Lisa looked at me thoughtfully but then continued trying on the various items that she had hanging in her cubicle. Eventually, she settled on a pair of gorgeous white high-waisted skinny jeans that looked amazing on her. She had such a beautiful figure and the jeans accentuated her shape. Looking on with envy, I agreed that she definitely had to buy them. That happened to be all the encouragement she needed and with barely any hesitation whatsoever, she pulled out her savings card and took the jeans to the cash register. Chatting in a friendly manner with the sales assistant, she smiled politely and keyed in her pin number. All the while, I stood watching and trying to come to terms with the fact that she had just spent $200 on a pair of jeans without even flinching, even after complaining earlier that the clothes were too expensive.
After exiting the store, we decided to indulge in a hot chocolate at our favorite café. Sitting in a booth towards the back, I looked on astonished, as she opened my backpack and discreetly pulled out a pile of brand new clothes with tickets still attached, into view on the seat between us.
Grinning delightedly at my shocked reaction, she explained. “Julia, it’s so easy! All you have to do is distract the assistant with a sale and then walk out. Because you’ve bought something, they would never suspect that you have stolen other things from the rack. It works every time!”
Astonished, I stared at her, totally overcome with disbelief, “What! You actually stole these things?”
Horrified, and realizing the full extent of what she had done, I blurted angrily, “But you put those things in my bag, Lisa! You know there are security cameras everywhere! What if I’d been caught?”
I glared incredulously at the items she had shoved deep inside my backpack. In total, the pile of clothes was easily worth at least $500 and I’d had no idea that they were hidden in my bag. I pictured the two of us in the store and could not comprehend how she had managed to stash them away without my knowledge. Dumbfounded, I stared silently at the clothes as I visualized myself walking out, my bag crammed with stolen goods. Then, trembling fearfully, I considered the consequences if my bag had been checked.
“I can’t keep these, Lisa! We have to take them back!”
It was her turn to stare at me in disbelief. “Are you kidding? No way, Julia! I just went to all that trouble and spent $200 on a pair of jeans, just to get all this stuff. There’s no way, I’m taking them back!”
I shook my head as the waitress placed our cups of hot chocolate on the table in front of us, all the while, Lisa subtly shoving the clothes out of sight beneath the table top.
“And besides,” she continued. “How are we supposed to return these things without getting caught? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!”
Nausea rose in my throat as I remembered the last time I had attempted to steal from a clothing store. A security guard had caught me and chased me down the street. I’d been terrified that the police would turn up on my doorstep and had easily imagined the shocked reaction from my parents. I’d felt so guilty afterwards, that I later decided to take the item back to the store and hand it to the sales assistant, who had actually been quite speechless as she stood listening to my apology. She then congratulated me for making the right choice and acknowledged that it would have taken quite a lot of courage to do so. I hadn’t deserved the praise though. I knew it then and I knew it now.
“You’re no fun, Julia!” Lisa whined. “The clothes in that store are so expensive. How else can we afford clothes of this quality? These are designer labels you know! The other girls are going to be so jealous when they see us wearing them. And besides, this black top looks fantastic on you!”
I stared thoughtfully at the silky black top that I’d tried on and fallen in love with. I knew that it fitted me perfectly. In the past, I had admired that particular label and dreamed of owning something so stylish. The temptation to keep it was gradually becoming too much to resist.
“I don’t know!” I responded. “I think I’ll feel too guilty every time I wear it!”
“I tell you what,” she replied, in her usual persuasive manner, “Take it home and have a think about it. If you decide you want to keep it, then great! But if not, you can just give it to me. It’s a gorgeous top. If you don’t want it, I’ll have it for myself!”
With a deep sigh, I reluctantly agreed; although, I had to admit that I was definitely keen to keep it. It may be the only chance I ever had to own something as gorgeous as that, especially while I was still at school and on such a limited allowance.
Sitting thoughtfully next to her, I pictured the look on Blake’s face and Lisa’s words sounded in my mind once more.
“The guys won’t be able to resist you in that top, Julia!”
A small but guilty smile began to form on my lips as I imagined Blake’s reaction. I wasn’t interested in anyone else; he was the only one I wanted to impress.
Shock…
I burst through the front door late that afternoon, planning to race up to my room with the stolen item intact in my school bag. I’d been ready to hide the designer top in the depths of my cupboard after insisting that Lisa take the rest of the clothes home with her. As it were, I was struggling with the thought of a stolen $120 top in my possession. There was no way I could ever agree to taking any additional items as well.
However, at that point, I was still unsure as to whether I’d keep it or not. I had thought about it the entire trip home. At one stage, I pictured myself sneaking it back into the clothing store. But I knew I didn’t have the courage I’d once possessed. It had taken all my strength back in middle school, to own up to the sales assistant who had greeted me at the door.
I was a different person back then; an A-grade student full of promise, or so my mother kept telling me. Her support and belief in me no longer existed though. I was on my own now, no one to share my deepest, darkest secrets with.
It had been a long time since I had fully opened up to my mom; the thought of doing that now made me want to puke. She made me want to puke! I even found it hard to think of her as my own mother any more.
Even though she irritated me to the extent that I wanted to scream whenever she was in sight, I was still unable to comprehend the fact that she’d be willing to betray her family, all for the sake of a slimy tradesman!
I’d already been feeling anxious about the stolen top but the mere sight of Barry as I entered the house that afternoon, completely overwhelmed me. Clinging tightly to my school bag, I barely dared to acknowledge him. Then, without uttering a word, he simply stared, maintaining intense eye contact that made me more uncomfortable than ever. I cringed as I huddled closer to the wall, trying to stand as far away from him as possible when he walked past. It was an involuntary action that I was unable to avoid.
I’d promised myself I would stand up to him though. That was the secret, I had decided. And I could not allow him to sense my distress.
I knew he was looking for a reaction and I’d come to the realization that he got a definite thrill out of upsetting me. I was sure that he was completely aware of his effect and loved every minute of it. He was such a jerk, a sleazy, disgusting jerk and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible!
Taking a deep breath, I lifted my chin defiantly and glowered at him in disgust. I could not let him get to me. I knew with certainty that if I did, he would win. It was all a game to him, I could see that now, and I had to stay in control.
He grinned creepily as he walked past and headed upstairs to the bathroom, his eyes burning into mine. I held my head high and stared back, determined to appear strong. But it was the sideways glance and evil grin that made me cringe once more. I’d always thought he was a creep and right then, I knew for sure that I was right.
What on earth did my mother see in him? It was totally beyond me and something I could never understand. But she’d never believe my stories of how uncomfortable he made me feel.
“Oh, Julia, you’re being so silly!” she had exclaimed, a f
ew days earlier. “Barry is such a lovely man. He’s just being friendly, that’s all!”
Deep down, I knew that she was enjoying his attention. Her whole face lit up when he was in the house and I was convinced that she was making excuses for him to keep coming back. But surely he had finished all the odd jobs, as she kept calling them.
I caught a glimpse of my dad’s smiling face, standing alongside Mum in the photo frame hanging on the wall. It was a collage that I had put together for their last wedding anniversary and was filled with photos of the four of us, Mum, Dad, Matt and I; happy, smiling, family photos, the type that you would expect to see in a collection such as that one, hanging in full view on the wall that led up the stairway.
I paused to gaze longingly at that photo, as I made my way back down the stairs later that evening after Barry had finally left. Mum had called Matt and I into the living room for a family conference. I grimaced when I heard her use that term.
“Family conference. What a joke!” I thought to myself as I trudged down the stairs from my room.
I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had a family meeting, as she usually liked to refer to them, but I knew for sure that it was always when Dad was in the house and we were a proper family, with all family members present.
“Sit down,” she said quietly, when Matt finally poked his head around the door. “There’s something I need to tell you!”
She seemed to be having trouble making eye contact with either of us and was acting really weird. It was her awkward manner that caught my attention and when I saw the expression on her face, I knew in my gut that whatever it was she had to tell us, it was not going to be good news. I could feel it. The sinking feeling in my stomach was too real, too powerful to ignore. And then fear took over as I sat there listening, too stunned to speak.
“What are you saying, Mom?” Matt’s incredulous expression filled me with sadness.
He had no idea of what had been going on around him. Wrapped up like a cocoon in his own little world that consisted of senior high school, his friends, girls and computer games, he’d been completely oblivious. But at least she’d had the decency to ask Barry to leave before breaking the news to us.
My intuition had been right once again and although I was shocked to the core, I had to admit that I had seen it coming. All the signs had been there.
“I’m moving into the city with Barry, into his apartment. We’re going to live together.”
The look of astonished confusion on Matt’s face made me angry; I felt anger that was pure and unadulterated, it was anger I had never felt before.
And it was then that I lashed out. “So, you’re just going to leave us? Walk out on Dad and Matt and I…just like that?”
Shaking my head in sheer disbelief, I glared at her then, exposing the depths of my intense contempt and disgust at what she was planning.
“I don’t get it!” Matt’s pitiful voice cut through the ensuing silence as he looked from her to me and back to her again.
“She’s leaving us Matt. She’s moving in with that creep; that disgusting, sleazy carpenter who’s been spending so much time in our house since Dad left. She’s probably even been sleeping with him in Dad’s bed!”
She stared at me speechless, the guilt written clearly on her face.
“I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!” spitting the words at her, I raced up the stairs to my room and slammed the door.
I had to get away. I could not stand being in her presence for a single moment longer.
How could she do this to us?
How could she do it to Dad?
My head spun with anger and emotion that I was unable to control.
How would Dad react when he heard?
Did he know already?
Had she told him yet?
And what about Matt and I; we were still at school! Had she even considered that small detail?
I paced around my room, unable to stand still, unable to sit. I was losing control. I felt overwhelmed and beyond despair. Just then, I caught sight of the silky black fabric that was poking out of the top of my opened school bag. I had dumped it in the corner earlier, after escaping to my room in order to avoid Barry. Grabbing it swiftly, I scrunched it into a ball and threw it in the wastepaper basket. I didn’t care about designer clothes. I didn’t care at all. I just wanted my family back. I wanted things back to the way they were! We had been so happy living in the country. Back then, life had been easy. I had my friends, my beautiful pony, Bella and I had my family.
How could everything have gone so wrong?
Distractions….
The weeks passed by and one day seemed to blend into another. Matt and I grew accustomed to having the house to ourselves and my mother’s visits became more and more infrequent.
To begin with, she came home every weekend, to buy food and cook and clean, to do all the things that a mother usually does; all except connecting with her children.
I barely talked to her when she was in the house and usually tried to find excuses to go out. Otherwise, I just hid in my room. Matt seemed to clam up and barely spoke of our situation at all. He just didn’t want to talk about it and although he seemed to be okay, I suspected that he was hurting even more than me.
I was unable to comprehend how she could do what she did. How was a mother able to walk out on her children? I knew that we weren’t classified as kids anymore. Matt was in his final year at school, we were actually old enough to be on our own, but it just wasn’t the norm. I mean what sort of mother does that kind of thing? And how did she have the right to leave us, to leave Dad, to break up our family like that?
The strangest thing was though, that Matt and I were surviving, whereas originally, I really didn’t think it would be possible. However, she said we would. She said she had no doubt whatsoever we would be okay.
“I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t think you’d be able to cope, Julia. You’ve always been so mature and grown up. Ever since you were a little girl you have acted older than your age and I could always rely on you. I know that you’ll be fine. And I’ll be home every weekend to check up on you both.”
Then she had packed her bags and left. But if she thought that a phone call every evening was enough to make things right, she was wrong! For me anyway! I was not interested in talking to her. I always had very little to say and preferred to pass the phone over to Matt who would maintain a brief conversation, mainly one word responses which I was pleased about. She didn’t deserve any more than that.
She soon stopped ringing quite so frequently. Her nightly phone calls quickly dwindled to once every few days and then maybe once a week. Even her visits were less often. But that suited me perfectly.
When I tried to analyse it all, I came to the conclusion that the main reason I was coping so well, was because I’d pushed it all to the back of my mind. If she didn’t want to be with us, then good riddance! I didn’t want her around anyway! At least I didn’t have to put up with her constant nagging and harassment any longer.
“Clean your room, Julia!”
“Do your homework, Julia!”
“Get off the phone, Julia!”
“Shuttttt – upppppp!!!!!” I could hear myself screaming those words at her irritating voice.
I just couldn’t stand it and felt glad to be rid of her!!
There was something that did bother me though. Nearly a month later, I could still picture the image on my dad’s face when he walked through the door that afternoon. It was the day after she moved out and it’s an image I’ll never forget. I felt so sad, so sorry for him. His expression was one of overwhelming sorrow and loss as he walked into his family home and realized that, no it wasn’t a joke, nor was it a made up story or some crazy dream that he had abruptly woken up from. She really had left.
It was a scene too sad for words.
Then when I found him later that night, sitting alone in his favorite kitchen chair, my heart had gone out to him, really gone out to him. And I had connec
ted fully with his sadness.
I’d never seen my father cry before. As I stood watching the tears pour down his cheeks, I felt my own start to fall. Then, as I held him tight, we both sobbed; choking tears that neither of us could hold back. Sitting on his lap just like I used to as a child, we clung to each other and could not let go. I think it was the saddest moment of my life.
But it’s incredible how one can adjust. With the passing of time, one’s circumstances, however unusual, will eventually become normal. And that’s how I feel about our situation now. It’s Matt and I, two high school students and we have the house to ourselves.
Dad’s roster has changed once again and he is isn’t always able to come home every weekend, sometimes it’s once a fortnight. But we’re okay. He just transfers money into my bank account each week and we take turns at buying the groceries. It’s usually me though, who does all the food shopping. If I were to leave it to Matt, I think we’d starve.
It’s also pretty fortunate that I’m a reasonable cook. I don’t think Matt could live on two minute noodles for very long, and it’s been fun for me to experiment with different recipes each night.
I can already see my schoolwork beginning to suffer though. Already my grades have dropped. But I don’t really care! I have more important things to think about.
And that includes Ky, a really cool guy in my Science class. He sits at the back of the room which is probably why I haven’t noticed him before. He has longish dark hair that he flicks off his brow in the coolest way. OMG! He’s so cute! I can’t stop thinking about him. Tonight when I sat down to do some homework, the first I’ve completed all week, I barely got any done because I spent the first hour or so scribbling his name on my notepad. I haven’t mentioned him to anyone yet and I’m pretty sure they haven’t noticed his discreet glances in my direction. All except Blake that is! I caught him staring at me today but at the same time, so was Ky.
Julia Jones - The Teenage Years: Boxed Set - Books 2, 3 and 4 Page 4