For the next several days we could be friends. After that, there was no telling how she’d feel about me. Only time would tell.
Chapter 23
Cassie
It felt so good to get out of that house. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy being in a place where I felt safe. I just preferred to be able to do what I wanted when I wanted. The thing was, I knew deep down inside that Logan was only doing what he thought was necessary. It wasn’t for forever. Soon I’d be free to live my life however I chose to.
A part of me felt sad imagining it. For the first time in my life I felt like I had friends outside of my family that I could count on. Charlie and Logan were constant reminders of how good people could still be. Their tremendous help had saved me in so many ways. I owed them, and I hoped some day I’d be able to repay them for being generous.
After enjoying a nice meal together, and leaving enough for Charlie when she came home from her overnight shift, we packed up the car and hit the road. Logan was very kind to include me, even if it was just to have an extra driver so he could rest. I didn’t mind. The idea of getting out of the city for several days seemed like the best remedy for me. I wanted to see sunsets and stars. I wanted to smell fresh cut grass and a gentle country breeze. I missed farm fields and tractors.
I suppose you can take the girl off the farm, but you can’t take the country out of her, no matter how hard someone tried.
The last time I’d been in a car cross country, I had hopes for a bright future. I was in love and oblivious to what hardships could be like. I’d lost a lot in a little amount of time. It was difficult to think back to a time when I was completely happy with my life. I often wondered if I’d ever really be able to find peace with some of the things I’d done in the past. All I could do is look forward. I’d repent for my sins, and pray that God would forgive them.
Ever since I’d been clean I’d gotten a new aspect on life. I was thankful I hadn’t been addicted for a long period of time, because I knew it would be a harder struggle. For me, being away from the lifestyle was the fastest fix. I assume that’s why Logan took me in. He wanted to make sure I stayed straight. It was funny how at a person’s lowest of times there was someone who could swoop in and still make a difference. After this experience I wondered if I’d be able to do something to give back. Could I help people like he did? Could I be considered a good person? Would doing so help me get into heaven, because I feared that’s not where I was headed.
I know God forgave, but did he absolve everything? My guilt was like a constant reminder, and as much as I tried to let it go, I held myself in contempt.
Logan took the first shift driving. He had the radio on low and was moving his fingers to the beat of each song. I’d brought something to read, but I wasn’t bored yet. I enjoyed watching the city lights fade into the distance. “Do you ever think about leaving Vegas and living somewhere else?”
“Of course. I mean, I’ve settled in okay, but I don’t know if I want to stay there forever. I’d rather move somewhere remote, like in the mountains. I picture myself as being able to live off the land. I think I’d be fine with a cabin, even if there was no electricity. All the hustle and bustle gets to be intolerable. A simpler life would be nice. Maybe one day when I retire I’d come upon a place to spend the rest of my days.”
“Wow. I can’t imagine not having electricity. You’d probably stink, not being able to properly clean your clothes. It’s cool, if you’re into being a caveman.”
I made him chuckle. “Oh, I see. You’ve got jokes. Tell me then, princess Cassie, do you have an idea of where you’d like to live out your days?”
I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like; my perfect sanctuary. “I picture fields of tall grasses, apple trees, grapes growing from vines. I see a small house with a wrap around porch. There’s a lemonade stand out front and my two daughters are trying to get the people driving by to stop for a glass. There’s a chocolate lab by their side, keeping a close eye so they’re not in any danger. He’s their best friend. He sleeps between their matching twin beds at night. I’m sitting on a swing on the porch, the smell of a fresh baked pie consumes me. Clothes on the line are blowing in the wind and a hint of bleach is detected. There are horses and a stable in the distance, and I know at any minute my husband will be home and expect a piece of that pie.”
He interrupted me with another chuckle. “Please tell me he wants the one in the oven, and it’s not code for sex. That’s too funny.”
“You asked. I suppose he wants a piece of both.”
“You’re imaginary life sounds surreal. You’re young. You still have time to make it how you want. I’m sure you can have everything if you put your mind to it.”
I shrugged and looked out the window. It was dark now, and every so often a street light would illuminate the long road ahead of us. “I hope so. What about you? You’re not that old are you?” It occurred to me I’d never thought about it. His age always seemed irrelevant.
“I’ll be thirty at the end of the year. Why, how old did you think I was?”
“About that I guess. I’m a horrible judge with things like that. One time we had this carnival come into our small town. I stood there watching some guy guess ages, weights and even birth months. I’d think the answer in my head and miss every time, while he usually got close.”
“Those guys are trained to look for signs. They memorize birthstones and zodiac symbols for birth months. Weight is tricky, but once you get the hang of it, I imagine it’s pretty easy to judge. Ages are the same. Once in a while you’ll get someone who looks older or younger, but for the most part it’s easy to tell.”
“Says the FBI agent who went to school to be able to profile people.”
“Okay,” he snickered. “You’ve got me there. Maybe it’s easier for me. Still, we use the same methods, we’re just better at it. People are predictable.”
“Like me, right?”
“Cassie, I don’t need to profile you. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time because you were blinded by your feelings. Making bad choices is a human action. We’re not perfect. We all make mistakes.”
“Do you think I’m a terrible person? I stole from people. I put illegal drugs into my body because I thought it made me feel better. I hate myself on most days.”
“You shouldn’t. I think you had a bump in the road. Pretty soon it won’t bother you as much. Trust me.”
“I do,” I couldn’t believe it came out of my mouth, but I meant it. Of all the people I’d ever had in my life, I knew he’d never hurt me. I don’t know why I felt comfortable around him. Maybe him letting me into his personal life made it easier to accept. I saw him when he wasn’t an agent. He was just Logan, an almost thirty-something guy who cared too much about others.
I hoped one day I’d be able to meet a man like him; someone who cared about making a difference. Logan probably went for women with class. He was too good for someone who was damaged like me.
“Do you have any idea what you’d like to do in the future? I know you mentioned you hated your job.”
“I don’t hate it. I think it’s Vegas I can’t stand. I’m not a city girl. I like the quiet. It’s nice living in a place where everyone knows you. My family is pretty popular. They run a ranch two states wide. They raise cattle, grow produce, and have other livestock. I was raised in a country setting, surrounded by family on both sides of our property. I’m not used to being far away. It’s hard not having someone to hang out with.”
“You have me and Charlie.”
“I know. It’s nice. I hate the idea of being all alone. It scares me.”
“Yeah, sometimes I wonder if that’s how I’ll end up too. Charlie won’t live with me forever. She’s got her own life, and pretty soon I can see her finding someone she’d rather share a house with. I’m not exactly her kind of people. She prefers a busy lifestyle. I know my work is tedious and unpredictable, but when I come home I want to relax. She’d rather run ar
ound town at all hours of the night. I’m not complaining. She’s a great tenant and friend. I’m glad we’re friends.”
“She’s been really nice to me, especially that first night. I was in a terrible way and she sat up with me for a while. I would have probably gone crazy without her to settle me. It didn’t help how I was cuffed to a table.”
“I did that for your own good,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, I know that now. I’m sure I wasn’t easy to deal with. How you were ever nice to me is beyond me. I snapped at you so many times.”
“I knew it wasn’t the real you talking. It’s water under the bridge anyway. We’re friends now, right?”
“I’d like it if we were. I don’t have many.”
“Then it’s settled. From now on I’m not an FBI agent keeping you safe. I’m just Logan, someone you met along the way.”
“I know it’s hard for you to talk about, but you must have had the best upbringing. You’re too good to be true sometimes. I always stereotyped authority figures as being cocky and hard to deal with. Now that I’ve come to know you, I feel like you’re the kindest man I’ve ever met. It’s funny. I used to feel that way about my dad, before I started to date and want my own life.”
“Aren’t all fathers supposed to be overprotective?”
“He took it to the extreme. When I left home I didn’t struggle that much with the thought of walking away from him. It was saying goodbye to my mother that hurt the most. I haven’t talked to my brother and sister in months, and the one that visited me has no idea where I am or what’s gone on since I saw her last. I feel like such a shitty person.”
“You’re entitled to have a little break from reality for a while, Cassie. I’m sure if you contacted them they’d be happy to hear from you.”
“I told you before, it’s not going to happen. I need to be settled into a stable life before I can let them know what I’ve gone through to get there. I can’t face them knowing I have nothing to show for it. Everything they said was spot on. I feel like such a jerk for not seeing it before.”
“Love is blind. It makes us do crazy things. It’s not until time slips away from us that we realize what we’ve lost while on the journey.”
“Are you a poet in your spare time as well? Did you fall from the sky?” I teased.
“Hey, save those lines for the men. Don’t take away all my moves.” This time I was the one cracking up. “Seriously though. It’s true. I’ve been in love before. I thought she would be my wife. We were too different. It never would have worked, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t try.”
“I bet she’s sorry she walked away from you now. I’m sure you have a sort of appeal to every woman who meets you.”
He glanced at me for a quick second. A half-smile formed in the corner of his lips. “I can be a dick, Cassie. Trust me, I’ve got an ugly side, just like everyone else. I’ve just learned to manage my stress better than others.”
“You should teach me how to do that. I’d like to let things go instead of having them eat me up inside.”
“I’d be glad to help. We’ve got nothing but time for the next few days.”
“You still haven’t told me where we’re headed.”
“East coast,” he replied.
My stomach knotted up. “Really? What state?” I only asked because I wondered if it was one I’d been to. “I need to make a stop in Kentucky and then Virginia. Why? Do you know any good places to stay or eat?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
I wasn’t ready to call home, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t see Christian and Addison. Maybe we could have dinner and get a hotel close to where they lived. I was sure they’d come to the city to visit with me.
This trip was going to be good, I could feel it. Logan was going to help me deal with my issues, and I’d be able to possibly see some of the family I missed with all of my heart.
My new friend was making it happen, and I started to wonder if he’d ever see me as more than just the junkie he rescued.
Chapter 24
Logan
I drove through the night, stopping once to fill up the gas tank. Cassie stayed up for as long as she was able before succumbing to sleep. She was cute when her head fell to the side and she snored lightly to herself. Her dark hair kept falling in her face, making me want to push it to the side to watch how peaceful she seemed to be.
While driving in silence, I started to wonder if this trip was a terrible idea. Maybe she wasn’t ready to face her family; not the way I was forcing her to. I kept trying to play out her reaction when she found out what I’d been up to. Our friendship would sever, it was the only thing I was sure of.
For some reason it bothered me more than it should. I’d come to enjoy her being around, not just because she kept the house spotless and sometimes fed me real home cooked meals. The more I got to know her, I genuinely liked the person she was turning out to be. Cassie was young. She had potential. She was smart, spunky, and a homegrown southern girl. She’d be a good mother, even if it was all just a fantasy in her head.
A part of me envied her ability to dream so vividly. As much as I read and had experienced, I was unable to envision such a detailed future. What she explained, I could picture in my head. It was a beautiful dream, better than any cabin on a mountaintop without electricity.
I kept thinking about it up until my eyes were getting to feel too heavy to continue driving. I stopped in the next town we came to and located a hotel we could get some much needed rest at. I almost hated having to wake her up to offer her a more comfortable bed. She seemed so peaceful.
I reached over and ran my hand over her smooth cheek. In this form she was innocent of all her crimes. Though they haunted her, I knew it was something she could easily bury. She deserved a good life, free of criminals and bad relationships. “Cassie, I’m going to get us a room for the night. Will you come inside with me?”
She nodded and started to sit up, looking around to see where we were. “What state are we in?”
“We’re at the Utah, Colorado line. I need to get some sleep or else I’ll be shit tomorrow.”
She followed me inside and waited while I checked us in. I didn’t even consider she’d want her own room. We’d been living under the same roof for long enough where I assumed she’d be comfortable, as long as there were two beds.
We rode the elevator up to the fourth floor and walked to the room we were given. Once inside, Cassie took the first bed. She plopped down on it face first. “I’m exhausted.”
“I’m going to change before I get in bed. I can’t sleep in jeans.”
She sat up and turned in my direction, putting her finger in the air as she spoke. “That is a good idea. I think I’ll change too.”
“Go ahead in the bathroom. I’ll take my pants off out here.”
“Are you sure?” She asked.
I nodded and watched her rummage through her bag until she found a pair of pajamas to put on. She disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me to hurry up and get out of my pants. I dropped my jeans after removing my shoes, tossing them over a chair next to the bed. Cassie came out as I was lifting my shirt over my head. I heard her gasp, but didn’t feel like I was out of line. We were both adults. She’d seen me walking around the house in a pair of shorts before. Boxers were basically the same thing.
“Sorry. I thought you’d be faster.”
I smirked. “I like taking my time.”
She laughed to herself and then climbed under the covers, but not until I got a good view of her in a pair of cotton shorts that were pretty low cut. Her belly button was exposed from the matching tank, and I noticed a tattoo in the shape of a sun going around it. Quickly, I turned off the light and climbed into my own bed, hoping I wasn’t going to snore so loud she wouldn’t get any rest. I’d been told it could get pretty annoying.
“If I snore let me know.”
“Same goes for me,” she replied.
“You snored the whole way
here,” I taunted.
“Really?” Even in the dark room I could see enough to know she’d sat straight up in the bed.
“Don’t worry. It was cute.”
“Cute? How can snoring be cute? I’m so embarrassed.”
I wiped my face with my hands and chuckled lightly. “Really, it was nothing to worry about. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Try to sleep, Cassie.”
“Goodnight, Logan.”
“Yep, same to you.”
I don’t know about Cassie, but I waited a while before I allowed myself to fall asleep. I wanted her to go to bed first so she wouldn’t hear me. When I couldn’t possibly control my body, I let myself fall asleep.
I woke to the sound of someone cussing. A loud thump shot me out of bed. I turned on the light and jumped out of bed, looking around the room for the reason. Cassie was on the floor between her bed and the wall. She was sitting up holding the side of her face. “What the hell happened?”
“I forgot where I was and had to go to the bathroom. I climbed out of bed and smacked right into the wall.”
I walked over and crouched down in front of her, noticing her skin was already beginning to bruise. “You’re going to need some ice.”
“You should go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”
I clenched my jaw while considering her theory. “No. I’m going to get you some ice. Are you able to stand? Do you need me to help you in the bathroom?”
“No. I can manage just fine, thanks for asking.” I waited until she got to her feet before giving her room to get by. When she entered the bathroom and closed the door I hurried out into the hallway to find the ice machine. When I came back into the room she was still in the locked lavatory. “You okay in there?” I asked.
The door unlocked and cracked open. “Yeah, just embarrassed.”
I located a rag and wrapped some ice inside of it before lifting it up to her head. “I’ve done it before. In my line of work you’ve got to go where the cases take you. I’ve been so tired I’ve forgotten where I was. It sucks.”
Cassie (The Mitchell/Healy Family #6) Page 14