The smells of coffee and bacon lulled Carolyn out of bed in the morning even though facing her father was the last thing she wanted to do. It was Christmas break and there was no avoiding it. She quickly showered, scrubbing her face clean of tear tracks and got dressed.
Maddie was sitting at the table, slurping down a sugary chocolate cereal that would never have been allowed in Filmore—the prophet controlled everything, even what they ate and drank. Her mothers were laughing and carrying on in the kitchen, and her father had his face buried in the business section of the daily paper.
When Carolyn sank into the seat across from him, he lowered his paper and eyed her sharply. “Have you been praying, Carolyn, for God’s word about your future husband? Just because you are in college doesn’t mean you don’t need to be open to His plans for that area of your life.”
It was so opposite everything that had ever been said by her father about the strange courting rituals of Green Valley that Carolyn’s breath caught in her throat. She instinctively opened her mouth to argue, but then she caught a twinge of hope in his hardened expression and realized… he was giving her an out. Did he know she had heard, or was he just doing his level best to ensure that she had a back-up plan regardless of his decision?
She stared back at him open mouthed, trying to figure out what to say and do. The truth was she hadn’t. Carolyn honestly wasn’t sure she believed in God, or that she would be able to hear him, or know what he wanted even if he appeared in front of her and shouted his plans to her face. Praying about your future husband was somewhat of a ritual here in Green Valley. Most girls start praying for their vision around sixteen. Carolyn had never so much as wondered. She didn’t have any plans to stay in Green Valley and become a first, second, or third wife. She had planned to get out after graduation and become somebody’s only wife. Her father was still staring at her intently, in that expectant way he had, and she knew what he wanted her to say, and as sick as it made her, she knew why.
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered thickly. “I’ve been praying, and I believe I have received an answer. I shall take it to the bishop this afternoon, so he can pray on it as well.” It seemed like quite the unholy thing to lie about, but she didn’t know what else to do, and her answer would bide her some time to decide. If her parents thought there was a wedding in the works, they would leave her alone long enough for her to come up with a real plan.
“Good, that’s real good, Carolyn.” The thickness in his voice matched her own, and she was shocked to see his eyes were clouded with unshed tears. The sight made her panic. She knew without being told what it meant. He was taking the rest of them and moving back to Filmore.
All she could do was nod in response. The scent of the bacon and the soft melodic laughter coming from the kitchen were now turning her stomach in knots. She hurried to excuse herself, muttering something about needing to finish her Christmas shopping before the crowds got too crazy. She grabbed her purse and Heddy’s car keys and ran out the door.
She held it together by a thread as she turned out the driveway and made the short drive through town. It wasn’t until she was on the highway to Everton that she gave herself permission to lose it.
“Mother Freaking Fudge Sticks!” she screamed, pounding her fists on the steering wheel and not giving a damn whether anyone was looking at her funny. Her southern speak always turned heads here in Green Valley. She was used to it by now. “Think, Carolyn, think. Can you stop this, or is it all you can do to save yourself?”
She already knew the answer. Her father had all but given it to her. She was going to have to get married, and since she hadn’t been focusing on dating in college, it was going to have to be someone from here in Green Valley. In her mind, there was only one acceptable answer—the soon to be newly appointed bishop himself—Lucas Miller.
It felt deceitful to not at least try to pray for a vision, so that's what she did all day, driving aimlessly back and forth on the road between Everton and Green Valley, trying to get up the courage to do what must be done. She never prayed, ever, and she was utterly convinced that unless Jesus appeared next to her in the flesh with a giant neon sign that said “I am Jesus,” it wouldn’t matter if he answered her prayers or not, because she wouldn’t know a sign if it smacked her upside the head. For all she knew, the fact that Luke was literally the only name in her head could be a sign. Maybe the reason was that he was the answer to her prayers.
“Yeah, right, Carolyn, maybe it’s a sign that you’re crazy and selfish, and you’re not good enough to marry someone like Lucas Miller anyway, and you need to give it up, go back to school, and just wait and see what happens. March is three months away. A lot can happen in three months.”
If she didn’t get married, would her dad make her go back to Filmore? She knew in her heart the answer was yes.
She even tried to make peace with it—to convince herself that with the prophet in jail, things would actually get better, and that her daddy wouldn’t go back if he didn’t honestly think things would be better. But the truth was, she didn’t trust that that was true. Myra had been the one to put her foot down and force them to move. Her father had just followed, and he hadn’t seemed too happy about it at the time. Carolyn, however, had been overjoyed. While she didn’t truly feel led to the polygamist lifestyle, Green Valley represented freedom.
The memories of those first few weeks in Green Valley snuck up on Carolyn, her stomach clenching as the waves of emotion were physically painful to remember. It had been too long since she had been so stifled, she had nearly forgotten the reality of it. She couldn’t go back. And if going forward meant becoming the second Mrs. Lucas Miller, that’s what she would do.
Decision finally made, Carolyn turned the car towards Green Valley one last time. She was going to see Luke’s father—the retiring bishop of Green Valley—and she was doing it today.
Chapter 1
Lucas stared at his father, slack jawed, unable to hide his disdain at his father’s unexpected news. It wasn’t that unexpected really. As the newly-appointed bishop of the polygamous community of Green Valley, Lucas expected that he would someday be called to take a second wife. He had not expected it to be so soon, and out of all the women in Green Valley, the fact that his second wife would be somebody like Carolyn had never crossed his mind. “Carolyn? Carolyn Atwood?” His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and sat there like a rock at the bottom of the ocean.
It crossed his mind that this would have made an April Fool’s joke of epic proportions, but it was January first, not April first, and his father wasn’t much of a jokester.
“I’ve been called to marry Carolyn Atwood? My pregnant wife’s high school nemesis? Dad, are you sure? Have you prayed about it? Like really prayed, because I hate to say it but this could be Carolyn’s way of stirring up trouble.”
His father, the previous bishop of Green Valley until today, rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “Yes, Lucas, I’ve prayed about little else for the last two weeks since she came to me. And, Lucas, as much as it pains me to say it, and as much as I don't quite understand it, I am absolutely certain that this is God’s will.”
“Dammit!” Lucas swore under his breath, then winced. He was the bishop now. Such language was unacceptable, and yet here it was, less than ten minutes after he became officially official. His father was probably questioning his wisdom at appointing Lucas for this responsibility laden position at such a young age.
Luke’s father said nothing, just raised his eyebrows and frowned, a sign that he was hyper-aware of his son’s delicate position.
Lucas sank into the large leather chair behind the desk that was now his and groaned. “Dad, what do I do?”
“You pray,” his father said simply. “You pray for understanding, you pray for peace, and you pray for Carolyn, son, because as unbelievable as it seems, I truly believe that this is something she is struggling with as well. She seemed unsure when she came to see me and there’s been a cloud of un
ease about her these last few weeks.”
“If she isn’t sure, or she’s unhappy, she’s supposed to wait. And pray. Why didn’t she just wait?”
“I don’t know, son. I don’t know.”
Carolyn woke up in her dorm room on the fifth of January and glared at her unblinking phone. Lucas knew by now. He had to. His father had told her he was going to wait until after the Christmas holiday, once his new title of bishop was official. She had been glad to know she would be back at school when the proverbial crap hit the proverbial fan, and had agreed it was for the best. But, Luke’s first official day had been three days ago, and she still hadn’t heard from him. Why hadn’t he called her? March was two short months away and time was of the essence.
After her meeting with Bishop Miller, her father’s behavior had gotten stranger and more suspect. The late-night phone calls had continued, and he had gotten in the habit of slamming his laptop shut every time somebody entered the room. He seemed nervous and on edge all the time, and it had been difficult for Carolyn to witness his erratic behavior, and then look at her mothers and her sister, happy and free and thriving in Green Valley and know that that was all about to end. Unless she could do something to change it. And what? What could she do? The only thing she knew how to do for sure was to save herself. Once she was safe, and she and Lucas were married, she would come clean and ask for his help.
Narrowing her eyes, Carolyn frowned at her phone. It was Friday. She had hoped he would call before the weekend, so that they could move quickly and possibly set up a date for the weekend, but it was beginning to look like that wasn’t in the cards. “C’mon, Lucas, please hurry,” she pleaded aloud, knowing that it would do no good. It was barely eight in the morning. Lucas was probably on his way to a long day at the office and she had to get to class.
His hand rested on his office phone, but he couldn't bring himself to pick up the receiver and dial. After three straight days of praying at every chance he got, he had been filled with a sense of urgency. God wanted him to act, but Lucas didn’t feel ready, for a lot of reasons. First and foremost was the fact that he had not told Rosa. He couldn’t. As her husband and leader, it was his job to be firm and steady and help her find peace… but he hadn't found peace yet himself.
He felt sure that this truly was God’s plan, and an urgency that he was supposed to contact her, and set the wheels in motion. But when it came down to the idea that he, Lucas Miller, was supposed to wed Carolyn Atwood, and apparently soon, he just couldn't picture a world in which he, Rosa, Carolyn, and soon, the new baby could co-exist happily under the same roof as a family. He just couldn't.
Moving his hand from the receiver once more, Lucas wished, not for the first time, that he could talk to someone besides his father about his current conundrum. It wasn’t the first time in the history of Green Valley that the addition of a wife posed a problem within a marriage due to the fact that the new wife had a unique relationship with a previous wife. Not at all. Lucas’ own brother-in-law, Ben, had been in a similar situation a few years ago when he and his first wife, Mollie, had been newlyweds and he had received the call that he was to marry Mollie’s best friend Beth Ann. Ben would be a great one to talk to, but he couldn't because he hadn’t told Rosa, and Beth Ann was Rosa’s sister. Ben’s own father, Owen, also had experience as he had married his wife’s own sister, but that, too, was too close for comfort. As lost as he was, there was no excuse for taking a chance on it getting back to Rosa before he talked to her,
Normally, custom dictated that he tell Rosa before moving on to contact Carolyn, but that's not what his gut was telling him this time. And it wasn’t what he believed God was telling him either. With a heavy sigh, he picked up the phone once more. This time he actually dialed.
Carolyn’s breath hitched in her chest as her phone rang for the sixth time in the last hour since she had gotten back to her dorm room, and finally, she recognized the number as the one from the church in Green Valley.
Trying to stay calm, and praying she was able to take this call without bursting into tears, and confessing everything, Carolyn crossed her fingers, plastered on her biggest fake smile, and hit the green button to answer the call.
“Hello, Carolyn Atwood speaking.”
“Hello, Carolyn, this is Lucas Miller of Green Valley.” His introduction was stiff and formal, causing her to falter before continuing.
“Why hello, Lucas Miller of Green Valley,” Carolyn said with an exaggerated giggle. “I know exactly who you are, silly boy. How could I forget a man as sweet and handsome as yourself?”
As soon as the words left her lips, she winced. She was fully aware that she used flirting as a coping mechanism in uncomfortable situations. She was also fully aware that out of all the young men in Green Valley, Lucas was the least likely to respond with encouragement. “Anyhoo,” she continued, her southern accent fuller than usual, “It’s absolutely lovely to hear from you, Lucas, though I can’t imagine why you are calling.”
“Cut the bull-honkey, Carolyn. You know exactly why I am calling. It has to do with you telling my father that you had a vision we were to be married.”
“Oh.” She hesitated, her flirtatious and blasé southern belle demeanor flying out the window leaving the insecure, self-loathing teenager she had once been in its place. “That.”
“Yes, that.” Luke’s response was simple and pointed.
“I… how do you feel about that?” Wiping her eyes, she tried to hide the tremor in her voice. She was glad this was happening over the phone so Lucas couldn’t see how close she was to tears anticipating his reaction.
“Honestly, I feel confused. I also feel certain that this is right, and that it is His will, whether or not I understand his reasons. I also feel like it’s important for us to talk face to face as soon as possible.”
Lucas’ insistence that this was God’s plan made her feel sick to her stomach. As a man of God, Lucas took God’s will very seriously. Someday he would find out that this wasn’t his will at all, but Carolyn’s saving grace. She hoped he could forgive her when that day came. For now, she focused on the positive. He wanted to see her and soon.
“That would be lovely!” Carolyn forced herself to sound cheerful and gracious despite her conflicting emotions.
“Great. How does tomorrow night sound? I have a meeting in the morning and I need to work on my sermon for Sunday, but I figure I should be able to leave here by four at the latest. We can get an early dinner, and then walk around downtown for a bit and talk? Have you tried the new Italian place downtown yet? We can meet there around five, if that works for you.”
“Meet tomorrow night at five at Luciano’s? That sounds perfect, and no, I haven’t been there yet.” She didn’t add that the reason for that was that Italian was her least favorite cuisine. The new restaurant had great reviews, and she was sure she could find something she would want to eat. If the food was sub-par, the company would make up for it.
“Excellent. We can try it together. I’ll see you tomorrow night then. Goodbye, Carolyn.”
“Goodbye, Lucas.”
She hung up the phone, expecting to feel relief that he had called, that her plan was finally moving forward, even if she didn’t feel any of the joy or excitement that one was supposed to feel when one was courting—but relief didn’t come.
Luciano’s was new downtown, a small space in a historic part of the downtown scape. It occupied a corner spot that had been an old-fashioned candy shoppe and soda fountain for as long as Lucas could remember, up until the owner passed away last year.
Lucas got there early. He had written his sermon last night so as to get a head start today in case of traffic. It was a good thing, too, he was only fifteen minutes early instead of the hour he would have been if there was no traffic. The interior of the restaurant was classy-casual, well-lit and decorated in yellow, red, and green tones, with paintings of grapes, olives, and wine bottles scattered around, reminding Lucas of a Tuscan villa. He asked for
a table in the back, hoping for some privacy—tonight was going to be awkward enough as it was.
After being assured that they had a private table available, and would save it for him, he waited for Carolyn out front.
To his surprise, she arrived on foot, and dressed much more modestly than usual. A yellow button front cardigan covered a white blouse that was actually buttoned to the bottom of her collarbone for once, and gave way to a full poplin skirt, that was blue and decorated with large yellow flowers. Breathing an inward sigh of relief, he let go of his worry about Carolyn's wardrobe. What she was wearing was still much more revealing than most women in Green Valley would wear, but for Carolyn it was tame.
Good. He told himself. That meant Carolyn fully understood what his expectations would be of her as a bishop’s wife, at least in the modesty department. It was one less thing for them to talk about tonight since there were so many others.
Nervously, he watched as Carolyn made her way down the sidewalk until she reached him, and to his surprise stood stiffly in front of him, as if she were unsure what to do or say around him, now that he was no longer Lucas, the boy she had gone to school with, but was now Lucas, Bishop of Green Valley and her future husband. He had never before seen Carolyn Atwood speechless in any situation. It was totally out of character and completely endearing.
It also gave Lucas a chance to make the first move. To lead a bit and set the tone for the rest of their relationship. For that he was grateful. Lucas was no stranger to being a leader, in many areas of his life, but a powerhouse like Carolyn could have made it difficult. Maybe he had been wrong about her, he mused thoughtfully. Maybe she had a submissive side after all. Or maybe she was just nervous. Knowing Carolyn—that was the more likely scenario.
Luke's Rogue Bride Page 2