Together we’d taken a walk through a nearby park, the fresh air and distraction was exactly what I needed. And after texting Ky’s grandmother, to let her know where I was, Millie and I spent the next two hours sitting in a booth at the back of the hospital café where we talked the entire time.
Although there was so much other news to catch up on, Millie was only interested in hearing about Ky and asked me to share all the details…right from the day that I first noticed him at school. We laughed over the many embarrassing moments I’d experienced throughout my ongoing obsession with him. Right from the start, I’d thought of him as the most divine creature I’d ever laid eyes on, and in a tumble of excitement at the memory, I explained that since meeting him, I’d barely been able to concentrate on anything else.
She insisted on all the details, right up until our very first kiss, all the while commenting on how romantic the story was. But thoughts of his lips on mine brought me tumbling quickly back to the present moment and the reality that now existed; the vision of his crumpled body on the road, where only seconds earlier, he had stood smiling happily towards me, clear in my mind once more.
The feelings of guilt proceeded to take a firm hold yet again and I was powerless to shake them. Opening up to Millie was so easy though. She was the one friend I’d always been able to confide in, and she listened carefully as I bared my soul. In detail, I described my intense remorse over the accident that I still blamed myself for. And when I imagined Ky’s beautiful eyes looking into my own, with the warm touch of his hand as he held me close, I prayed for the umpteenth time that he would fully recover.
Rather than dwelling on the accident as I had expected however, along with words of sympathy, the ones that deep down I was still craving, Millie’s response was of a completely different nature; a recollection from our past that forced me to sit up and take notice.
“You get what you focus on, Julia! Isn’t that what you always used to say to me?”
I looked at her then, silent and unsure. What was she referring to? And what was she implying? Feeling instantly defensive, my response was more abrupt than I intended.
“What do you mean, Millie? Are you saying that I did cause the accident?”
“No, Julia,” she relied gently. “Of course not! There’s no way that you’re to blame for what happened. But you can have a big impact on what comes next! I remember you always repeating that phrase to me… ‘You get what you focus on!’ I used to get sick of hearing it. Surely you remember how powerful those words are!”
Instantly aware of what she was referring to, the memories flashed by in a torrent of waves, rolling through my mind, one after another. There had been so many incidences back in middle school, where everything seemed to go wrong. But I had managed to change my outlook, and before long, circumstances seemed to miraculously improve. At the time, the words she was now reminding me of had been my own mantra. My Mantra! The one that I had preached to her on a regular basis.
But what had happened to that wonderful optimistic mindset that I used to possess and was always encouraging in others? Apart from Ky becoming such an amazing part of my life, all I’d experienced since moving back to Carindale was a barrage of drama and problems. Was I to blame for those? Had my state of mind caused the chain of negative events, all the sadness, all the heartache and all the worry?
Perhaps Millie was right. Perhaps it was all due to my constant negativity, forever focusing on doom and gloom and that had simply attracted more and more of the same horrible stuff into my life. It was an epiphany of sorts, and it all seemed to make sense.
The questions whirled through my mind and I looked gratefully towards her. In that instant, I realized more than ever, how glad I was to have her back. Then, taking a deep breath, I spoke the words she was waiting to hear.
“You’re right, Millie! You’re absolutely right.” And reaching across the table I gave her hand a thankful squeeze, at the same time nodding my head in recognition and understanding. There was no point dwelling on and worrying about all the terrible things that could happen. What good did worrying do anyway? It was not going to help me and it was certainly not going to help Ky either.
Right there, right then, I knew what I needed to do and that was to focus on his recovery. That was what mattered most and it was up to me to help make it happen.
But although you can write the story in your head, life sometimes chooses its own path and its own outcomes. And those are not necessarily the ones that you, yourself had planned.
One thing is certain though, not in a million years did I anticipate what lay ahead.
A small miracle…
When I entered the school grounds the next morning, I attempted to push aside the feelings of guilt at the thought of continuing on with my daily existence. I’d made a promise to myself that I would maintain positive thoughts only but it was so much harder than I remembered. And taking a few deep breaths to quieten the anxiety that threatened just below the surface, I looked around for Millie.
The hallway was buzzing with students, deep in conversation over their weekend and the latest gossip. Glancing around at the many familiar faces, I felt as though I were in a bubble of sorts, in a world within a world. Unfortunately my world right then, felt isolated and alone. I looked out from the invisible screen surrounding me and all I could see were happy, smiling, contented faces. I could hear the loud voices filled with laughter and amusement. But my world was empty of all that. It was as though I’d just landed there from another place and another time.
It felt uncomfortable and surreal and I searched frantically for Millie. She was my support person, the one who would help me survive the reality I found myself in right then; one that was so vastly different from what I’d been consumed by at the hospital, just the day before. And after all, Millie was the one who had convinced me to go to school. If it hadn’t been for her encouragement, I’d be back at the hospital sitting alongside Ky.
But where was she? We’d arranged to meet at the entrance to the school grounds, and so far she was nowhere to be seen.
Tired of standing and waiting alone, I headed inside the building to search for my other friends. I’d had phone calls the evening before, from Becky, Lisa and Jess as well as a couple of others who had obviously seen the evening news broadcast. But I felt so drained and exhausted that I just didn’t have the strength or the energy to talk, and had given them a few details but that was all. Although very grateful for their support, the calls of sympathy were something I struggled to deal with right then, especially when I was trying my hardest to stay positive.
Then, out of the blue, I spotted Millie. From where I was standing, I could only see a glimpse. But it was the flick of her shining long dark hair that I recognized, before she disappeared from view once again.
Surrounded by a group of people in our grade, she appeared to be the center of attention, with girls and guys alike competing for a chance to talk to her. Taking in the scene in front of me, I realized immediately that I should have expected that very scenario. Millie had been away for a long time and naturally her friends would be excited to have her back. I also had to remind myself that after I’d moved to the country with my family, she had obviously continued on with her life. And in that time, it was clear that she’d become very popular.
What right did I have to expect things to go back to the way they once were? Back then, it had pretty much been Millie and I. Of course we’d had other friends, quite a big group actually, and that had included Blake and a few other girls and boys who we used to regularly hang out with. But essentially, it was just me and Millie, and in those days, we’d been inseparable.
Masking my disappointment, I headed for my own locker. It stood further down the hallway and I took a quick glance towards her as I passed by. Assuming she hadn’t noticed me, I kept on walking, the leaden sensation in my stomach feeling heavier with every step.
And then I heard her voice.
“Julia!” she called loud
ly.
I could hear it distinctly above the din of loud chattering and laughter that surrounded her.
Looking back, I paused to flash a friendly smile and wave in recognition. But almost immediately, her attention was drawn once more to her friends who were clearly keen to continue their conversation.
Pulling my locker door open, I reached inside for the books I would need that morning. Glad to have something to occupy myself, I focused my attention on the inside of my locker. And then the bell rang. The loud clang vibrating throughout the building as the throng of noisy bustling students instantly began moving towards their classrooms; their chatter and cheery laughter not skipping a beat as they all made their way in unison to the classes that awaited them.
Heading to my own first class of the day, Science with Mr. Blandford, I passed Becky and Lisa who gave me a quick hug before promising to meet up during morning break at our usual lunchtime spot. Entering the classroom alone, I searched for a seat at the back of the room. And in the hope that by some stroke of luck, Millie might happen to appear at the doorway, I saved a seat next to mine just in case.
When everyone had filed in and taken their places, the hum of conversation was soon silenced when our teacher began to speak. With the time ticking on however, it was clear that Millie would not be arriving.
Just the day before we’d discussed the possibility of sharing classes. The timetable had changed somewhat in recent months due to an influx of new students, and there had been a shuffling of classes and teachers. So Millie was unsure as to how the changes affected her until she visited the office to finalize her new schedule.
Tuning out from Mr. Blandford’s boring monologue, I scanned the classroom thoughtfully, images of Ky’s smiling face and memories of the first time he’d sat alongside me in that very room, coming vividly to mind. Even though that had occurred so long ago, I could clearly remember the tingle of excitement I’d felt at the light touch of his fingers on mine when he had brushed against me. At the time I’d thought it accidental that he had reached for his pen and touched my hand instead. He later confided however, that it had been no accident at all.
Smiling at the memory, I felt my pulse quicken in response. The mere sight of him always caused my heart to race, let alone the feel of his skin on mine. His touch alone sent me into a frenzy I found difficult to control. Picturing in my mind a repetition of that scene, where we sat alongside one another, I felt the spark continuing to thrive. It was no wonder I was unable to concentrate on anything but him and wondered vaguely what sort of marks I’d end up with at the end of the semester.
But exams, assessments and grades were the least of my concerns right then as a vision of Ky laying alone in a hospital bed came flooding back. I just hoped that his grandmother would soon make her way there because I hated to think of him on his own.
In an attempt to jot down the notes Mr. Blandford had written on the board, I put my head down and tried to focus, but it was a task that I struggled to complete. Pen in hand, I scribbled on the page in front of me. However, rather than the words on the board, it was Ky’s name that I scrawled over and over again inside my Science book.
Ky and Julia
Julia and Ky
So engrossed in the task, it was with a start that I noticed someone had abruptly sat down on the stool beside me. And looking up in stunned disbelief, I realized the scenario I’d hoped for had actually eventuated.
“Millie!” I exclaimed, the surprise evident in my voice. “Are you in this class?”
“Yes,” she beamed delightedly. “They had me listed for Miss Foster’s class but I asked if I could swap to this one!”
The simple realization that this had occurred flooded me with relief so immense, I was forced to blink away the tears. Even though we’d hoped for it to be the case, the chance that Millie might end up in my class was pretty slim especially as I knew that it was already full. But apparently, the parents of a girl who’d been away for ages had only just that morning, confirmed their daughter was now attending a private school in the district. So this created a space for Millie.
Although really only a minor incident, to me it seemed that a miracle had taken place and I was instantly flooded with reassurance that other miracles were also on the way. It was simply the best news and I shook my head in amazement.
After exchanging an excited hug, I attempted to focus on the lesson but I felt so happy at the turn of events, I barely comprehended a word Mr. Blandford said. Things were all going to work out, I was sure of it. And I was also sure that Millie’s positive influence had something to do with that. It just seemed crazy that between the two of us, she seemed to be the positive one, whereas in the past, it had always been me. How things could change so dramatically was beyond me.
What mattered most right then though was the fact that Millie was there, and while we didn’t get a chance to chat properly until the lesson ended, I was so happy to have her alongside me.
When the bell finally signaled the end of the lesson and we made our way to the classroom door, she turned towards me with an unexpected apology. “Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you this morning, Julia. I haven’t seen everyone for so long and they all wanted to catch up!”
“That’s okay,” I replied, with a smile. “I knew your friends would be keen to see you.”
“You should come and sit with us during morning break,” she continued. “They’re all so nice, I know you’ll love them.”
I’d already mentioned the day before that I had become close friends with Becky, Lisa, Beth and Jess, and I was aware that it was going to be tricky as Millie hung out with a completely different group.
When I explained however, that I’d promised to meet up with the girls and tell them the full details of Ky’s accident, she completely understood. I realized that it would also give her a chance to catch up properly with her own friends, so we agreed to see each other briefly after school before I headed to the hospital.
Then, when Millie later offered to come along while I visited Ky, once again I felt extremely grateful for her support.
And I soon discovered that without Millie, there was no way I could have coped.
A turn of events…
It was just after the final bell of the day, that I received a text from Ky’s grandmother, and I was sure that miracles were definitely taking place...
Julia, come as soon as you can. Ky is out of his coma!
Overwhelmed with excitement I could barely wait to reach the hospital, and as I ran with Millie to catch the early bus, I was reminded of days gone by, the image of the two of us clear in my head. On many occasions, we had raced frantically alongside one another, often late for a bus or an event but always in fits of laughter over a joke or something funny that one of us had shared. Back then, we’d experienced so many exciting and happy moments together, but it was quite clear there had never been one as important or as special as that very afternoon.
Ky was out of his coma. The news was so overpowering, so incredible and for me, the anticipation of seeing him almost too much to cope with!
When we arrived at the hospital, it was with a flurry of nerves that I led Millie towards the elevator that would take us to the wing where he was situated. My intention was to sneak Millie past the nurses’ station in order for her to accompany me to his room. They were pretty strict on visitors and although visiting hours had officially commenced, they were still enforcing the family visitors’ only rule for Ky. I was not actually a family member myself…it was only because of his grandmother’s insistence that I was included on that small list.
As luck would have it though, we were able to make our way to his room without being noticed and I gently pushed his door open and peeked inside, expecting to see Mrs. Robertson sitting there, ready to welcome me.
Instead however, except for Ky himself, the room was deserted, and I felt an instantaneous joy at being given the chance to reunite with him without his grandmother looking on.
&n
bsp; Millie had already suggested that she should wait outside, to give me some time alone with him before being introduced. And taking her up on the offer of privacy, I entered quietly in the hope of tip-toeing towards the bed and surprising him.
He was sitting up, looking out the nearby window and appeared to be totally engrossed in the view of the street beyond. As I made my way silently to his bedside, I could feel the smile stretch widely across my face, the excitement inside me almost bubbling over.
Noticing the movement in the room, he turned in my direction and stared, but before he could react further, I was already by his side with my arms wrapped gently around him.
“Ky!” I squealed, unable to contain the excitement I was feeling. “Ky, you’re awake!!”
Taking a step back, I stroked his hair as I sat gently down on the bed beside him. I had to touch him, to feel the life within him and ensure that the vision in front of me was real.
It was a miracle, and this time, a major one. The only signs of injury appeared to be the obvious scrapes and bruises along with a broken arm which was secured by a hard plaster cast. And although he was attached to the one remaining machine that still stood at the side of his bed, I could see that my prayers had definitely been answered. Overcome with gratitude and thanks, I hugged him gently once more.
“Oh my gosh, Ky,” the words tumbled from my lips. Delirious with happiness and relief, I could not contain the joy inside me. “We’ve been so worried about you. But I knew you’d wake up. I knew you would!”
With the realization that I was overwhelming him, I took a step back, pausing for a moment to take in the confused expression on his face. His brow was creased in a slight frown and the small smile at the corner of his mouth was certainly not the reaction I was expecting to see.
Julia Jones - The Teenage Years: Boxed Set - Books 2, 3 and 4 Page 18