“Look how fucking sexy you are, Meela.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about until I caught our reflection in the windows in front of us. I hadn’t even realized they were open, letting anyone who happened to see us watch.
My first thought was that the idea of someone watching Reed fuck me was sexy. My second thought … what the hell was wrong with me, and who was I?
Still gripping my hair, he wrapped his other hand around my neck. Not enough to hurt, but enough to turn me on even more. He turned my head, and his lips found mine in a bruising kiss.
“Are you ready?”
Without waiting for me to reply, he pushed me against the table again and thrust into me over and over again. I wanted to scream his name, but I didn’t make a sound, and that made my release even more intense.
I was close, so close, and with another few thrusts, I hit my breaking point. My orgasm was hard; it shook my body, and I felt it seeping down the inside of my thighs.
“That was fucking beautiful,” he said, pulling out of me.
Our bubble of passion busted with my orgasm and the reality of what just happened was like a Taser gun. My body was still feeling the aftershocks as I adjusted my panties and pulled my skirt down and buttoned my shirt.
“Are you okay?” I could hear the uncertainty in his voice as he tried to figure out where I was.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t, so I nodded my head, smoothing my hair in the process.
“Then why won’t you answer me or look at me?”
I knew what he wanted from me, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to give him the reassurance he needed. I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this room as easily as I wished, but I had to get out.
“I have to get back to work.”
I tried to bypass him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him.
“You’re fucking joking, right?”
I didn’t look at him. “What do you want from me, Reed? I have to get back to work.”
“I want you to stop acting like I didn’t just fuck you.”
“I can’t do this with you right now.”
“So you’re just going to pretend it never happened?”
Looking up at him, I gave nothing away. “That’s what I wanted after the first time it happened. It should never have happened again.”
He didn’t say anything, and then he let me go, taking a step back.
“Fine, walk out that door, and it never happened, Meela.”
It was what I wanted. I should never have slept with him, and I knew that. I wasn’t this person, and this was exactly why. I didn’t need this in my life.
I told myself that as I took a step back and then another, turning and opening the conference door. This was the right thing to do, but as I left, leaving Reed alone, I wondered why my feet felt like lead.
Fifteen
Meela
“I didn’t think you were ever going to call.” Kevin smiled at me from across the table. “But I’m glad you did,” he quickly added as if I needed the reassurance.
“Life of a lawyer.” I smiled tightly and brought the glass of water resting in front of me to my lips. The waiter had refilled my glass for the second time several minutes ago, and I’d already drunk half of it. If I continued at this rate, I was going to spend the rest of this date in the ladies’ room.
Water hadn’t been my drink of choice for the night. I had planned to consume lots of alcohol. Not enough that I would be stumbling out of the restaurant, but enough to take the edge off this date and numb me from the rest of my problems. However, my body had other plans, and the ache in the pit of my stomach left me with only one option.
The glass was cold and wet from the condensation, and the ice had practically melted down to nothing, but I welcomed the touch of the cold glass as I pressed it to my lips.
It was cold as it made its way down, and I hoped it would settle the queasiness in my stomach. I hated small talk, I hated fix ups and forced first dates, but most of all, I hated sitting across from a perfectly nice guy and seeing Reed’s face. I swallowed another drink and took a slow, deep breath through my nose. I continued as if I didn’t have a million things on my mind right now.
“I rarely have time for a social life.”
It was true but not in this case. Carrie had been begging me to go out with Dillon’s friend for weeks now, and I’d finally run out of excuses to give her with reasons why I couldn’t or didn’t have the time. So when she asked to let her set me up, I told her I already had a date. I hadn’t until I remembered Kevin, aka, awkward guy from the bar. Surprised, pleasantly I had hoped, to hear from me, we made a plan to go out.
Her persistence was beyond annoying, and her need to make sure I wasn’t secretly still brooding over Reed had kept her on my heels.
It didn’t matter how many times I told her Reed was the last thing on my mind. She would give me those side glances that told me she could see right through me but knew better than to call bullshit on my, well, bullshit.
She made me promise I would make an effort to give Kevin my complete and full attention tonight. Subliminally, she was asking me not to think about Reed while I was in the company of another man. And while I was proud of myself for only thinking his name a few times in the past two hours, I felt guilty for wishing the night was over and I was in bed.
I was tired of crying like a teenage girl because, apparently, that was what I was now. But mostly I was tired of thinking about Reed, and I hoped going out with someone else would get him out of my head. But here I was, thinking about Reed while Kevin went on about something I hadn’t bothered to listen to from the start of the conversation.
It’d been three months since I’d walked out of the conference room, leaving Reed alone, and I hadn’t heard a single word from him since, which was exactly what I wanted.
“I wouldn’t know about that.” He chuckled. “I work for a real estate agency.”
“Do you like it?” I sipped on my water, wondering how long I could make small talk and simple questions last.
I wasn’t feeling good, and I was sure I was coming down with something. I hated getting sick, and I hated it more when I was in the middle of a big case.
“It’s okay. Right now, I’m an agent in training. I’m prepping to take my test. I’ll like it better when I get my license.”
“When will that be?”
Before he could answer, the waiter was there with our food. He put Kevin’s plate down first and then mine, asking if we needed anything else. I shook my head, and the aroma of my steak made my mouth water.
When we were alone again, Kevin picked up the conversation, and I was more than happy to listen to him discuss nothing in particular.
I learned all about him, his two brothers, one sister, and adoring parents who were about to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary. I also learned that he’d gotten out of a very serious relationship over a year and a half ago, but he felt like he was ready to move on, and I was his first official date since the breakup.
I was happy for him, but a part of me felt like I should tell him this would be our first and last date. Then he smiled and told me he was having a good time, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him just yet. Maybe at all. I didn’t like hurting anyone’s feelings, and seeing how he seemed like he was, in fact, having a good time, that was probably what I’d do if I told him this wasn’t going anywhere.
An hour later, he was walking me to my apartment door. I’d been living in the apartment without Carrie for two months now, and while I missed her every day—since it was the first time I’d lived on my own—I was actually enjoying it.
“I had a nice time.” Kevin filled in the silent tread toward my door. “It wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be.”
I laughed. “You were scared to go out with me?”
“God, no!” He laughed with me. “Sorry. I meant dating in general. You actually made tonight easy. Despite whatever was distracting you,
” he added, casting a sideways glance in my direction.
My face flamed as I looked over at him, but I didn’t have it in me to fake it anymore. I was exhausted. So when we stopped in front of my door, I tried to be as truthful as I could. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I’m getting ready to start this big case, and it’s got me on edge. To top it all off, I think I’m coming down with something.” Even as I added the last part, my stomach was flipping.
“It’s okay. Hopefully, the next time you’ll be less distracted.”
It was time. “This case has me completely wrapped up—”
“It’s okay. I understand. I kind of figured that was coming, but maybe when your big case is over?”
I caught the silent yet manly plea to let him pretend he wasn’t being completely blown off.
I smiled and told him what he wanted even if we both knew it wasn’t going to happen. “That sounds like a plan.”
“Good night, Meela.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and then the strangest thing happened. And by strange, I mean completely embarrassing and a hundred percent unexpected. My stomach roiled, and I turned, throwing up my dinner in the bushes next to my door.
L U S T
“Let me bring you some chicken noodle soup.”
I held back a gag. “No, thank you.”
This was my third time declining Carrie’s offer to play nursemaid to restore me back to health.
“But you love chicken noodle soup,” she insisted.
“My stomach hasn’t loved anything for the past few days,” I grumbled. I’d been feeling miserable for the past week, and I couldn’t do anything to change that. I refused to go to the doctor. They weren’t going to tell me anything I didn’t already know.
“I hate that you won’t let me come over to take care of you. I know what a baby you are when you’re sick.”
“I am not,” I pouted. That was a complete lie because I was without a doubt a baby when I was sick. “Besides, I have no idea what I have. I’ve never been sick like this before, and I’m not going to give you or the baby whatever is in my system.”
I knew it was probably just a stomach bug, but with no accompanying fever, I couldn’t be sure, and I didn’t want to take the risk.
“It’s probably just food poisoning. Have you talked to Kevin to see if he was sick too?”
It hadn’t even crossed my mind to call him. I wasn’t exactly sure where you stood with a guy you almost threw up on seconds before he tried to kiss you. I didn’t want to listen to Carrie lecture me about my dating life, or lack of one, so I lied.
“Yeah, he’s fine.”
“Hmm … well, are you at least holding down water?”
“Barely,” I mumbled. “I’m just going to try to get as much rest as I can. I have a new case starting in a week, and I can’t be the walking dead for it. That’s my deadline to be completely better.”
“I hate you break it to you, Meela, but sickness doesn’t care about cases, and it certainly doesn’t work around deadlines.”
“Blah!” I moaned.
I curled my knees to my chest and laid my head down on the back of the couch. For the next two days, I planned on wearing nothing but sweats and a ponytail until I kicked this.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were pregnant too.” She started laughing before she got the words completely out.
“Funny,” I responded grimly, but it was far from funny. “You have to ...” I stopped suddenly as I realized the cruelty of my unfinished but not unthought of statement.
“What?” she asked, confused.
“Nothing,” I whispered into the phone.
“Okay,” she responded, holding on to the Y. “Well, I’ll let you rest for now, but if you’re not feeling any better by this weekend, I’m coming over.”
“Okay.”
It was an automatic response, and I barely remember saying goodbye to her as I hung up the phone.
I chewed on the inside of my lip until the metallic taste of blood coated my tongue. My mind kept telling me it wasn’t possible, that there was no way in hell it was possible, but I probably wasn’t that lucky.
I traded in my sweats for yoga pants and a hoodie as I dared the rain and made my way to the nearest drug store. The nausea in my stomach quickly became a war for control, and I fought with everything I had to keep it down.
I was back in my apartment twenty minutes later with three different pregnancy tests, all claiming to be the best. I’d lined them up on the counter, staring them down the way they did me—only they were winning. As I held the stick in my hand, I was dealing with foreign territory, enemy territory, and it was the longest two minutes of my life.
How the hell had it never registered with me that there would be consequences for having unprotected sex, not once, but twice?
As I waited, I thought about the past three and half months, and for some reason, all I could see was the sign of the club glowing brightly in my head.
LUST
I wondered how things would have turned out had I not taken the pink shot. Reed’s words echoed in my head as I picked up the stick and took a deep breath.
Come on, Meela. Have fun. I’m only asking one night. What’s it going to hurt?
Lust was responsible for my lapse in judgment.
Lust was responsible for my reckless night with Reed.
And lust was definitely responsible for the two pink lines I was staring down at right now.
L U S T
“Are you sure it’s correct?”
If she asked me that one more time, I was going to scream. No, I did not know if it was correct. I was the last female in the word who would know if any of this was correct, but peeing on a stick wasn’t exactly rocket science.
“I followed the instructions on the box, Carrie. I waited the two damn minutes, and I got the two damn lines. Two, Carrie! Two!”
She took my hands in hers, her eyes wide and alert by my reaction. I felt numb and dazed and definitely confused.
“Breathe, Meela. It’s going to be okay, I promise. We’ll make you a doctor’s appointment, and we’ll wait to freak out until after we hear what they say, okay?”
“How did this happen, Carrie?” I looked up at her, tears burning my eyes. “What have I done?”
“You’re human, Meela. You fell into lust. It happens.”
“No. Lust doesn’t happen to me. I have plans!” I crumpled to the floor, and my black slumped against the bathroom cabinets. “I had plans.”
“Plans change, and they change whether you want them to or not,” she said. “You can still have it all, Meela.”
She sat down next to me and pulled her legs up as much as the little bump she’d grown in the past few months would allow her to. I watched as her hands went straight to it, and she rubbed her belly protectively.
I looked away, feeling as if I would puke at any minute. I didn’t feel the way Carrie felt about the little intruder growing inside her, and in my book, that already made me a bad … mom.
“I know you’re going to stress regardless, Meela, but just know that it’s possible to have a false positive. This may just be the universe’s cruel way of saying ‘Just kidding! Next time, don’t have unprotected sex.’”
She bumped me with her shoulder and gave me a sideways smile. And because I wanted more than anything in the world to believe that was true, I smiled back and managed to breathe a little.
Sixteen
Reed
Walking into the office was like walking into a ghost town. As soon as the elevator doors opened to the office floor and everyone saw me step off, they scurried. Like literally scurried away, clearing a path for me to my office paved with fear and avoidance.
It was smart on their part. I’d already scared away one of the newest interns, and I didn’t want another lecture from HR on appropriate behavior in the workplace. David had also warned me against getting the firm sued over my bad fucking attitude, and in the next breath, he was telling me to g
et my ass laid.
It was easier said than done when the only woman I wanted to fuck had basically told me to go to hell and to forget she existed while I enjoyed my stay there. She was fucking insane if she thought that was going to happen anytime soon. Especially when everything I did in the past few weeks had Meela invading my thoughts at the most inconvenient times.
The last time I was with Meela was on an endless loop in my head to torture my every waking and sleeping moment.
Stepping into my office, I threw my briefcase in the chair in the corner and unbuttoned my suit jacket, walking over to the window overlooking downtown Charleston. Hands on my hips, I blew out a deep breath and raked my fingers through my hair.
“So I’m assuming today’s not going to be a good day either?” Laurie said from the door. She was the only one in this whole damn place, besides David, who wasn’t afraid of me.
“You’ve asked me that every day for the past week. Let’s just assume it’s not going to be until further notice.”
“You’re joking, right? I’ve asked that every day for the past month, and I’ll continue to ask, hoping for a miracle.”
I spun around. “A month?”
She had moved into my office to place a file on my desk. My sudden movement scared her, but then her brows pulled. “Yes, a month. Although you’ve been in this mood for the past three months,” she mumbled. “Should I set you up?”
I glared at her from across my desk. “Please, don’t do me any fucking favors.”
“Fine, but you’d better do something and fast,” she scolded and turned around. “You have a new client coming in at two and then a meeting with Jerry at four, and David wants to see you in his office when you get in.” When she reached the door, she grabbed the frame and looked over her shoulder at me. “Flowers, chocolates, expensive gifts, or just a simple gesture,” she added.
I frowned at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Whatever you’ve done, those things generally work. Although scratch the flowers. I remember the incident with the roses.”
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