Luke’s fingers reached up and caressed my jaw. “I wanted to kiss you so bad, it hurt.” He let his hand fall away. “But it wouldn’t have been fair. I was only home for a few days and you were still so young.”
That bat in my chest started a rave and invited her friends. I held out my hand. “Get out. Dance with me.”
He watched me for a long moment before he nodded once and walked around the truck. He opened my door and helped me down, then leaned in to turn up the radio. My heart punched my ribs when he took me into his arms. This time, we danced like adults, with one of his hands at my waist, the other clasped with mine, fingers woven together.
Temple to temple, we swayed under the full moon to the song I always associated with him and that night. This was dangerous. More dangerous than just taking his pants off with my teeth, which I bet my dentist would frown upon.
His head moved, bringing our foreheads together. “Edie, we can’t do this.”
I sucked my lips in. “You have a girl back home, don’t you?”
“It’s complicated. But...no, I don’t have a girlfriend. Just a friend. I wouldn’t be holding you like this if I did.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “She the reason you need the money so badly?”
He nodded. “If I have to sell the shop to your mom, you’ll hate me. I’ll hate myself. But all I can think about is kissing you.”
“Luke...I—” I screamed when something hit my leg and squawked. I jumped away from Luke, flinging my hand to my chest.
When it started crowing and rustling feathers, I started mentally cataloging chicken recipes. “That damn bird!” I screeched, chasing it. “You’re going to make a really good chicken marsala!”
Sergeant Cornflakes flapped his wings, crowing again before running toward his coop. I was cockblocked by my very own cock. I took a deep breath and shook my head. I hated that my bird was right.
I walked back to Luke, reaching out and lacing my finger through his. I needed the skin-to-skin contact, just for a few more moments. “He was right. We shouldn’t do this,” I whispered. “I want you, so much. But this is already a mess. If we sleep together, it’s going to make everything harder.”
I leaned into him and kissed his cheek, pausing to inhale his amazing smell. “Thanks for tonight,” I said. With a sigh, I stepped back and grabbed my purse from his truck.
Luke’s hands were shoved into his pockets as deep as they would go as he tilted his head toward my back door. I spun on my heel and tried not to think of him following close behind.
“Listen, I...” Luke started. I gestured for him to continue as I concentrated on my feet moving toward my door. “I’m leaving soon. And...”
And I’m leaving you behind. I don’t do commitment. I’ll just break your heart again when I leave. I stopped walking as the last thought materialized and Luke walked right into me. “Gah! I’m sorry!” I spun around.
His hands wrapped around my upper arms, steadying me. “No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“My brain is trying to do too many things, like breathing and walking. Apparently, I can’t do both.” I rubbed my forehead, confused at my own thoughts. Had Luke broken my heart before? I had the sinking realization that he’d been breaking my heart my entire life.
I was in love with Luke.
“Fuck,” I whispered. “This sucks.” I looked up at him and found his eyes searching my face as if trying to solve a riddle. By the comprehension in his eyes, I figured he’d pieced something together. My grandma always said I was an open book.
“I know,” he admitted quietly. “Your home is here—your life is here. It’s always been, just like mine has never been.”
I swallowed hard and stepped into him. “All I want is a kiss. The kiss you would’ve given me at prom. The kiss I will tuck away and cherish long after you leave.”
Okay, I really had no idea who this person was, but it couldn’t have been me. Was I this idiotic? But when his hand cupped my face, I shamelessly leaned into it and didn’t regret a thing.
“Edith,” he breathed, leaning his temple against mine. “I should go.”
I bit my bottom lip and nodded, taking a step back. “Okay. See you...when I see you.” I pulled my keys out of my purse and made a beeline for my door. My face was burning, and I was so glad it was dark. I was probably tomato red.
“Reeses,” he called as I shoved the key into the lock and fumbled it open. I paused before stepping in, waiting to hear what he had to say. “I saved every email you ever sent me.”
A sharp pain echoed through my hollowed-out chest. There it was. The heartbreak that was so synonymous with Luke, I had never separated them. A dozen questions rolled around inside my mouth. Why didn’t you ever write back? Why didn’t you call? Text? Send a carrier pigeon? Was I so easy to forget?
Taking a steadying breath, I called over my shoulder, “Goodnight, Luke.” I was eternally thankful my voice came out even and calm. I pushed my way into the house, closed the door and leaned against it, breathing hard.
I wanted to run out and throw myself into his arms. I wanted to tell him that he was loved and cherished and belonged here with me. “Argh!” I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, smearing all of my hard work. I saved every email you ever sent me.
I flipped off the door, like an adult, before sliding down and throwing my keys and clutch to the side. This dance between us needed to stop. I needed to move on and stop trying to...whatever I was trying to do. Make another emotionally unavailable guy fall in love with me? That sounded very consistent with my character.
I kicked off my shoes and pushed myself to my feet. I needed to get this makeup off, bra off, and get Queer Eye onto my Netflix. There were joyful tears to be had and I needed joyful tears.
A knock at my back door made me freeze on the stairs. I knew if I opened that door everything was going to change. I took another step up the stairs before the knock turned into a pounding.
Worried something might be wrong, I jumped down the stairs and pulled the door open, revealing Luke with eyes that burned with intensity. “Lu—”
“I saved every one of your emails,” he admitted again, dispensing with a greeting. “I read them over and over again. Sometimes they were the only thing that got me through hellish days. Through the storms.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “I need to get this out.” He leaned on the doorframe, his face bending down to mine. “Before I left the Marines, I was already doing disaster recovery. After Hurricane Sandy, we were pulling down the remains of an apartment and we found—” He swallowed hard and shook his head slightly. “You had just written to me about replacing the clutch on a ’69 Alfa Romeo Spider and it was like you were right next to me.”
I nodded, remembering. I’d always remember that car.
“I probably read that email fifty times that week. It made me feel like I was home.” His forehead pressed against mine. “Because you feel like home to me.”
All of the air in my lungs promptly evaporated. It was all I could do to stand upright. My heart did a tap dance and my stomach joined in. My hands were clutched into fists at my side, desperate to hang onto this moment. Stay.
“I don’t know how we are going to figure this out or if it’s even possible. All I know is that I cannot walk away again and not kiss you. Not kissing you at prom was something I always kicked myself for. But not kissing you right now? I would regret it until the day I die.”
“Okay,” I whispered, then licked my lips. “Then kiss me.”
I took a step back, letting him come fully into the house. As he closed the door, his gaze moved from my eyes to my lips. “Come here,” he demanded, his voice husky. As soon as I was close enough, he grabbed my waist and pulled me against his hard body. His nose brushed mine and my breathing turned shallow.
The sweet scent of him enveloped me and I happily let myself drown in his eyes. “Edith,” he whispered, his lips so close, I could feel t
heir heat. “Be my home tonight.”
“Always.”
And then he kissed me.
Chapter Sixteen
Edie’s Tip #6: Always keep a spare tire and a spare condom
Luke’s lips were soft and warm, the scrape of his scruff lighting a match in my chest. We both inhaled sharply as if we had been suffocating our entire lives until now. My stomach fell through the floor. A wave of heat curled up my spine when he pulled back far enough to search my eyes.
“I should’ve done that the moment I saw you again,” he growled before he shoved his hands into my hair and dragged my mouth back to his.
Our second kiss wasn’t soft and warm, but desperate and searing. Tongues, teeth, gasps. Sparks flowed from his mouth to mine, setting me on fire from the inside. I needed to be closer. I needed to crawl into him. He cupped my ass and brought our bodies flush. I groaned at his hardness against my thigh.
If eighteen-year-old me could see me now.
Every fantasy I ever had was woefully underwhelming compared to the real-life feeling of kissing Luke. It was never like this with Will—with any man. Right now, no living room, no house, no universe existed. It was just him and me, and my heart doing a drum solo.
Him. I jolted at the thought, at the certainty from some dark corner of my brain. I wanted to yell at it, remind it that he was leaving. This wasn’t forever. This was probably not even until tomorrow. This was tonight, right now. And it would have to be enough.
My heart squeezed in warning, reminding me that Luke could never be a one-night stand. We were already in too deep. Shut up, heart.
As if he could read my thoughts, he wrenched his mouth from mine. We breathed heavily while our hands still roamed. “We shouldn’t do this,” he whispered, hot against the skin of my neck as his large hand splayed against my rib cage, his thumb trailing along the edge of my bra.
My nipples pinched, begging to have his undivided attention. “I know.” I ran my hands down the front of his hard chest and underneath the bottom of his shirt. My palms laid flat against his hard stomach and we both groaned. “But I’m having trouble caring about what we should and shouldn’t do right now.”
He bit my earlobe with a growl, then kissed away the sting. “I had a full physical a month ago. All my tests came back negative. Haven’t been with anyone since.” His lips continued down my jaw and I tilted my head back to give him better access. He was branding me with his lips and teeth and tongue and I knew I would feel him under my skin forever.
“I had every test under the sun after…” I refused to talk about another man right now. “Throat culture too. Negative. I’m on the Depo shot. I have condoms in my purse.”
He breathed my name against my skin and I broke out in goose bumps. I needed to hear that when he was inside me. “Fuck. The thought of me in your mouth…”
I smiled, nipping at his collarbone. “I think that could be arranged.” I sank to my knees, lifting up his shirt and kissing his stomach on the way down. A dusting of hair darkened as it dipped below his jeans. “Shirt off.”
He complied, seams screaming in protest at his rough movement. My eyes widened at the amazingly sexy man in front of me. I momentarily forgot what I was doing and got lost in his gorgeous, broad shoulders, his muscles shaped and molded from manual labor.
My fingertips ran across a tattoo on his rib cage and my stomach clenched in recognition as I read the words. They were lyrics to a song from my favorite band, Sorry Charlie. A song I had sent to him via email after a losing battle with a bottle of wine. Really, alcohol and Luke were clearly a bad combination.
I wish I could fuse
My love to you
With one more goodbye kiss
I’m yours to miss
I hate being far away
But you know that I can’t stay
So please let me fuse my heart to you
“Luke…” I looked at him, searching his face. It was my favorite line from my favorite song by my favorite band. What did it mean that it was tattooed on him? Also, it looked super cool and I wanted a matching one.
My heart thudded once, twice, three times. How had I never realized how I felt about him before, when I’d been sending him lyrics like that?
He leaned over and kissed me hard, rocking me back on my heels, and there was no more thinking. He kissed me as though he was afraid this moment would end if he stopped. My hands went to the soft leather of his belt and I yanked it apart, letting my hands trail down his zipper, which was badly bent out of shape.
When he finally released my mouth, I licked my lips in anticipation. Button undone, jeans pulled down, boxer briefs shoved aside. Finally, his hard length was in my hand. Heat pooled low in my abdomen and I knew my underwear was soaked. I was so ready for him.
But first, I needed to taste him. Starting with a soft kiss, then a lick, then a suck, I took him into my mouth, getting lost in learning the sounds he made and what made him jerk forward. I wanted to spend hours, days, weeks memorizing every inch of this man. He gripped the back of my head, thrusting between my lips. It was so damn hot, and I couldn’t stop the low moan deep in my chest.
Too soon, he pulled away, panting. “Stop, stop. I’m about to explode and I want to be in you.”
“You were in me,” I teased with a smile, letting him help me up.
His mouth claimed mine while he tried to pull off my dress, which was counterproductive. My arms got tangled and I laughed, pulling away to try to escape. “God, it’s like I’m eighteen again.”
“Making up for prom night,” Luke teased, freeing my arms and tossing my dress. His mouth followed the straps of my bra down my arms before he quickly released the clasp with one hand. He trailed his eyes over me and let out a rush of air. “Reeses, you’re beautiful.”
My insides turned to goo and I straightened my shoulders, my breasts pressing into his bare chest. Skin against skin. I didn’t know how my fire alarms weren’t going off because I was burning up. “Luke,” I breathed, and kissed him again.
We stumbled toward the couch, neither of us bothering to look where we were going. He was on top of me, pulling off my underwear, when I heard Sergeant Cornflakes crow. I ignored my bird. Chances were he was crowing at the moon or something.
Luke’s fingers grazed my seam and we both groaned. “You’re so wet,” he breathed. “I can’t wait to—”
A manly shout cut off his sentence. Luke froze and covered me with his body, turning to face the intruder. I turned to stone, all of the heat and need turning to ice. I looked over Luke’s shoulder to see my brother’s back. “What happened?!”
“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” Jami said. “I should’ve called. I used my key—oh God, just pretend I was never here.”
“Jami, it’s okay,” Luke said, reaching for a blanket on the back of the couch and covering me.
“Jay, what’s wrong?” I covered my front and let Luke help me to a sitting position. He quickly tucked himself back into his pants and zipped up. My entire body cried out in protest.
But I didn’t have time to think about naked Luke when my big brother was standing in front of me, clearly distraught. He turned to face us with his hands over his eyes. Even hiding, I could see the telltale signs of tears. Puffy cheeks and red under his nose. My heart stuttered, and I wanted to run to him and hold him. But, shirt first.
Luke spoke first. “Jami, go into the kitchen. Edie will be right in.”
“I should go. I’m so sorry.” His voice broke and my heart hurt.
“No, stay. I’m going,” Luke said.
“You’re not going anywhere, Jami!” I ordered. “I’ll be right there, I promise.”
My brother nodded and turned toward the kitchen. I didn’t miss the slump of his shoulders and his shaking hand. I turned to Luke and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so sorry, I need to—”
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, interrupting me. “Don’t apologize. Go clean up. I’ll make tea.”
Goddamn hea
rt. It was doing an interpretive dance of gratitude as I kissed Luke again before running upstairs. I dressed quickly and splashed water on my face, trying to calm any residual smolder.
Jami was cradling a mug when I made it back to the kitchen. Luke handed me a cup with two tea bags when I walked in, mint and chamomile. My favorites. He put an arm around my waist, kissing the side of my head. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
With a soft kiss to my lips, he left. I took a sip of my perfect tea. If this man did not want me to be in love with him, he was doing it wrong.
Jami closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry, sissy. I didn’t think.”
“Don’t apologize.” I scooted my chair over and sat next to him, my shoulder against his. “Start at the beginning.”
Chapter Seventeen
Edie’s Tip #18: Mark my words: The car company that develops a car that can make coffee or tea will take over the world.
Jami gave me a sideways glance. “Are we going to talk about what I walked in on?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Absolutely not.”
“Eds—”
“We aren’t talking about it! We’re talking about why you’re in my kitchen with red eyes at one in the morning.” I playfully elbowed his ribs. “I thought you had a date.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and took a fortifying sip of tea. “We did. And he was perfect. It was me who messed up.” He covered his face with his hands and shook his head. “I went to therapy. I moved across the country and started over, but it still—” He broke off and took an unsteady breath. “It still terrifies me.”
I laid my head on his shoulder, gripping his bicep. “I know.” Truthfully, it terrified me, too, and I hadn’t been the one who lived it. But I’d never forget the phone call that night.
Jami’s hands fell from his face and he cradled his mug. “He’s so pretty. I’m stupid around him.”
“I find it hard to believe you’re stupid about anything.”
Headlights, Dipsticks, & My Ex's Brother Page 11