“I’m not afraid of you. If I know anything at all about you, it’s that you would never hurt me.”
She was wrong. I may not physical inflict pain on her, but I was very capable of breaking her heart. It might not even happen in a romantic way. Whatever was building between us was going to be broken the moment we pulled into her small town and she realized my motives. I was betraying her, and for that she’d never forgive me.
For the rest of dinner a heavy amount of guilt was weighing over me. I made the decision that I had to stop before I got to a point where nothing else mattered except experiencing what it was like to be with her. Cassie was going to be out of my life. I had to be decent. It was important to be the guy she saw me as; the person she trusted with her life.
We ate until we were stuffed and almost unable to get up from the table. I insisted we take the steps in fear of fate stepping in and stopping the elevator so we’d be forced to spend more time alone in a tight space.
Once in the room, my concerns were heightened. Cassie kicked off her shoes and let her body fall down on her bed. She was spread out, probably in an inappropriate position for a pervert like me to see. I imagined myself on top of her, kissing those sweet lips and making her forget all about the loser who took her down that ugly road, putting her life in danger.
I had to hurry in the bathroom and pray she didn’t follow. It was so ridiculous. At nearly thirty years old I couldn’t begin to rationalize with my own decisions. Suddenly doing the right things seemed worse than inflicting gut-wrenching pain on myself.
I turned the water on, letting the jacuzzi fill while I undressed. I started to lock the door, but figured Cassie would come to her senses and realize she wasn’t ready to dive into something so spontaneous. I’d no sooner climbed in the tub when I saw the door opening. I think I knew she was naked even before I turned to look in her direction. I was in shock, while she seemed confident. “Mind if I join you?”
She started to step in with me, and I only had a few seconds to get out of there before my body wouldn’t let me. She was too damn perfect, down to her curves and the shape of two supple breasts. I was in awe of her, making it impossible to focus. Not realizing what I was doing, I stood, revealing everything I had to her curious stare. She smiled, but only for the time it took me to grab a towel and hold it over my package. “We shouldn’t do this, Cassie. It’s not a good idea.”
They were words I’d regret for the rest of my life, yet I was determined to do right by this girl, even if it made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. It was better than leaving her angry and broken when our trip finally came to an end, which was happening sooner than I wanted it to.
“I don’t understand,” she whined. “I thought we liked each other.”
“It’s not appropriate. It’s best if we remain friends, Cassie. It’s best for both of us.”
She wasn’t taking no for an answer, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to continue rejecting her.
Chapter 27
Cassie
It was unbelievable. Had I gotten the wrong signs? Was I really hearing him correctly? I was standing before him without any clothes, prepared to give myself to him completely and he was rejecting my offer.
“You don’t want this, Cassie.” He was backing away, clinging to the towel wrapped around his still steaming rock-hard physique. I was ashamed at myself for not seeing it before. I’d been blinded by life’s troubles for far too long.
“Don’t tell me what I want, Logan. I’m tired of pretending it will get better on it’s own. I know I’m in control now.” I bit down on my lip and took a step forward, closing the distance between us.
He squinted as a half-smile formed over his face. “I can’t be your distraction. I’m here to help you, not drag you down a darker path. My life isn’t easy. I wish it were simple, but I have my own demons to battle.”
“For once, maybe we shouldn’t think about tomorrow. Maybe you could pretend all we have is tonight. I need this. Don’t deny me a moment of happiness. Please. Don’t make me beg for it.”
He wouldn’t speak.
“Is it because I’m not good enough for you?”
“Not good enough? No! It’s nothing like that. You’re more than good enough. Don’t even think that.”
“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to think. We obviously like being around each other. I’m having a blast with you. You keep sending me mixed signals, and even though I know we’re communicating, we’re avoiding this topic like it’s a deadly disease. What gives? Are you worried I won’t respect you when it’s over?”
“I’m worried you’ll hate me, Cassie. I wish you could understand.”
“I’m not as fragile as you think.”
“You’ve been through a lot lately. You say you’re okay, but what if this makes you feel worse?”
I almost laughed. “Are you serious? I thought sex was fun, especially when two people are attracted to each other. Is that it? Am I not your type?”
He shook his head and let out a sigh. “You are so much my type it scares me. Everything about you screams for me to want you. It’s taking all of my willpower to protect you from the pain I know I’ll bring you.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Nothing you could do would make me feel that way. You’ve been a godsend.”
“You must have low standards. Stop putting me on some pedestal. I’m just a regular guy who makes mistakes like the rest of them.”
“No. You’re different. You care. I wasn’t sure before, but now I am. When I’m with you all my problems seem to fade away. Don’t deny me from experiencing what it would be like to know you completely. I need this, Logan. I’m not pushing myself on you to cover up some past I want to forget. I’m just tired of denying what’s right in front of me.”
He was standing before me, giving much thought to what I’d suggested. Then the towel dropped. “Come here.”
I almost couldn’t move. I was too shocked to let my body comprehend what he’d just ordered. Had he given into me that fast?
It took me two steps to make it to him, and when I did his lips were on mine. Parts of me came alive, and nothing existed in the world except for us. His tongue moved with precision, caressing mine as they mingled and meshed. His hand was in my hair, keeping me as close as possible. Our kiss continued to intensify, as we stood naked and exposed. My hands slipped over his wet chest, slithering their way to his muscular pectorals then up to his shoulders and finally around his strong neck. He was taller than me, but had leaned over to make it easy for me to be able to reach him. I ran my hands through his hair as we both pulled back to take a breather.
With his face still close to mine, I could feel his lips moving against my skin. “I want this with you.”
I wanted it too, maybe more than I even knew. Gentle chaste kisses trailed down my neck, over my collarbone, and finally to my left breast. His hands followed his lowering body over my arms, tracing until they stopped at my hips. He stood again, kissing me quickly before backing me up against the jacuzzi tub ledge. I took one foot and placed it in the hot water, followed by the next. He held my hand to steady me from slipping, then joined me promptly, never letting his grip falter.
We dipped into the water together, precisely at the same time, while fully engulfed in another tantalizing joust with our tongues. During the embrace, he pulled me closer, straddling my body overtop his. I could feel his erection beneath me, pressing in just the right spot as if it knew where to go.
I wanted this man, utterly and completely. I thought it wasn’t possible to experience something so significant, but I couldn’t deny it, not anymore. Like pudding in a colander, I slipped into a sexual coma of the mind. As little parts of me awakened, I knew I was slowly allowing myself to feel again emotionally.
Logan pulled away and steadied his breathing again, this time driving my body to a standing position. He ran his hands up my inner thighs, all while staring at my pussy. I was hyperventilating, worried
he’d judge me for some small flaw, or find something to deter him from continuing. One hand came over a small patch of trimmed hair that sat over my pussy. He was so close to my clit, maybe centimeters from my most sensitive area. He knew it too, tracing his fingertips over the outer lips, but never allowing himself entry. I wanted to sit down on the edge behind me and spread open for him, allowing him to have his way with me.
Before I could make that move, his face came forward, savoring the skin over my hip. The cool air was causing me to shiver, or maybe it was the fact that I was so exposed and undeniably turned on. I could feel my pussy pulsating, anxiously awaiting what I knew would come soon enough.
He stuck out his tongue and licked me, in between, dragging up until it stroked over my clit for the first time. My body tightened, the feeling so intense I had to steady myself from my weak knees dropping me back into the water.
Logan peered up, gazing into my eyes as he leaned forward again, sucking my clit in between his lips and tugging slightly. My head fell back, my eyes closing and trying to regain composure. His warm muscle continued on, flicking my clit while fingers brushed their way in between my lower lips. He teased my opening, never allowing his fingers entrance. I felt like I was going to fall apart, to succumb to the sheer pleasure he was giving me.
Then I felt them, those fingers penetrating their way inside of my tight walls. My inner muscles reacted to his movement, while his tender kisses enticed my clit.
Within seconds I fell apart, collapsing in the water overtop of him again. His lips were on mine instantly, allowing the lower part of me time to recuperate.
I wanted to pay him back with the same gesture, but he wasn’t having it, not when he knew he could slip inside of me and have the real thing. His hands cupped either side of my ass, determining the moment he’d slip into my pussy and take me to a place I never wanted to come back from. He was slow and steady, his eyes on my mine the entire time, as if to make sure we were still both okay with it happening. When he finally filled me completely, he stopped moving and leaned his forehead against mine, kissing me there. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Just give me a couple seconds. You feel so fucking good. I’m afraid I’m going to lose it too soon.”
“We can always go again later. There’s no time limit. Our trip just started.”
He kissed me again on the lips. “I need it to be good for you, Cassie. You deserve to have someone cater to you.”
I ran my hands through his damp hair while staring into his dark eyes. “So do you.”
I began gradually moving my body over his. Our pace was slow, our kisses ravenous. A few minutes went by; a few glorious minutes where I felt like nothing in life could feel better. Then I watched him come undone. He dug his fingernails into my ass and stilled me, low groans escaping from his spent lips. I kissed them, letting my lips remain over his. Being with Logan was effortless. I didn’t feel like a whore, or something desperate to bury my demons. It felt right.
Just because the intercourse part was over, didn’t mean Logan was done. Once he calmed down, he spun me around and pulled my back up against his chest. His arms came around, and I twisted my neck around to kiss him again. He took the bar of soap from the little decorative box and began stroking it over my skin. He coursed it against each of my nipples, sending shooting tingles back down to my still pulsating pussy. This time I was the one making the soft noises.
Logan continued down, lowering his hand until it was over my pussy again. He rubbed with pressure, a constant tempo that sent me into a frenzy. While my body jerked above him, he did his best to steady me. Then I went limp, allowing him to hold me with his strong arms. He kissed the side of my face as we lay there together, no words necessary.
I was in heaven. Never had an encounter felt so intense. In all my time I’d spent with Brant, I’d never known him the way Logan was allowing me to. I didn’t even know how to comprehend it all.
Later, when we were both tired of being in the water, we retreated into the bedroom, choosing to share a bed instead of separating. Logan never let me out of his sight. He held me close, every so often kissing me to remind me he was there. Sleep came easy, probably because I knew there was no safer place to be than in his arms.
Chapter 28
Logan
I’d gone and done the unthinkable. I’d not only slept with an informant, but I’d done it selfishly, knowing I was about to betray her trust by taking her home to her family, where she’d hate me for certain. At least I knew they could give her the love and support she’d need.
With my job and the work I did, she’d never be able to handle my lifestyle long term. Trying to justify reasons why she wouldn’t want me should have made it easier. I couldn’t understand why it was becoming tougher by the minute.
Now, while she slept so peaceful in my arms, I laid awake wondering how I was going to let her go. I thought about how I was going to look at her without letting on there was something wrong.
I couldn’t deny how good it felt to be with her. She was like a flower, blooming and coming to life after a bad winter. I wanted to be her ray of light, but instead I was going to be the storm that came in and washed away any hope she had of us being anything more than a brief affair.
How could I not hate myself? I felt disgusted. She didn’t deserve to hurt; to be tossed aside again. She wasn’t someone’s trash. She was an amazing person; one of the best I’d ever met. Inside of her was a heart that yearned to be accepted. She was unique, and that’s what I treasured most about her. After she let down her wall, we’d connected undeniably. I craved to be in her presence, to bask in her essence. A part of me considered turning around and being selfish. Why couldn’t I keep her for myself? Would it be so bad to fall into whatever was happening between us? Didn’t we both deserve to be happy? Wasn’t it our turn to experience a positive outcome, instead of the looming darkness we’d both been pervade to?
With an unknown future looming, I tried my best to go to sleep. For the time being I was elated. I had a few more days to enjoy everything she had to offer. Maybe in that time I could figure out a way to give us both what we needed. Maybe she’d still want to be with me, even after I forced her to face her family. Maybe she’d appreciate my efforts and fall into this thing deeper because of my attempts to help her.
Or maybe she’d hate me, regretting every second of being in my presence. They were all understandable possibilities. I had to hope for the best, but expect the worst. I’d prepare myself for the moment I had to accept how it all turned out, no matter what it would do to me. It was still too new to know where it could lead. Maybe that would help me cope if she decided to cut ties and add me to the list of people she never wanted to hear from again.
I woke up to an empty bed. For a second I pictured her leaving in the middle of the night to avoid the inevitable. I considered the possibility of her regretting having slept with me. Maybe it would be better if she had. Then I wouldn’t have to be the one to end things so abruptly. Cassie was going to feel used. There was no getting around it. The moment she realized she was being set up to go home, our relationship would be over permanently. She wouldn’t want to remain friends or keep in touch.
Until I heard movement in the bathroom, I was freaking out. The door blasted open with a puff of steam exiting first. Cassie came out wrapped only in a towel. She got one look at me and headed towards the bed, leaning over to plant a fresh kiss on my lips. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You smell nice,” I said as I pulled her on top of me. Every time I considered the consequences of my actions and was determined to do the right thing, she’d flash that pretty smile and cloud my judgment.
“I wanted to be fresh, just in case.”
Was that a hint she wanted more? Did I have time to brush my teeth, or did she prefer I turn her around and give it to her from behind? I wasn’t sure how to take it.
Since she was still in my arms, only a towel and light blanket separating us, I tapped on h
er ass, hoping she’d stand so I could take care of some business in the bathroom. She got off the bed and made room for me to stand beside her. I didn’t bother covering up. She’d seen everything I had to offer, even my morning wood. “This is probably a terrible question to ask, but do you want to have breakfast or fuck first?”
She snickered while twisting her hair. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m not about to presume anything. It’s better if you guide me through it blindly.”
“Blindly?” She backed away. “What’s wrong? Does it distract you when I’m naked?”
I pulled her close. “Something like that.”
“You know, if we spend the whole day in bed, we’ll miss out on the slopes. As much as I hate having to wait for nice things, I’m pretty sure we’ll survive if we hold off until dinner.”
“I’d prefer it if you were the dessert.”
“I think that could be arranged.”
As hard as it was going to be to live with, I decided to go with the flow. Being with Cassie was fun. She never asked for strings, not that I could offer her anything. Our road trip may not end well, but we’d have a good time while still on it. When she said she knew how to ski, I got the impression she’d still be a bit clumsy. Nope. Not Cassie.
She took me up on the lift, hopping off when we got to the advanced slopes. Since I wanted to keep up, I didn’t lead on about my inexperience. Sure, I’d been a few times as a kid, but this was a different ballgame. I watched her take off down the mountain, doing my best to keep from crashing into a tree and ending my existence. Cassie was skilled. It was obvious she’d done this plenty of times, while I hadn’t been in at least ten years. I’d thought I was in shape, but my inability to balance property told me different.
Cassie (The Mitchell/Healy Family #6) Page 16