“Okay. But, it did happen because Rosa was in trouble. And it made me wonder. Is it going to happen when you get in trouble? When you’re around us, do you live in a state of fear, afraid to make a misstep? You’ve been so sweet and accommodating every time I’ve seen you, and I felt so blessed and hopeful getting to know the real you, until today it hit me. What if this isn’t the real you, and it’s actually an act borne out of fear? Do I scare you?”
She couldn’t have been more shocked at the genuine concern on his face. “Lucas! No! Stop it.” Acting on instinct, she grabbed his hands in her own. “These are my issues. You are not in any way compounding them. You are helping me. I want, no, I need to get over them. You and Rosa have given me a safe place to do that. I don’t think that’s something I have ever truly had before. I’m not afraid of you. I trust you. I can’t always control the way I react to things that trigger me, but it’s not your fault. There is nothing you could do differently. I promise.”
His eyes searched her face. His expression was one of confliction, but he nodded, accepting her explanation at face value. “And if there ever is, something I can do differently, you’ll tell me?”
She nodded, not sure if she really meant it or not.
He must have sensed her hesitation. Lucas was really good at reading people. “I mean it, Carolyn. If this lifestyle won’t work for you, you need to be honest with me about it. I believe in domestic discipline, but it’s not everything to me. You and Rosa are.”
Her breath caught in her throat. She wanted desperately to believe his words. She wanted to be his everything, very fiber in her being screamed for it, but it made the truth of her deception that much more painful. She had fallen for Lucas Miller, head over heels, and he had fallen for her. This was not part of the plan.
Chapter 7
His bride to be was a vision in white. That was no surprise. Carolyn was a stunner, on her wedding day and every other day.
Lucas’ breath hitched in his chest as he watched her make her way down the makeshift aisle in front of the church. He had been surprised when she insisted on an outdoor wedding, as it was customary for couples to wed in the church rather than outside it, but he had happily given in to what he had seen as a harmless request. It was only February, but the weather was sunny, and certainly warm enough for a short outdoor ceremony. Even Lucas had to admit that the red mountain landscape of Green Valley made a stunning backdrop for an almost spring wedding.
The entire community had turned out for the ceremony, and most of them had been at his first wedding only six months ago. He searched out Rosa in the crowd, and found her easily. His first wife looked radiant. The pregnancy glow lit up her face, and there was no hint of sadness of jealousy that one would have expected to find there, given that he was about to wed her very own high school nemesis. Pregnancy had a nearly eerie calming effect on Rosa, and she had taken on an earth mother type calmness and peace over the last few months. He was inherently grateful for that, as it had certainly helped to dissipate some of the stress related to his upcoming wedding, but he also spent an equal amount of time feeling as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was a nice change, but it wasn’t his Rosa, and it wouldn’t last forever.
Behind him, his father, acting bishop for the day in his place, cleared his throat, sending Luke’s attention back to where it should be. To his bride, his actual bride, the one he was marrying today. Luke focused his attention ahead, to where Carolyn walked towards him on her father’s arm. His eyes narrowed as she got closer. What was she wearing?
It was a wedding dress, or what he supposed might pass for one outside of Green Valley. Suddenly her insistence on an outdoor wedding became clear. It wasn’t a request made out of some newfound love for the outdoors. Rather, it was a loophole, and one he should have seen coming. Carolyn had always been one to push the envelope of propriety when it came to the unspoken dress code of Green Valley. Why would he have thought her wedding day would be any different?
The dress was white as its only apparent concession to tradition. Tea length, and covered in a very feminine embroidered lace, it boasted a low-cut sweetheart neckline, and a bright red sash in the middle that emphasized Carolyn’s tiny waist. And, to his abject horror, it was completely strapless. Inside the church, a dress like that would have never been allowed. Outside the church, the uppity, gossipy older ladies snickered and gasped behind their hankies while the younger woman of the congregation looked on in awe. Every single man in the audience, with the exception of the bride’s immediate family members, stared down at their feet in embarrassment. Lucas didn’t need to look at his own father’s face to know it was red and cast in an expression of horror.
Carolyn reached him, and his father stumbled his way through the giving away of the bride, symbolically taking Carolyn’s hand and placing it in Luke’s. He gazed at her face, partially hidden by the opaque fabric of her long veil, the only thing covering the bare-naked skin of her shoulders. She looked as she usually did, self-assured, cool as a cucumber, and just the slightest mixture of amused and defiant. Lucas couldn’t see his own face, of course, but he trained it to convey “the look,” an expression feared by spanked wives everywhere. As he expected, it had little to no effect on the fearless Carolyn. No matter, he told himself, he would have plenty to say on the matter later, in private.
Carolyn handed off her bouquet to her sister Maddie, and turned back to him. He concentrated on being present and attentive to the ceremony, but his mind was on her dress, the embarrassment it was causing him, and the price her backside would be paying for it later.
His father began the ceremony, and he willed himself to focus on the woman before him, soon to be his bride. She wasn’t a wife he would have chosen, but it was up to God, and not him. Truth be told, he didn’t hate Carolyn Atwood, far from it. He considered her a friend, if one was to use the term loosely, and he knew more than most, about what had made Carolyn the way she was. Taking a wife like Carolyn Atwood was a challenge, but it was one he was ready for. It was, he reminded himself, God’s will, and God knew better than Lucas.
“I, Lucas, take you Carolyn, as my lawful wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward.”
As Carolyn stared into Lucas’ deep green eyes, she searched for some hint of reluctance, or ill feelings to help her feel like less of a gold-digging tool, but she found none. Even the hint of irritation she had seen when he got a good look at her dress up close was gone. As always, Lucas was one hundred percent sincere and full of good intentions. She tried to keep out the horrible truth invading her every thought, but it was threatening to swallow her whole. She took a deep breath, and forced herself to concentrate on Lucas, as he pledged his vows to her, even knowing she didn’t deserve a word of the promises he was making.
“In sickness, and health, to love and to cherish till death do us part, according to God’s holy law, this is my solemn vow.”
Her breath caught at the mention of God. Somehow she had missed that part at rehearsal. The mention of God and His laws made her heart drop to her stomach, even as she smiled and said identical vows back. She was going to hell for lying.
It wasn’t the vows. She had every intention of keeping her vows, and being a good wife to Lucas. As good a wife as she knew how to be anyway, which she knew when compared to Rosa, would fall short. At least she was a good cook. Carolyn knew she had that to offer, if not much else. Lucas, she knew would be a good husband to her, no matter what his feelings were. It was just the kind of man he was. Her lie was much bigger than that. She had lied about having a vision. God didn’t want her to marry Lucas. He hadn’t wanted her to marry at all. She’d had no vision. She wasn’t even sure she believed in it, this idea that God gave women a vision of who they were supposed to marry. This had been a Hail Mary pass to save herself from a future of penance and condemnation back in Filmore.
When she had come home for Christmas, and heard her father talking to the new Bishop from their old church in Filmore
, she had panicked. Bile had risen up in her throat at the mere idea of going anywhere near her hometown. She had always feared that Green Valley would be a temporary stop, and that they would somehow lure her father back into their fold of evil. She knew she couldn’t go back there. Even if it meant leaving her family.
She had stayed up that night, practically begging God to reveal himself to her, to give her a vision, and with it, her way out. When dawn broke, and there had been no sign from God, no vision of her future husband, she knew she had to take matters into her own hands, which meant thrusting them into the hands of the only man she knew she could trust. Lucas Miller, Bishop of Green Valley.
The man in question was now staring at her with a quizzical look on his face, and Carolyn realized with a start that he was waiting for her to say something. Rats. She hadn’t been paying attention and she had no idea where they were at in the ceremony. Still, it was a wedding, so there were only a few options.
“I do?” she guessed out loud, sounding a lot more confident than she felt.
When she was rewarded with a beaming smile from her groom, she knew she had guessed correctly. She vowed silently not to get lost in her musings again, and turned her attention to Lucas’ father, the former bishop, who was acting in his son’s place for the day.
She managed to stay present through the blessing and the exchanging of the rings, and when the elder Miller’s voice rang out, “You may now kiss your bride,” she threw a triumphant look into the crowd before wrapping her arms around his neck, and pressing her lips to his, ready for the passionate kiss she had always envisioned for her first kiss as a married woman. Lucas, however, had different ideas. His peck was chaste, without being short. Sweet, but without passion. Her heart sank, but she quickly recovered. Carolyn put on her happy face, she wouldn’t let them see how she was hurting inside.
The pianist began Ode to Joy, and the recession began. Lucas was gentleman enough to take her hand in his as they made their way down the aisle together, their faces plastered with fake smiles. As soon as they reached the end of the silk runner that marked the end of the aisle, Lucas pulled her away from the well-wishers. He led her to the old oak tree near the front of the church. Carolyn’s heart soared. Would he kiss her for real now? Was he just being shy before?
Her husband did not disappoint. As soon as they were out of sight of prying eyes, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, and kissed her for all he was worth. It was the kiss she had been waiting for. Her cheeks flamed as she felt her body temperature rise in the heat of passion. She leaned into him, and his kiss deepened. He tasted of mint and citrus, and she could have kissed him forever. When he finally pulled away, she was left breathless. Lucas smiled knowingly, and stroked her cheek softly.
“We need to go inside now, Mrs. Miller, our guests will be waiting for us.”
Mrs. Miller. Carolyn smiled. She did like the sound of that. Taking her husband’s hand, she turned towards the entrance of the church, but Lucas tugged her arm, stopping her short. Puzzled, she watched as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. Letting go of her hand, he crossed the gap between them in two long strides, and wrapped the jacket around her shoulders.
“Wear this inside.” His tone was firm, and she understood the real reason for their rendezvous. He was ashamed of her dress, and wanted her to cover up before they went inside.
Trying not to be angry over the fact was a fruitless effort. Every bride wanted to be seen as beautiful on their wedding day. Carolyn had chosen the dress that made her feel beautiful, but the fact that it went against community standards hadn’t escaped her. Still, she had honestly believed that Luke would like it, and would view her the same way any groom saw his bride on their wedding day, as stunningly gorgeous. She should have known better. Luke wasn’t like other men. He didn’t see her as an object to be revered for her golden locks or slim figure. He didn’t stare at her exposed cleavage when he spoke to her, or do the up and down eat you alive look that so many other young men did. Luke looked at Carolyn the way nobody ever had before. It was like he could see into her soul, and read her deepest darkest secrets. And that scared the crap out of her.
He was watching her now, in that deep way he had, as if they could speak without words. It was unnerving, and she shivered involuntarily, even though it was nearing seventy degrees out.
Luke noticed, and frowned. “Are you okay, Carolyn? Are you warm enough?”
“I’m fine.” She couldn’t keep the terseness out of her voice.
His strong arms reached out, he gripped her shoulders gently and held her at arm’s length. “I don’t think so. This is your wedding day. You should be happy, but you don’t look happy at all. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, let’s go in.” It wasn’t a discussion she felt like getting into, so she tried to rush him inside.
“Carolyn,” he said, his voice was low and rumbly, a warning if she had ever heard one. Damn if it didn’t turn her insides to mush, and make her instantly look down at her shoes knowing she was seconds away from spilling it all. Lucas must have been able to sense it too, and he knew just where to push. “I’m not going in until I know what’s going on with you. They can’t have a proper reception without the bride and groom, so they will just have to wait.”
There was little that Carolyn loved more than a good party. The thought of the food, and the cake, and the dancing all carrying on without them was her kryptonite. She wanted nothing more than to join them. She was the guest of honor after all. Well, she and Lucas, anyway.
She hedged, wondering if she could push past him, and run inside without answering. He would have no choice but to follow, and once inside, act like nothing was wrong. It wasn’t exactly the way she wanted to spend her reception, but if she answered him, she just might cry, and she didn’t want that either. She had no choice but to choose between the lesser of two evils.
Carolyn chose the one that might just keep them out here, alone together for a few more minutes. She sang like a canary. “You’re ashamed of me!”
Luke gawked at her open-mouthed. “I… what?”
“I just wanted to look beautiful today, and for you to like what you saw when you looked at me. But, you don’t like my dress, and you’re ashamed to be with me!”
Poor Lucas. She didn’t think she had ever seen him at a loss for words. He looked confused, taken aback and horrified all at once. Bless him, he didn’t stumble all over himself rushing to reassure her with words he didn’t mean. “Carolyn,” he began calmly. “I am not ashamed of you. You look stunning. You could wear a gunnysack, and still be the most beautiful woman in the room. There’s no denying that.” He paused and frowned, and she knew he was searching for the most tactful way to convey his true feelings. “It’s your day, so the most important thing is the way you feel, but I have to admit, I sometimes wonder why you feel best about yourself when you dress for lack of a better word, immodestly?”
Her face crumpled. “I knew you didn’t like it!”
It was easy to see that Lucas was quickly losing patience for this conversation, but Carolyn didn’t care. He was the one who had asked.
“I like it fine. I said you looked wonderful, and I meant it. However, I am of the opinion that you don’t need to show off your assets to the world. Your dress goes against the standards of this community, and you knew that when you picked it out. I’m the bishop, Carolyn. Every move I make is up for discussion and for judgment. By proxy, everything you do now is the same. It will be counted as a reflection on me. I know it sucks, but that’s just the way it is, and you’re going to have to adjust. You knew this, and you were fully aware of my expectations in this area. You made a choice to disobey, and I’m a little saddened that that means our wedding night will be spent inflicting the consequences of your poor choices.”
She had been expecting it. It wasn’t a surprise, but hearing from Luke’s own mouth that he planned on spanking her tonight.
Lucas’ words rang true. She had known exactly what she was d
oing, more so than he realized. She could have “chosen” any man in Green Valley to wed, but she had chosen him, knowing when she did it that he was on his way to becoming Bishop. Lucas was the only man in Green valley who always treated her like a lady, even when she wasn’t acting like one. Lucas didn’t know it, but he was saving her. The way she saw it, if she were truly honest with herself, she owed him everything. Was she truly cut out to be the bishop’s wife? She wasn’t cut out to be anyone’s wife, truth be told, but she was. For better or worse, she was Mrs. Lucas Miller, and she was going to do her best to deal, even if it meant becoming someone she wasn’t. Fake it till you make it, that was her motto. It had gotten her through a lot in life, and it would get her through this. She would do her best to conform to the archaic belief system of Green Valley. It was much better than the alternative.
Chapter 8
They were settled into their room at the bed and breakfast where they would be spending their first weekend as husband and wife, and Lucas was surprised to learn that he was actually looking forward to it. He hadn’t loved the idea of leaving a pregnant Rosa alone for any amount of time, but, she was spending the weekend at her parents’ home, celebrating her youngest sister's birthday, so there was no reason to worry. Not about Rosa anyway. Carolyn was an altogether different story. Tonight, he was going to have to spank her, and he thought he might be just as nervous as she was.
The first spanking he had learned was just as nerve-wracking as the first kiss, or the first time being intimate. It wasn’t quite how he had planned to spend his wedding night, but with Carolyn, he hadn’t expected anything less. He was honestly quite impressed that she had managed to make it as long as she did.
Lucas did not waste any time. He crossed over to the bed, and sat. Removing his shoes and tie, and belt, he threw the belt beside him on the bed, and began rolling up his sleeves.
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