by Ellie Dean
April struggled to stay calm in the face of her friend’s determination to get to the truth. ‘Who said you could go through my personal things?’ she countered.
‘I’d run out and I thought you wouldn’t mind if I used a couple of yours until I got fresh supplies,’ Paula said flatly. As the silence stretched between them her expression softened. ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’
April was determined not to cry or let the emotional storm she’d been concealing over the past few weeks boil over. ‘Don’t be silly, Paula,’ she said. ‘Your imagination’s running away with you. It was just a stomach upset, that’s all.’
Paula regarded her evenly and gave a deep sigh. ‘When you feel you can talk to me honestly about it, you know where I am,’ she said sadly. ‘But don’t leave it too long, April, because if you do then I won’t be able to help you.’
April didn’t really understand how Paula could possibly help her, and she didn’t want to appear naïve and even more foolish by asking her. ‘We’re going to be late, and Daniel will be waiting,’ she muttered as she checked her watch and reached for her cap.
They left the house and walked quickly down the street to catch the bus into town. There was a heavy and unusual silence between them as they sat side by side on the uncomfortably narrow seats, each focused determinedly away from the other.
April’s thoughts were in a whirl. Paula didn’t know that she’d sneaked off base to visit a civilian clinic, more than once. The second time, they’d given her a pregnancy test. It had proved positive – and now she was over three months pregnant. The news had come as a terrible, frightening shock, and she’d prayed that the test had been wrong, that there’d been some awful mix-up. But as the weeks had gone on and the changes in her body had become more apparent, she’d withdrawn into herself, the doubts and fears as to how Daniel would take the news haunting her days and bringing torment to her nights.
She clenched her fists on her lap, thinking how stupid she’d been not to take Paula’s advice earlier and go to the birth control clinic before she’d succumbed to Daniel’s irresistible charms, and not two days later. By then, although she hadn’t known it, the damage had already been done.
And yet, despite the wondrous, terrifying things that were happening to her body, she was too shy and embarrassed to discuss it even with Paula. It was such a personal thing, something that she needed to share with Daniel before she confided in Paula, for this was their baby, made from the love they’d found in one another. Tonight she would finally pluck up the courage to tell him, she decided firmly. And yet the doubts and fears that had troubled her over the past weeks began to cloud the faith she had in him to do the right thing, and she had to battle to dismiss them as she clung grimly to the belief that everything would turn out all right.
She’d seen little of him just lately, for his training schedule had been increased. Their time together was coming to an end, and soon – pray God not too soon – the American army would ship his regiment out to a war zone.
As the bus groaned and wheezed up the steep hill and began to wind through the narrow cobbled streets, April rehearsed what she would say to him, silently editing and adapting the words until she was satisfied that she could deliver them quietly and without any hint of desperation. They would have time then to talk it over and make their plans for the future.
She felt more settled and confident now she was prepared, and was even beginning to feel quite excited about the thought of what would happen once the war was over and they were free to do what they wanted. Daniel had talked of taking her home to America as his bride once he’d been demobbed. He’d painted a wonderful picture of the family’s ranch where they raised beef cattle, corn and tobacco – and she had listened in awestruck silence as he described his beautiful mother who was the daughter of a Sioux chief, and his ruggedly handsome African father, whose family roots could be traced back to before the American Civil War which had finally freed his people from slavery.
It had all sounded so romantic despite the prejudice they would encounter – and she vowed she would fight that every inch of the way, for his deep, melodious voice had painted such vivid pictures in her mind that she longed for this war to be won so they could be together and forge a new life in the more accepting world that peace must surely bring.
As they got off the bus, she reached for Paula’s hand. ‘I’ll see you back at base,’ she said. ‘And I’m sorry I was sharp with you. We’ll talk later.’
Paula’s smile was wan. ‘I hope things work out for you, April.’
‘Of course they will,’ she said brightly, her gaze flitting towards the dance hall door where she could see him waiting. She gave her friend a swift hug and then ran towards him. ‘I’m sorry I’m a bit late, but the engine repair took longer than—’
‘Well, you’re here now,’ he interrupted. ‘Come on, let’s get a drink.’
She frowned as she hurried in after him, for she hadn’t seen him in a week and yet he hadn’t kissed her as he usually did, or even taken her hand. A small dart of fear shot through her as they headed for the bar, and as she watched him order their drinks, she noticed a small muscle pulsate in his jaw and wondered what could be worrying him. Perhaps it wasn’t the right time to tell him about the baby? Maybe she should leave it a bit until he was in a more pliant mood? But no. It had to be tonight.
She sipped at the warm beer feeling slightly sick from the smell and the stifling great clouds of cigarette smoke. The noise was deafening, the crush on the dance floor impenetrable, and his demeanour strange and rather distant. She surreptitiously watched him as his gaze lingered over the dancers. There was a tension in him tonight that she didn’t understand, and it was beginning to make her feel uneasy.
He turned then and looked down at her, his golden-flecked brown eyes seeming to delve right to her soul. ‘I guess this will be the last night for us, honey,’ he said. ‘They’re shipping us all out in three days and we’re confined to camp after tonight.’
April froze, unable to speak as he cupped her chin and brushed his lips almost distractedly against hers.
‘It’s been great being with you, April, and I’ll never forget the fun we had together. But there’s a war to be won and the army seems to need me to help them fight it.’
‘Daniel, I . . . Daniel, there’s something I need to tell you,’ she stammered.
His smile was almost bashful as he looked down at her. ‘Well, I guess there’s a coupl’a things I should have told you, honey,’ he drawled, ‘but you know how it is.’
His smile broadened and usually would have warmed her heart and made her feel cherished, but she noted that it hadn’t reached his eyes, and the deep-seated uneasiness returned.
‘I tell you what, little lady, why don’t you tell me your secret, and then I’ll tell mine and we can get on with having some fun instead of standing around here wasting time?’
April stared up at him in bewilderment. He was acting strangely, and for the first time since she’d met him, she felt distanced from him. It was probably because he was nervous about going to a war zone, but she sensed that it might be better to hear what he had to say before she told him about the baby.
‘Why don’t you go first? My news can wait a bit longer,’ she said with a lightness she didn’t feel.
His gaze dropped to the floor and he shuffled his feet. ‘I guess I should have told you about the wife and kids back home,’ he muttered. ‘But you know how it is – what with the war and everything . . .’
April felt the shock of his words knife through her, and she had to reach out to steady herself against the nearby table. ‘A wife? Children?’ she stammered. ‘But you said . . . You promised . . .’
His sigh was sharp with impatience as he ran his fingers through his thick black hair. ‘Aw, hell, April. It was only supposed to be a bit of fun, and the things a guy says in the heat of the moment shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Surely even you knew that?’
April shook
her head and stared back at him, feeling like a small creature caught in the headlights of a vast, fast approaching steam train.
He lit a Lucky Strike and snapped the Zippo shut before putting his arm round her waist and pulling her to him. ‘How about you tell me what’s on your mind, and then we can slip away and find somewhere quiet and private for one last time? I happen to know a nice little place where the landlady turns a blind eye for some nylons and gum.’
Stung by his words, lack of respect and care, she pushed hard against his chest. ‘You lied to me,’ she rasped through angry tears. ‘You lied and cheated until you got what you wanted and now you think it’s all right just to tell me about your wife and children and expect me to jump into bed with you.’ She pummelled her fists against his chest. ‘You’re a lying rat, and I . . .’
‘Is this guy bothering you, ma’am?’
April felt Daniel’s arm fall from her waist as she turned to face the group of grim-faced white GIs. ‘This is a private conversation,’ she snapped. ‘Go away.’
Despite her words, her expression must have betrayed her inner turmoil, for they moved as one to carefully set her apart from Daniel and close in on him. ‘Okay, chief,’ one of them drawled nastily. ‘You wanna take this outside?’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ said Daniel, standing his ground, eyes narrowed and watchful, his fists clenched at his sides.
‘Hear that, you guys? The injun’s got balls, I’ll give him that.’ There was a burst of humourless laughter and as the ringleader egged them on, they began to poke, push and jostle Daniel until he was backed up against a wall.
‘Come on, boy.’ It was a contemptuous snarl accompanied by a hard jab of a finger into Daniel’s chest. ‘Show us what you’re made of – or are you too chicken?’
They began to make clucking noises as they continued to push and jab. April pressed back against the table, unable to do anything but watch in horror. Daniel might have been a liar and a cheat, but he didn’t deserve this foul-mouthed, vicious baiting. ‘Stop it,’ she begged. ‘Stop it now.’
Her plea was lost in the loud music that was still playing and in the thud of feet on the wooden floor as Daniel’s tormentors were joined by yet more of their cronies. She looked wildly round for someone to come and stop this, but there was no sign of the military police, or even the local copper.
And then suddenly Daniel was no longer alone. A platoon of black GIs closed in beside him and began to jab and punch back.
‘Yeeha,’ yelled one of the younger boys. ‘Oh, man, we got ourselves a fight. Stick it to ’em, boys!’ With that the fists started flying on both sides. A pair of combatants went reeling into the table loaded with glasses and bottles and everything crashed to the floor.
April had to leap out of the way to escape being trampled or caught by a flying fist or boot. ‘Stop it. Please stop. Someone help,’ she implored, but no one took any notice.
Stoked by drink and bravado, the fight was enthusiastically joined by groups of Australians, New Zealanders and Rhodesians who appeared to have a few scores of their own to settle. The music came to an abrupt halt and the dancers fled as the more senior officers bellowed for order.
April watched in horror as blood poured from Daniel’s nose and mouth. His right hook met a corporal’s nose dead centre, and as it exploded into a spray of blood, the corporal’s fist arced in a vicious uppercut which rocked Daniel’s head on his shoulders and sent him stumbling into the line of chairs at the side of the dance hall.
As girls screamed and scattered, and men shouted, more and more GIs joined the fray and the fighting became even fiercer. Tables and chairs were upended and smashed against heads, and glasses were shattered, and soon the dance floor was a heavy, grunting mass of flying fists and trampling boots that slithered in the gore now slicking the floor.
April was in tears, but Paula had managed to circumnavigate the chaos, and now she pulled her friend towards the doorway. ‘We’ve got to get out of here,’ she shouted. ‘Quick, before the MPs arrive.’
But there was no time to make their escape, for a great shout came from the doorway and a whole platoon of American military police came thundering into the hall. With batons raised they charged into the melee with relish, not caring who they bludgeoned in order to quell the fighting.
April and Paula cowered in terror in a corner, watching as bloodied, bruised men left the fray, heading for a swift exit through the nearest door or window to escape arrest. Some continued fighting, heedless of the baton blows, but the strength in numbers of the police proved too great and at last it was all over. The main protagonists were roughly handcuffed and hauled outside to the waiting trucks, while the injured were manhandled onto stretchers and carted off to the military hospital in ambulances.
Daniel was roughly shoved towards the door, his hands tied behind his back. He had cuts and swellings all over his face, one eye was almost closed and there was blood drying on his mouth and down his tattered uniform. April stared, numb with shock. ‘Daniel, I’m sorry,’ she called out.
He stumbled past her and didn’t even spare her a glance.
April clung to Paula. ‘What will happen to him?’ she sobbed.
Paula’s expression was grim. ‘The same as happened to Saul, I expect. I just hope the others get the same treatment, otherwise it wouldn’t be fair, seeing as how they started it.’
‘But they didn’t,’ April protested. ‘It was because of me. It was all my fault.’
‘I very much doubt that,’ Paula replied briskly as she helped April to her feet. ‘Come on, let’s gather up your things and get out of here. Petty Officer Rainsworth has offered us a lift back to base, and we don’t want to keep her waiting.’
April could only nod, for a heavy weight of pain had settled somewhere near her heart, and she no longer had the will or the strength to argue.
They arrived back at the house to be greeted by the other girls demanding to know what had started the fight, and how April had become involved. Petty Officer Rainsworth’s expression brooked no argument as she ordered everyone into their rooms, threatening severe punishment if she saw or heard anything from them again that night.
Paula and April prepared for bed in silence, but once the light was off, April felt the need to talk, to let out all the anguish the evening had brought her. As she sobbed out her story, Paula perched on the bed beside her and put a comforting arm around her shoulder.
‘How far gone are you?’ she asked quietly when April fell silent.
‘Over three months.’
Paula sighed. ‘It’s far too late to do anything about it, then. I do wish you’d told me sooner.’ As April remained silent, Paula continued. ‘There’s a doctor, you see – a lot of the girls have used him and he’s reliable. But you’re too far gone, April, and no amount of money would persuade him to give you an abortion now.’
April shuddered at the thought, her mind filled with horrifying images gleaned from overhearing the stories told by the girls who’d experienced such a thing, or knew someone who had. ‘I could never do that,’ she murmured. ‘Let alone be able to live with the guilt.’
‘So what are you going to do, April? You won’t be able to hide your condition for much longer, and if the navy finds out . . . well, you know what will happen.’
‘Yes, I do.’ Her thoughts were in a jumble, her emotions so tangled that she was finding it hard to remain coherent. ‘I’ll just have to hide it for as long as possible and start saving up enough to rent somewhere once that day comes. Then, when the . . . when the baby . . . when it’s born, I’ll have it adopted.’
‘You could go home.’
April shook her head. ‘I can’t face Mother. She’s bad enough as it is, and something like this . . . She’d throw me out and never speak to me again.’
‘She might surprise you and be supportive,’ said Paula, without much conviction.
‘I’ll manage on my own – the way I always have,’ April said brokenly.
‘I suppose you could try and get the US army to make Daniel support you.’
‘He’d only deny it was his,’ April said bitterly.
‘Bastard,’ muttered Paula. She gave April a fierce hug. ‘Never mind, April. We’ll see this through together for as long as we can. Now, you get some sleep. We’ve an early start in the morning.’
April lay awake long after Paula had fallen asleep, her restless thoughts tumbling over one another, until the heartbreak of his betrayal and the fear for her future and that of her unborn baby became such torture that she left her bed and went to stare out of the window at the black, black night, hoping for some respite and an answer to her terrible dilemma.
2
Cliffehaven, March 1943
Peggy Reilly stood on the platform, tightly gripping the pram handle as she watched her younger sister’s train slowly chug and puff its way around the bend until it was out of sight. Her emotions were mixed, for she would miss Doreen, with her sparky nature and loving heart, but on the other hand, Doreen was making the right decision. She’d be much safer with her girls in Wales and have the tranquillity to enjoy and prepare for the precious baby she was expecting. Still, it was a wrench, and Peggy felt it keenly.
Ron shuffled his feet and gave her an awkward hug as his brindled lurcher, Harvey, went off to investigate the long grass beneath the humpbacked bridge. ‘Ach, to be sure, Peggy girl, Doreen will be back before you know it.’
She looked at her father-in-law, who was dressed, as usual, in baggy corduroy trousers held up with garden twine, wellington boots, a faded, fraying shirt, disreputable, tatty old cap and long, grubby poacher’s coat. He might look like a tramp, but he was stout-hearted and one of the kindest, bravest people she knew. She gave him a watery smile. ‘Let’s hope so, Ron. I’m getting awfully weary at having to say goodbye to the people I love.’