling, forcing myself not to go with her to take Rachel and John home to D.C. I wanted nothing more than to go with them. But I couldn’t. Knowing that I’d do nothing but disrupt the lives of everyone I loved most, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to go home with them.
I lay on my bed, counting the old glow-in-the-dark stars that matched the ones on Dani’s old bedroom ceiling, when Ethan braved coming to get me. “They’re gone,” he said.
When I nodded and continued to stare aimlessly at the ceiling, Ethan plopped down into the chair at my desk. After a moment of silence, he quietly said, “Sorry, dude.”
I forced myself up and began stuffing clothes in a duffel bag. “It is what it is.”
“Still. It sucks, and I’m sorry. I’m here for you, though. Grace, too.”
I wanted to stay angry and hold a grudge against Dani forever, but this crazy angel-love thing turned me all gooey inside at the slightest hint of a warm, fuzzy feeling. I wasn’t mad at her anymore, which you’d think would be a good thing, except now I was just depressed. Somehow, acceptance felt worse than anger, bitterness, or denial. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“It’s the truth,” Ethan insisted.
“I know.” Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I scanned the room I grew up in because this was most likely the last time I’d ever see it, and turned back to Ethan. He was still watching me, waiting for an answer to the question he didn’t technically ask. “I appreciate the support, but I’m not going back with you.”
When Ethan let out a heavy breath, I brushed past him out of the room before he could try to argue. He followed and tried to change my mind anyway, despite what his father had told him about letting me go. “Russ, come on.”
Grace was waiting for us in the living room and could tell by the way Ethan had said my name that something was still wrong. Her eyes flickered back and forth between Ethan and me, and she figured it out. “You’re not coming with us? Why?”
She looked so distressed it was as if she were unraveling at the seams. My fault. I was doing that to her. My hands clenched into fists at my sides, and I steeled myself against the feelings of love coming at me. “I can’t, Grace.”
“But we need you. I need you.” She locked her arms around me like a vice and buried her face in my chest. “You’ll beat this curse. We’ll help you stay strong. Please let us help you.”
“I would, Gracie, but it’s not that simple. You can’t help me.”
Grace finally began to cry. I felt her tears soak into my shirt, and her body trembled against me. The moment of pure torture made me realize I was making the right decision. I couldn’t stay with her. She needed to move on. Dani had been like this before we’d split up the first time, too. She’d agonized over her feelings for both Gabe and me. But she seemed to have a much better grasp on her heart now after spending time away from me. Grace needed me to go. She needed time to discover where her heart was really supposed to be.
I looked to Ethan for help, thinking there must be something he could do through their bond, but he just shrugged and gave me a look that said, It’s Grace. What can you do? He was right. Grace was programmed to be emotionally unstable. It was one of the not-cool perks of being the Ungifted One.
“Grace,” I whispered. My voice came out a little strangled. I tried to pry her arms from around me, but she refused to let me go
. “Grace, I have to leave. More than just the fact that I’m dangerous, Beelzebub did something horrible. When my dad gave him my soul, he broke it and put pieces of it inside of both you and Dani.”
She gasped. “What?”
“You know that feeling we’ve always had around each other? We really are connected. You’re in possession of my soul. Beelzebub gave it to you so that I wouldn’t just wreak havoc on Earth, but specifically on you and Dani. That’s why you always feel so confused about me. I throw you out of balance. I can’t help it, and I can’t stop it. No matter what I do, I’ll always be hurting you.”
I had to stop for a second to steady my voice. “I’m your chaos,” I said, because Grace was shaking her head in denial. “You and Dani will never completely balance each other because of me, and…I’m the reason you’ll never be completely happy with your soul mate.”
“Soul mate?” Grace repeated, startled by the term.
Slowly, I dragged my eyes to Ethan. When I met his gaze meaningfully, his eyes grew wider than I’d ever seen them. Grace took a second longer to get it, but then her eyes bugged out. “S-s-soul mate?” she stammered.
“That’s what Beelzebub said. Michael didn’t contradict it.”
While Grace and Ethan gaped at each other with pale faces, I smiled. “I’m not surprised. I always knew you were perfect for each other.”
They were both still staring at one another, but turned back to me at the sound of my voice. I shrugged. The situation had suddenly become entirely too awkward. I winked at Grace and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I don’t like it,” I said. “I’m going to miss you guys like crazy, but you need to go home, and I can’t go with you. Even if we could keep my secret hidden, I’m not going to stick around and torture us all for the rest of our lives. I can’t be anywhere near you or Dani anymore, at least not for a while. You need to let me go. Move on and embrace your destiny.”
Grace looked up, shaking her head as she searched for the words to argue with me. I didn’t give her the chance. I grabbed her face in my hands and forced her to look into my eyes. “He’s a good guy, Grace. The best, even. And he’s madly in love with you, in case you haven’t noticed.” I smirked at the matching blushes on my friends’ faces, and the glare Ethan gave me. “Go home and give him a chance.”